Two states, two ceremonies, two headaches!

Re: Two states, two ceremonies, two headaches!

• OliveOilsMom member

  

  August 2014

  missax said:

  kimmers85 said:

  I appreciate the ideas. Obviously, with posting my question here, I was needing more of the etiquette advice than anything else. There were really only two main reasons why I was considering this. His grandparents were not able to attend his sister's wedding a couple years ago and they were upset (understandably). Also, his family is fairly religious so he thought that even if the marriage in OK was the legal ceremony, that his family would be happy knowing that we were declaring our vows in a house of God.
  Thank you for the advice, I do appreciate it. I just didn't want to commit to the idea and then offend friends and family.
  

  There is nothing wrong with having your marriage blessed in a house of god (this should not be a reenactment) but you have to understand they will still not be seeing y'all get legally married.

  I think your best route would be to have your legal ceremony and reception in OK.  Then travel to MO and attend church with FI's grandparents.  During the regularly scheduled mass, arrange to be brought up and have your marriage blessed by the pastor there.  It wouldn't be a re-do ceremony with vows.  This should be acceptable as long as its not a Catholic Church, it wouldn't be as easy as a blessing on the marriage.  But only do the religious blessing if you and your FI believe in the faith.  After the service, take your FI's grandparents (and any other family that come with you) out to brunch.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2014

  kimmers85 said:

  I appreciate the ideas. Obviously, with posting my question here, I was needing more of the etiquette advice than anything else. There were really only two main reasons why I was considering this. His grandparents were not able to attend his sister's wedding a couple years ago and they were upset (understandably). Also, his family is fairly religious so he thought that even if the marriage in OK was the legal ceremony, that his family would be happy knowing that we were declaring our vows in a house of God.
  Thank you for the advice, I do appreciate it. I just didn't want to commit to the idea and then offend friends and family.
  

  If you do the bolded, declare your vows in a house of worship because you actually believe in the faith-not to make his family happy.  Otherwise, it is actually disrespectful to the Deity and the believing members of the faith, and specifically the congregation, to declare vows in a house of worship when you are not believers and do not plan to practice the faith.

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• SammiNJonni member

  

  August 2014

  I agree with the above have your legal wedding in OK and then go to church with his grandparents to have the marriage blessed. 

  
  

  I am having a similar issue where my FI's grandmother just can't travel anymore. We are sending her a package to be delivered the day of the wedding with a copy of the wedding ceremony text, a cd with the music, a corsage, a cupcake in the wedding cake flavor, and a favor. After we have a tape of the ceremony we will send that to her too. If she had a computer we would skype her in but since she doesn't this is how we are able to include her in our day. 

  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  August 2014

  SammiNJonni said:

  I agree with the above have your legal wedding in OK and then go to church with his grandparents to have the marriage blessed. 

  
  

  I am having a similar issue where my FI's grandmother just can't travel anymore. We are sending her a package to be delivered the day of the wedding with a copy of the wedding ceremony text, a cd with the music, a corsage, a cupcake in the wedding cake flavor, and a favor. After we have a tape of the ceremony we will send that to her too. If she had a computer we would skype her in but since she doesn't this is how we are able to include her in our day. 

  
  I might steal this idea for Fi's grandmother, who cannot travel. How sweet!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• kimmers85 member

  

  August 2014

  This is a lovely idea! Thank you so much for sharing. That is such a clever and creative way to include someone who can't be there while still letting them know how important they are.

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• abbyj700 member

  

  August 2014

  SammiNJonni said:

  I agree with the above have your legal wedding in OK and then go to church with his grandparents to have the marriage blessed. 

  
  

  I am having a similar issue where my FI's grandmother just can't travel anymore. We are sending her a package to be delivered the day of the wedding with a copy of the wedding ceremony text, a cd with the music, a corsage, a cupcake in the wedding cake flavor, and a favor. After we have a tape of the ceremony we will send that to her too. If she had a computer we would skype her in but since she doesn't this is how we are able to include her in our day. 

  Thank you for sharing this! My grandparents can't travel much of anywhere anymore, let alone a state away to attend our wedding. They LOVE my FI and I think they would really appreciate us including them in a way as simple as including some aspects of our wedding in a care package the day of.

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