What is the point of a bridesmaid?

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

I wondered this recently after being around here for a bit. I've been a BM 3 times - once in my early 20s and twice in my mid-30s. I bought the dress, processed, yadda yadda yadda. I had 3 women in my bridal party (ironically, they are all the women for whom I was a bridesmaid). They bought their dress, walked down the aisle, yay.

I totally am on board with the standards of these boards that the only "obligations" that a bridesmaid has is to buy the dress, wear it, and show up to the ceremony sober. Nobody in my bridal party threw me showers, and I really didn't mind.

I still kind of wonder what the point is, though. You ask the nearest and dearest to you to wear a dress (which, let's face it, she will probably never wear again), and basically serve as accessories? I get it; I went through it, too. I got excited about "my girls" and what dresses they'd wear and what bouquets they'd carry. But looking back, it just seems a bit superfluous.

Or am I just over-thinking things? Discuss .......

MairePoppy · July 2014

All you need to get married are a bride, groom and in most states an officiante, in some places a witness or two. Anything else is superfluous. But some of those things are nice to have - your nearest and dearest to stand by your side as they have stood by you through childhood and early adulthood. Matching dresses aren't necessary, although most brides prefer them or matching, complimenting colors and styles.

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

Mine also served as 1 of our 2 witnesses (DH's BM was the other), and they signed our license along with us and the officiant.

loveislouder · July 2014

I think at this point it's more tradition back to when bridesmaids were to dress like the bride and confuse evil spirits.

Inkdancer · July 2014

My bridesmaids are my bridesmaids because they are my closest friends. It is a way for me to say, "hey everyone, see these ladies? they made me who I am. they are the best and I love them". They are the people I want holding my hand when I get so nervous I want to throw up. They are the people I want to hold me when something inevitably goes wrong and I lose my shit.

I don't know about everybody, but I am a nervous wreck and I am hoping my besties will help me keep it together.

manateehugger · July 2014

Lol you could ask this question about 99.999% of the stuff that goes on at weddings.

For me, I wanted a chance to honor my friendship with my closest friends. And I was excited to hang out with them all morning. And it's a thing one does when getting married - I wanted to do most of the things one does when getting married.

birdybride2014 · July 2014

I guess I have to agree with you. At the end of the day, there isn't exactly a reason to need them.

That said, though, I LOVED being a bridesmaid and love the girls dearly who I have chosen to be in my wedding. You get to see the special, behind-the-scenes moments of the day. I loved watching how nervous the girls were right before they walked down the isle, and being there with them to watch and support. I'm also a sap, though haha.

And while I agree that there are ZERO responsibilities of a bridesmaid besides showing up in a chosen attire, I also loved being able to help them have their special day, try to help them make it as stress free as possible, and try to talk down their nerves.

I know everyone will certainly not agree with this, but I could almost say that (in my group of friends) having a bridesmaid is as much for the bride as the girls themselves. We all want to be involved in each others lives so much and be there for the big moments that it is a big deal for us. It does help that none of us have been bridezillas or had any "requirements" besides a dress.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

PDKH said:

Lol you could ask this question about 99.999% of the stuff that goes on at weddings.

For me, I wanted a chance to honor my friendship with my closest friends. And I was excited to hang out with them all morning. And it's a thing one does when getting married - I wanted to do most of the things one does when getting married.

HAHA, that's a good point. It just seems kind of silly to me thinking about it right now ... but I also just tossed 2 bridesmaid dresses in the "donate" pile after cleaning out my closet.

loveislouder · July 2014

Inkdancer said:

My bridesmaids are my bridesmaids because they are my closest friends. It is a way for me to say, "hey everyone, see these ladies? they made me who I am. they are the best and I love them". They are the people I want holding my hand when I get so nervous I want to throw up. They are the people I want to hold me when something inevitably goes wrong and I lose my shit.

I don't know about everybody, but I am a nervous wreck and I am hoping my besties will help me keep it together.

I actually love this. ETA: You know, I try to come up with logical replies without sounding stupid, and then people come on the boards with awesome answers like this and I just want to drink my idiotic replies away lol

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

birdybride2014 said:

I guess I have to agree with you. At the end of the day, there isn't exactly a reason to need them.

That said, though, I LOVED being a bridesmaid and love the girls dearly who I have chosen to be in my wedding. You get to see the special, behind-the-scenes moments of the day. I loved watching how nervous the girls were right before they walked down the isle, and being there with them to watch and support. I'm also a sap, though haha.

And while I agree that there are ZERO responsibilities of a bridesmaid besides showing up in a chosen attire, I also loved being able to help them have their special day, try to help them make it as stress free as possible, and try to talk down their nerves.

I know everyone will certainly not agree with this, but I could almost say that (in my group of friends) having a bridesmaid is as much for the bride as the girls themselves. We all want to be involved in each others lives so much and be there for the big moments that it is a big deal for us. It does help that none of us have been bridezillas or had any "requirements" besides a dress.

Yeah, the last bride made a Pinterest board for us of "inspirations" of how to do our hair & makeup. She also bought each of us a headband with a fabric flower to wear. She also had us do a choreographed dance at the reception. I don't think she was a zilla, but I rolled my eyes behind her back.

manateehugger · July 2014

sarahbear31 said:

PDKH said:

Lol you could ask this question about 99.999% of the stuff that goes on at weddings.

For me, I wanted a chance to honor my friendship with my closest friends. And I was excited to hang out with them all morning. And it's a thing one does when getting married - I wanted to do most of the things one does when getting married.

HAHA, that's a good point. It just seems kind of silly to me thinking about it right now ... but I also just tossed 2 bridesmaid dresses in the "donate" pile after cleaning out my closet.

Same. Which is why I hoped my girls actually liked their dresses. One rewore hers to another wedding already, which I figured is a good sign.

Honestly, I feel like one should have to be a bridesmaid before being a bride. I remember frequently thinking to myself, "What annoyed the hell out of me in the weddings I've been in?"

pinkcow13 · July 2014

For me personally, it's just that I want these girls to be by my side when I get married. They are the ones that have been there through thick and thin, and we have all grown together in some shape of form. As a result of us being so close, they (except for my cousin who lives in another state) know FI extremely well. 2 of my bridesmaids also went to college with him, and are very good friends with him. Although it is FI and I who will get married, part of the reason that we chose to have a bigger, traditional wedding was to share the moment with our family and friends. And to me personally, having these girls as my bridesmaids is having them share that moment with us on a more personal level. As for the shoes and dress, they can wear whatever they want. In fact, I would prefer it if they chose a dress that they can wear again, and not something that screams "bridesmaid." So that is what the point of having a bridesmaid is to me. They are certainly not my accessories, and I want them to have a blast at the wedding. It doesn't seem superfluous to me, but some people do have a different definition of what a bridesmaid should be. ETA - I had paragraphs

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

PDKH said:

sarahbear31 said:

PDKH said:

Lol you could ask this question about 99.999% of the stuff that goes on at weddings.

For me, I wanted a chance to honor my friendship with my closest friends. And I was excited to hang out with them all morning. And it's a thing one does when getting married - I wanted to do most of the things one does when getting married.

HAHA, that's a good point. It just seems kind of silly to me thinking about it right now ... but I also just tossed 2 bridesmaid dresses in the "donate" pile after cleaning out my closet.

Same. Which is why I hoped my girls actually liked their dresses. One rewore hers to another wedding already, which I figured is a good sign.

Honestly, I feel like one should have to be a bridesmaid before being a bride. I remember frequently thinking to myself, "What annoyed the hell out of me in the weddings I've been in?"

I agree with the second part. I'd like to think that I was a chill bride. When one of them asked me "how do you want us to do our hair?" I just said "not ugly."

CMGragain · July 2014

Weddings are about tradition. Bridesmaids are one of those traditions.

For many years, a bride came to be married accompanied by her unmarried girl friends. They were there for good wishes and good luck to their friend. They were not there to "support her". Most of them, hopefully, envied her, and wished that they, too could find a good husband. There weren't too many other options for them back then. Think Jane Austen. Matching dresses and special colors didn't happen until the 20th century.

daria24 · July 2014

I'm anti-bridesmaids/groomsmen. I don't understand why the people closest to you have to buy a uniform to participate in your wedding. If it really is about honoring them, why do they need matching/coordinating outfits?

We only had a MOH/BM. They wore whatever they wanted. They didn't process. They just stood next to us and signed our marriage license. The End.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

daria24 said:

I'm anti-bridesmaids/groomsmen. I don't understand why the people closest to you have to buy a uniform to participate in your wedding. If it really is about honoring them, why do they need matching/coordinating outfits?

We only had a MOH/BM. They wore whatever they wanted. They didn't process. They just stood next to us and signed our marriage license. The End.

I think I love you.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

I was going to say something, but then @inkdancer nailed it before I could.

My MoH is my nearest and dearest friend, and I cannot imagine getting married without her by my side. For me, that's what it comes down to.

jynxiie · July 2014

I wasn't going to have bridesmaids. The wedding I was thinking changed so much while I was engaged. It went from eloping, cocktail wedding to 110 guests at a really nice banquet hall. Any would of been perfect for me as I am marrying the man of my dreams. I decided to have bridesmaids as I had three girlfriends who were really interested in my engagement and wedding. They were helping me plan, giving me ideas and one girl even cried when I told her I was engaged. I felt like they really would enjoy it if they were a part of our wedding. They were already helping me a ton. Plus if I was going to have any of my girls up with me - it'd be them. They were all so happy, especially since I am a rather easy going girl. I wanted them to have really pretty dresses that worked for all of them, something that wasn't outrageous so they could indeed wear it again. Plus I can't wait to hang out with them the night before and in the morning getting ready. They're really going to calm my nerves - I'm like a yorkie - so anxious about everything.

beachyone15 · July 2014

The first thing that popped into my head was, "to do my bidding!!!" HA! Totally just kidding.

I love all my girls and half of them are cousins I grew up with. They are early 20's and have never been bridesmaids before. They were SO excited I asked them. It was so cute.

manateehugger · July 2014

I'll say too that my bridesmaids are good friends with H as well, which meant a lot to me. I felt like our bridal party was standing up there for us, not just me or him. I don't know. I felt surrounded by the people who knew us as a couple the best. It was cool.

smalfrie19 · July 2014

All of these awesome replies are making me sad because that's the reason I chose mine too, but now my sister has basically told me that I shouldnt be getting married and I just feel like its such a slap in the face.... and her reasons in my mind are completely without precedence or reason.

Ndelible · July 2014

Honestly, I feel like one should have to be a bridesmaid before being a bride.

Huh?

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Honestly, I feel like one should have to be a bridesmaid before being a bride.

Huh?

Stuck - and purple apparently
I think one of the best antidotes to being a controlling or demanding bride is to have been in a wedding that was not your own previously. You figure out what matters, what doesn't, and what behaviors in a bride can piss people off or hurt people.
I was a bridesmaid to someone early on in my planning process, and it helped me realize how stupid some expectations were.

beachyone15 · July 2014

@smalfrie19 I'm sorry! That's terrible!

daria24 · July 2014

I still don't understand why, in this day and age, we think it's hunky dorie to pick out clothes they have to wear. Even here on the forums where people are more "progressive" the mentality is still supportive of the Wedding Party Uniform.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

daria24 said:

I still don't understand why, in this day and age, we think it's hunky dorie to pick out clothes they have to wear. Even here on the forums where people are more "progressive" the mentality is still supportive of the Wedding Party Uniform.

it's like you're in my head!! I'm relieved I'm not the only one who finds this a little odd.

Inkdancer · July 2014

daria24 said:

I still don't understand why, in this day and age, we think it's hunky dorie to pick out clothes they have to wear. Even here on the forums where people are more "progressive" the mentality is still supportive of the Wedding Party Uniform.

I wanted my maids to wear whatever, but they all freaked out about that idea. I ended up giving them several dress options and they all picked the same one. I've had a hard enough time convincing them that I don't care what their hair and shoes look like.... It was exhausting to try to convince them I really didn't care what they wore and I gave up!

Ndelible · July 2014

So, let me get this straight PDKH (and thank you for not yelling at me), you feel that in order to be a bride, one must first be a bridesmaid? Think about that one again.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

So, let me get this straight PDKH (and thank you for not yelling at me), you feel that in order to be a bride, one must first be a bridesmaid? Think about that one again.

Ok, let's get a couple things straight here.

1. I posted one single thing in all caps as a funny haha moment. You've never had one of those?

2. It's obviously not a real requirement. I'm saying, it was helpful for me (and I think a lot of other brides) to be a bridesmaid first. So yes, in an ideal world, I think it would help. But we obviously don't live in an ideal world.

Moving on.

smalfrie19 · July 2014

Ndelible said:

So, let me get this straight PDKH (and thank you for not yelling at me), you feel that in order to be a bride, one must first be a bridesmaid? Think about that one again.

seriously..what is it you have it out for PDKH today...really? she is just saying that she believes people should be exposed to the experience of being a bridesmaid before creating them so that you have a better respect on how to treat people in the roll/ position..whatever you want to call it.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:
So, let me get this straight PDKH (and thank you for not yelling at me), you feel that in order to be a bride, one must first be a bridesmaid? Think about that one again.

Did you read her comment? She explained why she felt that way, and it was obvious from that explanation she didn't mean it to be a literal requirement.

I agree that ppl might be better brides if they have experienced being a BM for a shitty bride themselves. They also might feel it was their turn to be a PIA

What is the point of a bridesmaid?

Re: What is the point of a bridesmaid?

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