Wedding Gift Question

smileyface123 · July 2014

My husband and I did not have a registry for our wedding, as we didn't want to "ask" for anything (not to mention we were already living together in a small space). We did set up a Honeyfund for money that could go for a house in the future, but we labeled this as purely optional.

Most of our guests actually did end up giving us something in some way or another (Honeyfund or a random funny gift), but as we were writing out thank you cards, we were a bit surprised to find that my husband's family (we'd invited his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) did not give us a single thing, not even a card.

We did not expect to receive physical presents or money from anyone at all, but not even a card from the groom's family?? Is this weird?

manateehugger · July 2014

smileyface123 said:

My husband and I did not have a registry for our wedding, as we didn't want to "ask" for anything (not to mention we were already living together in a small space). We did set up a Honeyfund for money that could go for a house in the future, but we labeled this as purely optional.

Most of our guests actually did end up giving us something in some way or another (Honeyfund or a random funny gift), but as we were writing out thank you cards, we were a bit surprised to find that my husband's family (we'd invited his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) did not give us a single thing, not even a card.

We did not expect to receive physical presents or money from anyone at all, but not even a card from the groom's family?? Is this weird?

Well, first of all any gift is always purely optional, so it's odd you'd have to point that out to anyone.

Second, honeymoon registries are incredibly tacky as they ask for money and deceive your guests.

Third, yes it's slightly odd that no one gave you a gift or a card, but again, no gift is ever required. Perhaps they were turned off by the honeymoon registry?

Either way, you can't really do anything about it. So I'd try to just move on with your life and your new marriage. Go be a happy newlywed.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

smileyface123 said:

My husband and I did not have a registry for our wedding, as we didn't want to "ask" for anything (not to mention we were already living together in a small space). We did set up a Honeyfund for money that could go for a house in the future, but we labeled this as purely optional.

Most of our guests actually did end up giving us something in some way or another (Honeyfund or a random funny gift), but as we were writing out thank you cards, we were a bit surprised to find that my husband's family (we'd invited his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) did not give us a single thing, not even a card.

We did not expect to receive physical presents or money from anyone at all, but not even a card from the groom's family?? Is this weird?

Well, honeyfunds are seen are rude because it's asking for cash, they take a percentage and most people think they're buying you a massage or something but you actually get cash. Tacky.

I think it's odd to not even get a card, but it seems like maybe that is normal since none of them did anything. Do they do cards for birthdays and graduations?

climbingsingle · July 2014

Honeyfunds are incredibly tacky.

It is weird to not give a card? Sure. But no one is required to give you anything for your wedding.

smileyface123 · July 2014

We totally understand that gifts are optional - we only set up the Honeyfund because we wanted to try and deter people from showing up with random gifts like a blender on the day of the wedding (this was the advice we received from several of our married friends).

I should have added that we were not upset at all about not receiving anything (we had a wonderful time with everyone and wouldn't have changed a thing), but we were just surprised that his family didn't give us a card or something simple to say "congratulations" or the like.

manateehugger · July 2014

smileyface123 said:

We totally understand that gifts are optional - we only set up the Honeyfund because we wanted to try and deter people from showing up with random gifts like a blender on the day of the wedding (this was the advice we received from several of our married friends).

I should have added that we were not upset at all about not receiving anything (we had a wonderful time with everyone and wouldn't have changed a thing), but we were just surprised that his family didn't give us a card or something simple to say "congratulations" or the like.

You have tacky married friends then, sorry. If you wanted cash, you should have just not registered. And then if you got a blender, kindly thank the person who bothered to spend time and money on you and see if you can return or donate the blender. But what's done is done.

I agree that it seems odd, especially if it's not the norm in his family. But again, you can't do a whole lot about it except wonder. You can't exactly ask them why they didn't want to give you things.

mimivac · July 2014

It wouldn't bother me.Some people think that cards are a big waste and just go in the trash can (I love them myself, but can understand that viewpoint). Since you didn't register, his family probably thinks you are pretty well outfitted, household-wise, and they probably told you "congratulations" in person. Don't let it get to you too much.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

They were probably turned off by the Honeyfund. That's about as tacky as tacky gets.

misshart00 · July 2014

I'm guessing OP knows that you just get cash from the honeyfund since they're planning on using it for a house instead of a honeymoon

I agree with PP though. Kind of weird that they didn't give you cards but oh well.

photokitty · July 2014

I'm going to bet your husband's family is well mannered and opted not to give gifts when you rudely asked for cash. Good news is no gift is required and you save time on writing thank you notes.

MNVegas · July 2014

They were probably offended by your Honeyfund!

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Personally, even when I remember to buy and sign a card, I have a tendency to forget it in my purse and don't find it until the next day. Maybe you'll get congratulations cards in the mail, maybe you won't. But I wouldn't worry about it too much.

SewInLoveWithDMB · July 2014

I agree that a honeyfund is totally tacky. I would never set one up and I would never donate to one.

But, I think it is a bit far-fetched to think the mother of the groom wouldn't give a card to her own son for being offended by a honeyfund.

I would appreciate someone so much more if they said "Hey, what you did was tacky, you're offending guests" rather than not saying anything and not giving a gift. (Is that the definition of passive-aggressive? I'm not even sure. It's passive, or aggressive...or something!)

But, as some pointed out above, they might not be a card-giving type of family. The fact that no one on his side did it means that it's a shared belief/act and I wouldn't worry about it.

In the future, know that directly asking for cash gifts (through a honeyfund) is a rude act. What's done is done and move on.

chibiyui · July 2014

SewInLoveWithDMB said:
I agree that a honeyfund is totally tacky. I would never set one up and I would never donate to one.

But, I think it is a bit far-fetched to think the mother of the groom wouldn't give a card to her own son for being offended by a honeyfund.

I would appreciate someone so much more if they said "Hey, what you did was tacky, you're offending guests" rather than not saying anything and not giving a gift. (Is that the definition of passive-aggressive? I'm not even sure. It's passive, or aggressive...or something!)

But, as some pointed out above, they might not be a card-giving type of family. The fact that no one on his side did it means that it's a shared belief/act and I wouldn't worry about it.

In the future, know that directly asking for cash gifts (through a honeyfund) is a rude act. What's done is done and move on.

If his family normally does cards, they could have been turned off by the honeyfund, or may even not approve of the marriage. Only her H would know if cards are normal.

Even if that's the case though, op can't ask them, so moving on is the best bet.

RebeccaB88 · July 2014

If you had a Honeyfund and no other registry, I would give you anything but a Honeyfund gift or cash. If I gave you anything at all. Maybe even that horrible, awful blender you mentioned.

Yes, Honeyfunds are that tacky, that rude, and that deceptive to your guests. Especially since you're deceiving them by pretending to register for a honeymoon that you already know you're not going to take, and spend the money on a house instead. Buy your own house. I did.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

I'm guessing the lack of gifts is backlash in response to the rude cash registry.

If I were you, I'd be doing everything I could to make sure these people saw that this was a momentary lapse in judgment rather than typical rude behavior. Forgetting about the gifts seems like the logical first step toward that.

lyndausvi · July 2014

I'm always amazed at how much thought people put into gifts or lack there of

huskypuppy14 · July 2014

My husband's parents didn't give us a card for our wedding, nor did his mother give me a card for my shower. They did buy a gift off our registry, many months prior to the wedding, but it was never really presented to us because they were storing many of our gifts, so it just stayed at their house. They told us they bought it, and just added it to the presents from the shower. Then they just brought them over to our house, when they brought all the other gifts.

They did give us some money towards our wedding, and gave us a gift card for home depot when we moved into our house (1 week after the wedding). So they gave us generous presents, but didn't give us a card. I find it kind of weird, but i'm also a card person, and I keep all of the cards people give me. I have a box of birthday cards, thank you notes people have written me, shower cards, and now wedding cards.

Wegl13 · July 2014

I would think it was weird if my mom got me a card for the wedding. Actually I don't really give cards for weddings. Cards are like birthday things. Also fathers/mothers day, and valentines day. My vote is that his family doesn't really do cards for weddings. And I don't think I would get you a gift if you didn't have a registry either because I'd try to search you and when I didn't find your registry I'd just assume you didn't need or want anything. So you'd get a congratulations from me when I went to your wedding and that would be it. I also don't think I've ever given cash for a birthday or wedding or anything else. It just seems abnormal to me personally (I'm not saying cash is a bad thing, I'm just saying it's not a gift I enjoy giving). So maybe the family in question is like me.

Wedding Gift Question

Re: Wedding Gift Question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards