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Programs

gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I should start off by saying that I know programs are not necessary. FI and I have put a bunch of effort into designing programs and the next step is printing them. I don't really want to scrap them or have to re-do them much. That being said:

Our programs have the BM and GM listed in the programs, along with parents. So if a BM or GM is no longer able to walk down the aisle should I remove their name or just leave it in the program?

Edited for clarity: One BM lost her dress and one GM might not be paying for the tux he agreed to months ago. With 30 days to go FI and I can not afford to pay for either persons attire. Not attire, no walking. I feel bad but there is nothing I can do, and it is not my job to pay for either. They are still invited to the wedding though. 
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Re: Programs

  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    gothic_fairy60 said:

    I should start off by saying that I know programs are not necessary. FI and I have put a bunch of effort into designing programs and tvhe next step is printing them. I don't really want to scrap them or have to re-do them much. That being said:


    Our programs have the BM and GM listed in the programs, along with parents. So if a BM or GM is no longer able to walk down the aisle should I remove their name or just leave it in the program?
    If they're still your BM or GM but just unable to walk down the aisle (injury?), I would. If they're not attending at all for some reason, it might be confusing to list them.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Leave it.  They're still your besties, right?  Just because they get caught in a hurricane and can't make it, doesn't make them less of a bridesmaid, it just makes it a bummer that they're stuck in an airport somewhere.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I would leave it, personally.  They are still your BM/GM in spirit.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    We had three groomsmen deployed or in training during the wedding and weren't able to make it. We left them in because they were still groomsmen, even if they couldn't be there. We still wanted to honor them.

    No one cared or asked where the missing guys were, but one of my BMs was the wife of a GM and got very emotional and thankful we left him in the program. 
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  • gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    southernbelle0915

    Thank you for responding. I did edit my post to clarify.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    In that case, if they're still attending but no longer your attendants, take them off.  But if the BM finds her dress or buys a new one, you'll have to put her back in.  If the GM ends up paying for the tux, you'll have to put him back in.

    Though at some point you have to actually print the damn programs.  If you take them off and they take too long to remedy the situation you can let them walk, they just won't be listed in the program.  Some people might be confused, but then you could just introduce them at the reception so everyone knows who they are.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh, in that case, I would not. It would seem passive-aggressive.
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  • gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think that normally I would try to be a little more accommodating but I can't emotionally handle this. Yesterday I found that there was a death in my family and a couple hours later I heard about the BM and GM. 

    I want to be the bride that says "We can figure something out". Emotionally and financially I can't though. I can't pay for them and right now I don't feel like I can deal with it. The wedding is 30 days away. I am the type that stresses about everything so the last few weeks I have been a slight wreck. Then my cousins death yesterday. I just can't put energy into adding anything to my plate right now.

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  • April192002April192002 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the wedding stress. I say leave them in the program and don't replace them (and it's okay to be down one person from each side or have uneven sides). I personally would still let them walk, stand up with everyone, be in pictures, etc. because I really don't care if everyone matches. They were asked to be in this role for a reason and life happened.

    I am curious to know how the dress got lost.

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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    How in earth does someone lose their bridesmaid dress?!? Please tell. LOL
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  • gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper

    Maybe lost is not the best word. She first told me she couldn't find it. Since she has told me that someone took it, and she says she knows who. When I asked if she was gonna be able to get it back from them or why they took it in the first place she says she doesn't know. I don't know what to think at this point.

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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Is she removing herself from the wedding on purpose? Is she using the "lost dress" as an excuse?
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm with you guys, in that I have no idea how you lose a bridesmaid's dress (aside from being lost in the mail or in a piece of luggage through the airline or something like that), or why anyone would WANT to steal a bridesmaid's dress.

    My gut feeling is that both BM and GM are trying to back out of the wedding party altogether, so I'd remove them from the program and let it go.
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    We had 2 original wedding party members be unable to attend our ceremony.

    One dropped out long before we printed the programs, due to health reasons.  We did not list her in the program.

    One had a last minute emergency and wasn't able to attend.  She was listed in the program.  I don't think anyone other than our family members noticed that she wasn't there.  Hardly anyone asked.  And if they did, we just explained she had a last minute emergency.

    Moral of the story: either way is fine.  Do what you think works best for your situation.
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