If the OP was a lawyer, would you guys be saying that it was uncalled for? Clearly there is something shady going on at that place, and it doesn't hurt to have someone back you up. What the boss did was illegal, and sometimes having someone outside of the business say something could help. Which it did.
Though, I think the fact that this has happened multiple times in the past and this is the first the OP has heard of it, makes it a FI issue.
In the first pass, yes, I still think it would be inappropriate for her to barge in there. Hand him the legal statutes, give him a script, and see what happens. If the boss doesn't budge in the face of his employee clutching the law and the facts, then pursue stronger action.
I don't think anyone said this boss doesn't sound like a shady douche, because he does. And I think her FI totally should have pushed back and threatened legal action. I don't think he should have waived a white flag and called for his fiance to come help him.
If the OP was a lawyer, would you guys be saying that it was uncalled for? Clearly there is something shady going on at that place, and it doesn't hurt to have someone back you up. What the boss did was illegal, and sometimes having someone outside of the business say something could help. Which it did.
Though, I think the fact that this has happened multiple times in the past and this is the first the OP has heard of it, makes it a FI issue.
Unless she was acting in her official capacity as a lawyer, yes.
If the OP was a lawyer, would you guys be saying that it was uncalled for? Clearly there is something shady going on at that place, and it doesn't hurt to have someone back you up. What the boss did was illegal, and sometimes having someone outside of the business say something could help. Which it did.
Though, I think the fact that this has happened multiple times in the past and this is the first the OP has heard of it, makes it a FI issue.
Yes. Because when you have a 'dog in the fight' you are no longer objective and it's a conflict of interest. The OP would still be emotionally invested in the case instead of looking at just the facts. She has interest in whether or not he keeps his job, whether or not his pay is the same because it would directly affect her livelihood.
The fact that OP DID intervene, has undercut his integrity as an adult, and undermined his authority. This guy needs to find a new job because from hereon out, everyone will be watching the door to see if his wife is coming in to save him because he can't stand up for himself. He now looks like a complete pushover without a backbone.
I just don't understand why he still wants to work there after all of that. I mean, obviously he needs the money… but seriously, if my FI went in and yelled at my boss, and then I got my job back, I would be way too embarrassed to go to work. There is just no way I'd have someone else fight my battles and then go to work like nothing happened.
Not to mention the boss is super shady. It's best to move on.
If the OP was a lawyer, would you guys be saying that it was uncalled for? Clearly there is something shady going on at that place, and it doesn't hurt to have someone back you up. What the boss did was illegal, and sometimes having someone outside of the business say something could help. Which it did.
Though, I think the fact that this has happened multiple times in the past and this is the first the OP has heard of it, makes it a FI issue.
yes, it would still be uncalled for. Most lawyers won't represent their own family members. Give advice, yes? Actually appear on their behalf, no.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
If the OP was a lawyer, would you guys be saying that it was uncalled for? Clearly there is something shady going on at that place, and it doesn't hurt to have someone back you up. What the boss did was illegal, and sometimes having someone outside of the business say something could help. Which it did.
Though, I think the fact that this has happened multiple times in the past and this is the first the OP has heard of it, makes it a FI issue.
yes, it would still be uncalled for. Most lawyers won't represent their own family members. Give advice, yes? Actually appear on their behalf, no.
Can you come and make my boss give me a raise though? Or recommend someone who can!
For real, a raise would be fabo ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I just don't understand why he still wants to work there after all of that. I mean, obviously he needs the money… but seriously, if my FI went in and yelled at my boss, and then I got my job back, I would be way too embarrassed to go to work. There is just no way I'd have someone else fight my battles and then go to work like nothing happened.
Not to mention the boss is super shady. It's best to move on.
OP mentioned he has been looking for another job. But he probably doesn't want to be unemployed while he's looking.
Ok, this may sound a little out of touch. But is it hard to find fast food gigs?
I was kind of wondering the same thing. I mean, I honestly have no idea. I am extremely fortunate in that there is no shortage of jobs in my field (pharmaceutical development/manufacturing).
Just a response in slight defense of OP.
If he were to have confronted his boss it's very possible that that boss would have refused to hire him back because he was argumentative/ defiant. In this case OP was acting as a sort of manger or in this case attorney/ legal consul.
Just a thought about the fact that had OP's FI tried to take care of the problem itself, it could have not fixed the problem and instead worsened it.
Just a response in slight defense of OP.
If he were to have confronted his boss it's very possible that that boss would have refused to hire him back because he was argumentative/ defiant. In this case OP was acting as a sort of manger or in this case attorney/ legal consul.
Just a thought about the fact that had OP's FI tried to take care of the problem itself, it could have not fixed the problem and instead worsened it.
SIB
She should have given him the info and let him handle his own shit. He's an adult, not a child that needs mom to deal with the principal.
Just a response in slight defense of OP.
If he were to have confronted his boss it's very possible that that boss would have refused to hire him back because he was argumentative/ defiant. In this case OP was acting as a sort of manger or in this case attorney/ legal consul.
Just a thought about the fact that had OP's FI tried to take care of the problem itself, it could have not fixed the problem and instead worsened it.
If he had calmly advocated for himself, showed the manager the statute, like the OP provided for him, and he still got fired, he would easily have grounds to sue the manager/company.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
Hey. @loveislouder. Valid points are being made, but don't let it upset or stress you. Maybe it's the merlot on an empty stomach talking, but I still love your bitchypants.
Take the advice, don't stress about it, and be okay with that. You did what you thought needed to be done, it worked out, and next time, fiancé can handle it. Lessons learned, new perspectives, good wisdomosity dispensed from many, all is well.
I think you had great intentions, @loveislouder . I admire you wanting to stand up for your FI. I do see some of the points that PPs are making that I wouldn't have thought of right off the bat. So that's why these discussions are good even if they are hard to stomach.
What's done is done. You get to choose how you want to move forward with decision making in your relationship from here on out. Regardless, I am hoping the best for your FI and finding a healthier work place.
@PDKH re: advocating for one's self in higher education
1) Let's say a woman got a B instead of an A on a paper. Rather than get the rubric and the feedback and make an appointment to discuss the grade with her professor, her husband calls her academic advisor screaming about how unfair it was to grade her that way when she worked so hard and deserved an A.
2) For whatever reason, woman didn't register for the number of credit hours that she was financially set up for, resulting in some aid funding discrepancies. Rather than work with the financial aid office herself, husband berates financial aid officers about their inadequacies.
3) Woman isn't attending class as often as she should be to pass the class. When her advisor calls her, she passes the phone to her husband who says she's too busy for school.
4) My favorite-- a 40 year old woman whose program required an internship, well, her dad left a voicemail for the coordinator saying "he" couldn't secure an internship "for her" and "she's just a kid who can't handle this". Said woman was employed in a medical profession. When we contacted the student via her private e-mail, she said she was totally fine and actually had her internship set up, and didn't know why her dad called.
ETA: no paragraphs
@PDKH re: advocating for one's self in higher education
1) Let's say a woman got a B instead of an A on a paper. Rather than get the rubric and the feedback and make an appointment to discuss the grade with her professor, her husband calls her academic advisor screaming about how unfair it was to grade her that way when she worked so hard and deserved an A.
2) For whatever reason, woman didn't register for the number of credit hours that she was financially set up for, resulting in some aid funding discrepancies. Rather than work with the financial aid office herself, husband berates financial aid officers about their inadequacies.
3) Woman isn't attending class as often as she should be to pass the class. When her advisor calls her, she passes the phone to her husband who says she's too busy for school.
4) My favorite-- a 40 year old woman whose program required an internship, well, her dad left a voicemail for the coordinator saying "he" couldn't secure an internship "for her" and "she's just a kid who can't handle this". Said woman was employed in a medical profession. When we contacted the student via her private e-mail, she said she was totally fine and actually had her internship set up, and didn't know why her dad called.
ETA: no paragraphs
I can guess why her dad called. She may have had a moment of frustration and vented to him and he decided he needed to "fix" things for his baby. Clearly not a case of her not being able to stand up for herself, just a case of a parent who doesn't realize their kid grew up. I went through some major stuff a few years ago around the time I got married. DH was in and out to sea a lot in the months leading to our wedding and then deployed for 6 months shortly after our wedding. I would vent to my mom because I needed someone to talk it through with and she would start sobbing "I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help". My response was "I don't need you to do anything, I don't need your help, I need you to just listen". I also have some fears related to that situation and if I express them she thinks those things are actually happening to me. They aren't, it's just always in the back of my mind that it could happen again. It's not that I'm not a grown woman perfectly capable of taking care of myself. It's that she's my mother and to her I will forever be her baby who needs to be taken care of.
@PDKH re: advocating for one's self in higher education
1) Let's say a woman got a B instead of an A on a paper. Rather than get the rubric and the feedback and make an appointment to discuss the grade with her professor, her husband calls her academic advisor screaming about how unfair it was to grade her that way when she worked so hard and deserved an A.
2) For whatever reason, woman didn't register for the number of credit hours that she was financially set up for, resulting in some aid funding discrepancies. Rather than work with the financial aid office herself, husband berates financial aid officers about their inadequacies.
3) Woman isn't attending class as often as she should be to pass the class. When her advisor calls her, she passes the phone to her husband who says she's too busy for school.
4) My favorite-- a 40 year old woman whose program required an internship, well, her dad left a voicemail for the coordinator saying "he" couldn't secure an internship "for her" and "she's just a kid who can't handle this". Said woman was employed in a medical profession. When we contacted the student via her private e-mail, she said she was totally fine and actually had her internship set up, and didn't know why her dad called.
ETA: no paragraphs
Gotcha - yeah these make sense. I view these the same as the situation here, just genders reversed. We dealt with this crap from parents all the time.
My favorite was a woman who called after her son got caught with both heroin and cocaine in his room. She called us to explain that he was a good boy and we were obviously terrible, people incapable of understanding him. She later showed up to yell at my boss about how this was clearly not her son and why weren't we investigating it. Lady, your son is suspected of dealing hard drugs out of his dorm room - the cops wanted him more than the student conduct office did.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
The more I think about this the more I realize why I'm bothered by the OP's actions. Her FI is a manager. As a line employee working for him I would be thinking, man this manager can't stand up for themselves, what change do I have they will come to bat for me? Does that make sense? So I get why she did what she did. If FI was a line employee I would still roll my eyes, but not as much. The fact FI is a manager himself with people under him I think this could seriously under-mind his authority. Especially in the environment he is working in.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
Oh ok! I was actually diagnosed with asperger's syndrome when I was 17 but mine is mild too. I don't even have to take medicine for it. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not. I'm bad with acyromns and slang words sometimes ha
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
Oh ok! I was actually diagnosed with asperger's syndrome when I was 17 but mine is mild too. I don't even have to take medicine for it. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not. I'm bad with acyromns and slang words sometimes ha
There is no specific med for Aspergers. They can medicate some of the associated problems, anxiety, depression, etc. But not the actual Aspergers. My youngest boy has it. It's gotten progressively easier as he's gotten older, but it's been a rough 17 years for him. He's sweeter than sweet, and grown into a funny and sharp young man, but it wasn't easy getting here.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
Oh ok! I was actually diagnosed with asperger's syndrome when I was 17 but mine is mild too. I don't even have to take medicine for it. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not. I'm bad with acyromns and slang words sometimes ha
My youngest sister was diagnosed when she was 5. You can definitely tell she is different. Socially awkward, doesn't care about her appearance, doesn't like to be told what to do. She is very talented at drawing, like crazy good. She went through a lot of therapy and now she is a lot better with social interactions,, has a group of friends (odd ducklings too!) And she even had her first sleep over. She is 16 years old now, and we started drivers ed. /sigh I'm not sure she will ever get out of the parking lot. Coordination with the car is just not her thing. But she wanted to be like her friends so bad. my mom had the discussion with her that it is possible she may not get her license.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
Oh ok! I was actually diagnosed with asperger's syndrome when I was 17 but mine is mild too. I don't even have to take medicine for it. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not. I'm bad with acyromns and slang words sometimes ha
My youngest sister was diagnosed when she was 5. You can definitely tell she is different. Socially awkward, doesn't care about her appearance, doesn't like to be told what to do. She is very talented at drawing, like crazy good. She went through a lot of therapy and now she is a lot better with social interactions,, has a group of friends (odd ducklings too!) And she even had her first sleep over. She is 16 years old now, and we started drivers ed. /sigh I'm not sure she will ever get out of the parking lot. Coordination with the car is just not her thing. But she wanted to be like her friends so bad. my mom had the discussion with her that it is possible she may not get her license.
Thanks. It felt good to talk about my little sis.
No problem! She sounds really cool. I bet my parents were nervous about me growing up. My dad took me to a doctor after reading about the symptoms in an article. I know I'm "different" but as I've gotten older I've been able to adjust very well. I'm not sure if it's the same for everyone but I know it has gotten easier for me. If she ever wants to talk to someone else who has it she can talk to me anytime!
Sorry, I completely missed that this discussion took off. Yes, my FI has aspbergers. We're in engineering, lots of folks in that field do. He's had some rough times, but has learned to deal pretty well. Fortunately for us, our social awkwardnesses fit together pretty well.
But yeah, he does not read social situations at all well. I had to learn how to communicate clearly (something I've always been bad at) but it's worked out pretty well. He's actually gotten pretty good at reading me, but it's taken almost 5 years (and I chased him for 2 years before that, he had no idea).
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
I figured this out as I kept reading, but at first, I thought she was saying, "My FI is an ass pie."
I thought, "Well, that's not very nice." But I understood as I kept reading.
My FI is an aspie. It's pretty mild but he doesn't always understand when someone is making fun of him or asking him to do something that is wrong. I have gone after people for bullying him, but peers, coworkers. When he had a problem with management I helped him figure out what his options were, and once he decided which way he wanted to go, I helped him prepare to talk to them, and to stand up for himself afterwards. It was his fight, and it was important to let him fight it.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
What is an aspie?
I'm thinking asperger's syndrome. For those who don't know, it's a form of autism that deals mostly with an unawareness/difficulty with social cues and interactions.
I figured this out as I kept reading, but at first, I thought she was saying, "My FI is an ass pie."
I thought, "Well, that's not very nice." But I understood as I kept reading.
----- box, box, there is no box ---- I like that one, I'll have to tuck it away and use it on him at a later time. He'd laugh and probably agree :P
Hi, OP! Message me if your FI is still looking for a job. We have a new job of KG opening up soon. I'm just too busy to handle it all!! I was rehearsing with the Bellas and the Treble Makers from Pitch Perfect last week. I'm so important!
Re: Fiance Got Fired...
yes, it would still be uncalled for. Most lawyers won't represent their own family members. Give advice, yes? Actually appear on their behalf, no.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
For real, a raise would be fabo ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
Just a response in slight defense of OP. If he were to have confronted his boss it's very possible that that boss would have refused to hire him back because he was argumentative/ defiant. In this case OP was acting as a sort of manger or in this case attorney/ legal consul. Just a thought about the fact that had OP's FI tried to take care of the problem itself, it could have not fixed the problem and instead worsened it.
If he had calmly advocated for himself, showed the manager the statute, like the OP provided for him, and he still got fired, he would easily have grounds to sue the manager/company.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
My favorite was a woman who called after her son got caught with both heroin and cocaine in his room. She called us to explain that he was a good boy and we were obviously terrible, people incapable of understanding him. She later showed up to yell at my boss about how this was clearly not her son and why weren't we investigating it. Lady, your son is suspected of dealing hard drugs out of his dorm room - the cops wanted him more than the student conduct office did.
That said, I'm glad it worked out for OP. There's definitely something shady going on there.
Oh ok! I was actually diagnosed with asperger's syndrome when I was 17 but mine is mild too. I don't even have to take medicine for it. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not. I'm bad with acyromns and slang words sometimes ha
Oh ok! I was actually diagnosed with asperger's syndrome when I was 17 but mine is mild too. I don't even have to take medicine for it. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not. I'm bad with acyromns and slang words sometimes ha
My youngest sister was diagnosed when she was 5. You can definitely tell she is different. Socially awkward, doesn't care about her appearance, doesn't like to be told what to do. She is very talented at drawing, like crazy good. She went through a lot of therapy and now she is a lot better with social interactions,, has a group of friends (odd ducklings too!) And she even had her first sleep over. She is 16 years old now, and we started drivers ed. /sigh I'm not sure she will ever get out of the parking lot. Coordination with the car is just not her thing. But she wanted to be like her friends so bad. my mom had the discussion with her that it is possible she may not get her license.
Thanks. It felt good to talk about my little sis.
But yeah, he does not read social situations at all well. I had to learn how to communicate clearly (something I've always been bad at) but it's worked out pretty well. He's actually gotten pretty good at reading me, but it's taken almost 5 years (and I chased him for 2 years before that, he had no idea).
I figured this out as I kept reading, but at first, I thought she was saying, "My FI is an ass pie."
----- box, box, there is no box ----
I like that one, I'll have to tuck it away and use it on him at a later time. He'd laugh and probably agree :P
Seriously..?