Wedding Etiquette Forum

How to address invites when the bride doesn't share her parents surname?

This is ridiculous for me to be thinking about this so early, but I am.

FI and I are having our wedding invitations with our parents on them. So like the normal;

"Mr & Mrs Surname
and
Mrs & Mrs. Surname

request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Me
to FI"

sort of thing (not our actual wording, but you get the picture). But the thing is, my mum remarried not all that long ago, so I've got her maiden name as my surname. My dads not in the picture at all, and Fi's dad died 19 years ago, so neither of them are going to be on it. Do I word it as

Mrs. Mum HerSurname
and
Mrs. Fi'sMum TheirSurname
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
MyName MyMiddleName MySurname
to FI'sName HisMiddleName

or do I leave my surname off? And do we have FIs surname on it, if mine is one it?

«1

Re: How to address invites when the bride doesn't share her parents surname?

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    You can have your surnames on there. However, if both your parents names and fiancé's parents names are at the top, you can't put "their daughter" because you're not fiancé's parents' daughter.
  • Yeah, yeah I know. We're not using that wording, I was just looked up a base one for both parents and copied it. And I mean it's going to be in German anyway, so it's not going to be the same.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Then yeah, I think it's fine to include all surnames on everyone's names.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You might use

    Mr. and Mrs. Stepdad Last
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of her daughter
    AmaCassidy Middle Last
    to
    FIFirst FIMiddle Last
    (son of
    FI's Mother
    RebeccaB88
  • @Jen4948‌ Thanks for the suggestion, buts its definitely not for us. My mums husband wasn't in my life at all until I was 24, by which time I lived hundreds of miles away from him and my mum, so I really wouldn't feel comfortable having him on my invitations. Also adding FMIL on at the end there seems a bit like an after thought.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well you can't have Mrs. Stevie Stepdad on there alone as she's part of a couple. I suggest the standard Together With Their Families.
    lc07ashleyep
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @Jen4948‌ Thanks for the suggestion, buts its definitely not for us. My mums husband wasn't in my life at all until I was 24, by which time I lived hundreds of miles away from him and my mum, so I really wouldn't feel comfortable having him on my invitations. Also adding FMIL on at the end there seems a bit like an after thought.
    You don't have to add your mother's husband's name at all, you could just use your mother's name with "her daughter."  And you're the one who put your FMIL at the beginning, but that's not where her name would go unless she's actually hosting.
  • Well my mums not hosting it either, and my stepfather definitely isn't. We're having them included because it is a tradition we like, and a way to hour our mums without going over the top.
  • Well you can't have Mrs. Stevie Stepdad on there alone as she's part of a couple. I suggest the standard Together With Their Families.

    I wasn't aware she became my stepdad when they got married? Her name is still Mrs. HerName TheirSurame. And together with their families looks awkward in German.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well my mums not hosting it either, and my stepfather definitely isn't. We're having them included because it is a tradition we like, and a way to hour our mums without going over the top.
    The only people "honored" by a wedding invitation are the guests-not the hosts, not the couple, not the couple's parents.

    If they are not hosting (and hosting does not equal paying), then their names do not belong on the invitation.  Use a program for that instead.
  • Regardless of who's hosting, its a tradition we like and we are doing it.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The hosts are the ones who issue the invitations. Therefore, if you and your FI are hosting, then the together with their families is most appropriate.

    Someone who is not hosting cannot invite people.  Only the hosts can.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Regardless of who's hosting, its a tradition we like and we are doing it.
    Then no one here can help you any further.
    NYCMercedes
  • AmaCassidyAmaCassidy member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    I never actually asked about wording on the whole, I asked specifically about whose surnames should or should not be included.

    And I have already said together with their families doesn't work in the language the invites will be written in.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    The hosts surnames are the ones included.

    Can you find someone who speaks German give you the best translation for together with their families? Or an equivalent?

    ETA:  Bride's full name
                and
              Groom's full name
         together with their parents
              BrideMom's full name
                    and
              GroomMom's full name
                     etc, etc

    @CMGRagain, where are you???
  • That would probably work if I could find a better translation of together with their families. Sorry, I've probably come across as a bit rude and bratty to everyone: I haven't used my English properly in years, its 1AM here and its been a long day.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I never actually asked about wording on the whole, I asked specifically about whose surnames should or should not be included. And I have already said together with their families doesn't work in the language the invites will be written in.
    Look, we gave you our best advice.  If it doesn't work for you, then fine, but we have nothing else to offer you.  It would be gracious of you to just accept that and move on. 

    But saying "I never actually asked...I asked specifically...I have already said" comes off like a pouting little kid. 
  • Do you want to have a traditional invitation?  Parents of the bride and groom are NOT traditionally listed on the invitation unless they are hosting.
    Regardless of who's hosting, its a tradition we like and we are doing it.
    I think you misunderrstand the purpose of the invitation.  The wedding invitation is a simple note from the hosts to the guests telling them the important information of who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  It is not an honor to be on the invitation. 

    WHO IS HOSTING YOUR WEDDING?  Without this information we cannot help you.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    doeydoOliveOilsMom
  • @RebeccaB88, I am currently undergoing treatment for my cancer, and will be spending time at the cancer center over the next two weeks.  I won't always be available.
    Here would be wording for OP's invitation if she insists on flouting tradition and "listing" parents:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Stepfather
    Mr. and Mrs. George Groomsparents
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue Name
    Address
    City, State (or country)

    This wording indicates that both sets of parents are hosting the wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    NYCMercedes
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    @CMGragain - I didn't know you were already there!  That's wonderful!  Kick that cancer's ass again!

    But the problem is that OP's are hosting themselves, their parents aren't hosting.
    CMGragain
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I suck at this stuff so I should probably not chime in. But here I am. I trust that @CMGragain will audit this post if it's total crap.

    Could you say something like 

    "OP, daughter of Mom and FI, son of Mr + Mrs FI request the pleasure of your company at their wedding..." blah blah blah
  • Nope.  The bride and Groom never directly invite guests to their own wedding.  OP still hasn't answered the basic question:  WHO IS HOSTING THE WEDDING?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited July 2014
    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    (etc.)

    This is the proper traditional wording if you are hosting your own wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • We did the following (my parents are divorced, his are not):

    Together with their parents,
    MOB, FOB, and M and FOG,
    Dramamonkey and (now DH)
    Invite you to....
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited July 2014
    @dramamonkey gave a good option

    You could add a "daughter of" and "son of" line if you like (though many here will argue it's not proper).

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    Daughter of Mrs. Your Mom
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Son of FMIL
    Anniversary
  • ashleyep said:
    @dramamonkey gave a good option

    You could add a "daughter of" and "son of" line if you like (though maybe here will argue it's not proper).

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    Daughter of Mrs. Your Mom
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Son of FMIL
    I think this is the best compromise shown. You insist on listing your parents by name, but it would be providing incorrect information to indicate they are hosting the wedding when they are not. This lists the parents by name and also implies that you are hosting the wedding yourselves. 
  • I've actually never seen the brides surname on the invites. I've always seen it as:

    Parents of Bride request the honour of your presence to the marriage of their daughter
     First Name middle name

    to

    Fiance First Name Middle Name Surname

     etc...
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited July 2014
    I've actually never seen the brides surname on the invites. I've always seen it as:

    Parents of Bride request the honour of your presence to the marriage of their daughter
     First Name middle name

    to

    Fiance First Name Middle Name Surname

     etc...
    Right because that assumes she has the same last name as one of the parents listed, the last name is implied.

    But she doesn't.
    Anniversary
  • ashleyep said:
    I've actually never seen the brides surname on the invites. I've always seen it as:

    Parents of Bride request the honour of your presence to the marriage of their daughter
     First Name middle name

    to

    Fiance First Name Middle Name Surname

     etc...
    Right because that assumes she has the same last name as one of the parents listed, the last name is implied.

    But she doesn't.
    As long as she's still their daughter, I don't think it's an issue... unless you think some people would be confused about, "I don't know a Jane Parentslastname?"

    In which case you could put all three names on there. Not too big a deal IMO.
    I mean, most guests would probably know who she is. But the last name is implied to be her parent's last name in that wording, which isn't entirely accurate.

    But you're right, not a big deal to just put your last name on there.
    Anniversary
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