Wedding 911

Please RSVP!

Sent out our invitations and almost immediately got at least half of the RSVP's back. I was delighted that so many people were taking the ten seconds to check yes or no, put said RSVP in the provided envelope (with stamp) and walk it to their mailbox where it came from. Then they stopped coming in. We are still short at least 40% of the total RSVPs, and the deadline for us to get in touch with a final headcount is near. Is it rude to personally contact everyone that hasn't RSVP'd and ask them if they're coming? I don't want them to tell me yes to appease me, then not show up because they weren't planning on coming in the first place. We just need to know so we can break out the Plan B guest list and get crackin'. Suggestions? Better way to go about it? Help?

Re: Please RSVP!

  • Pick up phone, start making calls.  That's easiest way to round up straggler RSVPs.
  • I know you have a deadline for final headcount, but did you give a deadline for the RSVP to your guests?

    If you did give them a deadline, wait until it has passed if you haven't already. If you didn't, go ahead and start calling now.

    You can reach out and follow up on RSVPs if the deadline has passed - that is not rude.

    However, a "Plan B guest list" is rude. Don't do that. Accept graciously the acceptances and declines of those who were important enough to be included in your guest list, and leave it at that. 

    For the record, we have a minimum of 150 guests that are required at the reception in order to get the price we were quoted. If we come up short, we will have to fork over close to $1,000 extra to pay for the larger room.

    Wedding planning on a budget, we invited about 175 guests. However, thanks to a hiccup with my fiance and his friends, we are looking at losing close to 20 people...a little too close for comfort in my opinion. This is why we have a plan B guest list. It's not to be rude, but to accommodate for the lack of bodies that we need to get the discount.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    B lists are rude, no matter what the reason. If you come up short, then you need to suck up spending the extra cash and discuss upgrades with your venue, not invite second string guests to make up the difference.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Most people B list for financial and space reasons, just like you are.  It is still rude.

    Did you give an RSVP date?  You can start calling the stragglers after the RSVP date has passed.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Sent out our invitations and almost immediately got at least half of the RSVP's back. I was delighted that so many people were taking the ten seconds to check yes or no, put said RSVP in the provided envelope (with stamp) and walk it to their mailbox where it came from. Then they stopped coming in. We are still short at least 40% of the total RSVPs, and the deadline for us to get in touch with a final headcount is near. Is it rude to personally contact everyone that hasn't RSVP'd and ask them if they're coming? I don't want them to tell me yes to appease me, then not show up because they weren't planning on coming in the first place. We just need to know so we can break out the Plan B guest list and get crackin'. Suggestions? Better way to go about it? Help?
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    JCbride2015rsbloom
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I know you have a deadline for final headcount, but did you give a deadline for the RSVP to your guests?

    If you did give them a deadline, wait until it has passed if you haven't already. If you didn't, go ahead and start calling now.

    You can reach out and follow up on RSVPs if the deadline has passed - that is not rude.

    However, a "Plan B guest list" is rude. Don't do that. Accept graciously the acceptances and declines of those who were important enough to be included in your guest list, and leave it at that. 

    For the record, we have a minimum of 150 guests that are required at the reception in order to get the price we were quoted. If we come up short, we will have to fork over close to $1,000 extra to pay for the larger room.

    Wedding planning on a budget, we invited about 175 guests. However, thanks to a hiccup with my fiance and his friends, we are looking at losing close to 20 people...a little too close for comfort in my opinion. This is why we have a plan B guest list. It's not to be rude, but to accommodate for the lack of bodies that we need to get the discount.
    Did you give an RSVP due date?  You must wait until that date has passed before contacting the non-responders.  If you did not, then that was poor planning on your part.

    The B list is a bad idea.  It is disrespectful to any guest on this list and should not be the solution to gambles taken on your part.  The solution is to treat your "A" guests to the best of your ability.  By taking your count deficit and inquiring whether the cash difference can be used in upgrades for your original guest list is a win-win for everyone.
  • Most people will send RSVP's at the last minute for the RSVP date.  I would not worry.  If you in fact have a "B" list, which is not really the way to go, I would just fill in the "no" responses you got back with those people.  Even if a "B" list is considered rude and tacky, at this point people will be getting invites way too close to the actual wedding and they will wonder why.  You will probably get more "no" responses using a "B" list than you would have if you just invited all of them up front or just cut the list from the beginning.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Most people will send RSVP's at the last minute for the RSVP date.  I would not worry.  If you in fact have a "B" list, which is not really the way to go, I would just fill in the "no" responses you got back with those people.  Even if a "B" list is considered rude and tacky, at this point people will be getting invites way too close to the actual wedding and they will wonder why.  You will probably get more "no" responses using a "B" list than you would have if you just invited all of them up front or just cut the list from the beginning.
    Are there words missing from this?  It doesn't make sense to me.



  • bekt14bekt14 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I have the same issue. I got tons of RSVPs immediately after sending the Invites, and now my Due Date is tomorrow and they have suddenly stopped. Only about 50% of them have sent an RSVP. 
    I think I'll start making calls soon. We have to know a final number for catering, decor, seating, etc.- so I don't care if they think it's rude or not. It's more rude to not send the RSVP. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    "Hey, I had 20 people out of 175 decline to come to my wedding. We really need this discount though- want to come to my wedding?"

    This is what you're saying with a B-list, and people know it. They KNOW when they're B-listed.  Even if they attend because they like you and like parties, they'll look around the room and have a good realization of where they stand in your life. 

    When you add to this the fact that it's good guest etiquette to bring a gift, then the shit really hits the fan. Guests are not only seat-fillers for you so you get a discount, they're also spending money on you for the privelege. 

    Tacky, tacky, tacky. 


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