What are the appropriate ages for children to have dinner by themselves at a wedding reception?

vguzman12 · August 2014

I will be having two separate areas for dinner. I plan to have the adults upstairs and the kids downstairs.

sarahufl · August 2014

Totally depends on the kids. We had a kids table at my wedding with kids ranging from 4 up to 13. That said, they are cousins who spend a lot of time together and were close to their parents. I checked with all parents before putting the kids at the kid table. Ordinarily, I would never put a 4 year old at their own table, but because of the relationships at the table, it worked in our case. Ask the parents.

sarahufl · August 2014

wandajune6 said:

I don't think most kids can be left on their own without supervision. We were originally planning on a kid's table for the tweens and teens. Then we realized that it meant separating them from their siblings, something that would be hurtful to the little kids. Everyone's now sitting with their families.

We're going to have a LOT of kids at our wedding so we're doing a buffet to make it easier for them to handle the dinner (toddlers don't handle 5 course meals well in our experience). We'll have activity bags for the little ones and the older kids/tweens/teens can get the dancing started for us old folks.

We got a bunch of junk from Oriental Trading and the kids LOVED it. Noise makers, princess wands, sticker books. The reception was in a carriage house of an old plantation, so the kids were out in the paddock area all night playing with balls and blow up globes.

mrsmorales2be · August 2014

If my 10 year old brother and sister were left unsupervised in a venue with other children, chaos would ensue. Just saying. Might just be them, though, they're kind of crazy!

AprilH81 · August 2014

I would think 13ish, but it will depend on the kid. And what happens if you have to split up families? That might cause some hurt feelings.

OliveOilsMom · August 2014

vguzman12 said:

I will be having two separate areas for dinner. I plan to have the adults upstairs and the kids downstairs.

This will be very individualized for the parents of said children. My 18 year old cousin was not allowed to sit at the table my brother assigned for him. He had to squeeze in next to his parents because they knew he would get crazy drunk if not kept under their watch. It really depends on the kids and the parents.

I wish you had come to us sooner, the venue you have chosen is not great for your wedding. All guests should be seated together in the same room so that there is no appearance of favorites.

manateehugger · August 2014

Blunt Honesty: I think your current plan is a recipe for disaster. You're going to leave a crowd of kids by themselves in a separate area without supervision? And you can't figure out a way to not have two dining areas? That may very well upset your guests.

And need for supervision depends on the kid - I have a 9 year old cousin who would have better wedding behavior and manners than most adults and sit like a perfect lady. I have 12 year old cousin who would end up causing fights and food on the floor and shriek at the waiters.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Well step 1 is not having two separate rooms for a wedding reception, but that ship has sailed. You should really ask the parents.

emmyg65 · August 2014

Is it too late to find a venue with one room that will fit all your guests? I'm not a fan of separating families, no matter the kids' ages.

climbingsingle · August 2014

PDKH said:

Blunt Honesty: I think your current plan is a recipe for disaster. You're going to leave a crowd of kids by themselves in a separate area without supervision? And you can't figure out a way to not have two dining areas? That may very well upset your guests.

And need for supervision depends on the kid - I have a 9 year old cousin who would have better wedding behavior and manners than most adults and sit like a perfect lady. I have 12 year old cousin who would end up causing fights and food on the floor and shriek at the waiters.

This. You should not have two separate dining areas.

sarahufl · August 2014

emmyg65 said:

Is it too late to find a venue with one room that will fit all your guests? I'm not a fan of separating families, no matter the kids' ages.

I don't think that finding a new venue is always the answer. How can you work with what you have? Our parents with kids REQUESTED a kids table because they wanted to sit with other adults and knew their kids would have more fun with other kids anyway.

BUT- we put the kids table next to the two tables where their parents were located. That way, if anyone needed anything or people started getting too crazy, someone else didn't have to monitor the kids.

I would not suggest splitting up the dining area. Can you mix people up? Some upstairs, some downstairs?

lyndausvi · August 2014

Depends on the kids. Our kid tables table ranged in age from 6-13. With my 6 year old niece being little miss goody-goody. This girl is the ultimate people pleaser and rarely acts out. Mostly because she sees what happens when her older siblings do. My siblings are strict with their kids on how to act out in public. So there was not problem them having their own table. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------That said, they only sat a table away from their parents. I would not have them in a separate room.-----------------------------------------------------------@sarahufl - my siblings requested a kids table also. I only had my nieces and nephews as kids, they are use to kids tables and how to act.

wandajune6 · August 2014

I don't think most kids can be left on their own without supervision. We were originally planning on a kid's table for the tweens and teens. Then we realized that it meant separating them from their siblings, something that would be hurtful to the little kids. Everyone's now sitting with their families.

We're going to have a LOT of kids at our wedding so we're doing a buffet to make it easier for them to handle the dinner (toddlers don't handle 5 course meals well in our experience). We'll have activity bags for the little ones and the older kids/tweens/teens can get the dancing started for us old folks.

Simply Fated · August 2014

I think it completely depends on the kid. There are so many factors to consider. Each child is different. Not to mention the fact that they will not only be at separate table, but in separate rooms.

mysticl · August 2014

If all of my nephews had attended I would have done a teen/young adult table (15-20) but it would have been all cousins/siblings who are used to sitting together for every family event. And their table would have been close to their parents.

As a general rule I wouldn't do younger than 13 but as others have said so much depends on the specific child and their parents. Like the family mentioned above who knows their 18-year-old will get drunk without supervision.

kmmssg · August 2014

I also think this is a bad idea. While younger kids might think it is kinda cool, the older kids will not so much - especially if they are relegated to become babysitters during dinner.

vguzman12 · August 2014

We have our family reunion party at the same venue every year, and the kids always leave the main reception room that is upstairs and go play downstairs. There is hardly any supervision and they are fine. However, I do plan to have them supervised during dinner. I really wantd to know if ages should be from 4-13 yrs or 5-13 yrs. I dont know if 4 is too young to stand in a buffet line, wait to be served, then sit at the table?

vguzman12 · August 2014

We have our family reunion party at the same venue every year, and the kids always leave the main reception room that is upstairs and go play downstairs. There is hardly any supervision and they are fine. However, I do plan to have them supervised during dinner. I really wantd to know if ages should be from 4-13 yrs or 5-13 yrs. I dont know if 4 is too young to stand in a buffet line, wait to be served, then sit at the table?

doeydo · August 2014

If I had a child, I wouldn't want him or her to be in a separate room from me. Speaking from when I was a child, I would have died being flung into a room full of kids I mostly don't know and being away from my mom. I was a very shy kid.

ETA Also, ditto the PPs that you should really find a venue that can fit everyone into one room. I would be offended, feel left out, and like you planned poorly if you put me in the shitty second room.

manateehugger · August 2014

vguzman12 said:

We have our family reunion party at the same venue every year, and the kids always leave the main reception room that is upstairs and go play downstairs. There is hardly any supervision and they are fine. However, I do plan to have them supervised during dinner. I really wantd to know if ages should be from 4-13 yrs or 5-13 yrs. I dont know if 4 is too young to stand in a buffet line, wait to be served, then sit at the table?

Can I ask how you are achieving the bolded? What will you do if you have parents who would like to be near their children? How will the children know to move upstairs to rejoin everyone else?

And yes, I think 4, and even 5, is too young to be moving through a buffet line without assistance. Playing with the cousins at a casual venue after different is worlds different than sitting at a more formal wedding reception.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

vguzman12 said:

We have our family reunion party at the same venue every year, and the kids always leave the main reception room that is upstairs and go play downstairs. There is hardly any supervision and they are fine. However, I do plan to have them supervised during dinner. I really wantd to know if ages should be from 4-13 yrs or 5-13 yrs. I dont know if 4 is too young to stand in a buffet line, wait to be served, then sit at the table?

I wouldn't put anyone under age 10 even at a table by themselves, let alone an entirely separate floor. Leaving to go play downstairs is entirely different from being expected to serve themselves and eat dinner by themselves.

climbingsingle · August 2014

4 is way too young to be seated separately on a different floor.

lovesclimbing · August 2014

I have a 4-year-old cousin and there is no way he could serve himself for a buffet. I don't think a 5-year-old could either.

I would say 11 or 12 would be the youngest I'd want to sit alone.

lc07 · August 2014

The appropriate age is that which each set of parents or guardians are comfortable for each specific child, the age at which the venue is comfortable, and you as a host (and liable for all sorts of things) are comfortable.

If any one of those people are not comfortable with the situation, it's a no go, for example, if you are comfortable with it and the venue is, but the parent is not, it's a no go. I know some parents who would be fine sending their 8 year old off to dine in another room alone and some who would not be okay with their 17 year old doing that.

Age is not the end all be all here.

mysticl · August 2014

vguzman12 said:

We have our family reunion party at the same venue every year, and the kids always leave the main reception room that is upstairs and go play downstairs. There is hardly any supervision and they are fine. However, I do plan to have them supervised during dinner. I really wantd to know if ages should be from 4-13 yrs or 5-13 yrs. I dont know if 4 is too young to stand in a buffet line, wait to be served, then sit at the table?

Yes, so is five and six. A four-year-old might be too short to even get into the chair without help. In general I wouldn't expect someone under 10 to be able to pull that off. There may be some children who could do it at a younger age and some who wouldn't pull it off until they are older.

A family reunion is not a wedding and there is a huge difference between going downstairs to play and expecting them to behave like little adults at a nice dinner.

lc07 · August 2014

I hope you aren't sending the 4 year olds off to dine alone with knives either. I realize I'm making assumptions about what you're serving but I don't know any 4 year olds that can cut their own chicken or steak or vegetables, or really anything other than a pancake. But I'm pretty sure they could do some damage with a knife.

emcme22 · August 2014

BF's daughter will be 4 very soon and is actually really well behaved for her age and probably a little more mature. Still no way in hell would I be sending her to sit on another floor by herself and she definitely would not be able to serve herself from a buffet, or even be served at a buffet without instruction on what to do etc. And I imagine I would feel the same for the next few years. I really don't see how your plan would work since I'm guessing the majority of your guests are either adults or between the ages of 1-10 and prob shouldn't be alone, so splitting them up won't really be able to happen. You may end up with adults having to figure things out for themselves, exchange seats etc so parents are with their kids on 1 of the 2 floors

Viczaesar · August 2014

There's not a shot in hell I'd be sending my 5 year old to another room to eat dinner during a wedding. Nor my 9 year old. Not acceptable. If I showed up to a reception and found out that the bride and groom expected me to I would be leaving. If I knew ahead of time I would have said something to you or just declined.

ashleyep · August 2014

It really depends on the kid. We put some of FI's younger cousins (I think 2 of them are under 10) at a table with some of FI's other cousins (all in their 20s). It was also near their parents. But we put two of my teenage cousins at a table with their dad just because they wouldn't know anyone.

In my family, a cousin table would have been normal even if we were all pretty young. We've always had kids tables at family parties.

I wouldn't make a random kids table though. Make sure that they at least know the other guests at the table. And I definitely wouldn't do any of the above if the table wasn't at least near their parent's table.

pinkshorts27 · August 2014

Viczaesar said:

There's not a shot in hell I'd be sending my 5 year old to another room to eat dinner during a wedding. Nor my 9 year old. Not acceptable. If I showed up to a reception and found out that the bride and groom expected me to I would be leaving. If I knew ahead of time I would have said something to you or just declined.

This. I'm not a parent but I know parents and I was a child. Some of the best pics of my family are at weddings sitting at the table. I know that I was not allowed (and it wasn't even a thought) to sit at a different table, let alone room, at any age under 10.

Even with adult supervision, if there are a lot of children and they don't know the adult very well, they may not listen. I was a well behaved child most of the time, but with an adults I didn't know I was stubborn and encouraged other children to act out (so I wouldn't get in trouble).

mysticl · August 2014

pinkshorts27 said:

Viczaesar said:

There's not a shot in hell I'd be sending my 5 year old to another room to eat dinner during a wedding. Nor my 9 year old. Not acceptable. If I showed up to a reception and found out that the bride and groom expected me to I would be leaving. If I knew ahead of time I would have said something to you or just declined.

This. I'm not a parent but I know parents and I was a child. Some of the best pics of my family are at weddings sitting at the table. I know that I was not allowed (and it wasn't even a thought) to sit at a different table, let alone room, at any age under 10.

Even with adult supervision, if there are a lot of children and they don't know the adult very well, they may not listen. I was a well behaved child most of the time, but with an adults I didn't know I was stubborn and encouraged other children to act out (so I wouldn't get in trouble).

And if it's a stranger they may not be expected to listen. There were a bunch of us out shopping one day and one of my friends had her daughter with her. She left the girl with the rest of us while she went to look at something on the other side of the store. Her instruction to her daughter was "listen to auntie, they're all aunties". It wasn't listen to the the grown ups, it was listen to the women I have designated as authority figures.

What are the appropriate ages for children to have dinner by themselves at a wedding reception?

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