Bridal shower with long distance

Re: Bridal shower with long distance

• JCbride2015 member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  mrsdelkins said:

  Hi gals.  Please let me start off by saying that I have, unfortunately, had some very rude comments from people on this site, so I respectfully request that if you do not have anything nice or responsive/productive to say, please do not participate in this post.  Thank you.
  
  I am a first time bride & consider myself a more traditional bride with the events & parties & whole shebang that comes along with planning & then hosting a wedding.  That being said, I really want to have a bridal shower - not for the gifts or attentions, but to share in such a fun event with the ladies in my life & be able to get them together to have fun.  Unfortunately, many of my guests, including all of my family and all of my fiance's family are out-of-state.  I really want to share this event with many of the women (particularly family) who would have a significant distance to travel.  I am not able to travel back to the East Coast, where many of them live. 
  
  Does anyone have some creative suggestions/solutions for this type of situation?
  
  I was thinking maybe hosting a "last minute" type of bridal shower the week before the wedding, maybe on the Thursday before, when everyone would be in town.  Thoughts?
  
  Thank you in advance!
  

  To the bolded: sometimes hearing that your idea is rude or might not work out is exactly what you need.  We have seen many brides come on here with ideas that would offend their IRL friends and family, get some harsh truth online, and then change their plans to something that will keep their guests happy and save relationships.  I try to always communicate with respect, but you will hear my honest opinion if you post here.  If you don't want to hear a certain type of opinion, you can be the one to just not respond.

  
  

  So, here's my honest and respectful opinion.  Are you planning on hosting your own bridal shower?  This is extremely rude, one of the rudest wedding-related things you can do.  Please don't do this.

  
  

  If you want to host something yourself more to get together with your friends and family, you can call it a luncheon.  Or just don't call it anything in particular; simply invite everybody over to your house for girl time.  This is totally etiquette-acceptable and sounds like a lot of fun.

  
  

  If someone else is offering to host and you're just trying to figure out where/when to have it, then yes, having it the week before in the same location is a good bet.  I have a similar situation with lots of OOT guests and BMs, and when my sister asked about my bach party, we figured it's got to be the week of the wedding while my international guests are in town.  I would just be careful you aren't overloading yourself with obligations right before your wedding day.  Try to leave enough time to write your TY cards before the actual wedding, and leave cushion for last-minute planning and organizing.

  ETA: I looked at your posting history and you have nothing but totally kind, respectful, helpful advice. Am I missing something?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

  Report4 Reply
• mrsdelkins member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you for your idea! 
  
  Since I am new to this and haven't had many friends get married yet, I'm still trying to blindly navigate the etiquette waters.  Why is it rude (and one of the biggest wedding faux pas to commit based on your comment above) to host your own bridal shower?
  
  Also, is it bad form to have a bridal shower hosted by another person, without key family members, such as my fiance's mom, being able to attend?  If she wasn't able to come, is it better to skip the bridal shower all together because she is such a VIP?
  

  Report0 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014

  It is rude b/c you should never throw a party for the purpose of asking for gifts for yourself, which is what a shower is for.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report0 Reply
• JCbride2015 member

  

  July 2014

  mrsdelkins said:

  Thank you for your idea! 
  
  Since I am new to this and haven't had many friends get married yet, I'm still trying to blindly navigate the etiquette waters.  Why is it rude (and one of the biggest wedding faux pas to commit based on your comment above) to host your own bridal shower?
  
  Also, is it bad form to have a bridal shower hosted by another person, without key family members, such as my fiance's mom, being able to attend?  If she wasn't able to come, is it better to skip the bridal shower all together because she is such a VIP?
  

  Thanks for being open to hearing new things!  Seriously.

  
  

  It's rude to host your own shower because it is inherently a gift-giving event, even if you don't personally want or expect gifts.  If you just call it a luncheon or get-together, you skirt the gift expectation and it becomes just a fun time.

  
  

  Hmmm, second question-- I think it depends on how the VIP feels about it.  Is your FMIL the type to get offended if your friend throws you a local shower but she can't make it?  It's not necessarily bad etiquette at all, but I'd just consider whether it would hurt her feelings.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  And I also read your posting history. The replies you got were not rude. Speshul snowflake types might think a couple of them were not as touchy-feely as they would like, but not rude.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report0 Reply
• mrsdelkins member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you for your input JC Bride! To AddieCake, the preface regarding rude comments was put out not based on comments received in this conversation, but based on my experience in the past of posting questions and also reading responses by people to other brides questions. I'm posting because I have questions and want a variety of opinions and experiences and to hear various input. What I don't want or deserve, and what is not productive, are responses that are disrespectful or rude in nature. There are many ways to convey an idea or opinion without having to be rude. The introductory request for only productive responses was a preemptive request & attempt to keep the conversation on subject. Yours & JC Brides responses have been helpful and informative, particularly for someone, such as me, who is one of the first of her gf's to get married & has not had the opportunity to learn much about weddings & wedding etiquette from personal exposure. Thank you for your input! I had not even thought about the title of "bridal shower" connecting with the automatic expectation of gifts. I appreciate you pointing that out so that I can know the answer and the why.

  Report0 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2014

  The bride shouldn't host a shower. Period. Doing so would make you look gift grabby and attention seeking, just the opposite of what you intend. It's never appropriate to invite people to honor you and give you gifts.

  If someone else volunteers to host, only those who are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. You may accept the shower, even if your mother and other close family members won't be able to attend, but the mothers should receive an invitation as a courtesy.

  You may plan a bridal tea or bridesmaids luncheon or brunch, spa night etc...where your guests are the honorees. You can make it as fancy or simple as you like.

  It's also rude to tell others how to post. You wouldn't walk into a room full  of strangers, warn them not to be rude to you and then expect a nice conversation to follow, would you?

                     

  Report0 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  I know you are not talking about posts in this conversation. I am referring to comments you received in other threads you started. Nobody was rude to you in those.

  
  

  ETA: OK if you think people have been rude to OTHER posters that you have seen, but I wanted to clarify that nobody has been rude to you specifically, unless you had a different account. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report0 Reply
• mrsdelkins member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you for the ideas, Maire Poppy
  

  Report0 Reply