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Chit Chat
themuffinman16
member
Husband and I disagree over etiquette.
Of all the people who attended the wedding, only one has not given us a card. FI is really upset over this cousin, and wants to say something to her. I told him absolutely not. She was the one who posted a meme on my facebook wall that since we were not giving her a plus one, she would be drinking for two. I think she has a serious beef with us, and that might be why she didn't send a card. Or she could be struggling financially (she does not have a lot of money), and was embarrassed that she did not have money for a gift. Maybe she thought a card would only draw attention to that. I told him whatever the case is, we should let sleeping dogs lie. It is not mandatory to give a gift at a wedding, even though most people do. Giving gifts at weddings is a fairly new tradition, and should never be expected.
FI thinks that she may have sent a card, but it could be lost or stolen. I said being that she was the only card we did not receive... I highly doubt it. But when everyone gets their thank you cards, and she doesn't, if she gave us something, she would say something. And then it would be okay for us to tell her that we didn't receive a card from her. Otherwise, we should just be happy that she spent the day with us, celebrating our marriage. What can I tell FI that I haven't that this is tacky, and we should be grateful for what we received?
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Re: Husband and I disagree over etiquette.
Anyway, ask him if having a $2 piece of paper will really matter that much to him in a year...or even in a month? Or how is he going to attack this, "Hey, I'm really pissed you didn't spend time and money on me and my new wife"? Does he think getting a card from her would change her attitude? Is the card the issue or is it that she acted like a douche?
Honestly, this isn't even an etiquette issue anymore. It's a LET IT GO issue.
Of course your etiquette is correct. It's never correct to ask why a gift wasn't given. Gifts aren't required. And one point you missed, some people send gifts after the wedding. If he questions cousin and receives the gift after, how will he feel?
Now, let's assume your husband is right about his cousin, since he probably is. She didn't give a card because she is being petty about not receiving a plus one. Why give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has gotten his goat. I would send cousin a lovely note, thanking her for her presence at your celebration. I'd leave out the part about how gratifying it was to see her drinking for two.
It's definitely an adjustment, which is why I added the wink at the end.