Future Mr. and Mrs.?

7651arty · July 2014

In the last few months, FI and I have received two wedding invitations and one STDate addressed to "The Future Mr and Mrs John Smith".

I am not at all offended by this, and each invite came from a close friend or family.

My question is, Is it proper? We are sending out our invites in 4 weeks, and I want to address the engaged couples correctly. Our invites/wedding will be more formal, and I planned to address the invites to "Ms Jane Smith and Mr Bill Johnson".

I havent seen The Future Mr and Mrs on an invite before now. Is this a new, trendy thing? A formal way of addressing an engaged couple? Or likely just close friends/family playfully acknowledging our upcoming wedding?

RebeccaB88 · July 2014

Not proper, too cutesy, and kind of presumptuous. What if you weren't changing your name?

That gets an eye roll from me. It should have been addressed to both of you by name...your CURRENT names.

bethsmiles · July 2014

Use people's current names. Like @RebeccaB88 said you don't know if anyone is actually changing their name so it's pretty presumptuous and I know people it absolutly would be offended. Also, it's just kind of lame and I would roll my eyes if I got an invitation addressed that way.

Edited because I cannot type today!

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

I think I got a shower invite addressed to me like that when I was engaged. I thought it was cute and didn't think about it for longer than a second. Is it proper etiquette? No. Is it necessarily rude? No.

7651arty · July 2014

Thanks! Each invite was sent by someone who knows I am changing my name, so I didn't think twice about it. I just want to avoid a faux pas when doing my own invites. I'll make sure to address them in the traditional manner.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

No. It's incorrect, not to mention inappropriate. I got that last year before H and I had our wedding. I didn't change my name so..... I'm not invited?

Address them properly with their names separate. Female comes first.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

sarahbear31 said:

I think I got a shower invite addressed to me like that when I was engaged. I thought it was cute and didn't think about it for longer than a second. Is it proper etiquette? No. Is it necessarily rude? No.

To the bolded, I disagree and think it's rude. It's not someone's name, so they're addressing someone incorrectly and on purpose. It's presumptuous to think that 1) someone will change their last name and 2) even if they know someone has made the decision to change their last name, that that person will find humor in and/or appreciate being addressed as something other than their current name.

Jen4948 · July 2014

Whether or not it's rude, it's inappropriate and cutesy.

What if you never became Mr. and Mrs. John Smith due to tragic reasons? Wouldn't that be hurtful?

But don't do this yourself with engaged couples when sending invitations. Address each one by their current name at the time you send the invitations. Then, after their weddings, you can address them as married couples, depending on their own preferences.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

Not proper, too cutesy, and kind of presumptuous. What if you weren't changing your name?

That gets an eye roll from me. It should have been addressed to both of you by name...your CURRENT names.

Ditto. I'd be annoyed if I got an invitation like that because I'm not changing my last name, and most people I am close to know this.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

While I wouldn't be offended, per se, if I received this, I would roll my eyes so hard my head would roll off my shoulders. Yes, I'll be changing my name. Yes, I am overflowing with excitement to be Mrs. FI Lastnamezord. But for the love of God, use my damn current name. I'm using my current name, so the world should too.

etf: my syntax is godaaawful today

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

I had to send back an RSVP to the couple addressed "the future Mr & Mrs Whoever" and I thought it was eye-roll worthy.

sarahufl · July 2014

Yeah, that is dumb.

We had people get married between StDs and formal invites. StD went to Ms. Guest Herlastname and Mr. Guest Hislastname. The formal invite went to Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname & Family.

misshart00 · July 2014

Meh, maybe I'm the only one but I don't think it's that big a deal. No, I wouldn't go around addressing other people's mail that way, but if I got mail from a close friend (who knows I changed my name) addressed to the future mrs. Xyz, I wouldn't think it a big deal or roll my eyes.

Jen4948 · July 2014

misshart00 said:

Meh, maybe I'm the only one but I don't think it's that big a deal. No, I wouldn't go around addressing other people's mail that way, but if I got mail from a close friend (who knows I changed my name) addressed to the future mrs. Xyz, I wouldn't think it a big deal or roll my eyes.

It's not a major act of rudeness, but it is putting the cart before the horse. The future wife may not be the future Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast, and depending on how things go, she may not even get to be the future wife. So it's really safest just to avoid it.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

misshart00 said:

Meh, maybe I'm the only one but I don't think it's that big a deal. No, I wouldn't go around addressing other people's mail that way, but if I got mail from a close friend (who knows I changed my name) addressed to the future mrs. Xyz, I wouldn't think it a big deal or roll my eyes.

This. I kind of don't care how something is addressed. Just spell my name right and I am good. The envelope is going to end up in the trash anyways. I just don't have time to let something this little annoy me.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

I don't think the USPS has the ability to deliver mail to Future Lolo. I've seen our mail truck, and it looks nothing like a Delorean. Future Lolo certainly has no means of contacting me, or she would have talked me out of bangs.

Invitations go to current, real-time people by whatever their name is today.

ohannabelle · July 2014

Wouldn't be offended, would definitely eye roll. Just not a fan of cutsie pie crap.

jules3964 · July 2014

I've already received a card from my aunt & uncle addressed to MyFirstName FI'sLastName. Our wedding is in October. Not offended—but I did find it very presumptuous, even though I am going to be taking his last name (but they don't know that).

I almost even wondered if they thought the wedding already happened, but that wouldn't make sense. It's just weird. Use my current name.

thisismynickname2 · July 2014

I received a wedding invite from The Future LastName Family and Peanut. (I mean, that was the return address label. Peanut is the nickname of their daughter.)

That-- I rolled my eyes.

I wouldn't be bothered if someone addressed an invite to Future Me, Delorean be damned (haha @Lolo).

That being said, I just invited Ms. Current LastName and Mr. Fiance HisLastName to our wedding, and by the time our wedding happens, I expect the woman will have changed her last name since they're getting married 3 weeks before us. And I will check that before printing place cards.

TerriHugg · July 2014

I'm with Maggie and Misshart on this one. It's definitely not adhering to the rules of etiquette but I wouldn't give it a second thought as long as my name is spelt correctly.

However, if I were you I would still err on the side of caution and address cards traditionally according to their current names.

SapphireCounselor · July 2014

I am one of those people who would be offended. I hyphenated my name for a very specific reasons and it bugs me when the world doesn't seem to honor that - especially close family and friends. Of course I get annoyed when I am told by random customer service ppl that they can't fit hyphenated names onto their records. Irrational, yes, but they make it seem like I am just being ornery for having a difficult name.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

I got referred to as "the future Mrs. HisLastName" on Facebook on my birthday. You'd better believe I mentioned to the poster afterwards that I'm keeping my name. I'd be really bothered to get mail addressed to me that way.

JellyBean52513 · July 2014

I guess I'm the only one who would love to receive a piece of mail stating "The Future Mr. and Mrs. _________" if I were engaged. I think it's lovely that anyone sending us mail would think to acknowledge our upcoming nuptials & have already taken to treating us like the couple we are: two people soon to be married. Whether or not I change my name, the intention behind it seems to be well-meaning and I wouldn't be offended nor would I roll my eyes at what is most likely just a sweet, innocent gesture.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

JellyBean52513 said:
I guess I'm the only one who would love to receive a piece of mail stating "The Future Mr. and Mrs. _________" if I were engaged. I think it's lovely that anyone sending us mail would think to acknowledge our upcoming nuptials & have already taken to treating us like the couple we are: two people soon to be married. Whether or not I change my name, the intention behind it seems to be well-meaning and I wouldn't be offended nor would I roll my eyes at what is most likely just a sweet, innocent gesture.

No, its not treating" a couple for what they are: two people soon to be married." Its not even applicable to all "people soon to be married" (or married in my case). Treating people as "soon to be married" without being way too presumptuous and offending people could be "the newly engaged couple" or something along those lines.

Whether or not it offends you personally is irrelevant unless you're on OP's guest list and you're telling her its OK to address hour invitation that way. It's against etiquette and this is the etiquette board where we should be promoting proper etiquette - not personal preference. Isn't that what we always tell people?

JellyBean52513 · July 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

I guess I'm the only one who would love to receive a piece of mail stating "The Future Mr. and Mrs. _________" if I were engaged. I think it's lovely that anyone sending us mail would think to acknowledge our upcoming nuptials & have already taken to treating us like the couple we are: two people soon to be married. Whether or not I change my name, the intention behind it seems to be well-meaning and I wouldn't be offended nor would I roll my eyes at what is most likely just a sweet, innocent gesture.
No, its not treating" a couple for what they are: two people soon to be married." Its not even applicable to all "people soon to be married" (or married in my case). Treating people as "soon to be married" without being way too presumptuous and offending people could be "the newly engaged couple" or something along those lines. Whether or not it offends you personally is irrelevant unless you're on OP's guest list and you're telling her its OK to address hour invitation that way. It's against etiquette and this is the etiquette board where we should be promoting proper etiquette - not personal preference. Isn't that what we always tell people?

Did you read the rest of the responses on this thread? Most of them state their personal preference/how they would personally react to such an invitation address. I guess since mine didn't fit with the norm, I'm getting called out for not "promoting proper etiquette." Trust me, after reading all these responses, I would never address an invitation in such a way because I know it will clearly offend some people. I simply said that I'm not one of the people that would be offended.

Simply Fated · July 2014

I think it's just weird. I'm not sure if offended would be the right word for how I'd feel, but I'm planning on changing my name, if that makes a difference. I'd probably roll my eyes and made sure I RSVPd back with my peoper name.

It can't possibly be proper etiquette to do that, right? I mean, it's not even a nickname that you had mentioned you prefered to be called by.

melbenso · July 2014

While I wouldn't have been offended if I got something addressed to the future Mrs. DHlastname while we were engaged, I might have been a little annoyed. But mostly because I didn't change my name and most people we know knew that wasn't going to happen.

We did have two engaged couples we sent invites to. Both got married between the time we sent invites and the time we got married. Invites were addressed to their legal names at the time of mailing - I never considered doing anything else. I just put a note on the RSVP chart to check and see whether names were changed for escort card purposes.

carliealissa · July 2014

I am still on the fence about changing my name, but we have received a lot of mail addressed to the future Mr. and Mrs., and even just to us, with his last name, like we're already married. Honestly, this weirded me out to the point that its making me lean toward keeping my maiden name after marriage. 1, it didn't seem like the mail was for ME, 2. how incredibly presumptuous.

tammym1001 · July 2014

I received mail addressed to the Future Mrs. before DH and I were married. It came from close friends and they were just excited that we were finally getting married. It didn't bother me at all, but they all also knew that I would be changing my name. I wouldn't address mail like that though.

sophhabobopha · July 2014

I don't like it. Even though I am future Mrs. FI, I'm Sophha Lastname now.

CTYankeeBride · July 2014

7651arty said:

In the last few months, FI and I have received two wedding invitations and one STDate addressed to "The Future Mr and Mrs John Smith". I am not at all offended by this, and each invite came from a close friend or family. My question is, Is it proper? No, this is not proper etiquette. We are sending out our invites in 4 weeks, and I want to address the engaged couples correctly. Our invites/wedding will be more formal, and I planned to address the invites to "Ms Jane Smith and Mr Bill Johnson". Invites should always be addressed properly, especially if they are formal invites. To properly address a couple that lives together, they should be addressed to "Ms. Jane Smith" on the first line, then on a second line "Mr. Bill Johnson," no "and" connecting their names.
I havent seen The Future Mr and Mrs on an invite before now. Is this a new, trendy thing? A formal way of addressing an engaged couple? Or likely just close friends/family playfully acknowledging our upcoming wedding?

My responses to your questions are in bold type.

Being addressed this way wouldn't offend me necessarily but it would annoy me because I know that it's poor etiquette. I prefer to be addressed by my maiden name until after we are married especially considering that up until a week ago I wasn't sure what I wanted to do about my post-wedding name.

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