So, an Invitation Came in the Mail Today

LDay2014 · July 2014

My daughters are in a wedding in August, they're just being used as props but I'm okay with that because it's a cultural wedding and I think it'll be a great experience for them. Anyway, we got the invitation in the mail today...and I don't even know where to start.

Envelope

Mr. and Mrs. FI's First Name (no last name)

Invitation

Mr. Grooms Family and Mrs Bride's Family

cordially request the pleasure of the company of

Mr. & Mrs./Miss FI's first name (no last name) and Family

on the occasion of the marriage of

Groom and Bride

Saturday August 30th 2014 between 11:40am and 1:40pm

at Location (address and phone number)

and thereafter join with us for lunch.

Cool

Afternoon wedding with lunch on a Saturday won't take up our whole day by having a gap

Not cool

Outer envelope addressed to Mr and Mrs FI's first name?
the 'Miss' is actually crossed out on the printed invite?
Invitation is addressed to FI and family...so can we bring aunts, uncles, cousins and the dog? He's family.
What time to we show up? It says between 11:40 and 1:40. Is it a two hour ceremony or do you show up at some point during that timeframe?
There's a spelling error in the address of the location
Oh, and there's no reply card? So do we just show up?

April192002 · July 2014

Wow! That sounds/looks like a mess. Sadly, it probably wasn't put together last minute. I've seen some issues come though work and sometimes I say something to the customer and other times I don't. If they're nice to me and aren't in a big rush, I'll mention spelling errors, things that sound confusing, or bring up (or just fix on my own) spacing/justification issues, but if the customer's rude, it goes out as it is and they'll pay for what they gave me (if it's done in store I at least give a proof so they can see it in print).

CMGragain · July 2014

The reply card is not required. Until the late 1960's, pre-printed reply cards were considered to be rude.

You are expected to hand write your reply on your personal writing paper:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe accept the kind invitation to attend the wedding of Bride's Full Name and Groom's full name on date at time.

misshart00 · July 2014

Yeah, it's weird, but I honestly think you're being kind of nit picky.

OnionBreath · July 2014

Yeah, I look at this and I think "Well, people don't get married every day and...most of them don't spend months on the etiquette board of the Knot making sure they got it perfect".

If I got that invitation, I would assume those in my household were invited (only).

I would show up before 11:40

I would send them an email advising who is attending.

mysticl · July 2014

When I see between 11:40 and 1:40 I assume that is the time span of the ceremony.

JellyBean52513 · July 2014

If this is a "cultural" wedding like you said, perhaps the hosts aren't accustomed to American conventions/grammar usage and did what they thought was acceptable on the invitations. Just because they cannot communicate according to our culture doesn't mean they won't be great hosts

biggrouch · July 2014

A "cultural" wedding? Is that like when people call non-white women "ethnic"? Because white women don't have an ethnicity, they're just women... And all the Knot-approved, American WASP-style rules for weddings are just RIGHT, not dependent on any one specific culture -- cash bars are wrong! It's science!!1 -- whereas weddings following other codes of behavior are "cultural"?

LDay2014 · July 2014

CMGragain said:
The reply card is not required. Until the late 1960's, pre-printed reply cards were considered to be rude.

You are expected to hand write your reply on your personal writing paper:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe accept the kind invitation to attend the wedding of Bride's Full Name and Groom's full name on date at time.

Problem with that...there's no return address. the only contact info given is for the venue. Not even a return address on the outer envelope.

And by cultural, it simply means a different culture than me. Relax...

Addressing someone by a proper name is not.a wedding issue, it's common sense.

OliveOilsMom · July 2014

Is this an Indian wedding? I think someone here recently said how the ceremony is long and sometimes guests come and go during it. Perhaps that's why there is a time frame.

saacjw · July 2014

Regarding the RSVP card- it doesn't look like they request an RSVP period. Frankly, I don't find that THAT weird. I've been to weddings overseas where invitations are handed out to everyone one, no RSVPs because the family throwing the wedding just assumes that everyone will come and has tons of food. It's also not impossible that they forgot/missed the RSVP card in your envelope. If you're really concerned, just call the bride/groom and say you'll be there.

Invitation is addressed to FI and family...so can we bring aunts, uncles, cousins and the dog? He's family

Honestly, this doesn't bother me. I know it's not totally proper etiquette, but in my circle, an invitation addressed as this would be assumed to be household or parents + any kids who had moved away. I even addressed invitations to friends as "The Jones Family" because it seems pretty clear that that means Mr + Mrs Jones + children.

What time to we show up? It says between 11:40 and 1:40. Is it a two hour ceremony or do you show up at some point during that timeframe?

Seems pretty clear that it's a two hour ceremony. It even looks like they gave you the option to come after, since they put the time that it ends there. Again, while not standard for weddings, I've seen a great many party invitations addressed as such.

Finally, I also have a problem with the term "cultural," like some of the PPs pointed out. Saying something is "cultural" is like every time someone decides they need to know what kind of "ethnicity" I am because I'm not "white enough." Your wedding is cultural, my wedding was a WASP wedding straight out of the dictionary and cultural, and saying "cultural" gives us no indication of anything.

offensivekitten2 · July 2014

I think it's not the most perfect invite I've ever seen, but nothing to climb a high horse over. 'X Family' means the people in your household. It's a pretty common invite, and you should be grateful they are being generous about your nearest and dearest attending with you. A good portion of brides these days bend over backwards to exclude a portion of the family.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

biggrouch said:

A "cultural" wedding? Is that like when people call non-white women "ethnic"? Because white women don't have an ethnicity, they're just women... And all the Knot-approved, American WASP-style rules for weddings are just RIGHT, not dependent on any one specific culture -- cash bars are wrong! It's science!!1 -- whereas weddings following other codes of behavior are "cultural"?

Not sure exactly where you're going with this (TK follows standard American etiquette, so if you want to follow some other set of rules, this is not your jam). But I agree I find the "cultural" wedding a little weird. Aren't all weddings cultural? What's different about this one?

Marzipan13 · July 2014

"Cultural" = "ethnic" = blech. "A longer wedding ceremony that is performed in other cultures" is more like it.

LDay2014 · July 2014

I find it funny that you are getting bent out of shape over the word 'cultural'. I am white, my kids are white, it's a Tamil wedding - which is cool. We live in a very predominantly white area and it's a great thing for them to be able to experience a different culture. 'Cultural' is not derogatory...

I hope they got the rest of the names right on the invitations because the post office has enough trouble to start with getting mail to people's houses without having to decipher who it is for.

The invitation is confusing and unclear. Guest should not have to decipher or infer from the information what is actually going on.

And yes, we have to go...my kids are in the wedding - we are not 'blessed' to have them included. We are going because they were asked to be in the wedding.

OnionBreath · July 2014

I don't see a problem with the use of the word cultural. I just read it assuming the event was going to have some different traditions to be included in the ceremony and possibly reception that she was interested in exposing her children to.

I do think you're prob making too big of a deal about this though. I'd hope you'd have their address or a way to communicate with them to RSVP if they are close enough friends to invite you to their wedding and include your children in it. Just send them an e-mail and be done with it.

manateehugger · July 2014

You realize the couples' parents are hosting and probably produced most of the invitations in Tamil? Meaning they may have gone out of their way to attempt to produce an English version for you.

And how much really is there to decipher? If you'd read the tiniest bit up on Tamil weddings, this would most likely make sense to you.

I don't like the word cultural as a replacement for a specific culture (because everyone has a culture - including plain old Americans). Why not just say from the beginning it was a Tamil wedding?

LDay2014 · July 2014

PDKH said:
You realize the couples' parents are hosting and probably produced most of the invitations in Tamil? Meaning they may have gone out of their way to attempt to produce an English version for you.

And how much really is there to decipher? If you'd read the tiniest bit up on Tamil weddings, this would most likely make sense to you.

I don't like the word cultural as a replacement for a specific culture (because everyone has a culture - including plain old Americans). Why not just say from the beginning it was a Tamil wedding?

I want to make sure I have this right. Addressing the invitation with completely wrong NAMES is because they are Tamil? The culture in and of itself is irrelevant. The invitation is unclear.

On the etiquette boards we always push for finding how people prefer to be addressed, how important it is to make it easy for your guests, and this invitation is resulting in a lot of assumptions and questions. So, if I understand right you're saying that etiquette is in fact culturally based? FYI, I do know the daughter is doing all the leg work here (she has indicated that to me) and that the parents are a figurehead for the celebration.

LDay2014 · July 2014

scribe95 said:
If you didn't want your kids to be in the wedding by all means decline. Jeez. What a terrible attitude.

Where did I say I didn't want them to be in the wedding? One of the PP said we were blessed that they wanted to include the whole family, not just the adults.

I'm looking forward to them having the experience as it's something very uncommon in our area.

LDay2014 · July 2014

scribe95 said:
And yes, we have to go...my kids are in the wedding - we are not 'blessed' to have them included. We are going because they were asked to be in the wedding

You said this.

Yes, we the adults are invited because the kids are in the wedding. Not the kids are invited because we are going. I'm sorry if my wording was misinterpreted

Butterflyz419 · July 2014

LDay2014 said:

I want to make sure I have this right. Addressing the invitation with completely wrong NAMES is because they are Tamil? The culture in and of itself is irrelevant. The invitation is unclear. On the etiquette boards we always push for finding how people prefer to be addressed, how important it is to make it easy for your guests, and this invitation is resulting in a lot of assumptions and questions. So, if I understand right you're saying that etiquette is in fact culturally based? FYI, I do know the daughter is doing all the leg work here (she has indicated that to me) and that the parents are a figurehead for the celebration.

To the bolded, this is exactly the problem around here. Etiquette calls upon the doer to act in a certain manner, it is not however a club for the recipient of the action to use against them in judgment as so many do. Maybe they should have found out how to properly address the envelopes, but they didn't. Etiquette calls upon you to act graciously and accept the honor that is the wedding invitation, and if you have any questions, ask someone involved with planning the wedding. Not that hard. Not a big deal.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Yes, but there is a proper way to address a wedding invitation and there is a proper way to address just any plain mail. And a last name is pretty standard for anything going through the post office.

misshart00 · July 2014

Is it possible that they come from a culture where surnames are listed first so whoever addressed the invitation thought fiancé's first name was the surname?

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Not if the guest list said, Sam Smith, Susie Smith, 123 Main St. It sure looks there as if the second name is the family name. Even if it looked like my spreadsheet saying Sam & Susie, (next box) Smith, (next box) 123 Main St., it still looks like Smith is the family name and Sam & Susie are the given names. And if I was having someone else address my invites, I'd make sure they knew how to do it appropriately for the US mail system so I didn't get all my invites returned and have to redo them all.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2014

I think you are posting to shame people for a very small 'transgression'. Which is petty and ugly.

Holy shit, if I found out that a guest I invited to my wedding was trying to publically pillar my invites over name order, I'd never speak to that person again.

Your sin of being petty as hell is much more of an etiquette fail than stupid word order.

pearlsofsteel · July 2014

I don't see the big fuss about and family. Like, girl, come on.

Take note, ladies! Please, address invitations to Susie, Sam, Mackenzie, Aiden, Daenerys, Liam, Chloe and Brooklyn Jones so the recipients know they can't bring their dog.

lovesclimbing · July 2014

Are there lots of errors? Yes. Should they have done better in avoiding them? Absolutely.

However, I don't get what is unclear? Between 11:40 and1:40 obviously (at least to me) means it starts at 11:40 and goes until 1:40.

No RSVP card means none is required. (I apologize @CMGRagain, but until joining the knot, I did not know it meant send your own, and I think this is what most would assume. My wedding did not have RSVP cards because none were required and it was a cake and punch reception.)

And family means you and your children. Do you honestly think it means you and rando relatives and the dog? Really?

CMGragain · July 2014

I am WASP (descended from Mayflower passengers and educated in a southern private school), and I do not have a problem with their invitation. Would I have worded it that way? No. Did they deliberately set out to offend you by inviting you to the family wedding? No. If you cannot summon up some feeling of being honored by their inviting you, then spare them your presence and don't attend.

There is no gap.
Both you and your S/O are invited, and possibly children Call to check.
No one is asking for money for a honeyfund or cash registry.

My WASP debutant daughter married a lovely man whose father is Chinese. We learned about red boxes and red envelopes. At the rehearsal dinner, fried chicken feet were served, among other delicacies. God bless America!

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