Small Ceremony and Dinner after

ohannabelle · July 2014

Well, if manners and treating your guests correctly doesn't matter, and you're magically exempt from the rules of politeness, then, yes, that changes everything.

In that case, you absolutely are required to give a favor to every guest who attends your wedding. For the guests that are important, you should give candy. Preferably a good brand, not cheap crap. Godiva, or Dilettante will do. Or nice truffles from a local chocolatier.

For the unwanted 10, you should give favors that properly convey your respect for them. A nice whoopee cushion, or plastic dog poo, or trick onion flavored gum.

Because a gift should always reflect the sentiments of the giver.

QueerFemme · July 2014

Favors are the least of your worries.

jneen101 · July 2014

How do you communicate to people that some people come to dinner and other don't? Like when the ceremony is over and people start heading to dinner, are you going to tell certain people they can't come? That seems awkward.

sophhabobopha · July 2014

jneen101 said:

How do you communicate to people that some people come to dinner and other don't? Like when the ceremony is over and people start heading to dinner, are you going to tell certain people they can't come? That seems awkward.

I'm wondering this too. Do you tell them the wrong place, or?

LDay2014 · July 2014

sophhabobopha said:

jneen101 said:

How do you communicate to people that some people come to dinner and other don't? Like when the ceremony is over and people start heading to dinner, are you going to tell certain people they can't come? That seems awkward.

I'm wondering this too. Do you tell them the wrong place, or?

I could be wrong, but I seem to remember it said we were 'invited to witness the ceremony of marriage between x and y' and then that was it. But, we're going back a ways, it may have said 'ceremony only' on it.

sophhabobopha · July 2014

LDay2014 said:

sophhabobopha said:

jneen101 said:

How do you communicate to people that some people come to dinner and other don't? Like when the ceremony is over and people start heading to dinner, are you going to tell certain people they can't come? That seems awkward.

I'm wondering this too. Do you tell them the wrong place, or?

I could be wrong, but I seem to remember it said we were 'invited to witness the ceremony of marriage between x and y' and then that was it. But, we're going back a ways, it may have said 'ceremony only' on it.

I'd probably show up to the reception too.

NYCMercedes · July 2014

sophhabobopha said:

jneen101 said:

How do you communicate to people that some people come to dinner and other don't? Like when the ceremony is over and people start heading to dinner, are you going to tell certain people they can't come? That seems awkward.

I'm wondering this too. Do you tell them the wrong place, or?

Invitation to wedding is one card. Invitation to reception is another card.

jneen101 · July 2014

But what if someone who isn't invited to reception says to someone who is "hey, want to grab a drink and something to eat?" or "hey what are you doing later tonight"? Then that person says "oh wait you aren't coming to the reception?" Or someone who is going to the reception might say "oh I just can't wait for this reception, that venue is just beautiful isn't it?" or "I can't wait to see the father/daughter dance, that's my favorite part!" I think it will be obvious that a big group of people are all heading off to a party and then a handful of people weren't good enough to be invited. Seems pretty shitty to me.

04JNicole · July 2014

Although this maybe a moot point now, since it's family everyone will know. I actually told everyone when I got engaged that we are doing something very small and intimate and would be doing a larger celebration in about a year or so. So everyone will know that you will be invited to the ceremony only. There is no tricking going on. As a matter of fact, the issue is that other people are trying to invite their daughters etc. and hence the issues. Moreover then those people (who kind of know they probably won't be invited) are trying to invited their whole family (including children). Anyway the whole venue might change and if that does happen then only the people attending the dinner will be at the ceremony.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

04JNicole said:

Although this maybe a moot point now, since it's family everyone will know. I actually told everyone when I got engaged that we are doing something very small and intimate and would be doing a larger celebration in about a year or so. So everyone will know that you will be invited to the ceremony only. There is no tricking going on. As a matter of fact, the issue is that other people are trying to invite their daughters etc. and hence the issues. Moreover then those people (who kind of know they probably won't be invited) are trying to invited their whole family (including children). Anyway the whole venue might change and if that does happen then only the people attending the dinner will be at the ceremony.

It seems like you do not care, but I have to reiterate two things:

1) If you are paying for your wedding, you are in control of the guest list. It's not debatable or up for discussion. Cease wedding talk with any- and everyone not invited.

2) You could still invite people and just have a cake/punch reception. This would cost you no more than $60 and everyone would be hosted properly.

cantwaitforthefuture · July 2014

You can't please everyone! To me, it sounds like you didn't even invite the people you are referring to to your ceremony (an aunt did), which means it's not your problem! As for the favors, I don't think favors are a big deal either way. I've attended probably 10-15 weddings at this point in my life, and I don't really remember one favor from any wedding, nor did I save any. I kind of think they are just a waste of money.

04JNicole · July 2014

Correct. The only people that I have told are the ones that will most likely be invited to both ceremony and dinner. However I do think this could still cause a divide in the family. But I am now OK with it. There are a lot of other things (family-wise) that is going on which is why I want a small ceremony and reception. We probably won't do favors.

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