Stupid post, sorry!

novella1186 · August 2014

Lesson learned, everyone. I was not trying to be out of line or annoying with this. I didn't realize I was out of line but I get it! I'm sorry, won't post stupid crap like this again!

Bubblegum5586 · August 2014

This is not the first time someone has posted this, so a generic post to call people out wont really change anything if that is your intent.

This is a great board that has taught me a lot, as far as the "mean girls" that's my entertainment for the day!

novella1186 · August 2014

lol @bubblegum1309 the "mean girls" posts can definitely be entertaining. I just don't see why people think that should be their go-to reaction. I was hoping calling it out would make some chicks realize there's no need for it. But you're probably right. Bitches will be bitches :P

artbyallie · August 2014

novella1186 said:

When I first realized TK had these message boards I was so excited. I've found them to be extremely helpful and it's a great place to get objective advice and opinions. However I've also been extremely shocked at some of the really hateful nasty responses. It's possible to state your opinion or disagree with someone WITHOUT ripping them to shreds. I chose to post this on the etiquette board because it seems so ironic that when someone asks for advice on how to be socially appropriate, they get a nasty response. I've even seen some ladies have to start defending themselves rather than receive advice. I'd say 95% of posts seem totally fine. But some of them are overly mean for no reason, and I don't get it. It seems like junior high girls going for each other's throats. What's the purpose of posting something nasty? We all come here for advice, support, opinions, and idea sharing. Let's stick to that, and not attack each other. This is a forum for BRIDES. Not for mean girls.

I'm gonna need specific quoted examples. The only people I have ever seen be 'hateful and nasty' are the special snowflakes that are pissed that we don't support their rude ideas. Cite your sources.

iloveotters2014 · August 2014

I've only noticed people being mean if someone suggests doing something completely absurd and will not listen to people pleading for them not to do so. It's typically the OP with the absurd idea that starts being mean first...at least in my experience reading these boards.

climbingsingle · August 2014

Oh good. I haven't seen a post like this in forever! Oh wait. I mean just a day.

manateehugger · August 2014

novella1186 said:

lol @bubblegum1309 the "mean girls" posts can definitely be entertaining. I just don't see why people think that should be their go-to reaction. I was hoping calling it out would make some chicks realize there's no need for it. But you're probably right. Bitches will be bitches :P

How delightful. You realize, you'd be the one getting banned if you had said the bolded while calling people out, right?

novella1186 · August 2014

Wow. I wasn't trying to start a big thing. I just don't get why people think they need to be rude? I felt bad for another poster that got some really negative comments so my point was "hey ladies, let's be nice!" That's all. I don't get why I have to defend my appeal for everyone to be nice. Is it way out of line to expect people to be decent to each other? I'm seriously really confused.

manateehugger · August 2014

novella1186 said:

Wow. I wasn't trying to start a big thing. I just don't get why people think they need to be rude? I felt bad for another poster that got some really negative comments so my point was "hey ladies, let's be nice!" That's all. I don't get why I have to defend my appeal for everyone to be nice. Is it way out of line to expect people to be decent to each other? I'm seriously really confused.

I just never understand a post like this. You create a whole new post to say that people are mean (but don't say who exactly you have a problem with), joke that they are bitches, and then back off and say you weren't trying to start anything. What were you trying to do then?

No one will learn to "be decent to each other" if you aren't addressing specific behavior.

novella1186 · August 2014

I didn't want to call out specific people because I didn't want to get into a nasty back-and-forth thing with anyone or make someone thing I was attacking them. I don't understand your problem with me saying "bitches will be bitches." I was just agreeing with a comment that yeah, it probably won't fix anything to say that people are rude because they will still be rude. As I said, my point in posting was just to make a statement: "hey let's be nice." I didn't realize I needed to be so specific. I've only been aware of these boards for a couple weeks so I guess I still don't get exactly how everything runs. I thought I could say a general statement that in my opinion it isn't necessary to get mean.

sarawifenow · August 2014

Oh FFS...here we go again.

OliveOilsMom · August 2014

Also, trying to control someone else's posting style is not appreciated here on the boards either. We are all adults on this forum. We have called out other users when they crossed lines in responding to a post, so you should do the same if you feel someone crossed a line.

But also imagine how you could keep all of your responses positive when you are answering the same question everyday about how having a gap is rude, no cash bars, etc. Also, it may seem like "ganging" up on a poster because everyone is crafting their answers and submitting them all at the same time. Or answering a poster while the OP is responding to someone else, so you answer without seeing the update or further info.

novella1186 · August 2014

The specific thread that made me want to post this was "Bride doesn't want certain friends of groom invited - how to manage?" because at one point the OP had to write a long post defending herself. I felt bad for her, that's all. It made me want to speak up and say "let's all be nice." That is ALL I was trying to do. I've seen much nastier posts in threads where people are talking about doing something ridiculous which I get is going to stir up strong reactions. But my "inspiration" for this thread was just to ask for a little kindness after reading the thread just mentioned. I seriously did not mean to start this huge thing. I had honest intentions. And now I've had to defend the post asking for people to be nice! Jeesh.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

How did you think this would not turn into a big thing? Do you realize how many times perfectly polite and proper advice is called mean and nasty by special snowflakes who can't accept the word "no?" If you can't call out specifically which advice you think was given in a nasty way, AND uncalled for given the circumstances and the OP's attitude, we're going to assume that you're talking about everyone and that you're just way too sensitive.

novella1186 · August 2014

Sorry for breaking the community standards, seriously. I did not know I was being out of bounds with this thread. Next time I'll just call someone out specifically. All I wanted to do was say let's be nice, no need to be mean. That's it.

sarawifenow · August 2014

novella1186 said:

The specific thread that made me want to post this was "Bride doesn't want certain friends of groom invited - how to manage?" because at one point the OP had to write a long post defending herself. I felt bad for her, that's all. It made me want to speak up and say "let's all be nice." That is ALL I was trying to do. I've seen much nastier posts in threads where people are talking about doing something ridiculous which I get is going to stir up strong reactions. But my "inspiration" for this thread was just to ask for a little kindness after reading the thread just mentioned. I seriously did not mean to start this huge thing. I had honest intentions. And now I've had to defend the post asking for people to be nice! Jeesh.

SITB

To the bolded, if this was your intent, you should have called the people out in the thread and not make a new thread which will only cause drama.

ETF: Tried to fix quote box. No luck.

novella1186 · August 2014

lolo883 said:

How did you think this would not turn into a big thing? Do you realize how many times perfectly polite and proper advice is called mean and nasty by special snowflakes who can't accept the word "no?" If you can't call out specifically which advice you think was given in a nasty way, AND uncalled for given the circumstances and the OP's attitude, we're going to assume that you're talking about everyone and that you're just way too sensitive.

I didn't mean to accuse everyone. Like I said 95% of posts are not mean.

climbingsingle · August 2014

novella1186 said:

Wow. I wasn't trying to start a big thing. I just don't get why people think they need to be rude? I felt bad for another poster that got some really negative comments so my point was "hey ladies, let's be nice!" That's all. I don't get why I have to defend my appeal for everyone to be nice. Is it way out of line to expect people to be decent to each other? I'm seriously really confused.

Then what were you trying to accomplish? Did you not realize this post was going to go over like a fart in church? REALLY!?!?!?

manateehugger · August 2014

novella1186 said:

The specific thread that made me want to post this was "Bride doesn't want certain friends of groom invited - how to manage?" because at one point the OP had to write a long post defending herself. I felt bad for her, that's all. It made me want to speak up and say "let's all be nice." That is ALL I was trying to do. I've seen much nastier posts in threads where people are talking about doing something ridiculous which I get is going to stir up strong reactions. But my "inspiration" for this thread was just to ask for a little kindness after reading the thread just mentioned. I seriously did not mean to start this huge thing. I had honest intentions. And now I've had to defend the post asking for people to be nice! Jeesh.

I'm pretty sure I know which poster you mean - though again, I think you should put big girl panties on and say who. I didn't necessarily agree with her comment either, but I didn't care enough to start an argument with her.

But if I think comments really are off the wall or reaching or bizarre, I say so. There was a thread the other day where another user was trying to say that the OP had tons of red flags in her relationship. I disagreed and said so. Discussion ensued, we both moved on.

I typically find the "let's all be nice here" inserts to be condescending. If you have a problem, say something to that poster and let a discussion happen. You can disagree and call people out without being catty or posting vague "mean girls" posts.

blabla89 · August 2014

manateehugger · August 2014

flantastic said:

novella1186 said:

The specific thread that made me want to post this was "Bride doesn't want certain friends of groom invited - how to manage?" because at one point the OP had to write a long post defending herself. I felt bad for her, that's all. It made me want to speak up and say "let's all be nice." That is ALL I was trying to do. I've seen much nastier posts in threads where people are talking about doing something ridiculous which I get is going to stir up strong reactions. But my "inspiration" for this thread was just to ask for a little kindness after reading the thread just mentioned. I seriously did not mean to start this huge thing. I had honest intentions. And now I've had to defend the post asking for people to be nice! Jeesh.

People comment based on what is originally posted, and then on any clarifying posts. Most people, before commenting on unknown factors of a situation, ask for more specifics. Sometimes the specifics come out when a poster says "When I said this, you took it as this, but I really meant this" and because we are not mind readers, such a defense may be warranted. Oftentimes the poster just gets defensive even from being asked about more details, because it implies that if they fork over something "incriminating," they themselves might be at fault and they don't want to consider that possibility or be told they're in the wrong.
However, I thought OP from that thread took everything and responded to everyone quite well.

Ditto. I felt like she didn't need defending.

novella1186 · August 2014

PDKH said:

novella1186 said:

The specific thread that made me want to post this was "Bride doesn't want certain friends of groom invited - how to manage?" because at one point the OP had to write a long post defending herself. I felt bad for her, that's all. It made me want to speak up and say "let's all be nice." That is ALL I was trying to do. I've seen much nastier posts in threads where people are talking about doing something ridiculous which I get is going to stir up strong reactions. But my "inspiration" for this thread was just to ask for a little kindness after reading the thread just mentioned. I seriously did not mean to start this huge thing. I had honest intentions. And now I've had to defend the post asking for people to be nice! Jeesh.

I'm pretty sure I know which poster you mean - though again, I think you should put big girl panties on and say who. I didn't necessarily agree with her comment either, but I didn't care enough to start an argument with her.

But if I think comments really are off the wall or reaching or bizarre, I say so. There was a thread the other day where another user was trying to say that the OP had tons of red flags in her relationship. I disagreed and said so. Discussion ensued, we both moved on.

I typically find the "let's all be nice here" inserts to be condescending. If you have a problem, say something to that poster and let a discussion happen. You can disagree and call people out without being catty or posting vague "mean girls" posts.

Point taken. Sorry I reacted in the wrong way. I really didn't know it was the wrong thing to do, or I would not have bothered doing it.

bethsmiles · August 2014

novella1186 · August 2014

novella1186 said:

Sorry for breaking the community standards, seriously. I did not know I was being out of bounds with this thread. Next time I'll just call someone out specifically. All I wanted to do was say let's be nice, no need to be mean. That's it.

I'm just going to repeat this. If I could delete this whole thing I would cuz I feel stupid for going about this the wrong way. Thanks for filling me in on the more appropriate way to deal with this kind of stuff (not a sarcastic thanks. I really didn't know so it's a real thanks).

NYCMercedes · August 2014

novella1186 said:

novella1186 said:

Sorry for breaking the community standards, seriously. I did not know I was being out of bounds with this thread. Next time I'll just call someone out specifically. All I wanted to do was say let's be nice, no need to be mean. That's it.

I'm just going to repeat this. If I could delete this whole thing I would cuz I feel stupid for going about this the wrong way. Thanks for filling me in on the more appropriate way to deal with this kind of stuff (not a sarcastic thanks. I really didn't know so it's a real thanks).

Nice.

JCbride2015 · August 2014

Ugh. Really, this again?

OP, I get that you have backed off. I just don't see the point of trying to control how others post. And then to just make a general blanket statement with no usernames and not even call out the specific thread until asked to elaborate... it's totally unhelpful.

Every once in a while a thread goes off the rails. I've seen it happen. And the TK regs are usually the first ones to call out another reg who steps over the lines. But most of the time when somebody is whining about how mean they are, it's because they just wanted validation for their bad ideas.

novella1186 · August 2014

JCbride2015 said:

Ugh. Really, this again?

OP, I get that you have backed off. I just don't see the point of trying to control how others post. And then to just make a general blanket statement with no usernames and not even call out the specific thread until asked to elaborate... it's totally unhelpful.

Every once in a while a thread goes off the rails. I've seen it happen. And the TK regs are usually the first ones to call out another reg who steps over the lines. But most of the time when somebody is whining about how mean they are, it's because they just wanted validation for their bad ideas.

I get it now, and again, I'm sorry. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm still pretty new to the message boards so I really didn't realize people have posted stuff like this before. I'll never do it again, people! Lesson learned!

abbyj700 · August 2014

PDKH said:

flantastic said:

novella1186 said:

The specific thread that made me want to post this was "Bride doesn't want certain friends of groom invited - how to manage?" because at one point the OP had to write a long post defending herself. I felt bad for her, that's all. It made me want to speak up and say "let's all be nice." That is ALL I was trying to do. I've seen much nastier posts in threads where people are talking about doing something ridiculous which I get is going to stir up strong reactions. But my "inspiration" for this thread was just to ask for a little kindness after reading the thread just mentioned. I seriously did not mean to start this huge thing. I had honest intentions. And now I've had to defend the post asking for people to be nice! Jeesh.

People comment based on what is originally posted, and then on any clarifying posts. Most people, before commenting on unknown factors of a situation, ask for more specifics. Sometimes the specifics come out when a poster says "When I said this, you took it as this, but I really meant this" and because we are not mind readers, such a defense may be warranted. Oftentimes the poster just gets defensive even from being asked about more details, because it implies that if they fork over something "incriminating," they themselves might be at fault and they don't want to consider that possibility or be told they're in the wrong.
However, I thought OP from that thread took everything and responded to everyone quite well.

Ditto. I felt like she didn't need defending.

My thoughts exactly. That OP handled everything very well. And none of the posters were particularly rude. Yes - there were some more extreme opinions but in no way is that people being mean, or picking on someone - they are genuinely trying to give good advice.

Liatris2010 · August 2014

While the sentiment of "Everyone should play nice" is fine, in real life mean people exist. People will be mean, especially on the internet. The tone of this board is blunt, but I don't find posters to be out to hurt anyone's feelings. Feeling get hurt because no one likes putting out an idea and having it ill-received, but if you aren't ready for feedback, keep your ideas to yourself instead of soliciting opinions on the internet.

Crying "mean girls" does nothing but make people defensive.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

beethery · August 2014

Well thanks for the input, mom.

I try to be nice, or at the very least direct, to everybody until they veer into bitchassness territory. The motto I live by is, "Don't start none, won't be none." As soon as a poster starts name-calling or getting dramatic, I and others address them as necessary. Usually, if they are the type of poster who can not handle their bad advice or ideas not being received well, the board does not typically see much of them soon after.

Say it with me, "DON'T START NONE, WON'T BE NONE."

Now, you may have been expecting to receive a kumbaya/solidarity among brides vibe by creating this post. By not addressing your feelings about the Mean Girls vibe directly with whomever gave you that impression, you have started to stir the pot. If you do not feel the need to call out anyone specifically, you shouldn't have written this post.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

Let's do an example of the difference in wedding forums and maybe you can pick the one that's right for you. OP says, "I want to tell my fiance he can't bring his friends". The community responds:

TK - "it's his wedding too. you need to talk and come to a compromise."

WW - "just tell your FI really nicely that they can't come. I'm sure he'll understand."

The hive - "it's YOUR day!! Make sure these people know they're not invited. you can't be bothered with this on your wedding day!!"

Stupid post, sorry!

Re: Stupid post, sorry!

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

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