NWR. I know I'm being irrational.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Guys, I'm having a mini freak out and I don't know how comfortable I am bringing this up IRL with anyone. It's really dumb, feel free to skip right by if you don't want to hear me have a pity party. I also fully acknowledge I am over sensitive because of the bar exam stress.

My parents just are not there for me. I've known this forever, so I don't know why every time there is a major event in my life, I expect things to somehow be different. It's the definition of insanity, right? They aren't terrible people and they love me, but they just don't pay much attention. I've been out of the house since age 17 and they pretty much just don't notice me.

My Facebook news feed is full of other bar students showing off care packages from their parents, or home-cooked meals. Or saying how they look forward to their international vacations after the bar (I'm just assuming some family support here, but I could be totally wrong).

I just got an unexpected package notification from our apartment office and I thought maybe my mom sent me a little something from MA. I was all excited, and then I looked up the tracking, and saw it was our cat food on auto delivery.

Neither of my parents has called me even one time in the last several weeks. My mom texted me once that she's "thinking about" me. Great, thanks Mom.

I've been engaged for over 1.5 years and my dad has never brought up the wedding, not even to say he wants to walk me down the aisle.

I know I just need to get over it but it still hurts my feelings at 26 years old.

chibiyui · July 2014

*hugs*

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

We all love you, though!

slothiegal · July 2014

I wish I had some magic words to say. Maybe @ohannabelle will come offer soothing noises?

Sending you some love, Miss Thang. (((hugs)))

smalfrie19 · July 2014

Is there anything from WA state I can ship to you?

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

I used to feel like this at camp. I got stuck in a cabin with kids whose parents sent them shit every day. Good shit too - like candy and toys. My mom sent me 2 letters the whole time.

I realized later though, that they were just letting me be independent. They loved me just as much as other parents - they were just different as people. Maybe that's the case with your parents, too.

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

Hugs and kitties and puppies. I'll share my mommy! She won't send care packages, but she'll call and check on you and chit chat every day to give you a study break, and she's super good at the encouragement stuff.

I'd offer to share my dad too, but he's only really good for when you want to be embarrassed around boys, so I don't know if you want that.

lyndausvi · July 2014

:: hugs::

simcal18 · July 2014

Positive thoughts coming your way! Bar exam stress SUCKS. I know--I've been there. I've often said that the 12 weeks studying for the bar exam were the worst of my life. My dad was living overseas and my mom had to have unexpected emergency surgery 5 days before the test, and my roommate and I were getting in HUGE fights (like I-don't-feel-safe-in-my-own-home level fights), so I felt really alone too, although for slightly different reasons. You will feel MUCH MUCH better after the exam is over, I promise. All I can tell you for now is that people express their emotions in different ways--my parent's aren't big telephone call/package people either, but I know they love me, and I try to remember that whenever I feel like I'm not getting enough attention. Your parents love you too, I'm sure, so try and keep that in mind as best you can. Also, keep in mind that people post a very cultivated version of their lives on Facebook. So you see the carepackages from parents but don't hear about the fight they had on the phone the week before. You see the posts about international trips but not the credit card bills that come later (often on top of student loan bills when it's a post-bar trip, no less!) There have actually been studies showing that lots of time on Facebook makes people depressed for precisely this reason. Just a few more days now, right? Best of luck! I'm sure you are going to ROCK the exam.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

bostonbride2015 said:

Positive thoughts coming your way! Bar exam stress SUCKS. I know--I've been there. I've often said that the 12 weeks studying for the bar exam were the worst of my life. My dad was living overseas and my mom had to have unexpected emergency surgery 5 days before the test, and my roommate and I were getting in HUGE fights (like I-don't-feel-safe-in-my-own-home level fights), so I felt really alone too, although for slightly different reasons. You will feel MUCH MUCH better after the exam is over, I promise. All I can tell you for now is that people express their emotions in different ways--my parent's aren't big telephone call/package people either, but I know they love me, and I try to remember that whenever I feel like I'm not getting enough attention. Your parents love you too, I'm sure, so try and keep that in mind as best you can. Also, keep in mind that people post a very cultivated version of their lives on Facebook. So you see the carepackages from parents but don't hear about the fight they had on the phone the week before. You see the posts about international trips but not the credit card bills that come later (often on top of student loan bills when it's a post-bar trip, no less!) There have actually been studies showing that lots of time on Facebook makes people depressed for precisely this reason. Just a few more days now, right? Best of luck! I'm sure you are going to ROCK the exam.

Thank you. Yes, I know all this stuff rationally!

One of my 1L acquaintances just posted from the ER that she accidentally stabbed herself in the hand with a knife while trying to pit an avocado and severed a nerve, just a few days before the exam. I guess it could be worse.

pinkcow13 · July 2014

I'm sorry, JC. Don't let it get you down. You know that your parents love you, they just express it differently. It sounds like they aren't the type to easily show emotion. I'm sure that they are very happy to hav eyou as a daughter and are extremely proud of your accomplishments.

I have a similar situation with my parents. In college, FI's mom used to mail him boxes of goodies. Pudding, capri suns, popcorn, and I forget what else. My school also had care packages that parents could order for their kids around midterms and finals. I never got anything. Same with the wedding, my parents barely talk about it. And as it is, they don't call much, although on that same token, I don't either.

Focus on nailing that bar exam, and don't let the stress get the best of you. Sending you lots of hugs!

pinkcow13 · July 2014

..

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

My mom is the same way. Doesn't even occur to her to ask about anyone else. But I care, Sister Sister! I'll send you stuff!

wandajune6 · July 2014

Hugs!

When I finished my MBA, lots of people I knew were taking international trips. Most of them just paid for it with signing bonuses and credit cards, assuming everything would come together once they started working. Not taking those trips is being responsible.

It sucks that they're not stepping up to be the involved, beaming parents that everyone wants but instead of taking it as a slight, take it as a compliment. I bet your parents would be much more involved if they worried about you. They probably know that you're a smart, responsible, amazing woman who is capable of taking care of herself without their help. If they thought any less, they'd probably be much more involved.

From a smartass perspective, think about this as a favor when you're doing more wedding planning- their lack of involvement now means that you don't need to involve them in decisions. Much less drama!

SBmini · July 2014

I totally know how you feel! It used to really depress me when I saw other kids having these awesome experiences with their parents, get care packages or letters at camp, while my parents were totally MIA. It stings, but as you said it- they aren't going to change, it's just the way it is. Try not to let it bother you!

simcal18 · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

bostonbride2015 said:

Positive thoughts coming your way! Bar exam stress SUCKS. I know--I've been there. I've often said that the 12 weeks studying for the bar exam were the worst of my life. My dad was living overseas and my mom had to have unexpected emergency surgery 5 days before the test, and my roommate and I were getting in HUGE fights (like I-don't-feel-safe-in-my-own-home level fights), so I felt really alone too, although for slightly different reasons. You will feel MUCH MUCH better after the exam is over, I promise. All I can tell you for now is that people express their emotions in different ways--my parent's aren't big telephone call/package people either, but I know they love me, and I try to remember that whenever I feel like I'm not getting enough attention. Your parents love you too, I'm sure, so try and keep that in mind as best you can. Also, keep in mind that people post a very cultivated version of their lives on Facebook. So you see the carepackages from parents but don't hear about the fight they had on the phone the week before. You see the posts about international trips but not the credit card bills that come later (often on top of student loan bills when it's a post-bar trip, no less!) There have actually been studies showing that lots of time on Facebook makes people depressed for precisely this reason. Just a few more days now, right? Best of luck! I'm sure you are going to ROCK the exam.

Thank you. Yes, I know all this stuff rationally!

One of my 1L acquaintances just posted from the ER that she accidentally stabbed herself in the hand with a knife while trying to pit an avocado and severed a nerve, just a few days before the exam. I guess it could be worse.

Ouch! Is she typing the exam or writing it? Not good either way--poor thing! Hopefully it's at least her non-dominant hand . . .

Bar stress does bizarre things to your brain. And the whole thing is really more of a hazing ritual than something actually designed to ensure that the people who are licensed to practice law are actually qualified to be lawyers. But the good news is that eventually, the exam is over and the stress passes. And so will you. :-)

jenajjthr · July 2014

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) I know. "Soothing mom sounds" Cuz now I'm a mom, and you need them.

Fellow butt hurt support here....I have step-siblings. I know my mom loves me, would die for me. But for some reason when it comes to disagreements in the family she always takes the step-siblings side. Maybe its because she knows I'm the bigger person and won't throw a temper tantrum like they will (seriously...they will take the grandkids and not talk or come over to the house for months on end to "punish" my mom and step-dad). Maybe its because she thinks my step-dad will leave her if she chooses me (or my sister when she was alive) over his kids. I don't know, either way it hurts knowing that my mom has never had my back in those situations.

My H actually thought I was paranoid about this until he witnessed it first hand. All I can say from experience, and you said in your post, "definition of insanity." But that doesn't mean you/me don't long for that magic moment of change.

So....more HUGS! And if you really want a care package and are willing to trust an internet stranger, I'll send you one. I know oh so well that let down feeling and desire of more from a parent. It's probably one reason, as a parent now, I try not to do those crappy things. I probably do different crappy things according to my kids. lol.

Also good luck on the bar exam. You can do this!

JasperandOpal · July 2014

I think its too late for me to send you a care package now, but I am mentally sending you one. Its got all your favorite stuff in it.

Seeing the care packages and post-bar trip plan posts is so obnoxious. I understand that they are excited and trying to distract themselves from the stress that is bar study, but it doesn't make it any less annoying. I have more than one friend who took really awesome looking trips post graduation and pre-bar. It drove me crazy while I sat here trying to learn corporations etc. But in a weeks time it will all be over, and though we both won't be jetting off on our luxury post-bar trips, we will be finally done with law school and bar studying (because we will both pass, obviously).

lyndausvi · July 2014

My parents are very nice and generous. However they are horrible at calling. Dad has an excuse working in China. Mom thinks it's our job. Mom says "since you are so busy and I doesn't want to call at a bad time". Okay mom. At this point calls from mom normally means there is something wrong. Rarely are they "just checking up on you".

They were never the parents who sent care packages or bought you something just because, either. It's just the way they are.

Depresses me sometimes. However after the rafting accident my dad called very few days from China. That was nice. So they do surprise me from time to time.

doeydo · July 2014

I'm sure that they love you tons. I wouldn't have even thought to give someone a "care package" when they are taking/preparing for the bar. As for your father not bringing up the wedding, it is still over another 10 months, and maybe he is just not a wedding person. As for not saying he wants to walk you down the aisle, maybe you should bring it up as perhaps he is waiting until you ask him to walk you. I wouldn't want to bring it up, if I were him, in case you didn't want me to walk you and then I might put you in an awkward situation.

morphemes · July 2014

I'm sorry!! I haven't been through bar exam stress yet (I still have another 1.5 years of regular law school stress!), but I have friends studying for the bar now, and I can see what they're going through.

I have very supportive parents, a fact of which I am grateful for on a daily basis. My mom is also a lawyer, and so can relate to the law school and bar exam stress. I don't know what I would do without their support (and BF's support). I'm sure the level of bar stress you're under is making other, every day stresses more difficult. You can always unload here--and obviously we like to hear about weddings!

I can send you some cheese curds from WI if you'd like (I can't imagine a situation in which cheese curds don't help--unless you're lactose intolerant)!

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I've never had cheese curds or poutine. *ducks*

bunnyprincess2014 · July 2014

I just wanted to wish you the best with your bar studies! It's about the two year anniversary of when I took the CA bar (eep!) and I will never forget the stress and anxiety during months leading up to it. I cannot even imagine adding an extra layer of wedding planning stress on top of that, especially if your parents are not giving you the support you deserve during this stressful time! Best of luck! You can get through this!

simcal18 · July 2014

morphemes said:

I'm sorry!! I haven't been through bar exam stress yet (I still have another 1.5 years of regular law school stress!), but I have friends studying for the bar now, and I can see what they're going through.

I have very supportive parents, a fact of which I am grateful for on a daily basis. My mom is also a lawyer, and so can relate to the law school and bar exam stress. I don't know what I would do without their support (and BF's support). I'm sure the level of bar stress you're under is making other, every day stresses more difficult. You can always unload here--and obviously we like to hear about weddings!

I can send you some cheese curds from WI if you'd like (I can't imagine a situation in which cheese curds don't help--unless you're lactose intolerant)!

Now I have an image in my head of some poor lactose intolerant exam taker FURIOUSLY working away at her bar exam while her stomach twists and turns and makes weird growling noises, disturbing the other exam takers, until she can't take it any more and has to run to the bathroom in agony . . . much like the story of the woman who went into labor during the bar exam a few years ago, I find this image both disturbing and hilarious.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I heard about the woman who went into labor, too. I think it was the NJ bar. They caught up with her later and she passed.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

I'm sorry! I'm sending you a virtual care package, too.

jdluvr06 · July 2014

I'm sorry. (((Hugs))))

cupcait927 · July 2014

Sending so many hugs your way!

morphemes · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

I've never had cheese curds or poutine. *ducks*

YOU HAVEN'T LIVED!!!!

Ok, sorry, that was dramatic. But seriously, cheese curds make everything better (especially when served with beer)!

NYCMercedes · July 2014

Everyon's entitled to a pity party now and then.

KatieinBkln · July 2014

Aw, I'm sorry. It always sucks when people don't give you what you need. @bostonbride2015 is wise, especially about how people curate their social media. Here's a hug:

NWR. I know I'm being irrational.

Re: NWR. I know I'm being irrational.

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