Limited Seating for Family; Who gets Priority?

brandi902 · July 2014

We are getting married in an old house, that is now a wedding venue. The ceremony takes place downstairs, below a semi-circle balcony. There will only be 32 seats for immediate family (16 on each side), while the rest of the family members and friends will stand/sit on the balcony looking over. There's plenty of room for everyone upstairs and it's very easy to see. I'm having trouble picking who sits downstairs. I wanted to assign seats, in order to prevent families from skipping seats in order to sit together, possibly leaving empty seats during the ceremony that could be occupied.

If I do assign seats, I need advice on if I go through my mom's family first, then my dad's, until I get to 16?

Or should I not assign, and leave it up to the family to decide? I'm sure I can have our wedding planner keep an eye out so that if she does see empty seats before the ceremony starts, she can find family that would want to sit. The only issue I see here is if there's 1 random seat, because most people will be there with someone, so I don't want to separate anyone.

kmmssg · July 2014

You need to choose a venue where all of your guests will be seated. It is rude to make them stand.

manateehugger · July 2014

You've got bigger problems than assigning ceremony seats if you don't have a chair for every single guest that will attend. Your planner sucks if she hasn't told you that already.

brandi902 · July 2014

We are not changing the venue. We get married in 3 weeks.

I don't have a problem with people standing. I've been to a wedding at this venue before and it was not an issue. There will be chairs upstairs that people can sit it and still see over the balcony, but there will not be seats specifically set up for this reason upstairs. The ceremony will not be long, so as it may not be ideal, it is not something on my list of worries.

Also, I went to a wedding that had a seat for everyone and the officiant never said to sit down, so we stood the entire time, with a seat behind us. This, in my opinion was much worse than having seats for family only.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

You should find a way to get chairs for everyone so that they can see your ceremony without having to stand. Perhaps that means having the ceremony on the grounds versus in the house.

If you have seats for everyone and they can see from the seats using your current arrangement, great! As for picking the 16 who will sit up front, I would recommend you make sure your VIPs sit there (e.g. parents, grandparents, siblings/spouses, etc.). If you don't have enough VIPs to fill those 16 chairs, you can open it up to everyone else.

manateehugger · July 2014

That's wonderful YOU don't have a problem standing, but elderly guests, women in heels, pregnant women, people with children, people with back issues (not just the elderly) may very well have a problem.

Your ceremony may not be long, but people will stand a hell of a lot longer than 20 minutes or so it takes to get you married. They'll get there 15 minutes or so early, and then stand and wait for the recessional, then mosey out until they can desperately find a chair at cocktail hour (if you have any at all).

There is seriously no way to get chairs/seats in there for everyone? Or can you move the ceremony site? Do pretty pictures everywhere else. I think it's sad your guests' comfort isn't among your priority list, but oh well.

Anyway, I'd just find 16 relatives you want near you and give them those seats.

brandi902 · July 2014

Thank you @southernbelle0915!

I would love to have the ceremony outside, except that it's in August in South Louisiana, if the heat doesn't get everyone, the humidity will.

brandi902 · July 2014

@PDKH, my guests comfort is on my mind, but this is the venue that we wanted, so it came down to where we wanted to be married and/or if we wanted people to have a "perfect" view. There are more than enough chairs upstairs, because this is where cocktail hour will be, as well as where everyone will be eating, but it's not specifically set up for everyone to sit in a chair and look over the balcony.

I'll figure it out...getting advice that isn't surrounded by criticism on here is like trying to knock a tree down with a sneeze.

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

brandi902 said:
@PDKH, my guests comfort is on my mind, but this is the venue that we wanted, so it came down to where we wanted to be married and/or if we wanted people to have a "perfect" view. There are more than enough chairs upstairs, because this is where cocktail hour will be, as well as where everyone will be eating, but it's not specifically set up for everyone to sit in a chair and look over the balcony.

I'll figure it out...getting advice that isn't surrounded by criticism on here is like trying to knock a tree down with a sneeze.

The advice you are being given is to protect and help YOU from potentially offending your guests. Would you rather have people talk about you behind your back at your wedding or avoid the situation altogether by accepting the good advice given on here and trying to find a solution?

brandi902 · July 2014

The solutions given here cannot be done 3 weeks out, which is why I'm asking advice regarding which order to go in for the seats below.

Cannot be moved outside, 90+ degree heat in almost 100% humidity.

emmyg65 · July 2014

Make your guests arm wrestle!

JK. Call an event rental company, rent enough chairs for all your guests, and seat them on the balcony.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

If I showed up to a wedding where I had to stand, I'd leave immediately and take my gift with me.

CMGragain · July 2014

Why on earth did you wait until three weeks out to solve this problem? We cannot help you. Your plan is rude and people will be unhappy no matter what you do. You put your wedding vision before the comfort of your guests, and that is always wrong. I wish we could help, but you waited too long.

MobKaz · July 2014

brandi902 said:

We are getting married in an old house, that is now a wedding venue. The ceremony takes place downstairs, below a semi-circle balcony. There will only be 32 seats for immediate family (16 on each side), while the rest of the family members and friends will stand/sit on the balcony looking over. There's plenty of room for everyone upstairs and it's very easy to see. I'm having trouble picking who sits downstairs. I wanted to assign seats, in order to prevent families from skipping seats in order to sit together, possibly leaving empty seats during the ceremony that could be occupied.

If I do assign seats, I need advice on if I go through my mom's family first, then my dad's, until I get to 16?

Or should I not assign, and leave it up to the family to decide? I'm sure I can have our wedding planner keep an eye out so that if she does see empty seats before the ceremony starts, she can find family that would want to sit. The only issue I see here is if there's 1 random seat, because most people will be there with someone, so I don't want to separate anyone.

You have already inadvertently offended your guests by having a literally tiered wedding ceremony. You said there are actually chairs for all the guests. You need to find out from the venue staff how best to arrange those chairs so that every guest has a seat as well as a comfortable view of the ceremony.

zitiqueen · July 2014

Why don't you auction off the seats to the highest bidders before the ceremony starts and just pocket the cash? If you're going to be rude to your guests and not consider their comfort at all because it messes with your "vision," go big or go home.

zitiqueen · July 2014

brandi902 said:

@PDKH, my guests comfort is on my mind, but this is the venue that we wanted, so it came down to where we wanted to be married and/or if we wanted people to have a "perfect" view. There are more than enough chairs upstairs, because this is where cocktail hour will be, as well as where everyone will be eating, but it's not specifically set up for everyone to sit in a chair and look over the balcony.

I'll figure it out...getting advice that isn't surrounded by criticism on here is like trying to knock a tree down with a sneeze.

You asked for advice. You're getting advice. It's just not the advice you wanted to hear. What you really wanted was for us to pat you on the head and tell you that it's okay to be as rude as you want to your guests because IT'S YOUR DAY!

jnrsgirl · July 2014

You have put yourself into a shit situation. Firat you choose to have YOUR perfect venue without any regard for your guests needs. Then you expect us here to justify your petty rudeness? No...

You need to make sure that every butt has a seat. Not just 16 guests who are more valuable than the other get a seat and get to comfortably watch the ceremony, while the rest of the group get to either stand if they want to see you say I do.

mysticl · July 2014

brandi902 said:

We are not changing the venue. We get married in 3 weeks.

I don't have a problem with people standing. I've been to a wedding at this venue before and it was not an issue. There will be chairs upstairs that people can sit it and still see over the balcony, but there will not be seats specifically set up for this reason upstairs. The ceremony will not be long, so as it may not be ideal, it is not something on my list of worries.

Also, I went to a wedding that had a seat for everyone and the officiant never said to sit down, so we stood the entire time, with a seat behind us. This, in my opinion was much worse than having seats for family only.

I was at a wedding like that too. So you know what I did. I sat down. I couldn't stand anymore so I took advantage of that seat and sat down. At your wedding I apparently wouldn't have that option so your situation is actually worse.

kns1988 · July 2014

I look like a very healthy and fit 25-year-old, but I was hit by a truck 2 years ago (pedestrian accident) and I can't stand still in one place comfortably for more than 15 minutes. That's something a friend wouldn't know about me because the only person I talk to about it is my fiance. You never know who will need a seat. I'd be pacing around the balcony...

climbingsingle · July 2014

Wow. This is incredibly rude to your guests. You need to have a seat for every single person in attendance.

I also look like a very healthy 33 year old. However, I was born with bad hips and standing for a period of time can be very painful for me. Do not do this to your guests! Their comfort should take priority.

NYCMercedes · July 2014

There better be some excellent free flowing booze and plentiful delicious food to ameliorate my rage at having a seat where I can't see the ceremony. The only reason I'd stand is in a line for the bar.

Jen4948 · July 2014

Clearly the venue matters to you more than the comfort of your guests.

If I knew in advance that I wouldn't be able to sit down at the ceremony, I wouldn't accept the invitation.

Sorry, but if you're not going to change the venue to allow all your guests to be seated, I have no advice for you that you'll be willing to listen to. I don't think any of the rest of us here do either.

offensivekitten2 · July 2014

It's pretty shitty to ignore your guests' needs just for 'prettiness'.

MobKaz · July 2014

Now I see the pattern with your methods, @brandi902. You "credit" your BM's based on how much "input" (work) they have offered, and gift them accordingly. Now you want to "prioritize" your wedding guests. I think you should open the seats up to the highest bidder.

ETA....oops. @zitiqueen, I did not see you had already suggested an auctioneer. Good thing they are used to standing during their gig!

VulgarGirl · July 2014

I look like a healthy 28 year old. And I am. I can stand without having medical issues. Aside from the fact that I'll start getting fidgety but that's just me. However, I still want to sit down because I want to fucking sit down your wedding is not a standing room only show.

ashley8918 · July 2014

brandi902 said:
Also, I went to a wedding that had a seat for everyone and the officiant never said to sit down, so we stood the entire time, with a seat behind us. This, in my opinion was much worse than having seats for family only.

...Nobody knew that they were allowed to sit in the chairs directly behind their butts? This makes as much sense as saying that guests don't know that cash is a good gift unless you tell them (via a gross honeymoon registry, for example).

climbingsingle · July 2014

MobKaz said:

Now I see the pattern with your methods, @brandi902. You "credit" your BM's based on how much "input" (work) they have offered, and gift them accordingly. Now you want to "prioritize" your wedding guests. I think you should open the seats up to the highest bidder.

ETA....oops. @zitiqueen, I did not see you had already suggested an auctioneer. Good thing they are used to standing during their gig!

Yeah. What the fucking fuck?!

mrsmagicgeek · July 2014

This doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but here:

AddieCake · July 2014

I think it's silly of you to come here too late to solve this problem and get mad and insulting toward the posters here b/c they can't help you at this late stage.

mrs4everhart · July 2014

OP, I hope you're still around bc I have no snark, only advice.

For the sake of this discussion I'm going to assume you and your FI are paying bc delving in to wedding planning money politics is too much and the below advice may fall short.

I would start with immediate family. They're going to be front row regardless of age, etc.

Then the elderly. Anyone with known handicaps, injuries or physical limitations, etc. Preggos next.

After that I'd consider leaving things open seating - first come, first seated.

Regardless of whether some people find the lack of seating for all rude or not is irrelevant at this point - you're three weeks out and you made your choice and the venue won. And trust me, most able bodied people can stand for 15-20 minutes, it won't kill them. I've stood through several weddings, all outdoors, all with limited seating for the groups listed above and didn't give it much of a thought. Just make sure all of your guests can hear you.

mysticl · July 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

OP, I hope you're still around bc I have no snark, only advice. For the sake of this discussion I'm going to assume you and your FI are paying bc delving in to wedding planning money politics is too much and the below advice may fall short. I would start with immediate family. They're going to be front row regardless of age, etc. Then the elderly. Anyone with known handicaps, injuries or physical limitations, etc. Preggos next. After that I'd consider leaving things open seating - first come, first seated. Regardless of whether some people find the lack of seating for all rude or not is irrelevant at this point - you're three weeks out and you made your choice and the venue won. And trust me, most able bodied people can stand for 15-20 minutes, it won't kill them. I've stood through several weddings, all outdoors, all with limited seating for the groups listed above and didn't give it much of a thought. Just make sure all of your guests can hear you.

So to get a seat people need to divulge private medical information? With my first pregnancy I got horrible dizzy spells if I stood too long. This started happening long before I was showing or was ready to let people know.

Personally, I'd rather be able to sit than hear. And since most of her guests are going to relegated to a balcony I'm guessing they won't here or see much of anything anyhow.

Limited Seating for Family; Who gets Priority?

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