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mysticl · July 2014

PDKH said:

Mollyveeeee said:

I got a nasty note in my theknot inbox. I dont get emails because I just use the knot for ideas. It was someone who thinks I approached things the wrong way with my question, and I did, and thinks I need to rethink my "whole wedding and life"

1. Report that user to KnotPorscha then.

2. Let's talk about general vs. specific. People told you the etiquette rules for inviting SOs and made general comments about how people plan weddings. No one specifically said, "You'll have a terrible wedding and marriage! Rethink it now!" Everyone generally said planning what you want without regard to others' feelings is a crummy life attitude. Specific vs. general.

I think she's saying the person who sent her the private message told her to rethink things.

schellzinator · July 2014

I was never fond of when I was in my 20s and I was invited to weddings without a plus one because a) we hadn't been in a "serious" enough relationship or b) the bride/groom were trying to save money so they only offered "plus one" to engaged/living together/married people. As a result, we scaled down our own guest list to make sure EVERYONE could invite a plus one. I think it is only polite.

saacjw · July 2014

schellzinator said:

I was never fond of when I was in my 20s and I was invited to weddings without a plus one because a) we hadn't been in a "serious" enough relationship or b) the bride/groom were trying to save money so they only offered "plus one" to engaged/living together/married people. As a result, we scaled down our own guest list to make sure EVERYONE could invite a plus one. I think it is only polite.

Boxes!

We made sure everyone with a SO could bring one. I had a group of people from my department in college who I was very close with. Had I invited some of them, I would have had to invite others, plus all their significant others, which would have resulted in something like 60-70 extra people. I cut the people from my department that I invited to a very small group. We also built some buffer room into the list so that friend who were invited single, but who had new SOs or couldn't come unless someone came with them (because of travel stuff) could bring someone.

BMoreBride6 · July 2014

The "living together" rule is what really gets me every time. My DH and I dated for 8 years, and were engaged for another year before living together. We personally did not believe in living together before marriage, but somehow that made our relationship less than others.

lyndausvi · July 2014

BMoreBride6 said:

The "living together" rule is what really gets me every time. My DH and I dated for 8 years, and were engaged for another year before living together. We personally did not believe in living together before marriage, but somehow that made our relationship less than others.

That one always grinds my gears. And I'm someone who did live with someone.

KatieinBkln · July 2014

BMoreBride6 said:

The "living together" rule is what really gets me every time. My DH and I dated for 8 years, and were engaged for another year before living together. We personally did not believe in living together before marriage, but somehow that made our relationship less than others.

Yeah, this is so strange to me, given that most of the etiquette rules that I consider "out of date" (such as the "only living together/engaged couples" rule) typically tend to favor a more conservative mindset. Not so long ago "living in sin" (as I delightedly refer to my own living situation, so no offense intended!) was considered problematic at best. Now it is the way we build a guest list? Nah, I don't think so. The traditional/conservative route wasn't for me, but I see no reason to punish people who want to run their lives/relationships that way.

climbingsingle · July 2014

I don't understand the living together thing either. FI and I were engaged at 5 months. I still had my own apartment and had 6 more months left on my lease.

Couggal12 · July 2014

I just came here for the puppy gifs

http://www.thefrisky.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/16/cute-puppies13.gif

cosenti7 · July 2014

My own cousin didn't invite my FI to his wedding last summer. We had been together for 6 years at that point but were not living together or engaged at that time so he was excluded. Another cousin on the same side of the family was allowed to bring her BF of two years because she moved into his house. I did not feel bad at all declining the invite and instead I performed in a community musical. Huzzah! FI and I did attend the ceremony before the reception to support my cousin but still. I wasn't gonna sit there all night at a party without my partner of 6 years. We have 30 cousins on my mom's side but still. Ugh, I'll never forget that. Why was FI excluded but my other cousin's BF was not?! MAJOR SIDE EYE

FI and I attended a wedding a few weeks ago where a friend flew across country to attend the wedding and had been told by the bride to "come alone, we cannot accommodate your GF, sorry"

Now for our wedding, anyone dating someone is getting a plus one, regardless of when or how long they've been a couple. I can't give every single person a guest just because, but anyone who has a BF/GF will be welcome to bring them.

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