First Home Down Payment Registry

nredavid · July 2014

So I have a couple of questions... My partner and I are getting married in December and we are bursting at the seems in the apartment we currently live in. We want to buy a house soon after our wedding and someone gave us the idea of setting up a crowd-source-funding-thingy website so people could give us money for a wedding gift to be used towards the down payment.

1) any recommendations on sites with low fees?

2) is this tacky?

3) what are some alternatives?

Thank you for the help and suggestions!

chibiyui · July 2014

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nredavid said:
So I have a couple of questions... My partner and I are getting married in December and we are bursting at the seems in the apartment we currently live in. We want to buy a house soon after our wedding and someone gave us the idea of setting up a crowd-source-funding-thingy website so people could give us money for a wedding gift to be used towards the down payment.

1) any recommendations on sites with low fees?

2) is this tacky?

3) what are some alternatives?

Thank you for the help and suggestions!

I'm skipping point 1.

2. This is tacky.

3. Don't register. Anywhere. If people don't know of a registry, they'll probably give cash. If they ask, say there's nothing you need bit you are saving for a new home. Most people will give you cash. Some people will still give boxed gift5, and that's okay.

If you do not register, decline any showers offered, as showers are for physical gifts.

Good luck and happy planning!

KatWAG · July 2014

This is so so so tacky. If you want to buy a house, then buy a house. Dont depend on anyone else to fund it.

So you know that fees are associated with this type of "registry." So my questions is if a guest wants to give you $100, dont you want the whole $100? Not $93, once the fees have been taken out.

These type of "registries" (homeymoon, houses, cars, cash) dont make any financial sense.

Just dont register, and tell people you are saving up for XYZ.

climbingsingle · July 2014

1) any recommendations on sites with low fees? NO

2) is this tacky? EXTREMELY

3) what are some alternatives?

Just don't register. People will understand and give you cash.

AddieCake · July 2014

Yes, that would be tacky.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

I had to fund my own down payment on my home. If I can do it, so can you. It's tacky. So tacky. Fund your own lifestyle choices.

photokitty · July 2014

We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o)

Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use down-payment (DP) registries. The people who use DP registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. Instead, you will receive the amount MINUS fees.

But I have good news

For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts.

If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-)

A DP is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

mysticl · July 2014

Just take whatever cash gifts you receive and put them in a special account specifically for the house.

freebread03 · July 2014

If you can't afford the down payment, you probably can't afford to keep up with the mortgage and incidentals. When you submit for approval for a mortgage, they're going to look closely at any large fund transfers into your bank account-so even if you received a good amount of money for your wedding, it may not help you qualify for the mortgage amount you need.

MNVegas · July 2014

Asking people to give you money for a down payment or anything else for that matter is disgusting. I would not take anymore advice from whoever suggested this idea. You probably will have people invited to your wedding who can't afford their own house and you want them to fund yours.. Just think about that for a minute. Really!!

If you would prefer cash gifts then don't do a registry or just a small one. People will get the hint that cash is appreciated. If and only if someone asks you directly what you want for a gift you can say you are registered at store xyz but also saving for a house.

LondonLisa · July 2014

If you are willing to pay fees (money registry) on something you otherwise would get for free (cheques), you two need to reevaluate if you are financially mature enough for a mortgage. Just don't register. People will give you cash. But this also means you need to decline all showers, as those are for boxed gifts only.

Simply Fated · July 2014

nredavid said:

So I have a couple of questions... My partner and I are getting married in December and we are bursting at the seems in the apartment we currently live in. We want to buy a house soon after our wedding and someone gave us the idea of setting up a crowd-source-funding-thingy website so people could give us money for a wedding gift to be used towards the down payment.

1) any recommendations on sites with low fees?

2) is this tacky?

3) what are some alternatives?

Thank you for the help and suggestions!

1) Fees are fees, even if they are low. A guest can give you a check or cash for $100 and you get $100. Even if the fee is as low at 3% of each transaction or a flat fee, that's still money you miss out on and money the guest wanted to go to you, but isn't.

2) Yeah, it's tacky. I have no problem giving someone a cash gift and them putting it towards their mortgage or groceries or what ever, but crowdsourcing to buy a house just because you need more space isn't going to go over well.

3) Skip the registry or just make a small one. If people ask your parents or who ever about it, they can tell them, "They have a small registry at X and they are saving up for a down payment." This way, if a guest prefers a boxed gift they have some options. If they want to give you cash, they can, too. In general, no needs to be told that cash is a good gift. Of course cash is a good gift. Who doesn't need cash? But some people just don't like to give cash as a gift. Setting up a cash registry, even a specific one like for a downpayment on a house, isn't going to change a person's opinion on cash gifts.

I know you didn't ask, but I felt it would be kind to point out, if you need to crowd source just for the down payment... are you going to be okay with all the other payments, including mortgage, taxes, bills, etc. It's just usually not a good sign that if a person needs to resort to accepting charity for a down payment, that the money might not be a good investment.

QueerFemme · July 2014

Just another post to say, yes, it's tacky. You might get a random person who says "you should TOTALLY do that !! what a great idea", but that person will the exception. If someone wants to give you cash, they know how to do it. Cash is always an appropriate gift.

Don't register. People will get the hint. Otherwise, start saving for your own downpayment.

Also, I don't know where you are planning to buy a home, but wedding gifts is really not likely to add up to enough of a down payment with closing costs. It sounds like you need to get serious about saving for your home, or maybe even skip having a big wedding, and put that money towards your new home.

gothic_fairy60 · July 2014

I would never contribute to someones funding account. I don't care how close we are, if your getting married I am bringing a physical gift or cash in a card/gift card. This is partly because I don't like people telling me what to give, and partly because I don't want to pay to pay for a gift (If that makes sense).

annathy03 · July 2014

Yes, it's super, super tacky.

The good news is that it's fine to prefer cash, but the way to go about that is to have either no registry, or a small registry of upgrades that allow you to get rid of some worn out or college quality stuff you're still making do with. I recommend a small one so that people who always prefer to give boxed gifts (and would bring a physical gift no matter what) have an idea of what you like.

jacques27 · July 2014

freebread03 said:

If you can't afford the down payment, you probably can't afford to keep up with the mortgage and incidentals. When you submit for approval for a mortgage, they're going to look closely at any large fund transfers into your bank account-so even if you received a good amount of money for your wedding, it may not help you qualify for the mortgage amount you need.

SO MUCH THIS!

In addition to being tacky as heck, it's clear that you've never purchased a home before because your financials will be scrutinized heavily going back a minimum of one year, possibly longer, and they very much look down on gifts (because it could also be a "loan" from another source). They pretty much want to know where every single penny came from to ensure you can in fact afford this mortgage and that you can account for it and verify that it was earned or a gift and not a loan. This means you need a very thorough paper trail for every penny in your accounts and you and the giver of the gift need to have a written letter detailing the amount of the gift, their relationship to you, and certifying that it was a gift and not a loan to be repaid and the letter should be signed by both the giver and recipient(s). And that needs to be done for each separate monetary gift and it needs to be down to the penny or if it's off at all your lender could reject it.

Please, do your home financing research so you understand, especially if you'll be using any cash gifts from the wedding for your down payment, and don't be tacky by doing a money registry.

banana468 · July 2014

Generally you're allowed a gift up to a certain amount without any penalty. The issue is if you receive monetary gifts worth thousands of dollars from one individual. Sixty people giving $100 each isn't the same as one person giving $6,000.

jacques27 · July 2014

banana468 said:

Generally you're allowed a gift up to a certain amount without any penalty. The issue is if you receive monetary gifts worth thousands of dollars from one individual. Sixty people giving $100 each isn't the same as one person giving $6,000.

It may not be the same thing, but if you make a lump sum deposit into your checking and deposit them all at the same time, they will side-eye and scrutinize. In my experience, they will also side-eye and scrutinize ANY deposits where it's not clear where the money came from (i.e. my direct deposit clearly from my employer that occurs every other week like clockwork was a-okay). I deposited $500 into checking ($200 was someone repaying me some money I lent them, $100 was a birthday gift from a family member, and $200 was payment for some some work I did helping out a friend do some bookkeeping for his business). They got very suspicious and it took nearly two weeks to document appropriately and convince them that this "last minute" deposit wasn't a gift (edit: I meant loan).

They may "forgive" it and not give a penalty for a certain amount (or they may not, depending on your lender), but you still need to have a glorious paper trail to document it all to be on the safe side.

mysticl · July 2014

jacques27 said:

banana468 said:

Generally you're allowed a gift up to a certain amount without any penalty. The issue is if you receive monetary gifts worth thousands of dollars from one individual. Sixty people giving $100 each isn't the same as one person giving $6,000.

It may not be the same thing, but if you make a lump sum deposit into your checking and deposit them all at the same time, they will side-eye and scrutinize. In my experience, they will also side-eye and scrutinize ANY deposits where it's not clear where the money came from (i.e. my direct deposit clearly from my employer that occurs every other week like clockwork was a-okay). I deposited $500 into checking ($200 was someone repaying me some money I lent them, $100 was a birthday gift from a family member, and $200 was payment for some some work I did helping out a friend do some bookkeeping for his business). They got very suspicious and it took nearly two weeks to document appropriately and convince them that this "last minute" deposit wasn't a gift.

They may "forgive" it and not give a penalty for a certain amount (or they may not, depending on your lender), but you still need to have a glorious paper trail to document it all to be on the safe side.

Not to mention there have been some major lawsuits against the major banks for screwing up foreclosures resulting in them paying out millions to the previous homeowners. I'm sure they are being extra careful about their paperwork.

When DH and I bought the house we live in now it didn't have a stove. Our lender would not permit us to purchase the house without a stove in it. We had been excited about the lack of stove because we had one in mind. The lender was going to provide the stove so the sale would go through. We asked our realtor if they could just give us the money towards it because we knew that they would not pay for the super fancy one we wanted and then we would pay the difference. She said if we did that they would have to run all of our paperwork again to make sure we could still qualify for the mortgage after the purchase of the stove. We said never mind just ask them to make it stainless steel and a flat top cook surface. We had been married less than a year at that point and they didn't question the deposits from our wedding gifts but I believe DH did have to explain some monetary gifts he had received when he bought the house we used to live in.

JoanE2012 · July 2014

We got married in December, deposited all of our wedding checks and started the house buying process 2 months later. No one at the bank questioned the deposit. Perhaps it was the bank or maybe it was our overall financial status. I was prepared to show documentation but no one ever asked.

That said, OP, asking for money is rude. Don't do it.

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