Proposing to Bridesmaids

Jen4948 · July 2014

iloveotters2014 said:

I asked each of my girls privately and after each of them said yes I sent them champagne and a few chocolates as a yay I'm excited gift. It wasn't anything major but I just wanted to do a little something for them. I found out after you aren't supposed to mail alcohol. Oops haha

This is fine. You asked them each privately and didn't send any gifts until after they'd accepted.

dragonavicious · July 2014

I agree that putting them on the spot isn't good. However, I have four potential bridesmaids. Two are my sisters and they already know they are included. Two are my closest friends, one who couldn't have me or my twin in her wedding because she had so many sisters herself. We have a close enough relationship that we know if someone can't do it that doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means financially it isn't right for them at that moment.

That being said, we all play geocache together and so I am going to hide a little box that asks them to be my bridesmaid. Its has a little note that says there is no pressure but I want them to know how much I love them and how whether they can be my physical bridesmaids or just my spiritual ones they mean a lot to me.

My sisters I am writing a heart felt note and making a little chest for them to keep that they can put trinkets and memories in (wedding or otherwise).

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Trinkets suck. Trinket invites, trinket STDs, trinket favors, trinket gifts, they all suck.
If you're going to give a trinket gift, make it edible. My one-bedroom apartment doesn't need more shit, but my taste buds always love a little treat.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Was this thread in the newsletter or something?

kmmssg · July 2014

OP - I am going to just ask you if you have really considered the costs of having 13 bridesmaids. We are talking about 13 thank you gifts (jewelry to be worn at your wedding or wedding related things are not a thank you gift), 26 spots at your rehearsal dinner (you need to invite them with their spouse/fiance/SO), and 13 bouquets. Have you priced bouquets lately? Is your fiance also going to have 13 groomsmen? Please note that sides do not need to be even at all, I am just asking. Lets say he is having 13 groomsmen. That is 26 people from his side and 26 people from your side for your rehearsal dinner. Who is hosting your rehearsal dinner and can they afford something that big? You still need to invite family members and anyone else involved in the wedding so you are talking about one large honkin rehearsal dinner. Do you want everyone to get ready together? If so, where will you get ready that can accomodate so many women all at one time? It is going to take quite a few make-up artists and hairdressers to get everyone ready if hair and makeup is being done. Are you requiring professional hair and makeup? If so, it is on YOU to pay for it if you are requiring it. Knock yourself out if you really want 13 bridesmaids but keep in mind that the bridal party is a line item in your budget and one the size you are contemplating is gonna cost some money. Keep the logisitics and the cost in mind before you start asking.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

kmmssg said:

OP - I am going to just ask you if you have really considered the costs of having 13 bridesmaids. We are talking about 13 thank you gifts (jewelry to be worn at your wedding or wedding related things are not a thank you gift), 26 spots at your rehearsal dinner (you need to invite them with their spouse/fiance/SO), and 13 bouquets. Have you priced bouquets lately? Is your fiance also going to have 13 groomsmen? Please note that sides do not need to be even at all, I am just asking. Lets say he is having 13 groomsmen. That is 26 people from his side and 26 people from your side for your rehearsal dinner. Who is hosting your rehearsal dinner and can they afford something that big? You still need to invite family members and anyone else involved in the wedding so you are talking about one large honkin rehearsal dinner. Only the people participating in the rehearsal need to be invited to the RD. That's the bride and groom, the officiant and his/her spouse.SO, the bridal party members and their spouses/SOs. Usually both sets of parents and grandparents are also invited. It's unnecessary to host additional guests at the RD if they are not actually participating in the ceremony because that in essence becomes a 2nd reception hosted before the wedding. Do you want everyone to get ready together? If so, where will you get ready that can accomodate so many women all at one time? It is going to take quite a few make-up artists and hairdressers to get everyone ready if hair and makeup is being done. Are you requiring professional hair and makeup? If so, it is on YOU to pay for it if you are requiring it. Knock yourself out if you really want 13 bridesmaids but keep in mind that the bridal party is a line item in your budget and one the size you are contemplating is gonna cost some money. Keep the logisitics and the cost in mind before you start asking.

These are all valid questions and observations. It's good for ppl to consider.

I have 10 BMs, a huge WP for some here, and so far this is how I'm handling it:

I have been buying their gifts over time since the beginning of this year to help spread out the costs.
They are responsible for picking their own knee-length dress in one of 5 colors.***
They can wear any shoe they want to in gold or nude, and they can wear whatever jewelry and accessories they want to.
They are responsible for their own hair and makeup. I let them know where I was having mine done and who my MUA is, and only one BM wants to use her.
We aren't doing the "getting ready" together thing. I have always found it unnecessary, crowded and too stressful. I asked them to be dressed and ready and to meet me at X location at Y time to board the trolley and head to the church, where I will get into my dress. If they miss getting on the trolley, NBD, they know what time the ceremony is set to start so I'll just see them in line ;-)
I'm not using real flowers, I'm using silks for everything and making the bouquets. Hobby Lobby florals go on sale every other week, and the BM bouquets don't need to be huge or elaborate. Plus we have been shopping the sales at JoAnn and Michaels for 2 years now.
FI's parents offered to host the RD, even after we told them the size of the WP, lol! Any additional readers for the wedding mass will come from the WP and we are not inviting any other family, friends, or OOT guests to the RD. It's for those in the actual ceremony only.

***We are 3 months out and only 3 BMs have purchased dresses, so who the hell knows who will actually be walking down the aisle before me!

KoriB2013 · July 2014

Do what you feel is best for you & your ladies. You know them better than anyone and know how they will feel about being in your wedding. Chances are you've already talked about it with most/all of them.

When I asked my girls I gave them little boxes with a tank top, bridesmaid/MOH koozie, blingy soap scrub stuff, a photo of us from some time during our friendship, and a heartfelt card. It was all tied up with a ribbon in the wedding color. No, this isn't for everyone. And it may make some feel like they're put on the spot. However, I knew each of my 9 girls would say yes. I presented them in private (except the two sisters), they all cried, and it was adorable.

I say, do what makes you happy and what you know your girls will enjoy! The photos in frames and the card were the best part of the box. So, if you're wanting to do something, but not quite as huge of a production stick with those!

McBeth2013 · July 2014

As someone who did a simple asking of bridesmaids (handwritten card, and verbal request- no gift, and all individually done), I recommend it. It was simple, free (handmade the cards) and all 4 said yes, and worked out well.

As the recipient of a big production in a restaurant being asked to be a bridesmaid, with gifts and cards, and there with my husband, who was also being asked to be a groomsman- I suggest you to think about it hard, it's not for everyone. I felt awkward and pressured. But she and I are not very close, and I thought she knew that. If my best friend had done that to me, I would've thanked her for the gift and said of course in a heart beat. I still would've been uncomfortable with a big show in a restaurant though- I don't like public things like that.

So, just consider your friendship with the person, and consider their level of comfort with such displays. If it's a little gift you're privately giving, that's less of a concern. Then I just suggest anything homemade or personal to you and the bridesmaid if you want it to mean something. Otherwise, if you just want to give a gift for gift's sake, Etsy has lots of cute stuff. Keep in mind that you can save money and not do it though because a gift isn't required.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

KoriB2013 said:

Do what you feel is best for you & your ladies. You know them better than anyone and know how they will feel about being in your wedding. Chances are you've already talked about it with most/all of them.

When I asked my girls I gave them little boxes with a tank top, bridesmaid/MOH koozie, blingy soap scrub stuff, a photo of us from some time during our friendship, and a heartfelt card. It was all tied up with a ribbon in the wedding color. No, this isn't for everyone. And it may make some feel like they're put on the spot. However, I knew each of my 9 girls would say yes. I presented them in private (except the two sisters), they all cried, and it was adorable.

I say, do what makes you happy and what you know your girls will enjoy! The photos in frames and the card were the best part of the box. So, if you're wanting to do something, but not quite as huge of a production stick with those!

[Deleted User] · July 2014

FutureMrsToal said:

I made a "Will You Be My Bridesmaid Box." I have a post on my blog all about the one I handed out, I'll link it below. It was simple to make and it's easy to adjust the items in the box to fit your bridesmaid's personalities and your budget! Not to mention it was adorable and they all loved it!

http://www.tothealtarandafter.com/2014/06/04/bridesmaid-box/

You and my friend think alike.. this is how she asked me: http://www.purelyjenn.com/wedding/diy-will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-box/

Wegl13 · July 2014

... Wait is THAT actually your friend? Because holy moly... So... MUCH.

Jen4948 · July 2014

purplepinkcupcake said:

FutureMrsToal said:

I made a "Will You Be My Bridesmaid Box." I have a post on my blog all about the one I handed out, I'll link it below. It was simple to make and it's easy to adjust the items in the box to fit your bridesmaid's personalities and your budget! Not to mention it was adorable and they all loved it!

http://www.tothealtarandafter.com/2014/06/04/bridesmaid-box/

You and my friend think alike.. this is how she asked me: http://www.purelyjenn.com/wedding/diy-will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-box/

If I'd gotten that, I would not have thought it was "adorable" or "loved it." Even if I planned to say yes, I wouldn't want to receive a "will you be my bridesmaid" box or any other gift. It's just too much. Just ask the person-don't go out of your way with gimmicks and trying to be "adorable" or "cute." And you don't know that your bridesmaids all "loved it." They may in fact have not loved it or even liked it-or would just have preferred to be asked in a straightforward way.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

purplepinkcupcake said:

FutureMrsToal said:

I made a "Will You Be My Bridesmaid Box." I have a post on my blog all about the one I handed out, I'll link it below. It was simple to make and it's easy to adjust the items in the box to fit your bridesmaid's personalities and your budget! Not to mention it was adorable and they all loved it!

http://www.tothealtarandafter.com/2014/06/04/bridesmaid-box/

You and my friend think alike.. this is how she asked me: http://www.purelyjenn.com/wedding/diy-will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-box/

OMG I think my friend followed that exact tutorial! The box was even pink and bedazzled with gold letters like that.

I said yes because I love her, but it was overwhelming and has already tipped me off that she is a Pinterest-crazy, very intense bride.

LDay2014 · July 2014

LOL...does everything have to be cutesy and instagrammy?

Guess how I asked my MOH? I called her....keeping in mind, 2nd time bride here...

Me:"MOH!!!! FI proposed!!!! We've set the date for October 4, will you be my MOH again?"

MOH: "Of course!!! You're the easiest bride ever! OMG YES!!! I'm so excited! YAY!"

Done.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

purplepinkcupcake said: FutureMrsToal said: I made a "Will You Be My Bridesmaid Box." I have a post on my blog all about the one I handed out, I'll link it below. It was simple to make and it's easy to adjust the items in the box to fit your bridesmaid's personalities and your budget! Not to mention it was adorable and they all loved it!
http://www.tothealtarandafter.com/2014/06/04/bridesmaid-box/
You and my friend think alike.. this is how she asked me: http://www.purelyjenn.com/wedding/diy-will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-box/
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...It included an instruction manual???

etf: rogue paragraphs

MandyMost · July 2014

purplepinkcupcake said:

FutureMrsToal said:

I made a "Will You Be My Bridesmaid Box." I have a post on my blog all about the one I handed out, I'll link it below. It was simple to make and it's easy to adjust the items in the box to fit your bridesmaid's personalities and your budget! Not to mention it was adorable and they all loved it!

http://www.tothealtarandafter.com/2014/06/04/bridesmaid-box/

You and my friend think alike.. this is how she asked me: http://www.purelyjenn.com/wedding/diy-will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-box/

I feel like she asked her friends to spend thousands of dollars and precious vacation time (destination wedding) in a way where it would be VERY awkward for them to refuse. No matter how close you are, you don't always know someone else's circumstances. There are so many reasons why someone, no matter how much they wanted to, couldn't commit to a yet-to-be-decided date with a yet-to-be-conveyed budget over a year away. So much can change in that time, I can't believe she even asked that early! No one could say "no" without a solid reasoning with a box like that. If she had asked 6-9 months out with no hooplah or shenanigans, the women could say "Oh, I would so love to but I'm getting married myself and saving up/pregnant/unemployed and can't afford it/sick and can't travel, etc without feeling pressured and obligated.

hellohkb · July 2014

I was going to get boxes and put candy in them to give to them as a gift for my sister/MOH and my young cousin/bridesmaid who is like a sister to me. I especially wanted to do it for my cousin/bridesmaid as she's basically the 9-year-old human version of Grumpy Cat and told me not to get married and to get puppies instead.

I didn't do it, I just asked them in person (except a good friend of mine who I rarely see). All of my bridesmaids accepted, even Grumpy Cousin, and no one was offended that I didn't do anything over the top or give them a gift or poem- Although GC still thinks I should skip getting married and instead get a few dozen puppies.

TerriHugg · July 2014

All of my bridesmaids lived in different states so I just mailed them a card.

But make sure you have an idea of a date and locale before you ask your bridesmaids. The last thing you need is to pick your bridesmaids and then decide months down the line that the wedding will be in Jamaica or somewhere far away that makes it hard for your bridesmaid to attend.

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