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How to ask permission from flower girl's parents?

HeatherH92HeatherH92 member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hi all.

I am planning on asking my cousin and his wife if their daughter would be the flower girl for our wedding. I pretty much only see them at family functions (Christmas, Easter, etc.) since they live over an hour away and the only way I can contact them is by messaging his wife on facebook. Would this be a completely rude/inappropriate way to ask if their daughter would be our flower girl? Otherwise my dad would have to call my uncle in order to get a phone number for them, and I know he would procrastinate on doing that.
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Re: How to ask permission from flower girl's parents?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd just ask them in a straightforward way, whether it's on Facebook or otherwise, something like, "Hi.  Is it okay for Mary to be a flower girl at my and FI's wedding?"
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    When I asked, I just blurted it out at dinner with them one day.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm pretty sure I asked my SIL about the kids via Facebook chat.
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    why not facebook message them and ask for their phone number.

    image

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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I called my cousin to ask her if her kids could stand up in our wedding.
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  • Ven&RadioVen&Radio member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    If you don't know these people well enough to have their phone number, why do you want their child in your wedding?  It sounds like you just want a cute prop, rather than a child you're close to.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    HeatherH92 said:
    Hi all.

    I am planning on asking my cousin and his wife if their daughter would be the flower girl for our wedding. I pretty much only see them at family functions (Christmas, Easter, etc.) since they live over an hour away and the only way I can contact them is by messaging his wife on facebook. Would this be a completely rude/inappropriate way to ask if their daughter would be our flower girl? Otherwise my dad would have to call my uncle in order to get a phone number for them, and I know he would procrastinate on doing that.
    Honestly? It doesn't sound like you're very close to this little girl. I'm sure you love her, but I wouldn't ask her just because she happens to be a good age for a typical flower girl.
    Anyway, I would ask her mom on Facebook for her phone number and call her. Faecbook tends to be impersonal and asking someone to be in your wedding party is pretty personal.
    image
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ven&Radio said:
    If you don't know these people well enough to have their phone number, why do you want their child in your wedding?  It sounds like you just want a cute prop, rather than a child you're close to.
    I don't have phone numbers for a lot of my cousins. We communicate via e-mail or Facebook.  It has nothing to do with our relationship, we just never exchanged phone numbers.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ven&Radio said:
    If you don't know these people well enough to have their phone number, why do you want their child in your wedding?  It sounds like you just want a cute prop, rather than a child you're close to.
    Not having someone's phone number =/= "just wanting a cute prop, rather than a child you're close to."

    I'm close to people I communicate with only electronically and not by telephone.
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  • HeatherH92HeatherH92 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I'll be completely honest here - I have very few friends/family members with little girls. Most of them have boys, and we already have a ring bearer. I thought it would be appropriate to have one of my cousin's children as the flower girl, since they are family. I also have a very large family on my dad's side, so it is extremely difficult to be close with each of my cousins. I don't think my choice is anything about having a prop, but rather keeping my family members involved in the wedding.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    HeatherH92 said:

    I'll be completely honest here - I have very few friends/family members with little girls. Most of them have boys, and we already have a ring bearer. I thought it would be appropriate to have one of my cousin's children as the flower girl, since they are family. I also have a very large family on my dad's side, so it is extremely difficult to be close with each of my cousins. I don't think my choice is anything about having a prop, but rather keeping my family members involved in the wedding.

    If you're not really close to this cousin but are asking her to be your flower girl out of some self-imposed sense of obligation to have a family member fill that role, then yes, you are using her as a prop. Just being guests at a wedding is being "involved" in the wedding.
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