Good Morning, Ladies!
So, I know that I could be opening up the flood gates for criticism, but I want some feedback from all of you. My BF and I have been dating for six and a half years. We have had serious conversations about our future, and we know that we do not want to get engaged any time soon. We both have a lot of goals (e.g., personal, academic, financial, etc.) we want to accomplish before we take that next step. Now, this next part is where I might catch some flack. Did any of you ladies hate calling your SO "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend". This just started to bother me recently, and I know that it shouldn't. I should not let a stupid title bother me. I realize I am being completely petty. Maybe I just need to vent to all of you to get rid of this stupid feeling.
I just feel that my BF means so much more to me than what "BF" implies. I had to write down emergency contact numbers on some paperwork a few months ago, and the woman who was walking me through the paperwork asked what my relation was to that particular contact number. I am assuming she thought it was my dad or brother. I explain that he was my BF, and she gave me this look like she disapproved of my decision to include him on the list...like he wasn't important. That bothered me a lot. I have been with this man for so many years, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. "BF" does not correctly identify what he means to me. Does that make any sense or have I lost my mind? Have any of you experienced this petty feeling?
Re: BSC or Normal?
I'm almost that way with using FI now.
You're not crazy, I felt the same way. H and I were together for roughly 6.5 years before we were married. After the first few years "boyfriend" just seemed an odd term for how I felt about him. Plus, he was in his 30s and I was in my late 20s, so "boyfriend" just sounded immature to me.
Thinking about other terms, I've never found a good one. "Significant Other" seems the best I guess, but it sounds so removed. "Partner" or "Life Partner" sounds like an alternative life style.
"Boyfriend/Girlfriend" just seems to imply a shorter term relationship and that's not what we were. It was especially a sore spot for me when I was still calling him "Boyfriend" while other friends had met, dated and married their "husbands" long after I'd met my "boyfriend". (even though we were in no rush to get married, the title seemed to imply we'd been together less time and had a less significant relationship)
I guess it's just one of those things you get over. I knew we had reasons we were waiting for marriage and we were happy. After a little while, you learn to have confidence in what you have and don't worry so much about the title or what other people assume it means.
Personally, I have never felt that way about the terms bf/gf. I've also been with other boyfriends ages longer than I have been with this one!
Now fiance, I'm just not a big fan of that word. I don't think I've said it more than 5 times, and I'm kind of weirded out when SO says it. Even on here, I won't use the accepted "FI". I'm old school craigslist forums and SO or even FH are where it's at!
I think your age plays into the perception of commitment level too. My BF when I was 18 was certainly looked upon less seriously in general than the one I dated at 28, regardless of how I felt about each. I don't think anyone would question me at my age about putting down a BF as an emergency contact! lol
That's all I've got.
I don't think I ever really felt like that. For the first 6 months after we got engaged, I kept calling him my boyfriend. I just don't care for the term fiance, I don't know why. And I honestly don't think it holds any more importance than boyfriend. I have a few friends who have been "engaged" for years with no actual plans or date or get married. It's almost like they just took that step to get people off their their back or please each other with the title. But if they really wanted to go through with it, they would have by now. So in a way, I find fiance holds the same connotations as boyfriend.
(I don't mean that in any offense to anyone who has a long engagement. I just personally feel when you ask someone, and when you accept from someone, you are saying you're ready- let's do this. If you're going to say yes then sit around and not do it for 10 years, maybe you weren't ready to say yes. )
A woman from my work has been with her man for 26 years. They have a 24 year old son, they are happy, they love each other, they are a family, never been with anyone else. They are not legally married. I've never once heard her use the term boyfriend, but she doesn't say husband either. She just says his name when referring to him.
I totally get this. Its almost like a bragging title. I have felt that way before when calling him my fiance
"His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa