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Reception Ideas

Adult Reception

Hi all,
My fiance and I are having an adult reception.  The invitations were addressed to indicate this and even say "adult reception".  We've already gotten questions from two friends that have babies, asking if they can bring their babies to the reception.  Has anyone been in this situation and what did you say?  As a bit of background, my fiance and I are both 30, so many of our friends already have children.
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Re: Adult Reception

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Putting "adult reception" on your invitations was not appropriate, as it is not polite to indicate on an invitation who is not invited. But you are not required to allow any of your guests to bring their babies to the reception if you don't want to. You can tell them, "I'm sorry, but your baby cannot be accommodated at the reception. We hope you can still make it." You don't have to provide them with childcare while the reception is going on. That said, they may decline on hearing that their babies are not invited, so be prepared for that and just tell them, "I'm sorry to hear that; we'll miss you."
    Viczaesarlc07
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi all,
    My fiance and I are having an adult reception.  The invitations were addressed to indicate this and even say "adult reception".  We've already gotten questions from two friends that have babies, asking if they can bring their babies to the reception.  Has anyone been in this situation and what did you say?  As a bit of background, my fiance and I are both 30, so many of our friends already have children.
    Agree with PP.
  • Since nursing babies are often an exception to the no kids rule, it is understandable that some people question this.
    Putting "adults only" on your invitation is not considered to be polite, though.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    april&amanda
  • edited July 2014
    I didn't put adults only.  Our invitations said "adult reception immediately following".
    My question is more about nursing children, as your response indicated.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I didn't put adults only.  Our invitations said "adult reception immediately following".
    My question is more about nursing children, as your response indicated.

    Out of curiosity, why did you specify that the reception is for adults? What about the ceremony?
  • I didn't put adults only.  Our invitations said "adult reception immediately following".
    My question is more about nursing children, as your response indicated.
    As for nursing babies, yes, many consider this an exception because the child needs to eat and the mother is the source of the child's food.  Things like pumping and leaving bottles with a caregiver or formula feeding for a day are not always options for people.  And by not an option I don't mean they don't want to, I mean in some cases they can't.  I did not respond well to the pump so I would not be able to pump enough to last the day on top of my son's regular feedings.  Plus my son would not take a bottle (not uncommon in exclusively breastfed babies) so formula was out of the question as well. Also, a breastfeeding mother needs to pump at approximately the same time as her child is being given that bottle to maintain her supply so she would need a place to pump (not a bathroom) and may end up leaving the reception a few times to do so.  Plus she is not going to want to dump the milk (just trust me on this one) and would need to be able to keep it cold so she may have a lot of stuff with her.  
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    lc07
  • Yes, these women that asked are both fairly close friends of ours and we don't want to upset them. Both of them will be back to work by the time our wedding comes though, so I am guessing they will have to pump for day care once they go back to work? As for the question about the ceremony, we did not specify one way or the other. It's at a Catholic church and masses at Catholic churches are always open to the public.
  • Yes, these women that asked are both fairly close friends of ours and we don't want to upset them. Both of them will be back to work by the time our wedding comes though, so I am guessing they will have to pump for day care once they go back to work? As for the question about the ceremony, we did not specify one way or the other. It's at a Catholic church and masses at Catholic churches are always open to the public.
    They may only pump enough for daycare.  So on Monday they pump enough to give their child in daycare on Tuesday, on Tuesday enough for Wednesday and so forth and so on with the milk pumped on Friday being use on Monday. If they have to leave the previous day's milk for their child during your wedding on their day off they will definitely need to pump during the reception and be able to properly store the milk so their child will have it for daycare.  In addition the pump is not as effective as the baby at extracting the milk and stimulating further production so some women count on those evening and weekend nursing sessions to maintain their milk supply.  
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Yes, "adult reception to follow" is inappropriate, but that ship has sailed.

    You just have to decide whether you want to make the exception or not.  It sounds like you don't, so you call up your friend and say, 

    "Friend, I'm sorry for any confusion with the invitation.  We can't accommodate your Little One and the invitation was just for you and Partner."

    Option A: 
    Friend says, "Oh okay, didn't mean to impose!  We'll be happy to attend just the two of us."
    You: "Great!  Looking forward to it."

    Option B:
    Friend says, "But I'm breastfeeding/ but my LO is special/ but I can't be away from him!"
    You: "I'm so sorry to hear that.  We'll miss you!"
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Yes, "adult reception to follow" is inappropriate, but that ship has sailed.

    You just have to decide whether you want to make the exception or not.  It sounds like you don't, so you call up your friend and say, 

    "Friend, I'm sorry for any confusion with the invitation.  We can't accommodate your Little One and the invitation was just for you and Partner."

    Option A: 
    Friend says, "Oh okay, didn't mean to impose!  We'll be happy to attend just the two of us."
    You: "Great!  Looking forward to it."

    Option B:
    Friend says, "But I'm breastfeeding/ but my LO is special/ but I can't be away from him!"
    You: "I'm so sorry to hear that.  We'll miss you!"
    This bothers me a little. I can't read tone but the way it's written it almost seems like you are lumping breastfeeding in with people who want their child to always receive special treatment.  Breastfeeding is different.  The OP can obviously choose not to allow the babies to attend. But I just want to point out that in the case of a breastfeeding child (especially a very young infant) the child quite simply needs to eat to survive, they cannot go all day without eating like we can.  For the first few weeks/months they eat every 2 to 3 hours (sometimes more). You may get one longer stretch a day and if you're lucky it's overnight but your life is pretty much feeding the baby.  Turning down an invitation due to breastfeeding has nothing to do with wanting special treatment for your child.  

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    AddieCake
  • I didn't put anything like "Adult Reception" on my invites, cards, etc., but all my invitations were addressed to adults only, and not "and family" or their children.  Our wedding website, in describing the venue, stated that it was small, full of art, etc. and that we looked forward to enjoying "an adult evening of cocktails, dinner, and dancing."  Almost everyone got the hint.  For lurkers--this is a much more tasteful way to handle this than put it on invite.

    One of my cousins called and said that she didn't have childcare, so she couldn't come.  The tone was that she was fishing for a "bring your rambunctious toddlers" from me.  I thanked her for calling me and letting me know, and left it at that.  One of FI's cousins had her mom call and ask if she could come with baby because she was still breastfeeding her 8-month old.  She said the baby was quiet and no one would even notice it breastfeeding under a shawl.  To which I promptly told her that wouldn't be possible...I said it was only fair that if my family wasn't getting exceptions, I couldn't give her one.  (But also, I didn't want breastfeeding at my wedding!  Cue angry mom responses on here now about liberty to breastfeed...)  I referenced that my cousin wasn't coming from California because of childcare.  The FI's cousin was a little cool to me at my shower, but I just carried on like normal.  The bottom line: people probably won't be happy when you tell them no.  But I am so happy that I chose an adult reception, with a smaller number of guests, in an intimate space.  The wedding was really special and I didn't have to deal with loud children, or pay for a ton of kids to take up space.  Hold your ground.
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Personally, I would always make exceptions for infants (under 1yo), whether they're nursing or not (none of my business how or where you feed your child). They won't eat the adult meal, won't run around, etc, and there have been precisely zero times when a baby fussing has ruined my whole day. But that's personal preference and you're not obligated.

    image
    image
    Kahlyla
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    mysticl said:
    Yes, "adult reception to follow" is inappropriate, but that ship has sailed.

    You just have to decide whether you want to make the exception or not.  It sounds like you don't, so you call up your friend and say, 

    "Friend, I'm sorry for any confusion with the invitation.  We can't accommodate your Little One and the invitation was just for you and Partner."

    Option A: 
    Friend says, "Oh okay, didn't mean to impose!  We'll be happy to attend just the two of us."
    You: "Great!  Looking forward to it."

    Option B:
    Friend says, "But I'm breastfeeding/ but my LO is special/ but I can't be away from him!"
    You: "I'm so sorry to hear that.  We'll miss you!"
    This bothers me a little. I can't read tone but the way it's written it almost seems like you are lumping breastfeeding in with people who want their child to always receive special treatment.  Breastfeeding is different.  The OP can obviously choose not to allow the babies to attend. But I just want to point out that in the case of a breastfeeding child (especially a very young infant) the child quite simply needs to eat to survive, they cannot go all day without eating like we can.  For the first few weeks/months they eat every 2 to 3 hours (sometimes more). You may get one longer stretch a day and if you're lucky it's overnight but your life is pretty much feeding the baby.  Turning down an invitation due to breastfeeding has nothing to do with wanting special treatment for your child.  

    @mysticl, you're right, I didn't convey tone very well.  Breastfeeding is a totally legit reason to turn down an invitation to be with the kid.  Didn't mean to lump it in with the silly reasons.  

    My general point was that they may have a very good reason for not being away from baby, or they might just want special treatment, but either way OP should just clearly state the invitation was for the couple only and just not engage further.  That just means that she may have to accept that couple won't attend.
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    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    lc07
  • jules3964jules3964 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I didn't put anything like "Adult Reception" on my invites, cards, etc., but all my invitations were addressed to adults only, and not "and family" or their children.  Our wedding website, in describing the venue, stated that it was small, full of art, etc. and that we looked forward to enjoying "an adult evening of cocktails, dinner, and dancing."  Almost everyone got the hint.  For lurkers--this is a much more tasteful way to handle this than put it on invite.

    Is it really ok etiquette-wise to put this on the website? I thought you were never supposed to call out and imply who is not invited. You're just supposed to spread that info by word-of-mouth, or if someone asks. Right??
  • jules3964 said:
    I didn't put anything like "Adult Reception" on my invites, cards, etc., but all my invitations were addressed to adults only, and not "and family" or their children.  Our wedding website, in describing the venue, stated that it was small, full of art, etc. and that we looked forward to enjoying "an adult evening of cocktails, dinner, and dancing."  Almost everyone got the hint.  For lurkers--this is a much more tasteful way to handle this than put it on invite.

    Is it really ok etiquette-wise to put this on the website? I thought you were never supposed to call out and imply who is not invited. You're just supposed to spread that info by word-of-mouth, or if someone asks. Right??
    No, it's inappropriate as it alludes to who is not invited. Drop the word "adult" and it's A-OK.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    jules3964NYCMercedes
  • mysticl said:
    Yes, "adult reception to follow" is inappropriate, but that ship has sailed.

    You just have to decide whether you want to make the exception or not.  It sounds like you don't, so you call up your friend and say, 

    "Friend, I'm sorry for any confusion with the invitation.  We can't accommodate your Little One and the invitation was just for you and Partner."

    Option A: 
    Friend says, "Oh okay, didn't mean to impose!  We'll be happy to attend just the two of us."
    You: "Great!  Looking forward to it."

    Option B:
    Friend says, "But I'm breastfeeding/ but my LO is special/ but I can't be away from him!"
    You: "I'm so sorry to hear that.  We'll miss you!"
    This bothers me a little. I can't read tone but the way it's written it almost seems like you are lumping breastfeeding in with people who want their child to always receive special treatment.  Breastfeeding is different.  The OP can obviously choose not to allow the babies to attend. But I just want to point out that in the case of a breastfeeding child (especially a very young infant) the child quite simply needs to eat to survive, they cannot go all day without eating like we can.  For the first few weeks/months they eat every 2 to 3 hours (sometimes more). You may get one longer stretch a day and if you're lucky it's overnight but your life is pretty much feeding the baby.  Turning down an invitation due to breastfeeding has nothing to do with wanting special treatment for your child.  

    @mysticl, you're right, I didn't convey tone very well.  Breastfeeding is a totally legit reason to turn down an invitation to be with the kid.  Didn't mean to lump it in with the silly reasons.  

    My general point was that they may have a very good reason for not being away from baby, or they might just want special treatment, but either way OP should just clearly state the invitation was for the couple only and just not engage further.  That just means that she may have to accept that couple won't attend.
    I didn't think you meant it that way based on other stuff I've seen you post.  Lack of tone is the crappy part of internet posting. 
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    JCbride2015
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2014

    Personally, I would always make exceptions for infants (under 1yo), whether they're nursing or not (none of my business how or where you feed your child). They won't eat the adult meal, won't run around, etc, and there have been precisely zero times when a baby fussing has ruined my whole day. But that's personal preference and you're not obligated.

    I just wanted to say that a one year old doesn't just sit quietly in his/her carrier. My 9 month old currently eats some adult foods (though at a wedding, she would just share with me) and I'm watching her crawl at an extremely fast pace (and will be walking soon, and running). I agree with you for the most part, but just because a baby is under one doesn't mean he or she will just sit quietly.

    Edit: but then this also makes me wonder, where's the cutoff? I understand that sometimes exclusively breast fed babies are the exception, but some moms exclusively breast feed until baby is 2 or older. Would they still be an exception even though they can run around, talk to people, yell, etc.? This is just me being curious. I don't really have strong feelings one way or the other.
  • Personally, I would always make exceptions for infants (under 1yo), whether they're nursing or not (none of my business how or where you feed your child). They won't eat the adult meal, won't run around, etc, and there have been precisely zero times when a baby fussing has ruined my whole day. But that's personal preference and you're not obligated.
    I just wanted to say that a one year old doesn't just sit quietly in his/her carrier. My 9 month old currently eats some adult foods (though at a wedding, she would just share with me) and I'm watching her crawl at an extremely fast pace (and will be walking soon, and running). I agree with you for the most part, but just because a baby is under one doesn't mean he or she will just sit quietly. Edit: but then this also makes me wonder, where's the cutoff? I understand that sometimes exclusively breast fed babies are the exception, but some moms exclusively breast feed until baby is 2 or older. Would they still be an exception even though they can run around, talk to people, yell, etc.? This is just me being curious. I don't really have strong feelings one way or the other.
    Exclusively breastfed means that the only nutrition the child receives is from breast milk.  That means they eat no food and drink nothing else ever. Once food or another liquid is introduced they are no longer exclusively breastfed though they may continue to breastfeed.  So are you sure those children are exclusively breastfed?

    Shortly after my son turned one I stopped breastfeeding in public because he was getting enough nutrition from other sources that a skipped or delayed nursing session would not be detrimental to him. I was taught that prior to one the majority of nutrition needs to come from breast milk and/or formula. I think most people go with the under one exception for this reason.  
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.
  • Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.


    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    banana468 said:

    Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.


    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
    Again, I agree. But yes, I know several women who exclusively breast feed for that long.
  • Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.
    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
    Again, I agree. But yes, I know several women who exclusively breast feed for that long.
    Are they in the United States? Asking because it is not uncommon for women to have difficulty finding support for breastfeeding after one year here.  Many people (including some Pediatrician) read the AAP's recommendation of breastfeeding for a minimum of one year as saying you must stop at one year.  I can't imagine the criticism they face for not giving the child solid food for that long.  
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    mysticl said:



    banana468 said:

    Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.


    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
    Again, I agree. But yes, I know several women who exclusively breast feed for that long.

    Are they in the United States? Asking because it is not uncommon for women to have difficulty finding support for breastfeeding after one year here.  Many people (including some Pediatrician) read the AAP's recommendation of breastfeeding for a minimum of one year as saying you must stop at one year.  I can't imagine the criticism they face for not giving the child solid food for that long.  
    Yes. And I agree with you. Some women view breast milk as the super food (which in the beginning it is), but some think it is the only way to feed their child even long after it's recommended.
  • Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.
    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
    Again, I agree. But yes, I know several women who exclusively breast feed for that long.
    Are they in the United States? Asking because it is not uncommon for women to have difficulty finding support for breastfeeding after one year here.  Many people (including some Pediatrician) read the AAP's recommendation of breastfeeding for a minimum of one year as saying you must stop at one year.  I can't imagine the criticism they face for not giving the child solid food for that long.  
    Yes. And I agree with you. Some women view breast milk as the super food (which in the beginning it is), but some think it is the only way to feed their child even long after it's recommended.
    Actually, I'm kind of impressed they exclusively breastfeed that long. I'm very pro breastfeeding but I couldn't do it. I seem to remember reading something that it used to be the recommendation to delay solids to one year but "they" have since decided that's not the best option.  
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    mysticl said:



    mysticl said:



    banana468 said:

    Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.


    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
    Again, I agree. But yes, I know several women who exclusively breast feed for that long.

    Are they in the United States? Asking because it is not uncommon for women to have difficulty finding support for breastfeeding after one year here.  Many people (including some Pediatrician) read the AAP's recommendation of breastfeeding for a minimum of one year as saying you must stop at one year.  I can't imagine the criticism they face for not giving the child solid food for that long.  
    Yes. And I agree with you. Some women view breast milk as the super food (which in the beginning it is), but some think it is the only way to feed their child even long after it's recommended.

    Actually, I'm kind of impressed they exclusively breastfeed that long. I'm very pro breastfeeding but I couldn't do it. I seem to remember reading something that it used to be the recommendation to delay solids to one year but "they" have since decided that's not the best option.  
    It surprises me too. I had to stop feeding at about 6 months because DD was in the hospital and I couldn't keep up the pumping (and I was eating like crap).
  • Right I agree with you @mysticl‌. But yes, some women choose to exclusively breast feed for much longer than one year, meaning that is the only nutrition they give their kids.
    Are you sure? That doesn't really work for the average person. And it's recommended to start solids at 6 mo.
    Again, I agree. But yes, I know several women who exclusively breast feed for that long.
    Are they in the United States? Asking because it is not uncommon for women to have difficulty finding support for breastfeeding after one year here.  Many people (including some Pediatrician) read the AAP's recommendation of breastfeeding for a minimum of one year as saying you must stop at one year.  I can't imagine the criticism they face for not giving the child solid food for that long.  
    Yes. And I agree with you. Some women view breast milk as the super food (which in the beginning it is), but some think it is the only way to feed their child even long after it's recommended.
    Actually, I'm kind of impressed they exclusively breastfeed that long. I'm very pro breastfeeding but I couldn't do it. I seem to remember reading something that it used to be the recommendation to delay solids to one year but "they" have since decided that's not the best option.  
    It surprises me too. I had to stop feeding at about 6 months because DD was in the hospital and I couldn't keep up the pumping (and I was eating like crap).
    Pumping sucks. If I wasn't a SAHM I doubt we would have made it 21 months. 
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    misshart00
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    Personally, I would always make exceptions for infants (under 1yo), whether they're nursing or not (none of my business how or where you feed your child). They won't eat the adult meal, won't run around, etc, and there have been precisely zero times when a baby fussing has ruined my whole day. But that's personal preference and you're not obligated.

    I just wanted to say that a one year old doesn't just sit quietly in his/her carrier. My 9 month old currently eats some adult foods (though at a wedding, she would just share with me) and I'm watching her crawl at an extremely fast pace (and will be walking soon, and running). I agree with you for the most part, but just because a baby is under one doesn't mean he or she will just sit quietly.

    Edit: but then this also makes me wonder, where's the cutoff? I understand that sometimes exclusively breast fed babies are the exception, but some moms exclusively breast feed until baby is 2 or older. Would they still be an exception even though they can run around, talk to people, yell, etc.? This is just me being curious. I don't really have strong feelings one way or the other.
    BF duration topic aside - yeah, I know most 9 month olds aren't very docile, but I would still make the exception. It can still be young enough to be uncomfortable leaving them with a sitter, too young to eat a full portion of food, etc. I trust parents not to let them crawl around under other people's tables or scream through dinner. It just would not be the end of the world to me to have an infant there, and I'd rather have them than a good friend stay home.

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    misshart00
  • One of my coworkers actually told me a good idea. She said at her niece's wedding that her niece hired a baby sitter to watch the kids and keep them entertained at the wedding. She said it worked out very well and the kids had a blast. She said during the reception while the parents were walking around and talking the baby sitter had the kids down in the field playing games and having fun with them. Just thought I would offer this advice to you as an option

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    One of my coworkers actually told me a good idea. She said at her niece's wedding that her niece hired a baby sitter to watch the kids and keep them entertained at the wedding. She said it worked out very well and the kids had a blast. She said during the reception while the parents were walking around and talking the baby sitter had the kids down in the field playing games and having fun with them. Just thought I would offer this advice to you as an option

    There are quite a few threads on this topic, and the overwhelming majority of the moms here would not be comfortable leaving their kids with a stranger.

    image
    image
  • One of my coworkers actually told me a good idea. She said at her niece's wedding that her niece hired a baby sitter to watch the kids and keep them entertained at the wedding. She said it worked out very well and the kids had a blast. She said during the reception while the parents were walking around and talking the baby sitter had the kids down in the field playing games and having fun with them. Just thought I would offer this advice to you as an option

    There are quite a few threads on this topic, and the overwhelming majority of the moms here would not be comfortable leaving their kids with a stranger.

    It was mostly a suggestion if she was wanting to have an adults only reception and te girl she hired was highly recommended and works as a kindergarden teacher during the school year. She told the parents about it on a seperate card when sending her invites and they also stayed in the same area as the wedding.
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