Wedding Party

8 days to go...THEN THIS...

cecrgm2014cecrgm2014 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
edited July 2014 in Wedding Party

Hello, This is my first time actually writing on the boards so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong place. However, I needed to let out my frustration somewhere and could use advice from people outside of the party.

My fiancé and I have been dating for about 6 1/2 year, been engaged for 1 1/2 and will be getting married next Friday. =)

We are so excited. We have been doing so well with the planning and it has been miraculously relatively stress free. We've hit MANY bumps but managed to shrug them off. (ex: 1. My MOH decided to go buy a ring with her bf of 3 months the day we told her we were engaged. Then she decided she was "too busy with her wedding" to be in ours...it was awesome... 2. My fiancé's siblings decided to get into a HUGE fight last week and refuse to be in the same room...which is convenient for us since they are both in the wedding party...joy...)

But the latest bit of news is really making me angry. I am not sure if its the nerves/stress of the big day getting so close that may be making me feel like it's a bigger deal than it is.

One of my best friends since middle school recently (2 months ago) started dating someone. Our rule from the beginning, was that dates were allowed to come if they had been together for 6 months or more. Apparently, after 2 months of dating my friend decided to get engaged as well. So, I decided to be nice and told her she can bring her now fiancé.

This friend sent me a text yesterday (10 days before the wedding) that read, "We are also getting married next Friday! =D." I was able to somehow keep my cool and said, "Does that mean you wont be able to make ours then?"

Turns out she is planning on getting married at the courthouse in the morning, and then coming to our wedding/reception following that.

For some reason, this is really bothersome to me, and I don't like it one bit. I have no idea what to do...since I can not tell her what I think she should do, but at the same time...how rude is that?!


Help?

Re: 8 days to go...THEN THIS...

  • I would probably also be bothered. Just try not to stress about it, and the day of you'll be too busy to care.
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    Anniversary
  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014

    Hello, This is my first time actually writing on the boards so I am sorry if I am posting in the wrong place. However, I needed to let out my frustration somewhere and could use advice from people outside of the party.

    My fiancé and I have been dating for about 6 1/2 year, been engaged for 1 1/2 and will be getting married next Friday. =)

    We are so excited. We have been doing so well with the planning and it has been miraculously relatively stress free. We've hit MANY bumps but managed to shrug them off. (ex: 1. My MOH decided to go buy a ring with her bf of 3 months the day we told her we were engaged. Okay? Congrats to her! The fact that it coincides with your engagement and the length of their relationship is completely irrelevant. Then she decided she was "too busy with her wedding" to be in ours...it was awesome... Yeah, well, sometimes life happens. Being asked to be MOH is not a summons. If she can't do it, she cant do it. 2. My fiancé's siblings decided to get into a HUGE fight last week and refuse to be in the same room...which is convenient for us since they are both in the wedding party...joy...)

    But the latest bit of news is really making me angry. I am not sure if its the nerves/stress of the big day getting so close that may be making me feel like it's a bigger deal than it is.

    One of my best friends since middle school recently (2 months ago) started dating someone. Our rule from the beginning, was that dates were allowed to come if they had been together for 6 months or more. What? No. You don't get to judge the seriousness of other people's relationships. If a couple considers themselves a couple, no matter the amount of time, they are a couple and must be invited together. Apparently, after 2 months of dating my friend decided to get engaged as well. Again, the length of their relationship is completely irrelevant. So, I decided to be nice and told her she can bring her now fiancé. This isn't "being nice", this is just proper etiquette.

    This friend sent me a text yesterday (10 days before the wedding) that read, "We are also getting married next Friday! =D." I was able to somehow keep my cool and said, "Does that mean you wont be able to make ours then?"

    Turns out she is planning on getting married at the courthouse in the morning, and then coming to our wedding/reception following that.

    For some reason, this is really bothersome to me, and I don't like it one bit. I have no idea what to do...since I can not tell her what I think she should do, but at the same time...how rude is that?! Um, not at all. Why does it matter to you if she gets married that day? It sounds like she is still attending your wedding, so what is the problem?


    Help?


  • It's all kind of weird, but it's probably nothing to waste any time stewing on.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • So many times on here you see girls complaining because someone they know chose their same month, or their sister decided to get married in the same year, or the FMIL decided to throw a different party that same weekend to take advantage of all the family being in town.  The response is ALWAYS "you get one day. Not a weekend, not a month, certainly not a year, just a day."

    That said... I sympathize with you that your friend, who could literally go to the courthouse on any day of the week, chose your wedding day to have hers as well.  The world won't stop revolving on your wedding day, sure... but I get that it could sting.

    But also, the joy of her wedding won't in any way detract from the joy of yours.  Weddings are a celebration of marriage after all, and surrounding yourself with a community of support. And now you have one more married couple in that community.  :)
  • Not gonna lie, that would bother me. The girls on here always say "you get one day". Well next Friday is Your Day! She could have picked any other day at all and it does seem like maybe she picked that day so she can use her reception as a party to celebrate her wedding as well. 

    Even though it would bother me, I wouldn't say anything. It's not worth ruining a friendship over. If I was at the wedding and a BM was telling people she got married that morning I would seriously side eye her and probably gossip about her later. 
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  • So many times on here you see girls complaining because someone they know chose their same month, or their sister decided to get married in the same year, or the FMIL decided to throw a different party that same weekend to take advantage of all the family being in town.  The response is ALWAYS "you get one day. Not a weekend, not a month, certainly not a year, just a day."

    That said... I sympathize with you that your friend, who could literally go to the courthouse on any day of the week, chose your wedding day to have hers as well.  The world won't stop revolving on your wedding day, sure... but I get that it could sting.

    But also, the joy of her wedding won't in any way detract from the joy of yours.  Weddings are a celebration of marriage after all, and surrounding yourself with a community of support. And now you have one more married couple in that community.  :)
    Just a thought. Could they have taken the day off of work to attend the wedding and figured they could take advantage of having the morning free to go and get married? It might be a decision made based solely on practicality. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • This would definitely bother me since she knew well in advance that YOU were getting married that day. I'm not a confrontational person so I wouldn't say anything to her but I know my mother would have a great time gossiping about it. In the end, its YOUR wedding day and YOUR reception. Enjoy it and ignore the situation.
  • It does seem strange that they are getting married the same exact day as you, but it could always be worse. I mean, you're still getting married that day lol.

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  • NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Yes, it would bother me too, but you can't do one thing about it.  I'm glad you've decided to focus on the two of you and just enjoy the day.
  • You're only inviting SOs if they've been together for 6 months or longer? Seriously? Why is 6 months the magic number? Why do you get to judge your guests' relationships? 

    My FI and I got engaged after 5 months. So, 3 months in, it was already pretty serious. And honestly, I would have been very upset if I was invited to a wedding without him. Not cool. 
  • MOH thing, yeah, it sucks she had to back out but like PPs said, life happens.

    I'm glad you acknowledge you were wrong about the 6 month rule.  I understand *why* you did it, but it's still improper etiquette.

    The best friend thing would probably annoy me, but I'd congratulate her and shrug it off.  Like PP said they might have decided to just go ahead and get married ASAP (why wait?) and they already had the day off for your wedding so it was a convenience factor.  As long as she doesn't try and "one up" you at your own wedding later that day I don't see the problem.  If she does, it will reflect poorly on her and not you so don't worry about it.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • I agree with PPs that there really isn't anything you can do at this point. I will say that last summer FI and I went to FBIL and FSIL's wedding and the best man decided to get married that morning. It was a last minute decision and he married a guest that had flown in two days prior (talk about being quick!!). Nobody but the wedding party knew and the focus was still completely on FBIL and FSIL.  

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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    Not gonna lie, that would bother me. The girls on here always say "you get one day". Well next Friday is Your Day! She could have picked any other day at all and it does seem like maybe she picked that day so she can use her reception as a party to celebrate her wedding as well. 

    Even though it would bother me, I wouldn't say anything. It's not worth ruining a friendship over. If I was at the wedding and a BM was telling people she got married that morning I would seriously side eye her and probably gossip about her later. 
    I agree with all of this, specifically the bolded. I mean there is nothing that you can do at this point, and just enjoy your own day, but I find this really rude.

    ETA: And no one else finds getting married after 2 1/2 months kind of fast? I mean it's not up to me to judge, and it affects my life in no way what so ever.... but as divorce rates continue to spike.... I have to wonder if it's couples like this. How can you make that kind of commitment, how well do you know them?
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    Anniversary
  • I find it odd that your MOH dropped out just because she was engaged.  I had a BM who got married 3 months before I did, so we were both planning our own weddings in tandem, and we managed to still be in each other's weddings. 

    I'm sure it's coincidence that the other friend is getting married the same day you are.  I'd be annoyed (and a bit puzzled), too.  But there is nothing you can do about it.

    I hope the last few days before your wedding are smooth and drama-free!
  • That would bother me too. I would want to celebrate her wedding, but separately from my own, and getting married on the same day isn't conducive to celebrating each independently. That being said, barring her wearing a wedding dress instead of BM attire, you're just going to have to let it go.
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  • WOW!!! 

    First off, thank you ALL for the comments. They really are helpful! =)

    I just wanted to clear the air on the S.O. (6 month requirement) situation, since that is what seems to be ticking people off the most. That was our original plan…and would probably have stayed that way…HOWEVER, our invite people forgot to put the number of seats requested on the invites (and we were smart enough to not look them over). So, basically people were at liberty to choose the number of people attending. (this was another bump we got through. LOL) Our planned guest list was 175. We received 248 RSVP for the wedding… Luckily, we are able to make it work…(thanks saving and parents…)
    So I guess that's half okay? (It's not, I know. It's what we get for being rude in the first place. LOL)

    Also, our invites were made before our friend met her now fiancé. She actually returned the RSVP without a plus one. It all just happened very fast for her. So I extended the invite to her fiancé. 

    I guess they (or he is?) are in a rush to get his US papers or something….

    Like I said, I'm over it. I just had a bit of a freakout moment when this happened. It was bound to happen eventually. =)

    I am SO excited. In a week I will get to marry the love of my life and that's the bottom line, no matter who else decides to get married…or whatever other crazy situation happens!! <3 

    Thanks again for the comments! =)
    Um, there is no need to put the number of seats available on the invite. You address the invite to the people it is intended for, they don't get to add extra people.  And when you address it you include the significant other of anyone else in the relationship.  

    When the invites were made doesn't matter.  When were they sent? If they were sent before she was dating this guy you do get a pass on not inviting him and if that was the case it was a nice gesture to extend the invitation to him.  

    I'm not touching the immigration issues.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I would be annoyed, but also wouldn't say anything. Seems like you have a good attitude about it all, though. Congrats, and hope next Friday is wonderful!
                                 Anniversary
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  • You have a great attitude about this. But I dunno, I just can't get over feeling like she's piggy backing off your wedding. I mean it seems to me she wants that "celebration/ party atmosphere" after her wedding......otherwise she would do hers any other freakin day. The fact that she chose THAT day makes me feel like her mind is "Hell yea, we can get married and go have free dinner and dj and party". Because if that's not her style and she's not a party type of person, she'd have hers on another day when they could do something more fitting for them (like a quiet, romantic dinner).

    I'm very curious next week if she posts any pictures of themselves at your wedding with the caption like "our wedding day!"

                                                                     

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  • WOW!!! 

    First off, thank you ALL for the comments. They really are helpful! =)

    I just wanted to clear the air on the S.O. (6 month requirement) situation, since that is what seems to be ticking people off the most. That was our original plan…and would probably have stayed that way…HOWEVER, our invite people forgot to put the number of seats requested on the invites (and we were smart enough to not look them over). So, basically people were at liberty to choose the number of people attending. (this was another bump we got through. LOL) Our planned guest list was 175. We received 248 RSVP for the wedding… Luckily, we are able to make it work…(thanks to our savings and a little help from our parents…)
    So I guess that's half okay? (It's not, I know. It's what we get for being rude in the first place. LOL)

    Also, our invites were made before our friend met her now fiancé. She actually returned the RSVP without a plus one. It all just happened very fast for her. So I extended the invite to her fiancé. 

    I guess they (or he is?) are in a rush to get his US papers or something….

    Like I said, I'm over it. I just had a bit of a freakout moment when this happened. It was bound to happen eventually. =)

    I am SO excited. In a week I will get to marry the love of my life and that's the bottom line, no matter who else decides to get married…or whatever other crazy situation happens!! <3 

    Thanks again for the comments! =)
    That's not the "invite person's" job.  If you want that on the response card, you needed to specify it.  We didn't.  Instead, we addressed the envelope to the people invited.  We had no issues.
  • She's getting married at the courthouse.

    You're having a ceremony and party.

    You win.

    Move on.

    :)  

    If you're having an open bar, they probably are mooching off you to celebrate.  But yes--move on.  You still win.

    Maybe you can go on a familymoon with them.  j/k
  • She's getting married at the courthouse.

    You're having a ceremony and party.

    You win.

    Move on.

    :)  

    If you're having an open bar, they probably are mooching off you to celebrate.  But yes--move on.  You still win.

    Maybe you can go on a familymoon with them.  j/k
    UM, What? The is no "winning" at weddings. 

    Also, getting married at a courthouse IS a ceremony and is every bit a wedding as a non-courthouse wedding.

    In the end, no couple is more married than the other.
  • The whole randomly getting married on the same day... It's weird, it just is. No matter how you try to make excuses it's just weird. Too me it's weird enough that it might not even happen. But it seems you are going to be ok. The stuff other people do shouldn't matter so much in the end. Even if she is running around telling people they just got married, and this is kind of like her reception too you probably won't even hear of it or think about her much that day. You will just be enjoying your wedding, and it all goes by so fast, and just sort of rushes at you.
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  • I personally think it sounds like you are handling this all very well - way to go!  The things you mentioned sound to me like annoyances, but as you said, nothing that you are truly upset or angry about, just wanting to get some frustration out (and since you can't complain to your friends who you are frustrated about, do it here...)

    The friend getting married on the same day, sounds very odd to me, and who knows why she decided to pick that day, but if she is still going to be there for yours, then I guess it is what it is, and you are going to have an amazing day!

    Life happens, and we can never truly know why people make the decisions they do, as everyone has things going on that we don't know about.  Sounds to me like you are being positive, and I am sure you will have an amazing wedding on Friday. CONGRATS and HAVE FUN!!!
  • The whole randomly getting married on the same day... It's weird, it just is. No matter how you try to make excuses it's just weird. Too me it's weird enough that it might not even happen. But it seems you are going to be ok. The stuff other people do shouldn't matter so much in the end. Even if she is running around telling people they just got married, and this is kind of like her reception too you probably won't even hear of it or think about her much that day. You will just be enjoying your wedding, and it all goes by so fast, and just sort of rushes at you.

    **SITB**
    I would side-eye that so much it would hurt. BUT that would reflect poorly on her not the OP!
  • danamwdanamw member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    I understand the OP's concerns. This former MOH has shown some odd behavior, and the OP is worried she will come to the wedding reception, and make a big announcement about her own wedding, and cause a big kerfluffle.

    But I think everyone she tells will consider it as strange as it is, and not be as happy and celebratory about it as the OP is worried about.

    It is OP's wedding and I would hope the focus will still be on her and her husband.


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