Family stress, ugghh

Re: Family stress, ugghh

• AprilH81 member

  

  July 2014

  He can stay home or suck it up...  Are you not good enough to "hang out" with?  Does he hate your family?

  
  

  It might be a bit awkward, but surely this isn't the first time he has been around your extended family.  And won't your dad/step dad be there?

  

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• kaos16 member

  

  July 2014

  My dad will be there.  They get along just fine.  My mom is a bit over the top. . . She wants everyone together having a great time at all times, which we all know is not humanly possible. 

  DH doesn't mind my family at all, but prefers them in small doses (as do I).  His fear is that my mom will suggest to the kids, 6yo and 8yo, to do this with DH, that with DH the whole time (which she likely will) and he is not a big kid fan.  I can helt to curtail that, but I just don't want everyone miserable for a week!

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• AprilH81 member

  

  July 2014

  kaos16 said:

  My dad will be there.  They get along just fine.  My mom is a bit over the top. . . She wants everyone together having a great time at all times, which we all know is not humanly possible. 

  DH doesn't mind my family at all, but prefers them in small doses (as do I).  His fear is that my mom will suggest to the kids, 6yo and 8yo, to do this with DH, that with DH the whole time (which she likely will) and he is not a big kid fan.  I can helt to curtail that, but I just don't want everyone miserable for a week!

  Then you need to put your food down with your mom.  "Mom, DH and I love our nieces and nephews, but we are not going to be responsible for them all week.  We would like to take them to the park/lunch/beach/whatever on Wednesday, but otherwise please do not ask us to be the primary caretakers."

  
  

  
  

  

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• kaos16 member

  

  July 2014

  AprilH81 said:

  kaos16 said:

  My dad will be there.  They get along just fine.  My mom is a bit over the top. . . She wants everyone together having a great time at all times, which we all know is not humanly possible. 

  DH doesn't mind my family at all, but prefers them in small doses (as do I).  His fear is that my mom will suggest to the kids, 6yo and 8yo, to do this with DH, that with DH the whole time (which she likely will) and he is not a big kid fan.  I can helt to curtail that, but I just don't want everyone miserable for a week!

  Then you need to put your food down with your mom.  "Mom, DH and I love our nieces and nephews, but we are not going to be responsible for them all week.  We would like to take them to the park/lunch/beach/whatever on Wednesday, but otherwise please do not ask us to be the primary caretakers."

  
  

  
  

  I certainly will, I do that all the time when we see them here too. . . . that just causes extra stress on me because then mom gets annoyed too, and I'm surrounded by less than happy people. . . . I guess I'm being selfish in looking for a way to resolve the situation, making everyone happy, which isn't really going to happen.
  

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• AprilH81 member

  

  July 2014

  So why does she try to "pawn" the kids off on you guys, especially if the parents are there?

  
  

  My sister has three kids (3 year old and 16 month old twins) so I completely understand that the parents need a break.   But they aren't YOUR kids and for your mom to hand them over to you guys is pretty crazy.  Your sister/BIL should be the one to ask "Hey, we would like to go out to dinner just the two of us, can you watch the kids while we're gone?"  Your mom needs to butt out.

  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2014

  Call your mom, now, to let her know that you and/or DH don't want to babysit during the family vacation. Tell her it's uncomfortable when she puts you or DH on spot in front of everyone. Next, make some plans for you and DH to go to do a few things on your own, don't give your mom info. She'll figure out that she can't depend on you to watch the kids. IF that doesn't fix things, decline her offer next year or get your own place.

                     

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  July 2014

  Ditto Marie, plan some side trips or a day out, just you and H. Where are you guys headed? Will you have your own car or bikes? Maybe if you can rent bikes, have a dedicated bike trek each day for an hour or so.

  

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• kaos16 member

  

  July 2014

  I've sat on it for a few hours now and talked to DH over lunch.  I think I have a plan.

  I will have a conversation with my mom long before we go about the kids. . . . and how they are my sister's responsibility, not mine.

  I am going to start researching some longer day trips that we can do, maybe hit up a golf course, he can play and I can ride along.

  DH asked me to look into staying on Disney property one night, just the two of us.  I'll carefully discuss that with my parents, as it may set them off.

  I'm actually quite impressed with DH's comments at lunch.  He understands that this is a once in a lifetime trip, and that it means a lot to my parents.  It's not an every year thing.  He knows how important it is that everyone be together.

  I think I am just more stressed because I know how my mom acts when confronted and I know how DH can be when he is stressed out.

  
  Thanks for listening!

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