What is the point of a bridesmaid?

manateehugger · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

So, let me get this straight PDKH (and thank you for not yelling at me), you feel that in order to be a bride, one must first be a bridesmaid? Think about that one again.
Did you read her comment? She explained why she felt that way, and it was obvious from that explanation she didn't mean it to be a literal requirement. I agree that ppl might be better brides if they have experienced being a BM for a shitty bride themselves. They also might feel it was their turn to be a PIA

That's unfortunately true too. Some snowflakes are beyond redemption.

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

My sisters were my bridesmaids. It was important to me to have them by my side as I started a new chapter in my life and a new family with DH - to symbolize that even though I was starting something new, I would always treasure and nurture what I had before.

Ndelible · July 2014

Of course I read her comment. I read it like, three times to make sure what I was reading was what I was reading. I understand what she meant. It's absurd on the surface. Many, people get married without bridesmaids. All you need to be a bride, is someone willing to marry you.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

So I'm sitting here thinking of why I picked the bridal peeps I picked, and I think it was just because they're my people. They are the people who made me who I am today. And I want them to stand up with me while I marry my other person. I feel like they are three very important people. They are people I will want in our future kid's life. People who got me through bad shit, and celebrated good shit with me, and are just...my people.

Also, evil spirit protection.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Of course I read her comment. I read it like, three times to make sure what I was reading was what I was reading. I understand what she meant. It's absurd on the surface. Many, people get married without bridesmaids. All you need to be a bride, is someone willing to marry you.

Good Lord, is the hypothetical beyond you? Come on, you're just poking to poke now.

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

daria24 said:

I still don't understand why, in this day and age, we think it's hunky dorie to pick out clothes they have to wear. Even here on the forums where people are more "progressive" the mentality is still supportive of the Wedding Party Uniform.

Stupid Box

I told my MOH to wear whatever she wanted. Poor girl bought 3 different dresses before she settled on one. I'm sure she would have preferred if I'd just said "wear this". At least she picked dresses she could wear to other events though.

She did the same for me and it was a bit of a PITA, since she just said "fall colours" and it was the middle of summer. I finally found a brown dress, her other BM was in orange. It also sucked cos I was in a brown dress for my SIL's wedding and I got rid of it cos I didn't think I'd wear it again. Boo me

VulgarGirl · July 2014

Having been a bridesmaid, I can say I totally agree with @PDKH. I'm pretty chill already, and never thought I'd be a bridezilla but after participating in a few weddings it helped me see what to fret over and what not to fret over.

It also confirmed for me that spending the money for a DOC or a wedding planner was well worth it.

Ndelible · July 2014

Nope, not poking to poke. Just saying that it's a very limited view of the cross section of people in this world to make such a statement. But I kid. It's a view and a valid one. Just a little limiting.

manateehugger · July 2014

MagicInk said:

Having been a bridesmaid, I can say I totally agree with @PDKH. I'm pretty chill already, and never thought I'd be a bridezilla but after participating in a few weddings it helped me see what to fret over and what not to fret over.

It also confirmed for me that spending the money for a DOC or a wedding planner was well worth it.

Yeah, truth, just in general it helped.

The last wedding I was in, the bride cried or freaked out over everything - her dress got dirty pre-ceremony, a piece of her updo fell down, one of the groomsmen forgot the plastic sunglasses we were supposed to use for photos, etc.

She eventually relaxed, but she lost out on a lot of the fun pre-wedding moments with us because she was too busy shoving herself into a corner trying to not hyperventilate; all of our laughing/fooling around pictures were 100% staged.

I decided after that wedding, that once the morning of mine rolled around, I needed to let everything go and just knock back a mimosa. And I had a fantastic wedding morning.

Ndelible · July 2014

To the original question, I picked my best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. I am lucky that they want to do more than just show up in the outfit. Well, and not so lucky. I invite their ideas and opinions and those can be... Different from mine. But I am one who enjoys looking at things from different perspectives and their opinions can sway me. Not usually, but sometimes.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:
Of course I read her comment. I read it like, three times to make sure what I was reading was what I was reading. I understand what she meant. It's absurd on the surface. Many, people get married without bridesmaids. All you need to be a bride, is someone willing to marry you.

She wasn't saying that in order to get married you *need* bridesmaids. She was saying in order to get married you should first have been a bridesmaid in another wedding or so, especially in the wedding of a bridezilla, so that you understand how not to act and how not to treat your BM'S if choose to have them.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Nope, not poking to poke. Just saying that it's a very limited view of the cross section of people in this world to make such a statement. But I kid. It's a view and a valid one. Just a little limiting.

No, you are just poking.

Unless you think the idea of empathy is limiting - which is just sad.

Ndelible · July 2014

You are correct @prettygirllost. I fudged up that response. Be a bridesmaid. I'll cut down the original response: not everyone is in the position to be one before they are married themselves.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:
You are correct @prettygirllost. I fudged up that response. Be a bridesmaid. I'll cut down the original response: not everyone is in the position to be one before they are married themselves.

No of course not. But hopefully those that are have a better understanding of how to be a nicer bride ;-)

FiancB · July 2014

I always thought this was a strange tradition as well, and if I'd had it my way we would've done just the MOH and BM thing as well, but DH went and asked 5 groomsmen practically before we got home from him proposing, so I picked more than that. It was something I really kind of stressed over quite a bit (no, not for purposes of having even numbers, which we didn't) and I didn't really pick a MOH.

My two friends that were there, I can't imagine having not been there. One almost didn't make it and I ended up buying her plane ticket and it was 100% worth it. I also had my sister, and I figured my niece would get a kick out getting her hair done and stuff so she was there too, even though I live so far away I'm not as close to her as I would like.

I would like to think I was a pretty chill bride. We had a lot of fun getting ready that day, and leading up to it. I was also super not interested in the uniform thing. Originally I picked a color, but one BM bought off ebay and another freaked over not getting the right one on time, but those two picked a very similar shade so it looked like it was done on purpose anyway. And even if someone had shown up in hot pink instead of turquoise- OH WELL.

We had a groomsman not understand that when we said grey suits, we meant light gray and he showed up in charcoal. For another, somehow we came up short on the right yellow striped ties (still waiting for finding that thing in the bottom of the closet or something) so his wife brought him a gold one. The groomsmen were more worried about it than we were. The pictures are fine. Nobody died. Still waiting for evil spirits.

Ndelible · July 2014

PDKH said:

Ndelible said:

Nope, not poking to poke. Just saying that it's a very limited view of the cross section of people in this world to make such a statement. But I kid. It's a view and a valid one. Just a little limiting.

No, you are just poking.

Unless you think the idea of empathy is limiting - which is just sad.

No, I don't. I try to put myself in someone else's shoes when I am considering how to behave or respond.

Ndelible · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

You are correct @prettygirllost. I fudged up that response. Be a bridesmaid. I'll cut down the original response: not everyone is in the position to be one before they are married themselves.
No of course not. But hopefully those that are have a better understanding of how to be a nicer bride ;-)

That would be agreed, but considering how many posters have stated they've been BMs and are still not empathetic, that's a hit or miss.

falsara · July 2014

The people that me and FI picked for our WP, have known us forever. Heck his GMs were there when we finally went from just best friends to a couple. They watched it all happen.

On my side, these girls have always been a apart of my life, no matter how far away from each other we ended up being stationed. My sister/ MOH has helped make me the person I am, and my BMs were there for me since before HS, they even came out to meet FI when we had been dating for a while, just because I had been talking about him a bunch. My junior BM, she'll be starting HS right after the wedding. I used to change her diapers, for me I'm just excited that I get to give her a moment that she will remember for a long time.

These people are main stays in my life, I want them to be a part of my day, and I want them there so that they know, that just because I'll be married, doesn't mean I don't need them in my life. I hope that they all feel beautiful in whatever dress/ makeup/ hair/ shoes they choose.

BTW totally I totally wish I had a chance to be a bridesmaid before I got married, I was one for a while, but then the engagement was called off =(

ohannabelle · July 2014

CMGragain said:

Weddings are about tradition. Bridesmaids are one of those traditions.

For many years, a bride came to be married accompanied by her unmarried girl friends. They were there for good wishes and good luck to their friend. They were not there to "support her". Most of them, hopefully, envied her, and wished that they, too could find a good husband. There weren't too many other options for them back then. Think Jane Austen. Matching dresses and special colors didn't happen until the 20th century.

All of this. And even more.

All the way back to the medieval and dark ages, when record keeping was sketchy at best, the bride's and groom's attendants, and even guests, served as actual witnesses, who might have to testify in the future. So nobody could say, invalid marriage, this never really counted. Doesn't count.

So the attendants (and guests) were very carefully chosen, people whose opinions would be respected, people who were considered honorable, or simply people with a lot of clout. So five years after the wedding, after your dowry had been squandered and your sheep sold, your father in law Grun of Mouldyshire couldn't say, oh no. It really wasn't a proper marriage. We're sending her back and getting a new one.

So the traditions of being surrounded by attendants are many layered, from fooling the evil spirits to bearing legal witnesses, to just being general happy well-wishers, to just having your besties near you.

We keep odd and old traditions, I think, as a link to part of the greater human experience that's part of us. There is just something very beautiful about repeating the same words as your great great great great grandmothers and grandfathers did, and repeating the same actions, and those threads lead through time to the story that's now your own. It creates a deeper awareness, maybe, of who we are and where our futures might lead. (If you choose to get all deep and poetical about it.)

Or maybe you just want your pals there in pretty dresses. I like to think it's deeper than that.

What is the point of a bridesmaid?

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