Who to seat far away?

kellymiron · August 2014

Admittedly, we made a an ettiquette mistake. We learned from this. Moral of the story: always plan for 100% attendance. Backstory: We are on a really strict budget. We are having the short ceremony and lunch reception in the same location. We aren't having a cocktail hour. We decided to have the reception tables set up during the ceremony to avoid a shuffling of guests while tables get set up. We want to transition very smoothly and quickly from ceremony to food being served to avoid hungry guests. We're having an 11:00 ceremony that will be only 15-20 minutes long and we plan to have the buffet start at 11:30-- even if things are running late it will begin by 11:45. So it made more sense to have the escort cards set up so guests can go directly to their proper tables. The Problem: The main floor of the venue seats 100. The loft seats 30. We invited 108 people, hoping that only 100 would come and we wouldn't have the use the loft. You guessed it: everyone is coming. We can't shove another 8 people into the main floor; it's already a little crowded. I would like to seat 20-30 people in the loft so it doesn't feel too isolated. It isn't a horrible problem because they can see everything and hear everything and many people seat people in the loft for ceremonies at this wedding, but it feels a little off. Do you have any advice about who to seat in the loft? Kids? Friends? Should I ask people and give them the option?

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

kellymiron said:

Admittedly, we made a an ettiquette mistake. We learned from this. Moral of the story: always plan for 100% attendance. Backstory: We are on a really strict budget. We are having the short ceremony and lunch reception in the same location. We aren't having a cocktail hour. We decided to have the reception tables set up during the ceremony to avoid a shuffling of guests while tables get set up. We want to transition very smoothly and quickly from ceremony to food being served to avoid hungry guests. We're having an 11:00 ceremony that will be only 15-20 minutes long and we plan to have the buffet start at 11:30-- even if things are running late it will begin by 11:45. So it made more sense to have the escort cards set up so guests can go directly to their proper tables. The Problem: The main floor of the venue seats 100. The loft seats 30. We invited 108 people, hoping that only 100 would come and we wouldn't have the use the loft. You guessed it: everyone is coming. We can't shove another 8 people into the main floor; it's already a little crowded. I would like to seat 20-30 people in the loft so it doesn't feel too isolated. It isn't a horrible problem because they can see everything and hear everything and many people seat people in the loft for ceremonies at this wedding, but it feels a little off. Do you have any advice about who to seat in the loft? Kids? Friends? Should I ask people and give them the option?

Does your venue have any other options? Have you told them about your issue?

gothic_fairy60 · August 2014

I would personally be irritated if I was sat in a loft away from the main group of people. It makes a person feel like they are not good enough to be treated like the rest of your guests, but good enough to come bring you a present.

mysticl · August 2014

kellymiron said:

Admittedly, we made a an ettiquette mistake. We learned from this. Moral of the story: always plan for 100% attendance. Backstory: We are on a really strict budget. We are having the short ceremony and lunch reception in the same location. We aren't having a cocktail hour. We decided to have the reception tables set up during the ceremony to avoid a shuffling of guests while tables get set up. We want to transition very smoothly and quickly from ceremony to food being served to avoid hungry guests. We're having an 11:00 ceremony that will be only 15-20 minutes long and we plan to have the buffet start at 11:30-- even if things are running late it will begin by 11:45. So it made more sense to have the escort cards set up so guests can go directly to their proper tables. The Problem: The main floor of the venue seats 100. The loft seats 30. We invited 108 people, hoping that only 100 would come and we wouldn't have the use the loft. You guessed it: everyone is coming. We can't shove another 8 people into the main floor; it's already a little crowded. I would like to seat 20-30 people in the loft so it doesn't feel too isolated. It isn't a horrible problem because they can see everything and hear everything and many people seat people in the loft for ceremonies at this wedding, but it feels a little off. Do you have any advice about who to seat in the loft? Kids? Friends? Should I ask people and give them the option?

I wouldn't seat children separately from their parents unless they are teenagers who know each other. Like if there is a group of cousins in around the 14-18 age range who get along they might enjoy a parent free table on another level. Other than that I've got nothing.

NYCMercedes · August 2014

We were put in a porch annex at a reception. The good news? There was a supplemental bar out there with no lines. Can you do this for a drinking group?

dramamonkey · August 2014

So my husband I almost went with a venue that had a loft space for 20-30. If we had gone with that venue, we would have put our friends up there -with an extra bar.

LabLove86 · August 2014

I probably wouldn't be offended if I was seated in the loft my with "circle" of friends at a mutual friends wedding.

I would not love it if I was family and I was put up there - unless it was something like all of the cousins of similar age and the B&G knew we hung with each other (not the case in my family - but I'm sure the case in some families).

I guess I'm saying I wouldn't want to feel isolated with a bunch of people I didn't know, but I would be ok with it if I knew the people up there. Make sense?

JCbride2015 · August 2014

I would put a group of coworkers or friends who know each other.

lc07 · August 2014

What if your table was up there along with some other guests. And everyone downstairs was closer to the dance floor and DJ? You and FI could go down to the dance floor for toasts, dances, mingling, but actually eat your meal upstairs with the "left out" crowd.

ETA: If I went this route, I would still have "VIP" tables of family members, etc. downstairs near the dance floor so it didn't seem like a fully elite group upstairs.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Ven&Radio · August 2014

gothic_fairy60 said:

I would personally be irritated if I was sat in a loft away from the main group of people. It makes a person feel like they are not good enough to be treated like the rest of your guests, but good enough to come bring you a present.

I agree with this.

STARMOON44 · August 2014

Seat 30 people for the reception upstairs- preferably a group that will have fun together. But for the ceremony get 30 folding chairs and put them downstairs. People may decide they'd rather sit upstairs but they should have the option of being downstairs for the ceremony. Then have the staff just clear away those chairs.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.

kellymiron · August 2014

Thanks for the replies! I'm going back and forth between friends or kids. I do have 9 cousins ages 12-16 that are all friends and get together often. I could sit them up in the loft if I checked with their parents first, but I'm pretty sure it would be fine. I was also considering getting them involved somehow. I was thinking I could get them kazoos or egg shakers to play at the very end, or confetti to toss from the loft. Then it would make the loft have a "purpose" and not just be exclusive. I'll see if I can get chairs for during the ceremony. If I can get an extra bar or something, then I'll put our friends up there. That's a little tricky because most of our friends that are coming are in the bridal party, but the alchohol access would be appreciated.

climbingsingle · August 2014

I would put that group of younger cousins up there.

Liatris2010 · August 2014

kellymiron said:

Thanks for the replies! I'm going back and forth between friends or kids. I do have 9 cousins ages 12-16 that are all friends and get together often. I could sit them up in the loft if I checked with their parents first, but I'm pretty sure it would be fine. I was also considering getting them involved somehow. I was thinking I could get them kazoos or egg shakers to play at the very end, or confetti to toss from the loft. Then it would make the loft have a "purpose" and not just be exclusive. I'll see if I can get chairs for during the ceremony. If I can get an extra bar or something, then I'll put our friends up there. That's a little tricky because most of our friends that are coming are in the bridal party, but the alchohol access would be appreciated.

Do this. My family has a similar group of close in age cousins, and they love being together and away from everyone else. They are all in their 20s and still insist on setting up a separate kids table at holidays.

BMoreBride6 · August 2014

Liatris2010 said:

kellymiron said:

Thanks for the replies! I'm going back and forth between friends or kids. I do have 9 cousins ages 12-16 that are all friends and get together often. I could sit them up in the loft if I checked with their parents first, but I'm pretty sure it would be fine. I was also considering getting them involved somehow. I was thinking I could get them kazoos or egg shakers to play at the very end, or confetti to toss from the loft. Then it would make the loft have a "purpose" and not just be exclusive. I'll see if I can get chairs for during the ceremony. If I can get an extra bar or something, then I'll put our friends up there. That's a little tricky because most of our friends that are coming are in the bridal party, but the alchohol access would be appreciated.

Do this. My family has a similar group of close in age cousins, and they love being together and away from everyone else. They are all in their 20s and still insist on setting up a separate kids table at holidays.

Hahaha this is me and my cousins. We range in age from 14-40...and still love being together, at every event.

LabLove86 · August 2014

Liatris2010 said:

kellymiron said:

Thanks for the replies! I'm going back and forth between friends or kids. I do have 9 cousins ages 12-16 that are all friends and get together often. I could sit them up in the loft if I checked with their parents first, but I'm pretty sure it would be fine. I was also considering getting them involved somehow. I was thinking I could get them kazoos or egg shakers to play at the very end, or confetti to toss from the loft. Then it would make the loft have a "purpose" and not just be exclusive. I'll see if I can get chairs for during the ceremony. If I can get an extra bar or something, then I'll put our friends up there. That's a little tricky because most of our friends that are coming are in the bridal party, but the alchohol access would be appreciated.

Do this. My family has a similar group of close in age cousins, and they love being together and away from everyone else. They are all in their 20s and still insist on setting up a separate kids table at holidays.

My family too!! The youngest one at my god-mothers holidays "Kids Table" is 20yrs old (unless my cousins step son is there- and he's 18). We all still insist on sitting together hahaha

cmclaire · August 2014

Ditto to PPS - I think the cousins group is perfect - they'll have a blast!

sarahufl · August 2014

My cousin "kid table" would be a perfect fit for your loft. Mind you, some of them are in their 40s

As PPs said, put 25 or 30 people up there, not just the 8. My venue had a dance floor toward the front of the room and we had to put 3 tables behind it bc of space. There wasn't a wall or anything, so they were all in the same room but it was slightly separated from everyone else. The DJ suggested putting our younger friends back there because they were more likely to be out on the dance floor the whole time vs. grandma who would want to sit still and have a conversation. It worked great- moral of that story, put the younger, more flexible folks in the "other" seating area and they likely won't care at all.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.

Seriously? Helicopter much? I didn't recommend a separate venue for the children! And I did say if it would work for their ages - meaning can they function without constant supervision? Then again, I'm not in the camp that thinks children should be at weddings. So perhaps a group of like-minded adults would be best: cousins, co-workers, the groom's book club......

mysticl · August 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.
Seriously? Helicopter much? I didn't recommend a separate venue for the children! And I did say if it would work for their ages - meaning can they function without constant supervision? Then again, I'm not in the camp that thinks children should be at weddings. So perhaps a group of like-minded adults would be best: cousins, co-workers, the groom's book club...…

When you say put the kids up there that could mean anyone from newborn to 18. So yeah most parents aren't going to be comfortable with their small child being seated separately from them, especially on another level of the building. Plus you are making a huge assumption that they will create noise, mess, and horseplay. There was none of that at my very kid heavy wedding. In fact seating them away from their parents could cause more of that because they may think they can get away with stuff since their parents can't see them.

photokitty · August 2014

I would not seat underaged kids alone in loft bc I would fear them sneaking alcohol - I have seen this happen several times. Especially when you have high school kids. Does the setup allow for a dance floor? I would seat the bridal party on the dance floor with tables setup in the loft for later. After dinner I would breakdown the head table and have the bridal party and other friends hangout in the loft. It does require your bridal party to move their stuff after dinner, but aI think it is better potion than isolating guests.

larrygaga · August 2014

I would put teenagers up there, or squeeze the extra 8 people downstairs somehow.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.
Seriously? Helicopter much? I didn't recommend a separate venue for the children! And I did say if it would work for their ages - meaning can they function without constant supervision? Then again, I'm not in the camp that thinks children should be at weddings. So perhaps a group of like-minded adults would be best: cousins, co-workers, the groom's book club......

I don't think wanting to be able to see your children (especially when you know there's no other adult around) at an event like a wedding is "helicopter" parenting.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

mysticl said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.

Seriously? Helicopter much? I didn't recommend a separate venue for the children! And I did say if it would work for their ages - meaning can they function without constant supervision? Then again, I'm not in the camp that thinks children should be at weddings. So perhaps a group of like-minded adults would be best: cousins, co-workers, the groom's book club...…

When you say put the kids up there that could mean anyone from newborn to 18. So yeah most parents aren't going to be comfortable with their small child being seated separately from them, especially on another level of the building. Plus you are making a huge assumption that they will create noise, mess, and horseplay. There was none of that at my very kid heavy wedding. In fact seating them away from their parents could cause more of that because they may think they can get away with stuff since their parents can't see them.

What did you think I meant when I said "if it works with their ages"? Obviously I'm not recommending a loft full of infants.

delujm0 · August 2014

i'd probably stick either a close group of your friends or a bunch of cousins (preferably adults) up there together, with an extra buffet and bar. Because i would be super annoyed if i had to go downstairs to visit a buffet/bar and then all the way back upstairs holding my plate of food to sit at my super-far-away table.

if that's not an option, i'd personally sit yourselves and the wedding party and/or the parents up there...people who will care the least about being inconvenienced (or who will at least understand why it had to happen).

mysticl · August 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.
Seriously? Helicopter much? I didn't recommend a separate venue for the children! And I did say if it would work for their ages - meaning can they function without constant supervision? Then again, I'm not in the camp that thinks children should be at weddings. So perhaps a group of like-minded adults would be best: cousins, co-workers, the groom's book club...…

When you say put the kids up there that could mean anyone from newborn to 18. So yeah most parents aren't going to be comfortable with their small child being seated separately from them, especially on another level of the building. Plus you are making a huge assumption that they will create noise, mess, and horseplay. There was none of that at my very kid heavy wedding. In fact seating them away from their parents could cause more of that because they may think they can get away with stuff since their parents can't see them.
What did you think I meant when I said "if it works with their ages"? Obviously I'm not recommending a loft full of infants.

No idea what you meant. That's a pretty vague statement. Other people listed suggested age ranges, you did not, so there is no way to know what you meant.

ETA: Especially when you site "noise, mess, and horseplay" as reasons to remove the children from the rest of the group. Those are traits normally associated with younger children and not responsible almost adults.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

mysticl said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I like the idea of putting the kids up there if it would work with your numbers and their ages. It will contain the mess, the noise, the horseplay, all of it. And I'm sure the kids would like it better too.

Children should be supervised and seated with their parents. As a parent, I would be 100% uncomfortable having my child (unless they're a mature almost-adult teen) seated away from me, unsupervised with a bunch of other children.

OP - I like you're idea of spacing things out and putting 30 guests up there vs. just 8. I liked @NYCMercedes' suggestion of having an extra bar up there and seating your drinking crowd up there. If you're not having alcohol, you could try to put "friends" in the loft and "family" on the ground floor.

Seriously? Helicopter much? I didn't recommend a separate venue for the children! And I did say if it would work for their ages - meaning can they function without constant supervision? Then again, I'm not in the camp that thinks children should be at weddings. So perhaps a group of like-minded adults would be best: cousins, co-workers, the groom's book club...…

When you say put the kids up there that could mean anyone from newborn to 18. So yeah most parents aren't going to be comfortable with their small child being seated separately from them, especially on another level of the building. Plus you are making a huge assumption that they will create noise, mess, and horseplay. There was none of that at my very kid heavy wedding. In fact seating them away from their parents could cause more of that because they may think they can get away with stuff since their parents can't see them.

What did you think I meant when I said "if it works with their ages"? Obviously I'm not recommending a loft full of infants.

No idea what you meant. That's a pretty vague statement. Other people listed suggested age ranges, you did not, so there is no way to know what you meant.

ETA: Especially when you site "noise, mess, and horseplay" as reasons to remove the children from the rest of the group. Those are traits normally associated with younger children and not responsible almost adults.

I didn't think it required further description. The OP should know the ages and relative maturity level of the children she may invite and whether a kids area would or would not be appropriate. If it is not appropriate, or she's not inviting children, some other group would probably work just fine as well.

larrygaga · August 2014

HEY! You two up there.

kns1988 · August 2014

In case people need another anecdote about always expecting 100% attendance, we found out a cousin in Germany is coming to our wedding! She planned a 2 week trip around it. I didn't really expect her to come, but I'm very excited that she is! So yeah, always plan for 100% attendance because you never know.

Who to seat far away?

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