Maybe I just don't know.....

jakeiaf · August 2014

So I just read a post about a military bride who said she was having "another" wedding because her "first" wedding was just at the courthouse and she wanted to have a ceremony and reception for her family and friends. She was asking a question about attire but it didn't get answered because everyone tore her a new one about bad etiquette and how she wasn't having a wedding she was having a vow renewal. Now I'm in a semi-similar boat as her because I'm gay. My fiance and I are getting "legally married" in DC at a 5 minute paper signing. It won't be a ceremony like a traditional wedding just signing some papers ( at least that's what I was told) We are holding our wedding (or what I thought was a wedding) in Georgia for family and friends to attend. We will hold a traditional ceremony and reception with the works. For anniversary purposes we will use our Georgia wedding date etc. There are even venues in states where gay marriage isn't legal that will pay for you to get married in a state where it is, as long as you hold a ceremony and reception at their venue. However, I didn't know that there were rules. I am really confused because I didn't know that this was looked down upon. What am I missing? My family knows I'll already be "legally married" and they don't seem to care. Can someone explain to me what I am doing wrong? Also what is a PPD?

JCbride2015 · August 2014

Nope, you're good. Same-sex couples get a pass if your home state is bigoted enough to deny you the right to get married. Not a PPD.

PPD= Pretty Princess Day, in which a couple gets married early for whatever reason, then has another fake wedding because they feel like the first one wasn't fancy enough. These brides often say the legal marriage is "just a piece of paper" which is pretty offensive when you consider that gay couples all over the country are fighting like hell for that "piece of paper."

beethery · August 2014

In the case where you can not be legally married in your state due to bullshit like what GA is doing, what you are planning is PERFECTLY 100% acceptable.

As a Georgia native, I am ashamed that they can not get it together on marriage equality for everyone. It is ridiculous.

Another poster on this board, @magicink is having her ceremony in her home state, and then she and her wife will fly to California to have their legal ceremony.

Congratulations on your impending marriage

mrsmorales2be · August 2014

Oh, man...here we go....

In MOST cases, your "legal marriage" is just that. You are actually, completely, totally, and fully married. Have a celebration with your friends and family later if you choose, just don't call it a wedding and do all of the traditionally "wedding" things. You're already married! PPD = Pretty Princess Day. Please, read the thread on Etiquette. That should answer your questions. And congrats on getting married.

AddieCake · August 2014

You're doing nothing wrong. You rock both events! Congrats!

JCbride2015 · August 2014

mrsmorales2be said:

Oh, man...here we go....
In MOST cases, your "legal marriage" is just that. You are actually, completely, totally, and fully married. Have a celebration with your friends and family later if you choose, just don't call it a wedding and do all of the traditionally "wedding" things. You're already married! PPD = Pretty Princess Day. Please, read the thread on Etiquette. That should answer your questions. And congrats on getting married.

@mrsmorales2be Did you read her OP?

bethsmiles · August 2014

Your situation is very different. You can not legally get married in your state with friends and family because we have shitty laws like that right now.

Nothing prevents a straight couple from signing the legal paperwork and having the big celebration on the same day.

I would not look down on your plans at all.

huskypuppy14 · August 2014

Because you can't legally get married in Georgia, what you are doing is acceptable.

On these boards we don't appreciate people doing a"redo" wedding because they only got married at the courthouse. Plenty of couples get married at a courthouse and declare that their wedding day.

We don't feel that everyone is entitled to the wedding of their dreams, and sometimes circumstances get in the way. However, for cases like yours where you can't legally get married everywhere, it's an exception.

KatieinBkln · August 2014

You're a-ok in my book. No one should fault you for jumping through the hoops that the law is forcing you to jump through. I have a feeling that if you could legally marry in GA, you would do so at the fancy wedding you're throwing! The fact that you're unable to do so is a failure on the part of our country, not on you.

mrsmorales2be · August 2014

@JCbride2015 - guess I didn't make myself clear - that's why I said MOST cases. OP's case is different, but I was attempting to answer the question as to what a PPD is, and why it's such a big etiquette issue. I answered poorly.

jakeiaf · August 2014

Thank you to everyone that answered! I was confused but you ladies were a big help! I now understand the difference and I have to agree on the "ppd" thing! Thanks again!

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

You are perfectly fine.

Getting knocked up by your boyfriend and having a legal ceremony so you can get on his health insurance/not have your parents look down on you for having a baby out of wedlock, and then having the "real wedding" once you get skinny again because you want a big party = PPD.

Getting married at a courthouse because the legal requirements of your destination wedding country are "hardddd you guysssss" but still making your friends and family spend lots of money to fly to said DW = PPD.

Getting married so you can get rights and privileges afforded to military spouses, like getting to live on-base, but still wanting a "real wedding" - PPD.

Being forced to go to great distance and expense because the lawmakers in the state where you happen to live can't pull their heads out of their own assholes in order to "allow" people who love each other to marry each other, but wanting to say your vows in your hometown surrounded by your nearest and dearest - nothing wrong with that. (Aside from the obvious WTFitude of the situation in general.)

VulgarGirl · August 2014

Your home state is fucking you over cause you're queer. And frankly my dear, that's just shitty. I know, my home state is fucking me over cause I'm queer too. Bastards.

So when the government chooses to fuck you over, through no fault of your own, it is not a PPD. This was actually one of the first things I asked about on here!

Choosing to get married legally, when every single state acknowledges your right to be married, and then have another wedding later for convince/health insurance/ect, is an entirely other matter. And honestly pisses me the hell off because I'm fighting tooth and nail to get the rights that these people are shrugging their shoulders at and saying its "no big deal". Sure, if you have the right it's no big deal. It's a big fucking deal when you're told you're a second class citizen because of your sexual orientation.

Sorry, got ranty there. Like @beethery said, my FI and I will be getting married in our home state and then sometime afterwards (depending on our work schedules) we'll go over and have a little vacay and get hitched in CA, where it's totally fine and dandy if gay people are treated the same as straight people.

smalfrie19 · August 2014

MagicInk said:

Your home state is fucking you over cause you're queer. And frankly my dear, that's just shitty. I know, my home state is fucking me over cause I'm queer too. Bastards.

So when the government chooses to fuck you over, through no fault of your own, it is not a PPD. This was actually one of the first things I asked about on here!

Choosing to get married legally, when every single state acknowledges your right to be married, and then have another wedding later for convince/health insurance/ect, is an entirely other matter. And honestly pisses me the hell off because I'm fighting tooth and nail to get the rights that these people are shrugging their shoulders at and saying its "no big deal". Sure, if you have the right it's no big deal. It's a big fucking deal when you're told you're a second class citizen because of your sexual orientation.

Sorry, got ranty there. Like @beethery said, my FI and I will be getting married in our home state and then sometime afterwards (depending on our work schedules) we'll go over and have a little vacay and get hitched in CA, where it's totally fine and dandy if gay people are treated the same as straight people.

You should come to WA state instead and I will be one of your witnesses

@MagicInk

VulgarGirl · August 2014

smalfrie19 said:

MagicInk said:

Your home state is fucking you over cause you're queer. And frankly my dear, that's just shitty. I know, my home state is fucking me over cause I'm queer too. Bastards.

So when the government chooses to fuck you over, through no fault of your own, it is not a PPD. This was actually one of the first things I asked about on here!

Choosing to get married legally, when every single state acknowledges your right to be married, and then have another wedding later for convince/health insurance/ect, is an entirely other matter. And honestly pisses me the hell off because I'm fighting tooth and nail to get the rights that these people are shrugging their shoulders at and saying its "no big deal". Sure, if you have the right it's no big deal. It's a big fucking deal when you're told you're a second class citizen because of your sexual orientation.

Sorry, got ranty there. Like @beethery said, my FI and I will be getting married in our home state and then sometime afterwards (depending on our work schedules) we'll go over and have a little vacay and get hitched in CA, where it's totally fine and dandy if gay people are treated the same as straight people.

You should come to WA state instead and I will be one of your witnesses @MagicInk

If I go to WA I might never leave. I seriously want to live in WA or OR one day. But ya know jobs and shit.

theexactlee · August 2014

Congratulations on your marriage!

Ndelible · August 2014

Congratulations!

missdelilah · August 2014

Congratulations! I hope you have a lovely two days of celebration.

Don't feel that what you are doing is in any way related to a PPD. I think PPs have summed it up very well. I'm just embarrassed on behalf of an entire nation right now, and I don't think we'll see an improvement on the "all consenting adults have a right to marriage with the consenting adult of their choice" issue until after the next election. This country isn't perfect, but being able to marry your love without crossing an ocean is a step in the right direction.

Maybe I just don't know.....

Re: Maybe I just don't know.....

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