I missed you ladies a LOT, but I'm really glad that I took some time off of the boards (and not just because my work productivity improved significantly, although there was also that). Shit was getting so unbelievably out of hand. J and I basically took the entire month off of wedding planning, and did as little wedding-related talking as possible (not necessarily marriage-related, just wedding-related). I also started seeing a therapist, and while there have been delays with couple's therapy (our original therapist messed up one appointment time by accident and then cancelled our reschedule when maternity leave started early), we're working out scheduling to start seeing someone at the same institute where I'm seeing my new therapist.
I always said that I understood that living together and sharing finances, etc., was not the same thing as actually being married to someone, but I think I still fell into the whole, "Well, it'll be exactly the same except we'll sign a piece of paper and have a party and file our tax returns differently" mindset. I still think that the day-to-day process of being married won't be all that different, but what I needed to accept is that there are a lot of emotional aspects to being married that I need to adjust to. It's sort of like the episode of Scrubs where Dr. Cox and Jordan find out that they're still married; although absolutely nothing about their relationship changed, they both started panicking and going, "I'm supposed to do this for the rest of my life?!"
Anyway, I think that the major thing everyone's probably all OKAY ALREADY about is: J and I have decided--together--to go ahead with the wedding in November, and we'll stay in couple's therapy through the first year of marriage or so (I might stay in individual therapy until grad school is over, because fuck grad school). We made the decision after a couple weeks of not talking about wedding stuff; during that period, we had a couple of might-have-turned-into-an-argument conversations about family stuff that ended with the conflicts resolved. I've agreed to avoid bringing up hypothetical situations about our future (he gets stressed thinking about big changes that might not ever come about, like if I got a job in another state), and he's working on being less defensive when we talk about family stuff. So far, so good.
Things have been immensely better. J has been updating me, without complaint or malice, when he's coming home late, and he's been demonstrably more sensitive about my sleeping habits. I also finally got him to tell me some of the things I do that bother him, and I've been making an effort to follow through (things that bother him, meaning when I leave non-perishable ingredients on the counter after I'm done cooking, or when I point out his zits, to give you an idea of what I'm talking about). I'm feeling like I'm in a partnership again, and it doesn't feel like a tenuous one either.
I really appreciate the support that I got from everyone, even when it was feedback that was hard to hear (er, read). I hope that even though some folks might be a little (or a lot) eye-roll-y about my choices (or my departure and return), that it's okay for me to come back. I've really missed everyone.
now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
