Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Limited Seating for Family; Who gets Priority?

We are getting married in an old house, that is now a wedding venue. The ceremony takes place downstairs, below a semi-circle balcony. There will only be 32 seats for immediate family (16 on each side), while the rest of the family members and friends will stand/sit on the balcony looking over. There's plenty of room for everyone upstairs and it's very easy to see. I'm having trouble picking who sits downstairs. I wanted to assign seats, in order to prevent families from skipping seats in order to sit together, possibly leaving empty seats during the ceremony that could be occupied.

If I do assign seats, I need advice on if I go through my mom's family first, then my dad's, until I get to 16?

Or should I not assign, and leave it up to the family to decide? I'm sure I can have our wedding planner keep an eye out so that if she does see empty seats before the ceremony starts, she can find family that would want to sit. The only issue I see here is if there's 1 random seat, because most people will be there with someone, so I don't want to separate anyone.
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Re: Limited Seating for Family; Who gets Priority?

  • You've got bigger problems than assigning ceremony seats if you don't have a chair for every single guest that will attend. Your planner sucks if she hasn't told you that already.
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  • We are not changing the venue. We get married in 3 weeks.

    I don't have a problem with people standing. I've been to a wedding at this venue before and it was not an issue. There will be chairs upstairs that people can sit it and still see over the balcony, but there will not be seats specifically set up for this reason upstairs. The ceremony will not be long, so as it may not be ideal, it is not something on my list of worries.

    Also, I went to a wedding that had a seat for everyone and the officiant never said to sit down, so we stood the entire time, with a seat behind us. This, in my opinion was much worse than having seats for family only.


  • You should find a way to get chairs for everyone so that they can see your ceremony without having to stand. Perhaps that means having the ceremony on the grounds versus in the house.

    If you have seats for everyone and they can see from the seats using your current arrangement, great! As for picking the 16 who will sit up front, I would recommend you make sure your VIPs sit there (e.g. parents, grandparents, siblings/spouses, etc.). If you don't have enough VIPs to fill those 16 chairs, you can open it up to everyone else.
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  • Thank you @southernbelle0915!

     I would love to have the ceremony outside, except that it's in August in South Louisiana, if the heat doesn't get everyone, the humidity will.
  • @PDKH, my guests comfort is on my mind, but this is the venue that we wanted, so it came down to where we wanted to be married and/or if we wanted people to have a "perfect" view. There are more than enough chairs upstairs, because this is where cocktail hour will be, as well as where everyone will be eating, but it's not specifically set up for everyone to sit in a chair and look over the balcony.

    I'll figure it out...getting advice that isn't surrounded by criticism on here is like trying to knock a tree down with a sneeze.
  • brandi902 said:

    @PDKH, my guests comfort is on my mind, but this is the venue that we wanted, so it came down to where we wanted to be married and/or if we wanted people to have a "perfect" view. There are more than enough chairs upstairs, because this is where cocktail hour will be, as well as where everyone will be eating, but it's not specifically set up for everyone to sit in a chair and look over the balcony.

    I'll figure it out...getting advice that isn't surrounded by criticism on here is like trying to knock a tree down with a sneeze.

    The advice you are being given is to protect and help YOU from potentially offending your guests. Would you rather have people talk about you behind your back at your wedding or avoid the situation altogether by accepting the good advice given on here and trying to find a solution?

     







  • The solutions given here cannot be done 3 weeks out, which is why I'm asking advice regarding which order to go in for the seats below.

    Cannot be moved outside, 90+ degree heat in almost 100% humidity.
  • Make your guests arm wrestle!

    JK. Call an event rental company, rent enough chairs for all your guests, and seat them on the balcony.
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    brandi902 said:
    We are getting married in an old house, that is now a wedding venue. The ceremony takes place downstairs, below a semi-circle balcony. There will only be 32 seats for immediate family (16 on each side), while the rest of the family members and friends will stand/sit on the balcony looking over. There's plenty of room for everyone upstairs and it's very easy to see. I'm having trouble picking who sits downstairs. I wanted to assign seats, in order to prevent families from skipping seats in order to sit together, possibly leaving empty seats during the ceremony that could be occupied.

    If I do assign seats, I need advice on if I go through my mom's family first, then my dad's, until I get to 16?

    Or should I not assign, and leave it up to the family to decide? I'm sure I can have our wedding planner keep an eye out so that if she does see empty seats before the ceremony starts, she can find family that would want to sit. The only issue I see here is if there's 1 random seat, because most people will be there with someone, so I don't want to separate anyone.
    You have already inadvertently offended your guests by having a literally tiered wedding ceremony. You said there are actually chairs for all the guests. You need to find out from the venue staff how best to arrange those chairs so that every guest has a seat as well as a comfortable view of the ceremony.
  • brandi902 said:
    @PDKH, my guests comfort is on my mind, but this is the venue that we wanted, so it came down to where we wanted to be married and/or if we wanted people to have a "perfect" view. There are more than enough chairs upstairs, because this is where cocktail hour will be, as well as where everyone will be eating, but it's not specifically set up for everyone to sit in a chair and look over the balcony.

    I'll figure it out...getting advice that isn't surrounded by criticism on here is like trying to knock a tree down with a sneeze.
    You asked for advice. You're getting advice. It's just not the advice you wanted to hear. What you really wanted was for us to pat you on the head and tell you that it's okay to be as rude as you want to your guests because IT'S YOUR DAY!
  • You have put yourself into a shit situation. Firat you choose to have YOUR perfect venue without any regard for your guests needs. Then you expect us here to justify your petty rudeness? No...

    You need to make sure that every butt has a seat. Not just 16 guests who are more valuable than the other get a seat and get to comfortably watch the ceremony, while the rest of the group get to either stand if they want to see you say I do.
  • brandi902 said:
    We are not changing the venue. We get married in 3 weeks.

    I don't have a problem with people standing. I've been to a wedding at this venue before and it was not an issue. There will be chairs upstairs that people can sit it and still see over the balcony, but there will not be seats specifically set up for this reason upstairs. The ceremony will not be long, so as it may not be ideal, it is not something on my list of worries.

    Also, I went to a wedding that had a seat for everyone and the officiant never said to sit down, so we stood the entire time, with a seat behind us. This, in my opinion was much worse than having seats for family only.


    I was at a wedding like that too. So you know what I did. I sat down. I couldn't stand anymore so I took advantage of that seat and sat down.  At your wedding I apparently wouldn't have that option so your situation is actually worse.  
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  • I look like a very healthy and fit 25-year-old, but I was hit by a truck 2 years ago (pedestrian accident) and I can't stand still in one place comfortably for more than 15 minutes. That's something a friend wouldn't know about me because the only person I talk to about it is my fiance. You never know who will need a seat. I'd be pacing around the balcony...
  • Wow. This is incredibly rude to your guests. You need to have a seat for every single person in attendance. 

    I also look like a very healthy 33 year old. However, I was born with bad hips and standing for a period of time can be very painful for me. Do not do this to your guests! Their comfort should take priority. 
  • Clearly the venue matters to you more than the comfort of your guests.

    If I knew in advance that I wouldn't be able to sit down at the ceremony, I wouldn't accept the invitation.

    Sorry, but if you're not going to change the venue to allow all your guests to be seated, I have no advice for you that you'll be willing to listen to.  I don't think any of the rest of us here do either.
  • It's pretty shitty to ignore your guests' needs just for 'prettiness'.



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  • MobKaz said:
    Now I see the pattern with your methods, @brandi902.  You "credit" your BM's based on how much "input" (work) they have offered, and gift them accordingly.  Now you want to "prioritize" your wedding guests.  I think you should open the seats up to the highest bidder.

    ETA....oops.  @zitiqueen, I did not see you had already suggested an auctioneer.  Good thing they are used to standing during their gig!
    Yeah. What the fucking fuck?! 
  • I think it's silly of you to come here too late to solve this problem and get mad and insulting toward the posters here b/c they can't help you at this late stage.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • OP, I hope you're still around bc I have no snark, only advice.

    For the sake of this discussion I'm going to assume you and your FI are paying bc delving in to wedding planning money politics is too much and the below advice may fall short.

    I would start with immediate family. They're going to be front row regardless of age, etc.

    Then the elderly. Anyone with known handicaps, injuries or physical limitations, etc. Preggos next.

    After that I'd consider leaving things open seating - first come, first seated.

    Regardless of whether some people find the lack of seating for all rude or not is irrelevant at this point - you're three weeks out and you made your choice and the venue won. And trust me, most able bodied people can stand for 15-20 minutes, it won't kill them. I've stood through several weddings, all outdoors, all with limited seating for the groups listed above and didn't give it much of a thought. Just make sure all of your guests can hear you.
  • OP, I hope you're still around bc I have no snark, only advice. For the sake of this discussion I'm going to assume you and your FI are paying bc delving in to wedding planning money politics is too much and the below advice may fall short. I would start with immediate family. They're going to be front row regardless of age, etc. Then the elderly. Anyone with known handicaps, injuries or physical limitations, etc. Preggos next. After that I'd consider leaving things open seating - first come, first seated. Regardless of whether some people find the lack of seating for all rude or not is irrelevant at this point - you're three weeks out and you made your choice and the venue won. And trust me, most able bodied people can stand for 15-20 minutes, it won't kill them. I've stood through several weddings, all outdoors, all with limited seating for the groups listed above and didn't give it much of a thought. Just make sure all of your guests can hear you.
    So to get a seat people need to divulge private medical information?  With my first pregnancy I got horrible dizzy spells if I stood too long.  This started happening long before I was showing or was ready to let people know.  

    Personally, I'd rather be able to sit than hear.  And since most of her guests are going to relegated to a balcony I'm guessing they won't here or see much of anything anyhow.  
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