Catholic and Jewish interfaith ceremony ideas

artbyallie · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said: artbyallie said: Jen4948 said: bananasplit472001 said: PDKH said: You have no intentions of continuing to practice either faith it sounds like; why do you want the traditions based in these faiths as part of your ceremony?
Stop trying to please grandma and have a ceremony that honors YOUR beliefs - which it sounds like is non-religious, but spiritual (total guess). Why not just include prayers and/or hymns that reflects both of your beliefs instead of trying to cherry pick between the two faiths?
I'm neither Catholic nor Jewish, but I find the idea of throwing in random traditions without wanting to include the faith or canon law behind them nonsensical and potentially offensive. What are strong religious and faith-driven traditions then become props for your ceremony. Not exactly. We will be continuing the traditions in the form of holidays and observances because that's all we can do in the eyes of the church. We cannot follow law as it would be offensive to each of us. We are not randomly throwing traditions into it. Neither of us has gotten married before or been to a religious wedding and all we are doing is looking for some insight into Inter-faith wedding ceremonies. Nothing will become props for our ceremony. We feel deeply about our religions separately and have chosen to respect each other religions by agreeing to leave them after our wedding. Which is why we are not trying to have our marriage recognized in the catholic church or the jewish faith. But we do want to respect our religions in our ceremony as we will continue to celebrate them in our own home by the way of holidays and observances (ie: fasting, lent). Those acts have specific religious connotations, and you are in fact not respecting your respective religions by performing them if you are not a believer. I agree with this. None of what you're doing shows any respect for religion. What would be respectful if neither of you hold those beliefs any longer would be to have an entirely secular ceremony. We do hold those beliefs which is why we want an inter-faith ceremony We cans till have the beliefs even if we are married to each other. What you are saying makes no sense. Just because our religions do not recognize our marriage doesn't mean we still can't recognize our religions that we were born into I'd like to get back to my original question and not get side-tracked by how anyone thinks i'm respecting religion.

ETF for broken boxes

Okay, so you do believe in the Catholic teachings. But you're going to stop attending Mass and skip the sacrament of marriage and disqualify yourself from having communion and not raise your children Catholic? I am failing to understand how you can believe in a faith and not intend to hold to the tenets of that faith. And this is not just a case of being a Catholic who is pro-choice or pro-gay rights, but leaving everything important to the Church out of your life. I'm just baffled by your logic.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

Yyyyyyeahhhhhhhh, who's got two thumbs, is a devout Catholic, and doesn't find that any of this sits well with her?

This girl right here.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

artbyallie said:

bananasplit472001 said:

artbyallie said:

Jen4948 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

PDKH said:

You have no intentions of continuing to practice either faith it sounds like; why do you want the traditions based in these faiths as part of your ceremony?

Stop trying to please grandma and have a ceremony that honors YOUR beliefs - which it sounds like is non-religious, but spiritual (total guess). Why not just include prayers and/or hymns that reflects both of your beliefs instead of trying to cherry pick between the two faiths?

I'm neither Catholic nor Jewish, but I find the idea of throwing in random traditions without wanting to include the faith or canon law behind them nonsensical and potentially offensive. What are strong religious and faith-driven traditions then become props for your ceremony.

Not exactly. We will be continuing the traditions in the form of holidays and observances because that's all we can do in the eyes of the church. We cannot follow law as it would be offensive to each of us. We are not randomly throwing traditions into it. Neither of us has gotten married before or been to a religious wedding and all we are doing is looking for some insight into Inter-faith wedding ceremonies. Nothing will become props for our ceremony. We feel deeply about our religions separately and have chosen to respect each other religions by agreeing to leave them after our wedding. Which is why we are not trying to have our marriage recognized in the catholic church or the jewish faith. But we do want to respect our religions in our ceremony as we will continue to celebrate them in our own home by the way of holidays and observances (ie: fasting, lent).

Those acts have specific religious connotations, and you are in fact not respecting your respective religions by performing them if you are not a believer.

I agree with this. None of what you're doing shows any respect for religion. What would be respectful if neither of you hold those beliefs any longer would be to have an entirely secular ceremony.

We do hold those beliefs which is why we want an inter-faith ceremony We cans till have the beliefs even if we are married to each other. What you are saying makes no sense. Just because our religions do not recognize our marriage doesn't mean we still can't recognize our religions that we were born into I'd like to get back to my original question and not get side-tracked by how anyone thinks i'm respecting religion.

ETF for broken boxes

Okay, so you do believe in the Catholic teachings. But you're going to stop attending Mass and skip the sacrament of marriage and disqualify yourself from having communion and not raise your children Catholic? I am failing to understand how you can believe in a faith and not intend to hold to the tenets of that faith. And this is not just a case of being a Catholic who is pro-choice or pro-gay rights, but leaving everything important to the Church out of your life. I'm just baffled by your logic. What part about having an inter-faith marriage are you baffled by? By definition entering into an inter-faith marriage means that you continue to hold the beliefs of your individual religion and teach them to the next generation. Plain and simple. We can have an inter-faith ceremony and still respect our religions. These types of ceremonies are extremely common today. I like the ideas that other poster's have about lighting unity candles and the sign of peace. Both of those things we can absolutely have in our ceremony without "insulting" my faith. It is incredibly close-minded of you to not understand that someone can hold the beliefs of the catholic faith but can't get married in a catholic church because I am marrying someone non-catholic. I can certainly hold any beliefs I Choose and I will in fact be passing it onto my children as they will learn about the faith. There is nothing stopping me from attending church. Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

Jen4948 · July 2014

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

flantastic said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

You keeps saying that you believe these things and that your beliefs are important to you. However, you plan of action does not support the idea that these beliefs are actually important to you. That's all Sarah was saying.

Jen makes good points which bear this out.

My "plan of action" is the way it is because I am marrying a non-catholic. It cannot be any other way because he will not convert and neither will I. Plain and simple. So you are saying that I need to marry a catholic in order for my beliefs to be justified?

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Here's an article so you are less confused about this mystery of an inter-faith marriage and ceremony : http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2011/10/goy-meets-girl

Marzipan13 · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Here's an article so you are less confused about this mystery of an inter-faith marriage and ceremony : http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2011/10/goy-meets-girl

I'm not confused about the interfaith ceremony - I work for a Catholic church. I'm confused about where you stand on your beliefs and practices and how you're going to raise your kids according to those beliefs and practices. Not trying to be an asshole, I'm just confused how you're going to go about passing the faiths along.

manateehugger · July 2014

Again, I'm going to ask - is there a reason you two haven't just sat down to talk about your favorite prayers (or even write one together - that could be cool), songs/hymns, Biblical passages and how you'd like to incorporate them into your ceremony?

I just feel like that's a much better way to express your beliefs without misusing tradition or canon.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

flantastic said:

bananasplit472001 said:

flantastic said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

You keeps saying that you believe these things and that your beliefs are important to you. However, you plan of action does not support the idea that these beliefs are actually important to you. That's all Sarah was saying.

Jen makes good points which bear this out.

My "plan of action" is the way it is because I am marrying a non-catholic. It cannot be any other way because he will not convert and neither will I. Plain and simple. So you are saying that I need to marry a catholic in order for my beliefs to be justified?

No. I'm saying your current plan of action for your interfaith practice is not your only option. Your FI does not have to convert and neither do you and you still have better options, which you'd be investigating if the beliefs were important to you.

We are not investigating any other options because he does not want to get married in a catholic church or practice the catholic faith and I do not want to practice the jewish faith. I am seriously unaware of any other option that would still make our marriage legal in the eyes of both religions while still being able to practice our religion separately.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

PDKH said:

Again, I'm going to ask - is there a reason you two haven't just sat down to talk about your favorite prayers (or even write one together - that could be cool), songs/hymns, Biblical passages and how you'd like to incorporate them into your ceremony?

I just feel like that's a much better way to express your beliefs without misusing tradition or canon.

We will do that but we wanted to incorporate some traditions outside of just prayers.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Here's an article so you are less confused about this mystery of an inter-faith marriage and ceremony : http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2011/10/goy-meets-girl

I'm not confused about the interfaith ceremony - I work for a Catholic church. I'm confused about where you stand on your beliefs and practices and how you're going to raise your kids according to those beliefs and practices. Not trying to be an asshole, I'm just confused how you're going to go about passing the faiths along.

I can see how working for a catholic church would hinder your ability to understand my practices. I once did not understand either. We are raising our children with no specific religion. Their father will explain jewish religion, customs, traditions and holidays to them and I will explain the catholic side. That's as far as it's going to go.

Jen4948 · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Here's an article so you are less confused about this mystery of an inter-faith marriage and ceremony : http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2011/10/goy-meets-girl

I'm not confused about the interfaith ceremony - I work for a Catholic church. I'm confused about where you stand on your beliefs and practices and how you're going to raise your kids according to those beliefs and practices. Not trying to be an asshole, I'm just confused how you're going to go about passing the faiths along.

I can see how working for a catholic church would hinder your ability to understand my practices. I once did not understand either. We are raising our children with no specific religion. Their father will explain jewish religion, customs, traditions and holidays to them and I will explain the catholic side. That's as far as it's going to go.

With kids, explanations and nothing more don't work with religious traditions, customs, and practices. I know plenty of kids for whom that was the case. It would not surprise me if your kids grew up non-religious because they never have the chance to see religion practiced in their home. I have several cousins who married/had children with partners of other faiths and didn't bother to practice, and those kids ended up with no religion at all because all they got was "explanations." Your own explanations of what you plan to do just don't make any sense. Sorry.

daria24 · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

With kids, explanations and nothing more don't work with religious traditions, customs, and practices. I know plenty of kids for whom that was the case. It would not surprise me if your kids grew up non-religious because they never have the chance to see religion practiced in their home. I have several cousins who married/had children with partners of other faiths and didn't bother to practice, and those kids ended up with no religion at all because all they got was "explanations." Your own explanations of what you plan to do just don't make any sense. Sorry.

SITB

But maybe OP doesn't have a problem with her kids being nonreligious. FWIW, I grew up strict Catholic. So did my husband. We both went to church every Sunday, every Holy Day of Obligation. We went to Catholic schools. Guess what-we're both full blown atheists. Growing up with as much exposure to those traditions as humanly possible didn't make us religious anyway. About half of my generation of family members no longer practice their Catholic faith.

OP, just incorporate things that are actually meaningful to you, not just to get a Catholic of Jewish flavor. Some of my non-practicing family have had strictly secular ceremonies. Others included some prayers/Bible readings that had meaning to them. One including the Sign of Peace.

Jen4948 · July 2014

daria24 said:

Jen4948 said:

With kids, explanations and nothing more don't work with religious traditions, customs, and practices. I know plenty of kids for whom that was the case. It would not surprise me if your kids grew up non-religious because they never have the chance to see religion practiced in their home. I have several cousins who married/had children with partners of other faiths and didn't bother to practice, and those kids ended up with no religion at all because all they got was "explanations." Your own explanations of what you plan to do just don't make any sense. Sorry.

SITB

But maybe OP doesn't have a problem with her kids being nonreligious. FWIW, I grew up strict Catholic. So did my husband. We both went to church every Sunday, every Holy Day of Obligation. We went to Catholic schools. Guess what-we're both full blown atheists. Growing up with as much exposure to those traditions as humanly possible didn't make us religious anyway. About half of my generation of family members no longer practice their Catholic faith.

OP, just incorporate things that are actually meaningful to you, not just to get a Catholic of Jewish flavor. Some of my non-practicing family have had strictly secular ceremonies. Others included some prayers/Bible readings that had meaning to them. One including the Sign of Peace.
Stuck in box
That's the whole point-based on what the OP wrote, none of this has meaning to her or her FI because neither of them practice. So incorporating it would have the effect of "having flavor" but actually being meaningless-which is insulting to both faiths involved here.
Neither the Jewish or the Catholic religions are "honored" by nonbelievers incorporating aspects of those faiths into their wedding ceremonies to "give them Jewish/Catholic flavor." It's really pretty insulting to both to try to cherry-pick religious traditions to incorporate if you don't practice the underlying religion.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

OliveOilsMom · July 2014

OP - I'm not quoting as the boxes are crazy big. But you said that your FI refuses to be married in a Catholic Church or convert. Have you spoken to a priest about getting a dispensation to have a ceremony outside of a Church. A dispensation could be granted to have the marriage ceremony outside of a Catholic Church, if it would make one party very uncomfortable. You could then marry at an indoor venue of your choice. It could be co-officiated by a priest and rabbi.

The only thing that may be a problem with that is the whole promising to raise your kids Catholic and your FI promising to not interfere. Afterwards, you could both continue to practice your religions as you see fit.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Here's an article so you are less confused about this mystery of an inter-faith marriage and ceremony : http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2011/10/goy-meets-girl

I'm not confused about the interfaith ceremony - I work for a Catholic church. I'm confused about where you stand on your beliefs and practices and how you're going to raise your kids according to those beliefs and practices. Not trying to be an asshole, I'm just confused how you're going to go about passing the faiths along.

I can see how working for a catholic church would hinder your ability to understand my practices. I once did not understand either. We are raising our children with no specific religion. Their father will explain jewish religion, customs, traditions and holidays to them and I will explain the catholic side. That's as far as it's going to go.

With kids, explanations and nothing more don't work with religious traditions, customs, and practices. I know plenty of kids for whom that was the case. It would not surprise me if your kids grew up non-religious because they never have the chance to see religion practiced in their home. I have several cousins who married/had children with partners of other faiths and didn't bother to practice, and those kids ended up with no religion at all because all they got was "explanations." Your own explanations of what you plan to do just don't make any sense. Sorry.

It's ok if they grow up non-religious.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

My religion HAS MEANING TO ME. I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't. If it did not have meaning to me why would I insist on an inter-faith ceremony. We are having an inter-faith ceremony as to respect each others religions and pay tribute to them. it would be wrong to force each other's belief on each other so we have agreed to keep our beliefs separate but just teach our kids about them NOT raising them in a specific religion. Why is that so hard to understand?

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

My religion HAS MEANING TO ME. I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't. If it did not have meaning to me why would I insist on an inter-faith ceremony. We are having an inter-faith ceremony as to respect each others religions and pay tribute to them. it would be wrong to force each other's belief on each other so we have agreed to keep our beliefs separate but just teach our kids about them NOT raising them in a specific religion. Why is that so hard to understand?

As a Catholic, I just don't grasp how the Catholic faith can have meaning to someone yet she cannot receive the Eucharist.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

sarahbear31 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

My religion HAS MEANING TO ME. I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't. If it did not have meaning to me why would I insist on an inter-faith ceremony. We are having an inter-faith ceremony as to respect each others religions and pay tribute to them. it would be wrong to force each other's belief on each other so we have agreed to keep our beliefs separate but just teach our kids about them NOT raising them in a specific religion. Why is that so hard to understand?

As a Catholic, I just don't grasp how the Catholic faith can have meaning to someone yet she cannot receive the Eucharist.

I will not be able to receive the eucahrist after marriage because we have to be married in a secular chapel by a minister. Neither the deacon or rabbi in our congregations would marry us in the church or outside. They had a choice to marry us and they declined. Our marriage could not be able to be recognized in the church because our request was denied. They CAN do that if they do not share the beliefs of inter-marriage. So there is no way in my current parish that my marriage can be recognized. A petition would not be granted.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

I just found this article and thought it was good:
http://bustedhalo.com/questionbox/what-is-marriage-prep-like-for-those-marrying-non-christians

Jen4948 · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

My religion HAS MEANING TO ME. I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't. If it did not have meaning to me why would I insist on an inter-faith ceremony. We are having an inter-faith ceremony as to respect each others religions and pay tribute to them. it would be wrong to force each other's belief on each other so we have agreed to keep our beliefs separate but just teach our kids about them NOT raising them in a specific religion. Why is that so hard to understand?

Because you're the one who keeps coming out with inconsistent and illogical protestations. If your religion HAS MEANING TO YOU, then claiming that you don't plan to practice it because of the religion of your partner and vice versa is not consistent or logical.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

My religion HAS MEANING TO ME. I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't. If it did not have meaning to me why would I insist on an inter-faith ceremony. We are having an inter-faith ceremony as to respect each others religions and pay tribute to them. it would be wrong to force each other's belief on each other so we have agreed to keep our beliefs separate but just teach our kids about them NOT raising them in a specific religion. Why is that so hard to understand?

Because you're the one who keeps coming out with inconsistent and illogical protestations. If your religion HAS MEANING TO YOU, then claiming that you don't plan to practice it because of the religion of your partner and vice versa is not consistent or logical.

You can still go to church if you marry a non-catholic. You can still pray and observe holidays. We are choosing to SEPARATELY practice our religions to the extent that we can but we do not want to invade on each other's religion. Even getting married outside of the catholic church with a priest and rabbi officiating was not an option to us as we couldn't find anyone to do it. We had originally wanted our marriage to be recognized but if the priest refuses there is no other option. Also like the above article states the priest must be the "main" officiant of the ceremony and the rabbi can only play a smaller role. That is favoring the catholic side and would not have been respectful to the jewish faith.

Jen4948 · July 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

My religion HAS MEANING TO ME. I don't understand why you keep saying it doesn't. If it did not have meaning to me why would I insist on an inter-faith ceremony. We are having an inter-faith ceremony as to respect each others religions and pay tribute to them. it would be wrong to force each other's belief on each other so we have agreed to keep our beliefs separate but just teach our kids about them NOT raising them in a specific religion. Why is that so hard to understand?

Because you're the one who keeps coming out with inconsistent and illogical protestations. If your religion HAS MEANING TO YOU, then claiming that you don't plan to practice it because of the religion of your partner and vice versa is not consistent or logical.

You can still go to church if you marry a non-catholic. You can still pray and observe holidays. We are choosing to SEPARATELY practice our religions to the extent that we can but we do not want to invade on each other's religion. Even getting married outside of the catholic church with a priest and rabbi officiating was not an option to us as we couldn't find anyone to do it. We had originally wanted our marriage to be recognized but if the priest refuses there is no other option. Also like the above article states the priest must be the "main" officiant of the ceremony and the rabbi can only play a smaller role. That is favoring the catholic side and would not have been respectful to the jewish faith.

I think that under the circumstances if you want a wedding in which both sides get equal treatment, you can't get any clergy of either faith to officiate and you don't want to offend anyone by being selective about which rituals you utilize, then the only solution is for the ceremony to be completely non-religious. Unfortunately, many religions just don't allow for some but have an "all or none" requirement, and it seems that the Catholic religion at least is one of them. Some Jewish people see it that way too.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Marzipan13 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Jen4948 said:

Our children will be able to decide which religion they want to be apart of, if any.

I know a lot of kids of interfaith marriages whose parents leave this on their shoulders, and every one of them has told me that it left them confused and without any spiritual direction whatsoever. They all ended up observing the secular aspects of Christmas and Easter because those are "mainstream" in order to fit in with their friends, and a few observe Hanukkah and go to Passover Seders, but they have no beliefs of their own and did not join any religion.

I guess when you don't grow up as part of a religious tradition, in adulthood you decide that you "don't want any."

This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, but since it seems to be such a common result of "let the kids decide when they grow up," letting the kids decide doesn't seem to work too well if you really want them to have some kind of religious heritage.

Understandable. At this point in time we are choosing to raise our future kids this way. It's ok if kids are confused about which religion to choose, that is part of the learning process. If they decided they do not want any religion that will still not stop them from observing the secular aspects of christmas, easter, passover, hannukah and a few others.

I wouldn't blame them, I am too right now

Here's an article so you are less confused about this mystery of an inter-faith marriage and ceremony : http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2011/10/goy-meets-girl

I'm not confused about the interfaith ceremony - I work for a Catholic church. I'm confused about where you stand on your beliefs and practices and how you're going to raise your kids according to those beliefs and practices. Not trying to be an asshole, I'm just confused how you're going to go about passing the faiths along.

I can see how working for a catholic church would hinder your ability to understand my practices. I once did not understand either. We are raising our children with no specific religion. Their father will explain jewish religion, customs, traditions and holidays to them and I will explain the catholic side. That's as far as it's going to go.

With kids, explanations and nothing more don't work with religious traditions, customs, and practices. I know plenty of kids for whom that was the case. It would not surprise me if your kids grew up non-religious because they never have the chance to see religion practiced in their home. I have several cousins who married/had children with partners of other faiths and didn't bother to practice, and
those kids ended up with no religion at all because all they got was "explanations."

Your own explanations of what you plan to do just don't make any sense. Sorry.

Part of the confusion is stemming from the assumptions being made that OP and her husband won't be practicing their religions at home, and i know she said they were going to be non religious, but perhaps they will choose to practice aspects of their religions such as praying. The OP can even continue to go to church and take her kids, she just can't take Communion.

I was raised in a Catholic and Buddhist household and
both religions were actively practiced in my house/family.

MairePoppy · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

Leave out the glass smashing. That has a Jewish-specific religious connotation.

Also, Jews cannot receive communion.

Catholics wouldn't be able to receive communion, in this situation either. Communion must be prepared during mass and served by a Roman Catholic priest or deacon. And communion is only served to those that understand and agree with the teachings of the church on transubstantiation.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

"The sponsorship or godparent will not be important as I recongize I cannot be a practicing catholic anymore. We have decide to both give up our practicing religion (they were liberal to begin with) and lead a non-religious life. We will teach our children about our families religions and they will then be able to decide what path they want to take. Even though we will no longer be practicing our religion we are given our children the freedom to choose whatever one that they want."

"We are going to continue these practices after the wedding. It's just that we have different religions and neither or us want to convert. We both feel strong about continuing our individual religions into our future family. It's just that it will be a mix which is why it is called an inter-faith wedding so that both faiths are presented in the ceremony in some way."

I just can't get past these contradicting statements though. Both cannot be true.

casey8784 · July 2014

I'll admit that I read the OP and only about 1.5 pages of responses, but here is my opinion:

The main reason for a religious ceremony is so that the marriage will be recognized by whatever religion is honored. you say that you know that your marriage won't be recognized, so the reasoning behind having religious elements in it is illogical.

Having a secular ceremony does not mean that you can't still choose to teach/pass on both religions to your children! they will not be at the actual wedding ceremony, so it's not like what you do there will be needed for your children to understand different aspects of each religion.

Catholic and Jewish interfaith ceremony ideas

Re: Catholic and Jewish interfaith ceremony ideas

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