My mom is one of my best friends. She is the first person I go to about a lot of things and we talk everyday.
My fiance and I have been dating for a long time, so wedding talks have been pretty abundant between me and my mom, which has already led to some disagreements about what my wedding should be like. I would prefer a very very small wedding, while she pretty much has a dream wedding, down to the centerpieces and music, planned in her head.
For me, the wedding isn't important, rather than the act. My only requirement for my wedding is that it's non-religious, everyone has fun, and I enjoy the process of planning a wedding. However, after the many talks with my mother, I know it's important for her to have the whole, traditional, big wedding. So, I've decided to have her idea of a wedding instead, mainly because I know what a big deal it is for her (and my dad) and because they're offering to pay.
However, the momzilla in her is already beginning to emerge, despite me being as open and flexible about her ideas as possible. I realized that Ramadan is during the end of June/beginning of July next year (my fiance and his family are Muslim, so they would be fasting during this time) so I told my mom to think of dates, but it couldn't be during that time. Apparently, she had her heart set on a wedding at the end of June. And apparently, any other date in the summer just WON'T do for her.
I asked her not to be upset and that it's just a date - we're still having the exact same wedding, just at another time. And while she has said she'll get over it, and hasn't made an issue out of that, she has been making issues out of other arrangements she already agreed on because deep down, she's upset about the change of date.
I knew she was just upset and being irrational about it, and stopped answering her texts until she calmed down, but this is only the beginning. I feel I am being very open minded about the whole thing and letting her have way more control than the average mother would for a wedding, so she should be a bit more flexible about all her ideas - no one ever has everything exactly as they imagined for a wedding, it just doesn't work out that way. She keeps saying that it's "up to me what I want and she'll just pay" but I know that's not the case, especially from reading discussion boards on here.
I guess what I'm wondering is how to have a talk with her, without her taking it the wrong way. How can I nicely tell her that I want her involved 100% but I need her to be more compromising about things as issues arise, because they will, especially with our unique situation. I love my mother and do not mind having her vision of a wedding and really want her involved in the entire process, but she needs to be a little more understanding - it ultimately is mine and my fiance's day, so she should be able to compromise on things that we both need.