High chairs for kids

icecreamS04 · July 2014

So I just got a phone call by one of our guests asking whether I remembered that her precious little pumpkin (who is 1.5 years by the time of the wedding) definitely needs a high chair for dinner and that they are going to leave unless they find one at their table because they don't want to look after him all the time during dinner. Had to bite my tongue for a moment to avoid saying: 'That's a pity, we are going to miss you' as he sat on a normal chair when we went over for a barbecue in their garden this summer.

The hall, where we are going to hold our reception in, doesn't have high chairs. We don't have kids, so we don't have a highchair either (+ we have a lot of other babys that age whose parents would be a little irritated to find one high chair and not enough for everyone) and as far as I know you can't rent them. The plan was to get seat cushions for those kids (so they can sit a little higher).

What's your advice from an etiquette point of view?

afox007 · July 2014

FWIW her attitude makes me unwilling to accommodate her. While a 1.5 year old will need a lot of supervision in a regular chair, a booster seat or cushions should work. If you have kids younger than this you should look into renting high chairs. I'm sure there is somewhere you can rent the wooden resturaunt ones, but on my first searc I found this site that has at home high chairs https://babysaway.com/reservations/South-Bay-Silicon-Valley-Santa-Cruz

l9i · July 2014

Wow. I wouldn't bat an eye about not accommodating her. I asked our venue this because we have a few small kids and I was curious. They have a few booster seats in house we can use and if I need more I need to provide them. I've got two really little ones around 2 and then a few more around 4 and 5. My game plan is to provide the booster seats to the two smallest and figure the other older ones are probably OK.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

Do you have a friend that has something you can borrow?

I get making sure you child has what they need, but there's no need to be so bitchy about it. If it's one thing I'm learning in my early adult life, it's that I'll do anything for someone who asks nicely and appreciates. If not, don't expect anything from me.

Senecaf · July 2014

Um she is responsible for her own pumpkin. Tell her the venue has no high chairs. I suggest you find a portable booster seat lady. I'm sure you will use it in the future since you don't want to deal with you little one.

Boom! $15.99 princess:

http://m.target.com/p/fisher-price-table-time-turtle-booster/-/A-13269830
Leave it in your trunk.

And FWIW a booster/ high chair will do little to control a 1.5 year old that wants to move. If the child is buckled it will still thrash and be unruly if it wants.

OliveOilsMom · July 2014

icecreamS04 said:

So I just got a phone call by one of our guests asking whether I remembered that her precious little pumpkin (who is 1.5 years by the time of the wedding) definitely needs a high chair for dinner and that they are going to leave unless they find one at their table because they don't want to look after him all the time during dinner. Had to bite my tongue for a moment to avoid saying: 'That's a pity, we are going to miss you' as he sat on a normal chair when we went over for a barbecue in their garden this summer.
The hall, where we are going to hold our reception in, doesn't have high chairs. We don't have kids, so we don't have a highchair either (+ we have a lot of other babys that age whose parents would be a little irritated to find one high chair and not enough for everyone) and as far as I know you can't rent them. The plan was to get seat cushions for those kids (so they can sit a little higher).
What's your advice from an etiquette point of view?

Based on this lady's lack of charm, I would call her back and tell her sorry, the venue doesn't have high chairs and you have no way of providing one. Maybe she will tell you they won't be attending and then that's a few people to save from your head count.
ETA: Quote

theexactlee · July 2014

This is actually a really good point to bring up. I mean yes she was a total douche canoe for confronting you that way. But I never thought about this. My two kids were nightmares and while I would never have brought them to a wedding even if they WERE invited, I can see how parents would be concerned about such a thing.

I guess the recommended answer would be that unfortunately the venue does not have any high chairs and leave it at that. Hopefully that parent will bring a snap on high chair of their own. However if they are traveling by plane that will be almost impossible. You can't put a child of certain ages in booster seats, especially if they can't support their weight or they are too rowdy.

Wow, I just made your question even more confusing. Hopefully someone else will chime in with an actual "This is how we handled it" answer.

larrygaga · July 2014

GIve her the number of a babysitter and say I hope to see you there!!!

What a bitch

offensivekitten2 · July 2014

Why in god's name wouldn't SHE have a high chair? Does she feed her kid on the floor like a dog or something?

So confused...

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

Kill her with kindness...and say no.

"Just calling you back to let you know I tried my best to work with the venue on getting a high chair, but they don't have one. Obviously, we don't have one either. The venue did say that you could bring your own, however. Hope to see you there!" Click!

This woman sucks. From what she said to you, it kind of sounds like she wants to strap her 1.5 y/o into a high chair and then leave him at her table without supervision so she can go socialize and hit the dance floor. Just.... *shakes head*

misshart00 · July 2014

offensivekitten2 said:
Why in god's name wouldn't SHE have a high chair? Does she feed her kid on the floor like a dog or something?

So confused...

High chairs are not generally a portable item. There are traveling ones, but most of them you can't just throw in the car and take wherever.

offensivekitten2 · July 2014

misshart00 said:

Why in god's name wouldn't SHE have a high chair? Does she feed her kid on the floor like a dog or something?

So confused...
High chairs are not generally a portable item. There are traveling ones, but most of them you can't just throw in the car and take wherever.

I've been shopping around for high chairs (for obvious reasons), and a good majority of them have collapsible legs. I get that not all of them are portable, but the ones that are are a very decent price. I don't get the mindset of 'well it's someone else's problem'. No man, your kid, your problem.

ElcaB · July 2014

It is the job of the parent to worry about their child's seating. I understand calling you to inquire whether or not the venue provides high chairs, but it is rude to place the responsibility on you.

She needs to bring her own strap-on booster seat for her child. I'd say, "I checked with Venue and unfortunately, they do not provide high chairs. I hope you're able to work something out."

misshart00 · July 2014

ElcaB said:
It is the job of the parent to worry about their child's seating. I understand calling you to inquire whether or not the venue provides high chairs, but it is rude to place the responsibility on you.

She needs to bring her own strap-on booster seat for her child. I'd say, "I checked with Venue and unfortunately, they do not provide high chairs. I hope you're able to work something out."

This. I agree with all of this.

littlemushroom · July 2014

This is not meant to be snarky, I am truly curious...

Why does the rule of a seat for every butt not apply here? No 1.5 year old I know would be able to sit on a regular chair and eat.

Etiquette is all about ensuring the comfort of guests, and that 1.5 year old is just as much a guest as it's parents if children are invited. We don't tell vegetarians or people with legit food allergies that they have to bring their own food to weddings. We get them a special meal they can eat. So why is it ok to tell the parents that they have to provide their own seat for their kid instead of getting a special seat for the kid? Do kids under a certain age just not count when it comes to being the host's duty to ensure their comfort?

FWIW, she was horrible asking about it the way she did, and I wouldn't want to accommodate her at all after that. In fact, I would probably go out of my way to provide high chairs to everyone else who needed one except her.

icecreamS04 · July 2014

Thanks for the response.

@NikkiJay3333: When we went over to their house for a barbecue their child sat on a normal chair with a cushion under his butt.

So I guess at their events they consider him to be fit to sit like that. I'm going to call the little guy's grandparents, who live just a block away from the reception site to see whether they could borrow their son and daughter-in-law their high chair.

He's the youngest guest, but there are a few between the ages of almost (a few days off) 3 and 5... and the other guests with a two year old are not sure whether they are going to bring her yet. (she used a cushion and sat on a normal chair at the last wedding we were at, so they said it's fine that way, if she comes).

littlemushroom · July 2014

@icecreamS04 My response really wasn't directed at your specific situation, and my apologies if it came across that way. I agree that in your situation it doesn't sound like the kid needs a high chair, and no one would want to go out of their way to help the mom after she acted that way.

Pretty much everyone said it was the parent's job to provide a high chair if it was necessary. I am simply curious why that is ok given the other standard rules of etiquette that are discussed every day here.

chasseuse · July 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

Kill her with kindness...and say no.

"Just calling you back to let you know I tried my best to work with the venue on getting a high chair, but they don't have one. Obviously, we don't have one either. The venue did say that you could bring your own, however. Hope to see you there!" Click!

This woman sucks. From what she said to you, it kind of sounds like she wants to strap her 1.5 y/o into a high chair and then leave him at her table without supervision so she can go socialize and hit the dance floor. Just.... *shakes head*

The bolded sounds very likely and that is a terrifying prospect! High chairs are not sturdy enough to restrain a child like that.

KatieinBkln · July 2014

Who talks to people this way? Seriously? Ugh, she probably wonders why her life is so difficult and miserable.

I think PPs are correct on the way to respond to her. It sounds like your venue has some boosters/cushions so it's not like you aren't making an effort. Plus, if they really want him strapped away and don't want to actually parent their child, I have heard that strollers are a popular "nanny" in that case.

sarahufl · July 2014

NikkiJay3333 said:

@icecreamS04 My response really wasn't directed at your specific situation, and my apologies if it came across that way. I agree that in your situation it doesn't sound like the kid needs a high chair, and no one would want to go out of their way to help the mom after she acted that way.

Pretty much everyone said it was the parent's job to provide a high chair if it was necessary. I am simply curious why that is ok given the other standard rules of etiquette that are discussed every day here.

SITB.

With you on this one. While her request seems terribly worded and awfully snarky, I don't see high chairs as being an unreasonable request at all. I would be bothered if I found out at an event that it was BYO highchair.

sophhabobopha · July 2014

sarahufl said:

NikkiJay3333 said:

@icecreamS04 My response really wasn't directed at your specific situation, and my apologies if it came across that way. I agree that in your situation it doesn't sound like the kid needs a high chair, and no one would want to go out of their way to help the mom after she acted that way.

Pretty much everyone said it was the parent's job to provide a high chair if it was necessary. I am simply curious why that is ok given the other standard rules of etiquette that are discussed every day here.

SITB.

With you on this one. While her request seems terribly worded and awfully snarky, I don't see high chairs as being an unreasonable request at all. I would be bothered if I found out at an event that it was BYO highchair.

Yeah, I'm with you ladies here.

She does sound like a real piece of work though.

Jen4948 · July 2014

It sounds to me like the OP might have been willing to work to accommodate this mother had she expressed her request in a polite way, as in, "Can you tell me if the venue provides high chairs, so we can plan accordingly?" But the way she did express herself lost her my sympathy along with everyone else, especially because it doesn't sound like this kid needs a high chair although he will need supervision.

To answer @NikkiJay3333's question, we pretty much take the same position with all matters involving children: it's up to their parents or guardians (if they're accompanied by someone else) to provide the children with age-appropriate entertainment and anything else they might need, including supervision. This doesn't seem any different to me.

MobKaz · July 2014

NikkiJay3333 said:

This is not meant to be snarky, I am truly curious...

Why does the rule of a seat for every butt not apply here? No 1.5 year old I know would be able to sit on a regular chair and eat.

Etiquette is all about ensuring the comfort of guests, and that 1.5 year old is just as much a guest as it's parents if children are invited. We don't tell vegetarians or people with legit food allergies that they have to bring their own food to weddings. We get them a special meal they can eat. So why is it ok to tell the parents that they have to provide their own seat for their kid instead of getting a special seat for the kid? Do kids under a certain age just not count when it comes to being the host's duty to ensure their comfort?

FWIW, she was horrible asking about it the way she did, and I wouldn't want to accommodate her at all after that. In fact, I would probably go out of my way to provide high chairs to everyone else who needed one except her.

I agree. We knew there would be a few little ones who would be in need of special seating. We checked with our venue and luckily they were able to accommodate the situation. We also chose their table placement with thought. We made sure anyone with a small child had a table that backed to wall space or a corner, as those would have the most "wiggle" room for a child without disturbing guests at other tables. One family placed a blanket on the floor within the corner space and the little guy was able to stretch out and play contentedly.

If the venue does not have seating accommodations for young children, they may have ideas on how to make the best of it. The manner in which this guest made her request is beyond rude.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

NikkiJay3333 said:

This is not meant to be snarky, I am truly curious...

Why does the rule of a seat for every butt not apply here? No 1.5 year old I know would be able to sit on a regular chair and eat.

Etiquette is all about ensuring the comfort of guests, and that 1.5 year old is just as much a guest as it's parents if children are invited. We don't tell vegetarians or people with legit food allergies that they have to bring their own food to weddings. We get them a special meal they can eat. So why is it ok to tell the parents that they have to provide their own seat for their kid instead of getting a special seat for the kid? Do kids under a certain age just not count when it comes to being the host's duty to ensure their comfort?

FWIW, she was horrible asking about it the way she did, and I wouldn't want to accommodate her at all after that. In fact, I would probably go out of my way to provide high chairs to everyone else who needed one except her.

I agree with you 100%. Every guest should have a seat and age appropriate seating should be provided for every person invited.

What I was gathering in this situation was that they had appropriate seating for the kid, but the mom wanted a special kind of high chair where she could strap the kid in so she could be less attentive and supervisory. In my assessment, this was a special request outside standard etiquette - which was already being met. Like someone calling a B&G who are providing dinner (as they should at meal time) and saying they want a certain kind of dinner or they're not coming. Perhaps I am wrong, but that's what I got out of it and why I answered as I did.

Senecaf · July 2014

I guess I feel like while yes, it is important to accommodate all of your guests, some requests are not reasonable. This child will have a meal and chair but having a special chair is just not possible.

As a parent taking a child to an adult function, and child friendly or not that is what weddings are, you should be prepared to provide things like that for your child. It wouldn't expected to have baby food at a wedding. Nor should a high chair. If they are there great! If not have your own solution.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Contact your local rental company or see if your venue can recommend one. Baby stuff is something that rental companies due, especially if you are near tourist area. You aren't going to rent them for your guests that have such young kids when they RSVP you need to let them know that due to the cost of having to rent x number of high chairs to accomodate everyone, you are not able to accomdate that need and that they'll be missed if they aren't able to come.

banana468 · July 2014

I have to disagree that it's always up to the parent to provide the high chair. If I'm going to an establishment that serves food and DD is with us, I assume there are chairs appropriate for her as I assume there are for me. After all, she would be invited by name so of course i think the hosts intend to provide for her as they do for the adults.

That said, sometimes that means she sits on a lap and I may bring her food if I think she won't eat the meal.

I also think that the mom here worded things inappropriately bit I don't think it's out of line to expect the high chair. If I was told in advance that we needed to bring out own booster seat, that's just what we'd do. And I wouldn't pick a fight with the B&G or venue over it.

jnissa · July 2014

Yeah, I don't think asking if high chairs will be available is out of line. We actually checked with anybody who had a child under 24 months to see if they needed one. The appropriate thing for the mother to do is to nicely ask, and if the answer is no and no offer is made to get one then she can make her decision about what to do (bring her own or just not go) and decide for herself if that's worthy of an etiquette slam. Making it into an ultimatum about whether she comes to the wedding or not? That's just .... wow.

MNVegas · July 2014

I would just tell her you checked with your venue and unfortunately they do not provide high chairs. Maybe say that you can have a cushion available like the one you saw "pumpkin" sitting on at their house. Since you are providing a separate seat and you know that "pumpkin" can sit by himself on a cushion, then I don't think you should have to go out of your way to find a high chair just so this woman can strap her kid in so she can have fun.

ElcaB · July 2014

sarahufl said:

NikkiJay3333 said:

@icecreamS04 My response really wasn't directed at your specific situation, and my apologies if it came across that way. I agree that in your situation it doesn't sound like the kid needs a high chair, and no one would want to go out of their way to help the mom after she acted that way.

Pretty much everyone said it was the parent's job to provide a high chair if it was necessary. I am simply curious why that is ok given the other standard rules of etiquette that are discussed every day here.

SITB.

With you on this one. While her request seems terribly worded and awfully snarky, I don't see high chairs as being an unreasonable request at all. I would be bothered if I found out at an event that it was BYO highchair.

I think it's unreasonable because there will still be a seat for the kid --- the parent just needs to bring an accessory to make it appropriate for the toddler if she wants to have him/her buckled in.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

I agree that having seating appropriate for each invited guest isn't too much to ask. The fact that she demanded it rather than asking, though, is way out of line.

If you can't come up with a high chair from the venue and she won't put him in a regular chair, perhaps you could tell her that you'll make sure there's room for her to bring his stroller for him to sit in? She may actually prefer that in case he gets sleepy and konks out early. I'd just leave the choice up to her - "I'm sorry but there are no high chairs available at the venue. We can get a cushion for his chair, or you can bring a booster, or we'll clear the chair away and you can push his stroller up next to you."

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