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Friend's wedding called off.

JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat
So, Fi is very close to his cousin R.  They basically grew up like brother and sister.  We are BMs in each other's weddings-- she and her Fi E are getting married a couple months after us.  Or at least they were, because FMIL just texted Fi that E called off the engagement and wedding plans.

I always thought R could do better than E, but they have been together for like five years and I didn't think he was going anywhere.  Hell, he lives in her parents' house!  He had better run really fucking fast, because R's dad is a Sicilian butcher and he loves his daughters more than life itself.

I don't really know what to do.  R and I are not great friends, more like in each other's weddings for family reasons, but I love her as my own cousin.  She is an incredibly sweet girl and was so excited for her wedding.  Pinterest-crazy bride, the one who gave me the OTT BM proposal.  I feel terrible for her.  The worst part is I don't even have that much time to "just be there" for her, because the bar is the week after next and I really don't have time to go spend a whole day with her.  But I feel like as her family and a BM, I really should do something to help her out.

I don't even really want to call her right now because the last thing I'd want to do is explain or tell the story to even one more person.  Should I just text that I'm thinking about her?  Ask the other BMs if they want to take her out for a drink even though I really don't have the time?
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"I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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Re: Friend's wedding called off.

  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I think just a "Hey girl, hope you're doing alright. You are fabulous!!!!" message ought to cut it. If she wants to talk to you, she knows how to get in touch and I'm sure her immediate family has rallied around her for support.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Ugh what a shitty situation. Can you have wine delivered where she lives?? I would maybe just send her something with a note saying you're thinking of her.
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    A friend of mine ended a very serious relationship recently, and while I couldn't be there for her at the time, I wanted her to know I was thinking of her, so I sent her cookies with a note that just let her know I would want to get together as soon as I could. '

    Who knows, she might want some space from the whole thing, and that might, unfortunately mean space from you too. (I hope not, but it's possible.) 

    Just reach out to her and let her know you are thinking of her and want to get together as soon as time permits/she is ready to.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Maybe try to plan something for after the bar? But a simple "thinking of you" text should be okay now, given the her immediate family and in town friends are going to be there for her.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I agree with PPs. A simple text (or even better a card) should do the trick. I'm sure she doesn't want to explain it all over again like you said, so just being there for her will mean a lot.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Okay, thanks guys.  I think I needed some reassurance that I'm not a terrible person if I don't drop everything right now and run over there with cookies or something.

    I'll wait to get a little more info from the family on what happened (I still kind of want to believe it's a mistake and E's Facebook still says he's engaged) and then send her a text that I'm thinking of her.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Damn. That really sucks. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    A coworker's boyfriend ended their years long relationship a few weeks ago and she was really upset and barely able to work. A few of the girls and I put together a little gift bag with nail polish, chocolate, a good book, a gift card to Sephora, and a few other little girly things. She loved it.
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  • OnionBreathOnionBreath member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    That's really sad. I would reach out to her, it extends your desire to retain a relationship for her. I think explaining the bar situation is fine. Although, I imagine you'll need to eat at some point and itake a little break. Would you offer to meet her for dinner one night in between studying? When I'm pressed for time but still wanting to be supportive, I find an activity that has a fixed period of time. Lunch hour is a great one to me.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    OnionBreath said:
    That's really sad. I would reach out to her, it extends your desire to retain a relationship for her. I think explaining the bar situation is fine. Although, I imagine you'll need to eat at some point and itake a little break. Would you offer to meet her for dinner one night in between studying? When I'm pressed for time but still wanting to be supportive, I find an activity that has a fixed period of time. Lunch hour is a great one to me.
    Yes, at some point I need to eat (ha!) and doing lunch or coffee might work.  She lives about 45 minutes away though so I'd have to accept it would not be a quick trip.

    To clarify the relationship status, she is the cousin of my Fi.  So we will remain in each others' lives no matter what and she is definitely still my BM.  
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  • OnionBreathOnionBreath member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I misread, thinking she was the fiance of the cousin. So that's good. I'd offer to meet half way or close to you. It's ok for her to expend effort if she wants immediate physical support. Also, if she declined, at least you offered.
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  • LabLove86LabLove86 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I like the lunch/dinner idea - is there somewhere half way between you guys could meet so its not completely out of the way for either of you??

    Or even setting date for after the bar. When I ended my years-long relationship a few years back, it was at LEAST a month before I wanted to leave the house. And I was the one who ended it. So . . . she might not even be up for something until after the bar anyway. 


    That sucks that she's going through that - but I'm glad that she's got people who are there for her
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