AGGGHHHHHH!....Wedding nesting!

themuffinman16 · July 2014

It is 5:30... and I am up with the birds. I thought all of the stress was bad before... try being two weeks away from your wedding! I never sleep more than 6 hours, anymore... last night I slept that long while taking a muscle relaxer. Today i had 5 hours of sleep. I feel terrible. I have so many things I have to do. My FSIL just had a little baby girl and I have only seen the baby once, and she is almost a week old. I miss my sister terribly and feel awful that I haven't seen her in a week to help her out. I have company staying in a week and a half. Trying to make wedding favors, after I finish my place cards and cleaning my house top to bottom.

Then FI told me we might have to wait 8 months to buy a house. This does not sound bad, but when he says 8 months, I know he means 2 years. I am 35. I want to have babies, but in our current apartment, it just wouldn't work. I have the world's SMALLEST kitchen, smallest bathroom (you practically have to step in the bathtub to close the door.) My living room is tiny too. I know that babies aren't only 20 inches long. They have a lot of stuff that goes with them. Plus with my bad back, I simply could not lift a stroller from the basement every time I wanted to take them for a walk. Our bedroom, in the winter is so drafty. We spend so much money on heat, set it for 70-72 degrees, and that bedroom rarely gets above 68 degrees, in the winter. My window for having kids is narrowing, and now, I have to wait, a couple of years. To move into a new apartment is just stupid, when we don't plan on staying there long, finding an apartment took us FOREVER, the last time. I had to do breathing exercises, last night, just to fall asleep. I know FI wants to be financially stable, but it seems like it will cost us, in other ways. We might have a house in couple of years, but it's stupid to need more square footage, if we don't have children to fill the rooms. Just FI and I don't need all of that space. End rant

kmmssg · July 2014

Aw Muffin - take a deep breath. If you are this overly stressed, I SERIOUSLY recommend taking a look at what still needs to be done and anything that is truly optional (favors for starters) needs to just come off the list.

Can you hire someone to come in and clean for you a couple of times before the wedding?

1. Lose the guilt over not seeing the baby. Take a few minutes today and call your FSIL. Apologize and tell her you are just swamped and not sleeping well at all. She will definitely be able to commiserate with you about that loss of sleep thing. If you guys are close, maybe a nice warm and fuzzy chat will help you calm down. Let her know you intend on spoiling that new niece post wedding but right now things are just crazy. Then...LOSE THE GUILT.

2.Hire a cleaning lady. Lynda started a thread about one the other day and I asked more questions in a thread last night. DD got married 3 1/2 weeks ago and my checkbook was hemorrhaging, but I could have still found 50 or 60 bucks one way or the other to pay for my sanity. CALL FOR A CLEANING LADY.

3. No one will miss your favors except you. You could take that time instead and go sit down outside or in the tub with a glass of wine and destress. SKIP THE FAVORS.

4. Apartment keeping you from starting your family? If so, then looking for a new apartment is not stupid. I know apartment hunting sucks but if I needed a larger place to start my family I would find one that is suitable (not necessarily perfect) and start working on junior. THINK ABOUT LOOKING FOR A NEW PLACE IF YOU CAN'T BUY A HOUSE NOW!

5. Place cards - can you just do a seating chart instead? After 4 girls' weddings I have become a champ at them and I could even help you if you need it. Seriously. But you need to page me so I see it. A pretty word document sent to Fed/Ex Kinkos and boom - you are done. I will help you with it if you need it.

6. Got favor stuff and place card stuff left over now? Think craigslist.

I swear none of the capital letters was meant as yelling!

Breathe. Maybe a good discussion on here amongst your fellow knotties can help you de-stress and see some things you can eliminate.

Now....I'm off to get ready for work and I have some meetings this morning, but I will check in later to see if I can think of anything else that may be helpful for you.

themuffinman16 · July 2014

Thank you... I needed to hear solutions. Not just my what if this or thats. I know I can move into an apartment, but apartment moving was really hard on us. The last time, we were evicted from our apartment by ou rprevious landlord,after I had a surgical procedure. We were planning on moving, but then I got sick, so we decided to stay. I had a bout with my endometriosis and had to have an emergency D and C. The landlord was okay with us staying, and then wasn't. She wanted to show the place, but during my procedure, they perforated my uterus and I had an very bad infection after that. She wanted me to leave the house so she could show our apartment to prospective tenants. I told her I was too sick to leave bed, and she gave us an eviction notice.

Now, we have a really sweet landlord, and after going through all of that, it just terrifies me to be held to someone else's will, when you know nothing about them. But if it has to be done, it has to be done. I will just need to put my big girl panties on and embrace it.

AddieCake · July 2014

Right now, I would just focus on the upcoming wedding and not be stressing about your apartment being too small for children you don't have. One thing at a time, I say.

larrygaga · July 2014

You will go into debt anyway buying a house, why wait a few years? Honestly, you get this life and no other. It's not like you are some kid trying to rush things.

I suggest waiting until the wedding craziness is over with to worry about the next step, though. You sound like the stress is becoming overwhelming.

wandajune6 · July 2014

The PPs covered the big stuff but a few thoughts:

Groupon and Living Social constantly have deals for house cleaning. Use one without guilt. Also, it's a great gift for friends/family with new babies!

Don't worry about not seeing the new baby. In my experience, first time parents like having some time with their baby without a ton of visitors anyway. Then be around a lot after the wedding.

People have babies in tiny apartments all the time. My sister, her husband and their toddler live in a 750 sq ft condo. It's jam packed but they're happy. They had similar concerns to yours but decided not to put their lives on hold while they figured out housing. They probably won't leave until my niece needs to start school.

I bet you have a lot of people who are willing to help with wedding favors and escort cards. You could also just say "screw it" on the favors and take an easier route on the escort cards. No one will notice but you.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

I am sorry that you are feeling this way, it sucks when stress becomes so overwhelming that is start to physically affect you. Right before my wedding I was also going through a very stressful time with my job, and started having panic attacks. I looked up a way to overcome them and wrote it down and posted it to my work computer. It's still there, although I haven't needed it since the wedding!

Step 1 - Relax [Take deep breathes]

Step 2 - Stop Negative Thinking [Yell STOP inside your head]

Step 3 - Use Coping Statements ["I am fine, everything is fine"]

Step 4 - Accept/Validate your feelings ["I'm going through a stressful time/there is a lot on my plate right now"]

Those steps really helped me calm down and realize I do have a lot going on, but it's nothing I can't handle. With 2 weeks to go concentrate on the wedding, but remember, you are marrying the love of your life and that is the point of all this. Try not to get too wrapped up in the details, it will be a great day because you will sign that marriage license, say "I do" and kiss your new spouse!"

As far as the apartment, I agree... moving sucks!!! Have you looked into the 0% down loans they have or the 3% down? Those could make it easier then you think! They keep saying how rates are going to go up, (and they are starting to), you would be better off locking into a rate now then waiting 2 years when rates could go up and you end up paying more for monthly payments and the overall loan.

Good luck! Breath! And think of all the great things that ARE going on (New niece, marrying your love, a fun party coming up, time with friends and family... and I am sure there are a lot more!)

LadyMillil · July 2014

wandajune6 said:

The PPs covered the big stuff but a few thoughts:

Groupon and Living Social constantly have deals for house cleaning. Use one without guilt. Also, it's a great gift for friends/family with new babies!

Don't worry about not seeing the new baby. In my experience, first time parents like having some time with their baby without a ton of visitors anyway. Then be around a lot after the wedding.

People have babies in tiny apartments all the time. My sister, her husband and their toddler live in a 750 sq ft condo. It's jam packed but they're happy. They had similar concerns to yours but decided not to put their lives on hold while they figured out housing. They probably won't leave until my niece needs to start school.

I bet you have a lot of people who are willing to help with wedding favors and escort cards. You could also just say "screw it" on the favors and take an easier route on the escort cards. No one will notice but you.

At my last lab 3 coworkers got PG around the same time. One already lived in a house, but it needed a lot of renovations, one lived in a small apartment, and one owned a condo. The one that lived in the condo decided that she and her husband would stay in the condo until the baby was older (school age, I think). The one in a house used the 9 months to get the renovations done. The one in the apartment started looking for a house when she found out she was PG and was settled into a house by 6-7 months along. The great thing about pregnancy is that you have 9 months to get ready for baby.

AGGGHHHHHH!....Wedding nesting!

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