Dreadful people leaving kids in hot cars :(

mysticl · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

Look I'm not saying it doesn't happen...all I am saying is that it says something when we remember to grab a cell phone but not our child. I think people are using the "i forgot" excuse as a cop out because they knew they left their kid in the car on purpose to get a hair cut or whatever. Do all parents who leave their kid in the car do it on purpose...no of course not mistakes happen but it shouldn't happen this much.

I think it's easier to imagine those people did it on purpose, because we don't want to believe every human being has the capacity to make a catastrophic mistake like that.

Or more specifically we don't want to believe that we ourselves could make that mistake.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

mysticl said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

Look I'm not saying it doesn't happen...all I am saying is that it says something when we remember to grab a cell phone but not our child. I think people are using the "i forgot" excuse as a cop out because they knew they left their kid in the car on purpose to get a hair cut or whatever. Do all parents who leave their kid in the car do it on purpose...no of course not mistakes happen but it shouldn't happen this much.

When you walk into work you are supposed to have your cell phone, or your wallet, or your briefcase, or your shoe. You are not supposed to have your child. So you notice when you don't have the things you aren't supposed to have and you go get them. You don't look around your office and say "oh shit my kid isn't here" because your kid isn't supposed to be there. So if your daily routine is to get up, get dressed, and drive straight to work that is what you do. Like I said before this seems to happen most often when the routine is changed and the "wrong" parent transports the child.

again you are only pulling out part of what I am saying...and missing my point completely. I'M NOT SAYING THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN, AND MISTAKES CAN'T BE MADE. All I am saying is it's sad how dependent we have become of our cellphones that it becomes apart of our daily routine over us thinking of out child.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

CaitTDid23 said:

This is something that I am legitimately terrified of doing. I have the worst habit of getting in a routine and completely spacing when it changes. I have driven to the wrong apartment at least once every time I moved. When I was driving an afterschool bus, if we changed the route I routinely had to detour to fix it when I went the wrong way. I went to schools when I had no kids there to pick up that day. When my personal car's gearshift was in a different place than the bus's gearshift, I confused the locations and would try to shift where there was no shifter. I forget to bring things in to the house, I leave things in the house when I'm supposed to take them. The necklace FI gave me when he proposed? I forgot it this morning because I was in a rush.

I am so afraid this will happen. I am not even sure if the shoe trick will help me.

Attempts have been made to get safety devices to market, but the companies tend to find there isn't enough demand because people think it can't happen to them. Just being aware is probably going to make it less likely to happen to you. If you accept it could happen and you're afraid, you'll be more likely to check and be mindful.

lc07 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

You guys are missing the point of what I am saying so I will only simplify it further...I don't think everyone is perfect and it should NEVER happen...I openly said I understand mistakes happen. My only point is that I feel some people who do it, do it on purpose because of the hassle of having to bring a kid in and out of a car when running errands...I also think it's sad that people are more mindful of where their cellphone is than their children.

Yes, we all think people who do it intentionally are assholes. I don't think anyone is arguing with you about that.

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

Look I'm not saying it doesn't happen...all I am saying is that it says something when we remember to grab a cell phone but not our child. I think people are using the "i forgot" excuse as a cop out because they knew they left their kid in the car on purpose to get a hair cut or whatever. Do all parents who leave their kid in the car do it on purpose...no of course not mistakes happen but it shouldn't happen this much.

When talking about people who have done this accidentally, what do you think it's saying? The impression I get from what you've said so far is that you think it means that people think their cell phones are more important than their children. And we are telling you that science has proven that this is not true. IMO common sense says that's not true too.

manateehugger · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

mysticl said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

Look I'm not saying it doesn't happen...all I am saying is that it says something when we remember to grab a cell phone but not our child. I think people are using the "i forgot" excuse as a cop out because they knew they left their kid in the car on purpose to get a hair cut or whatever. Do all parents who leave their kid in the car do it on purpose...no of course not mistakes happen but it shouldn't happen this much.

When you walk into work you are supposed to have your cell phone, or your wallet, or your briefcase, or your shoe. You are not supposed to have your child. So you notice when you don't have the things you aren't supposed to have and you go get them. You don't look around your office and say "oh shit my kid isn't here" because your kid isn't supposed to be there. So if your daily routine is to get up, get dressed, and drive straight to work that is what you do. Like I said before this seems to happen most often when the routine is changed and the "wrong" parent transports the child.

again you are only pulling out part of what I am saying...and missing my point completely. I'M NOT SAYING THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN, AND MISTAKES CAN'T BE MADE. All I am saying is it's sad how dependent we have become of our cellphones that it becomes apart of our daily routine over us thinking of out child.

You're not understanding what she's saying either.

It's not about dependency on cellphone, it's about expecting something to be there that's part of your normal routine. There isn't a prioritization of phone over kid; there's an expectation that phone = thing to have at work, kid = not to have at work.

If kid isn't part of the normal checklist for a parent (for whatever reason - e.g. dad is usually the one who drops off baby at day care, but today it's mom because dad has jury duty), it could happen.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

mysticl · July 2014

Another suggestion I read is to program your GPS to take you to daycare. That way if your mental autopilot kicks in the GPS will start "yelling" at you to go back. Or set a reminder on your phone to alarm 5 minutes after you would drop the child off.

My husband is terrified of leaving our son in the car. Why? Because he never transports him alone. There have only been 2 times in the kid's entire life that Daddy took him somewhere without Momma in the car too. So having the kid in the car is not normal for my husband so he is at high risk to forget him. Whereas, I'm at a lower risk because I rarely go anywhere without him. When I have gone somewhere without him I've been known to open the back door to get him out before remembering I left him with Daddy or a friend. So that memory thing can work both ways. Forget you have them or forget you don't have them.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

and yes if you think I am being judgemental...then sure I guess I am.

lc07 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

I think it's quite plausible that out of nearly 150 million parents in the US, only about 40-50 children die this way per year, that many of them are innocent of intentionally leaving their children to die.

manateehugger · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

Innocent of what? Killing their child?

Of course they caused the death of their child - just like every parent who has not watched their kid closely enough, turned away for two minutes and kid has wondered into the backyard and fallen into the pool, run out into the street, fallen down the concrete steps, etc.

And as recent news has shown, yes, some parents have allegedly murdered their children this way.

But to think that terrible, horrible, tragic accidents don't happen is also ridiculous.

chibiyui · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:
wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

Yeah cause this shit didn't happen before cell phones, back in the day parents walked their kids uphill in the snow both ways and no child was ever forgotten in a vehicle.

amakayeb · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

Have you read the article? If not, I REALLY recommend reading it...

lc07 · July 2014

@MrsDeRuyter87 Can you answer my question, please?

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

More often than not children are left in the car when parents run errands like hair cuts etc not going to work and forgetting the drop a child off. You people also need to learn to read because I think I have stated at least 3 times that I am not saying it doesn't happen by mistake too. That is all.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

We are ridiculous for showing some compassion to people who made a horrible mistake? Do you reserve the same hatred and judgment for parents who turn away and their kid has an accident like @Ic07 said?

Do you really think you are so Goddamn perfect you couldn't make a mistake like that? Where did you get your Certificate of Infallibility? Because I want one, too.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

JCbride2015 please refer to my post directly above yours. also...never did I state I was perfect and never did I state mistakes didn't happen. Actually I believe I stated SEVERAL times mistakes happen. I just don't believe that every case of a child being left in a car was by accident. That is naive.

lc07 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

JCbride2015 please refer to my post directly above yours. also...never did I state I was perfect and never did I state mistakes didn't happen. Actually I believe I stated SEVERAL times mistakes happen. I just don't believe that every case of a child being left in a car was by accident. That is naive.

None of us have said that every case of a child being left in a car was by accident. I have no idea where you are getting that from.

Also why will you not answer my question?

manateehugger · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

JCbride2015 please refer to my post directly above yours. also...never did I state I was perfect and never did I state mistakes didn't happen. Actually I believe I stated SEVERAL times mistakes happen. I just don't believe that every case of a child being left in a car was by accident. That is naive.

STUCK
Did you read anyone else's post? Because I missed the part where everyone said all of these cases are accidents and there are no deliberately negliglent parents in the world.

Did you read the article?

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

emmaaa · July 2014

I'm not sure how many of you watched One Tree Hill but the episode when Julian leaves one of the twins in the car made me cry like a baby. Literally my worst fear as a parent (someday).

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

wow you guys are ridiculous...and silly to think that all these people are innocent of it.

Yes. We're ridiculous to believe that of these, a large portion of them were committed completely by accident. Because none of us can see it happening to us and thus everyone who does this is scum. /sarcasm

I have already said that this is one of the many aspects of parenthood that terrify me. Changes to routine are something that I easily space on. I have stamps in my car that I need for work. I took them home with me on Wednesday to mail something for one of the lawyers in the office. I just realized, when I tried to put a stamp on another letter, that they are STILL IN MY CAR. I do not take my work stamps home and thus I spaced that I had done it for TWO DAYS.

Comparing a child to a roll of stamps, granted, is ridiculous. But the lapse in memory re: routine versus non-routine is what I'm trying to show you. And that is the cause of SO MANY of these. Certainly not all of them, there are definitely scumbags out there that DO do this intentionally. But in what I would hope were the vast majority of cases, it was pure human error and those poor parents have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

And it has nothing to do with dependency on anything (cell phone, purse, pizza cutter, WHATEVER). It has to do with routine and change in the routine and lapse of memory because memory is a fickle thing, and while you may be blessed with a perfect memory that has never forgotten when you brought home leftovers from that fancy, rare lunch, or that important document you took home to work on, or that roll of stamps you needed that one day, not all of us are so blessed and thus NEED to be conscious of the risk.

lc07 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

I'm glad that you agree that accidents can happen. I don't mean to make you feel attacked. I just don't agree with the point of view that you are coming across with. I think where we differ is that I'm saying you're not necessarily a bad person if this accident happens on your clock, and I get the feeling that you think that only total assholes could make this mistake.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

PDKH said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

JCbride2015 please refer to my post directly above yours. also...never did I state I was perfect and never did I state mistakes didn't happen. Actually I believe I stated SEVERAL times mistakes happen. I just don't believe that every case of a child being left in a car was by accident. That is naive.

STUCK
Did you read anyone else's post? Because I missed the part where everyone said all of these cases are accidents and there are no deliberately negliglent parents in the world.

Did you read the article?

Also stuck in box*
What previous post stated otherwise and agreed with that part of my comment? All I see are people saying mistakes happen...no one agreeing that people leave their kids in the car running errands...Also no I did not read the article, I will but it doesn't mean my views will change or that I will disagree with it.

manateehugger · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

I don't find it sad at all. I find it as yet another tool to help a frazzled, off-routine parent to be the best parent they can and prevent a tragic accident.

Seriously, if you need to remember to take an important folder to work tomorrow. What's the best option? Put it in your car. Are we going to talk about how our dependency on cars is sad?

Or your kid is on a new medication, and you put a reminder on your phone to help you remember to administer it on time. Is that sad?

I'm still convinced you have not touched either article linked in the beginning of this thread.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

lc07 said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

I'm glad that you agree that accidents can happen. I don't mean to make you feel attacked. I just don't agree with the point of view that you are coming across with. I think where we differ is that I'm saying you're not necessarily a bad person if this accident happens on your clock, and I get the feeling that you think that only total assholes could make this mistake.

Stuck in box*
NO never. All i was trying to say is that I hate that people who intentionally leave their kids in the car use the "I forgot excuse" I personally feel that happens more often than not.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

PDKH said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

JCbride2015 please refer to my post directly above yours. also...never did I state I was perfect and never did I state mistakes didn't happen. Actually I believe I stated SEVERAL times mistakes happen. I just don't believe that every case of a child being left in a car was by accident. That is naive.

STUCK
Did you read anyone else's post? Because I missed the part where everyone said all of these cases are accidents and there are no deliberately negliglent parents in the world.

Did you read the article?

Also stuck in box*
What previous post stated otherwise and agreed with that part of my comment? All I see are people saying mistakes happen...no one agreeing that people leave their kids in the car running errands...Also no I did not read the article, I will but it doesn't mean my views will change or that I will disagree with it.

Several people stated, especially right in the beginning of the thread, that accidental cases are different from people who make the intentional decision.

blabla89 said:

Since the Justin Ross Harris killed his son, there have been reports of at least two parents here in Atlanta who intentionally left their child in a car. Not with the intention to kill, but made a conscious decision to not take the child out of the car, which is un-fucking-believable.

jenajjthr said:

There was an news report of a woman leaving her kids in the car just the other day because her babysitter called and cancelled on her for her job interview. She decided to leave them in the car because she had to have a means to support them. Thankfully they were found before tragedy happened. Yesterday a local news report had that a 10 month old died because her foster dads left her in the car at their house.

As a mom, I left my son in the car once, while it was running to check the mail, and I locked him in. He was young enough to still be in a car seat. Thankfully the car was running and the air conditioning was on, but I had to call the base police to come and use their equipment to unlock my car. I was beyond embarrassed and was lucky not to get a ticket. They did let me know I shouldn't do that though. I was young and dumb and was trying to save walking and a few minutes of time. That was the first and last time he was left in the car. But like other PP's have said I can see how tragic accidents can happen when you are on "auto-pilot" and in your routine. Those simple devices or tricks that may seem stupid and shouldn't be needed are actually quite needed for anyone. We all go on "auto-pilot" at times, not just parents.

mysticl · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

STB
I used to have a job that required me to have my cellphone with me at all times during business hours and 24/7 when I was on call. You can be sure I noticed very quickly if I did not have it. Not because I was obsessed with having a cellphone but because I could face disciplinary action if I did not have it. That is the point we are trying to make. You put something you need at your final destination with the baby because you will notice if you don't have it and you do not need the baby at your final destination so you don't notice the baby is missing.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

lc07 said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

I'm glad that you agree that accidents can happen. I don't mean to make you feel attacked. I just don't agree with the point of view that you are coming across with. I think where we differ is that I'm saying you're not necessarily a bad person if this accident happens on your clock, and I get the feeling that you think that only total assholes could make this mistake.

QFT.

lc07 · July 2014

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

lc07 said:

MrsDeRuyter87 said:

But that's how you guys are attacking me...all you keep saying is that I am wrong because mistakes can happen. That wasn't my point. I am agreeing with that and have agreed with that from the very first post. In regards to your question I am outright saying that this country has a problem with it's dependency/need on cellphones...when we have to recommend people put their cellphone by their baby in order to remember their baby...isn't that a little sad? Is it a good idea...sure...but I also think it's sad.

I'm glad that you agree that accidents can happen. I don't mean to make you feel attacked. I just don't agree with the point of view that you are coming across with. I think where we differ is that I'm saying you're not necessarily a bad person if this accident happens on your clock, and I get the feeling that you think that only total assholes could make this mistake.

Stuck in box*
NO never. All i was trying to say is that I hate that people who intentionally leave their kids in the car use the "I forgot excuse" I personally feel that happens more often than not.

Now I understand better. Thanks for clarifying. I'm glad that you don't think everyone who does this is a total asshole who cares more about their phone than their baby. I think when people leave their kids in cars intentionally it's absolutely insane and reprehensible.

Sounds like we agree, there were just points miscommunicated.

Now that we have this cleared up, I'm going to go read GOT and take a nap.

MrsDeRuyter87 · July 2014

JCBride2015...that is also what I said IN MY POSTS.

Dreadful people leaving kids in hot cars :(

Re: Dreadful people leaving kids in hot cars :(

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