Pre-wedding Parties

Would I be wrong?

Hi ladies,

So I wanted to see how most ladies feel about this as I feel im being "unreasonable" and should just let things be.

My MOH and two bridesmaids are planning my bachlorette party, which I am very appreciative and grateful for.. Even way before the wedding planning began, I've said I am not the type to go "clubbing" or do anything too extravagant. My MOH is still a bit young and into the party scene, which is not a problem at all, but I've been way passed that. I have expressed that I would like to do something simple, like a wine-tasting tour or a get together with friends at someone's house but I was told that was boring. MOH tells me to relax and let her plan, but I feel she should also consider what I like and don't like!

My MOH tells me she plans on getting a room in AC (Jersey) and go to a couple of clubs. I can't help but feel a bit annoyed as she even said it herself and knows that I don't like clubs. They ask me what I would like to do, and when I tell them, they reject my ideas! So I am really at the point where I want to tell them they don't have to worry about planning anything and we can do a simple dinner. Would that be "bitchy" of me? I don't want to come across as ungrateful, but I also don't want to do anything I don't care to do.

Re: Would I be wrong?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MsNise812 said:

    Hi ladies,

    So I wanted to see how most ladies feel about this as I feel im being "unreasonable" and should just let things be.

    My MOH and two bridesmaids are planning my bachlorette party, which I am very appreciative and grateful for.. Even way before the wedding planning began, I've said I am not the type to go "clubbing" or do anything too extravagant. My MOH is still a bit young and into the party scene, which is not a problem at all, but I've been way passed that. I have expressed that I would like to do something simple, like a wine-tasting tour or a get together with friends at someone's house but I was told that was boring. MOH tells me to relax and let her plan, but I feel she should also consider what I like and don't like!

    My MOH tells me she plans on getting a room in AC (Jersey) and go to a couple of clubs. I can't help but feel a bit annoyed as she even said it herself and knows that I don't like clubs. They ask me what I would like to do, and when I tell them, they reject my ideas! So I am really at the point where I want to tell them they don't have to worry about planning anything and we can do a simple dinner. Would that be "bitchy" of me? I don't want to come across as ungrateful, but I also don't want to do anything I don't care to do.

    Whilst it is insensitive of them to plan something you won't enjoy, you cannot dictate what type of party they throw you. You have to decline the bachelorette outright, which sounds like the best option. Just say "I really appreciate the effort you have gone to for my bachelorette, however, you know I am very uncomfortable in clubs. Maybe it would be best for you guys to go and just skip the whole bachelorette thing.".

    However, you also cannot throw a party in your own honour. You could have your BP out for dinner (with you hosting/paying) as long as it was a "I love you guys and want to have you to dinner" party and not a "celebrate me and my wedding" party.
    Blue_Bird
  • @LondonLisa, thank you for your input! If we were to just do a dinner, I would def not attach "bachlorette party" to it and host it. One of my bridesmaids is flying up for my shower so it would be nice to have a dinner with her, another bridesmaid and my MOH. You may be right in just scraping the whole party all together. I just don't want to come across as unappreciative.  

    LondonLisaBlue_Bird
  • I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like she's more excited to plan "a" bachelorette than "MsNise's" bachelorette. *eyeroll*

    Since you can't be that involved in planning and they're not taking your requests into consideration (and actually doing exactly what you DON'T want to do), I would decline the party all together. You can be nice about it.. "MOH - thank you for putting the effort into planning my bachelorette. I know we've already talked about this, but the club is just not my scene. I've tried to throw out some suggestions and I know people think my ideas are 'boring', but I'm simply not comfortable with what's being planned. At this point, I'm thinking about just declining the bachelorette all together. It's nothing personal with you - you've done a great job of rallying the troups, it's just that the venue you've picked isn't me at all and I'm uncomfortable with it."
    *********************************************************************************

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    MsNise812
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I was just in AC for a bachelorette party.  We completely avoided the clubs and went to Trump's beach bar.  It was a really fun time!  There are a few different beach bars and they have live music, but its a band - so not sure if you feel that is different than a club (I do!).  Perhaps you could ask them to do that instead of a club.  If they still won't go for that, then decline the party.

    Also, we stayed at the Tropicana.  They have lots of fun bars that aren't "clubby".  The Irish bar (can't recall the name) was really cool and it would be a great place for a night out too.

    MsNise812bucksgirl414
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If you don't want to go to clubs and she is insisting on it, I would decline the party.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Thanks for your replies, ladies. I may just have to end up doing that. 
  • I was just in AC for a bachelorette party.  We completely avoided the clubs and went to Trump's beach bar.  It was a really fun time!  There are a few different beach bars and they have live music, but its a band - so not sure if you feel that is different than a club (I do!).  Perhaps you could ask them to do that instead of a club.  If they still won't go for that, then decline the party.

    Also, we stayed at the Tropicana.  They have lots of fun bars that aren't "clubby".  The Irish bar (can't recall the name) was really cool and it would be a great place for a night out too.

    Ri ra!
  • Sorry your going through this. Fortanetley, my sister is my MOH and knows I'm not much of a clubber/bar hopper type person. She has set up a wine tour in Long Island. She got a limo to parade us around in too!

     

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