Reception Venue Travel - Would you Sideye?

loveislouder · July 2014

Hey guys,

My FI has decided he wants to move our wedding from next October to next April, which is okay just a little stress inducing because I honestly haven't done much in the planning department. i guess it's time to get my butt in gear.

Anyway... my question: We want to get married in a church, but we found venue we like is about 30 - 40 minute highway drive away from each other. Would you, as a guest, be annoyed with this? My mom says no one will show up to the reception because it's too far away.

Thoughts?

LondonLisa · July 2014

I think anything beyond 30 minutes is pushing it. Can you get married at your venue?

AddieCake · July 2014

Generally I start to side-eye after 30 minutes.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

40 minutes is my max travel time between ceremony and reception, but I will begin to get annoyed at anything over 30 minutes.

Is there a closer church that you can get married at? Or is the church that you have now really important to you?

littlemushroom · July 2014

It depends. My friend got married in a church in the town where I live, but the reception was in a small town 30 minutes away. FI and I went to both the ceremony and reception, but that was largely because I lived in the town the ceremony took place.

If I had to drive half an hour to the ceremony and then another half an hour to the reception, I probably wouldn't have gone or only gone to one part. If I had gone, I would have complained about it.

Is there not a church closer to the reception venue?

loveislouder · July 2014

The Church we're looking at is the one my parents and paternal grandparents got married at. That being said, FI isn't picky on the church, as long as it's a church.

ashleyep · July 2014

It's definitely on the outskirts of acceptable, but I'm generally more understanding if the church is your home church or one that has a lot of meaning to you. I've done drives of that distance, it doesn't bother me that much.

daria24 · July 2014

It would depend on the area. Where I grew up, there were maybe 2 reception venues in the entire county (not counting things like public parks). Most of the weddings you have to travel at least 30, if not 45 minutes to the reception, if the ceremony is in their home church. That didn't bother me.

Now if you are talking about a place like New Jersey where there is a reception hall every 10 feet, I'd be annoyed.

syoun1nj · July 2014

It depends. a "30-40" minute drive where I live can turn to 90 really quick, especially on a Saturday (yayyyy Northern VA traffic). So I wouldn't do that to my guests. If EVERYTHING is 30-40 minutes away but the ceremony and reception are only like 5-10 minutes, that's fine.

It's also more likely people will skip the ceremony then the reception, I'd expect. Free food vs sitting in a church? Though I have skipped a reception before. It was 45 minutes away and about 5 hours after the ceremony ended. I went to the ceremony not knowing about the giant gap.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I would not skip one part of the wedding because of this, but I'd be annoyed if there were closer options.

photokitty · July 2014

If it is the couple's/ family church (not just some random pretty location for photos, etc) and I don't drive past any other reception venues on the 30 min drive, I'd be annoyed, but I'd do it. I'd understand why they wanted to get married there and that there was no local reception options.

If there is a venue closer and you make me drive 30 mins or more I'm going to side eye like crazy.

If I drive 30 mins front he ceremony, there better be a hotel within 5 mins of the reception venue. If I am an OOT guest and I have to drive another 15 mins to lodging after all that driving I'm not only going to side eye, I'll decline.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

For those that say they would be annoyed if they drove by a few venues, why? I mean what if those venues were out of the couples price range? Or not available? There is a lot of factors that go into choosing a venue I don't think it is fair to get irritated because you are driving by others on your way to the chosen destination.

climbingsingle · July 2014

I wouldn't skip the ceremony over that. But I'd side-eye anything over 30 minutes.

loveislouder · July 2014

There are a few other venues on the way out, but they're either a) SUPER expensive or b) already taken sadly.

@scribe95 He brought it up, asking if we could change it and I didn't see why not as long as he would be willing to help plan as well, because he originally said anything I wanted would be fine.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

I attended a wedding last summer, after which the reception was about 30 mins away. While I didn't really mind it (mostly because I wasn't driving), it was a pain after the reception was over. Had to make sure someone could DD, had to make sure they were comfortable driving at night, had to make sure they knew the way (this was in FL and we're from PA)... I know they say your time between ceremony & reception shouldn't exceed the time it takes to travel there, but there really ought to be a cap on that.

photokitty · July 2014

Maggie0829 said:

For those that say they would be annoyed if they drove by a few venues, why? I mean what if those venues were out of the couples price range? Or not available? There is a lot of factors that go into choosing a venue I don't think it is fair to get irritated because you are driving by others on your way to the chosen destination.

I could have saved a mint getting married in the city and then making everyone drive 45 mins out of town where catering and venues are cheaper.

IMHO, I think my guests' comfort and convince trumps me saving money. If the venue wasn't available, pick another date. These are all excuses for making your guests drive a far distance.

If cost is an issue then find a suitable ceremony venue close to the reception venue or hold the ceremony at the reception venue. Guests' time and gasoline are valuable.

eta- words are hard

chasseuse · July 2014

My venues are about 30 minutes apart. I'm getting married in the small country parish where I grew up. The reception is in the city nearby and the hotels are five minutes from the reception. Most of the OOT guests are from even more rural places than this and will see 30 minutes to a "real" (read not church basement where everything is DIY) venue as short!

I think this is a know your guests sort of thing. But definitely try to get hotel blocks near the reception and not the church! Also, if it's in the budget, I'd not mind a longer shuttle drive if it means I don't have to actually navigate, etc.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The church we got married at was one that I decided I wanted to get married at when I was a little girl. It was the one thing that I had my heart set on when getting married. Our reception was approx 20-30 minutes (depending on traffic) away from our reception. Yes, I could have found a ceremony location closer, but the one church closer that I could have used I didn't want to use because I was being supertious (would you want to get married in the same place that both your sister's did & one of the GM too and they are all divorced now?) It would have been nicer to have something closer to the church, but we couldn't afford to host the number of guests that needed to be invited at any of the venues since it would have put us in the downtown area of a major city. Cutting the guest list was not an option. So we found a wonderful reception hall a little further away but was actually closer for the majority of our guests to where they lived. So we have an amazing turn out at both the ceremony & reception

mellyD2014 · July 2014

I think it will really depend on your location. In my area (NJ), traffic can sometimes make an 8 mile distance 30-40 minutes, but most people expect that anyway. If most of your guests that aren't used to that, then maybe it's better to find a closer place to hold the reception, or consider getting married at the reception space instead of the church.

MandyMost · July 2014

I think the 3 key questions here are: 1. Is that 30 minute drive going to turn out to be longer because of traffic? If yes, you need a different church or venue. 2. Is a 30 minute drive something that your crowd is typically used to, or is it going to seem like a big deal? (For example, do most of your friends/family drive 30+minutes to work every day, or do they generally drive only 10 minutes to work, or take public transportation?) 3. Is it going to be clear that you have prioritized your guests comfort even though there's the long drive between the two locations? As others mentioned, this means it should SEEM like you didn't have a bunch of closer options. If there are OOT guests, the hotel should be right near the reception with little if any driving. I'd also consider getting a shuttle to/from the ceremony for these guests. And will there be plenty of parking at both locations, and will the guests be giving food and drink as soon as they arrive at the reception?

NYCMercedes · July 2014

Where I live, ten miles is 45 minutes but that's what we did. My kid chose a particular venue as it had a very specific meaning to them and many of their guests, and they chose the family church. I think people will understand if you have good reason to make the choices you do.

AddieCake · July 2014

Traffic will play a huge roll in how people feel about it. Last weekend, I went out of town, and a 2 1/2 hour trip took me nearly 6 hours. It took me 45 minutes to go the final 9 miles of the trip. Now, that was holiday traffic related. But my question is, is there any likelihood that what you think is going to take 30-40 minutes could end up taking quite a bit longer?

loveislouder · July 2014

The only traffic on the road will literally be the wedding guests. I drive past it on my way to work every day, and there is never any traffic. Even when I come in on Saturdays.

Liatris2010 · July 2014

daria24 said:

It would depend on the area. Where I grew up, there were maybe 2 reception venues in the entire county (not counting things like public parks). Most of the weddings you have to travel at least 30, if not 45 minutes to the reception, if the ceremony is in their home church. That didn't bother me.

Now if you are talking about a place like New Jersey where there is a reception hall every 10 feet, I'd be annoyed.

This.

@Maggie0829 I guess it depends on how well I know the venues and how inconvenient the travel is. I went to a wedding way out in the sticks. Wedding was at a Catholic church, reception at the farm of the bride's parents, 40 minutes away. On that drive the only other possible venue was a diner, so its not like the couple had a lot of choices, no biggie. In my hometown there is a Catholic church and a nice restaurant/reception hall every 3/4 mile. I would side eye a 40 minute drive because regardless of church choice there would be at least a dozen other, more convenient options. Driving passed one of two halls would be okay, but I've been to wedding where the ceremony and reception were in different cities and we had to sit in traffic. Why? Because the couple wanted to get married in their home church, but then have their recepetion in Manhattan. Driving passed 100+ possible venues while sitting in 2 hour traffic for a 20 mile drive? Siiiiiiide eye.

Jen4948 · July 2014

photokitty said:

show previous quotes

Maggie0829 said:

For those that say they would be annoyed if they drove by a few venues, why? I mean what if those venues were out of the couples price range? Or not available? There is a lot of factors that go into choosing a venue I don't think it is fair to get irritated because you are driving by others on your way to the chosen destination.

I could have saved a mint getting married in the city and then making everyone drive 45 mins out of town where catering and venues are cheaper.

IMHO, I think my guests' comfort and convince trumps me saving money. If the venue wasn't available, pick another date. These are all excuses for making your guests drive a far distance.

If cost is an issue then find a suitable ceremony venue close to the reception venue or hold the ceremony at the reception venue. Guests' time and gasoline are valuable.

eta- words are hard

It may not be a matter of saving money. If the only affordable, or even available, venue that doesn't cause you to go into debt is farther away than 30 minutes, I think it's pretty unfair of the guests to complain. The couple shouldn't have to go into debt to avoid inconveniencing the guests either.

janbride2015 · July 2014

I think it depends on your area and guests. I don't think I would side eye that drive. However, I would be extra annoyed by any unhosteled gap with that distance. I was at a wedding this summer that had a 30 minute drive between venues, then there was traffic due to a game, and a large gap that had us sitting around in our fancy clothes with nothing to do. If it wasn't FI family I probably would have skipped the ceremony on that one.

melbenso · July 2014

I went to a wedding earlier this year where the reception venue was about a 45 minute drive from the church. It was a bit of a pain, and I think some people skipped the ceremony and just went to the reception, but most people did both. (Huge wedding - 300 or so guests at the reception, and my rough estimate would have been about 225-250 at the church).

There were plenty of closer venues, but the reception location was what was in the couple's price range to properly host 300 guests. And the grounds were really beautiful - a bonus of getting outside the city. And I'd rather drive a little more to be properly hosted than go somewhere close and not have sufficient food or a cash bar any day.

ETA - they also chose a hotel for the room block that was about half way between the church and the reception venue, so out of town guests didn't have a 45 minute drive back at the end of the night.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

I think it's pushing it, but I think you can get away with it if you do a first look for your pictures. I would be more irritated by driving 45 mins, then waiting over an hour for you to show up, personally. Maybe this shouldn't be a big deal, but it would irritate me.

melbenso · July 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

I think it's pushing it, but I think you can get away with it if you do a first look for your pictures. I would be more irritated by driving 45 mins, then waiting over an hour for you to show up, personally. Maybe this shouldn't be a big deal, but it would irritate me.

I would have to second the don't take too many pictures thing. The wedding I mentioned above had a few problems that were much more annoying than the drive:
-The reception space was not open when guests started to arrive, so they had to wait around for about 20-30 minutes before they could get inside. I normally don't mind short gaps, but if guests are driving that far, there shouldn't be any wait for them to get in.
-The bride and groom didn't arrive until almost 2 hours after the reception space opened. They took too many pictures, had three slide shows, and four toasts. Dinner didn't end up getting served at the table I was at until 8:30. Even with plenty of appetizers and an open bar, I was a cranky bear at that point.

So, if you chose to have the reception such a distance from the ceremony, make extra sure that your guests don't have to wait for anything else.

jules3964 · July 2014

I think if the reception was 40 minutes away from the ceremony, then as a guest, I would skip the reception unless you were a close family member or best friend. Even 30 minutes would have me grumbling… I would wonder why the couple would choose venues so far apart from each other. It just doesn't make it easy on your guests.

But that's just my opinion. For us personally, we would only look at venues that could host both the ceremony and reception at the same site. I know that's not always ideal for all couples though.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

If this is small town/rural where it takes 20 minutes to even get to the nearest grocery store, I wouldn't mind a 30-40 minute drive. Especially knowing how much this church means to you. But I have to agree if this is 45 minutes through potentially congested traffic and passing more churches and reception venues than Starbucks, I would get a little grumbly but still go.

CAVEAT - are you in an area where it could still be snowing in April? If I had to drive that far in the snow I might only go to the ceremony.

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