How best to handle awkward gift question from guest?

kkitkat79 · August 2014

jenijoyk said:

He totally just emailed again. "Can you send me links to all of your registries?"
So. Awkward.

Can't you just answer the question? He clearly will not think you are being rude for giving out your registry info because he asked you directly. Just make life easier for your co-worker to whom you are close enough to invite to your wedding. Not everything needs to be so complicated. It's just a question.

mysticl · August 2014

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

jenijoyk said:

He totally just emailed again. "Can you send me links to all of your registries?"
So. Awkward.

Um. Has he not heard of asking someone close to the bride/groom these questions?

I remember fielding this one from my old boss's clients. Which was the way to go, right? Ask his assistant; it's weird to say, "So direct me to the list of presents, please."

As a work friend maybe he doesn't know anyone close to the bride and groom.

Surely if he is a gainfully employed human being, he has the resources to figure out SOME way to get the info he needs without being awkward.

What? Like steal her phone and start calling the numbers in it? Check our her Facebook page and start messaging her friends? Get her file from HR and call her emergency contact? In all the jobs I have had exactly one coworker has met my mother. Two have met my husband. One has met my best friend. The majority of my coworkers would not even have been able to guess who would have known information about my wedding let alone be able to get in touch with those people. None of DH's coworkers at the time of our wedding had ever met any of his friends or family nor have any since then. I'm not even sure they met people at the wedding or just hung out in their own group. I doubt any of them from before I met DH knew his friends and family either considering he was stationed in Hawaii.

mileybangerz · August 2014

This thread disappointed me. I was hoping for TRULY awkward questions, like ...

"You didn't specify on your registry whether you prefer flavored lube or not. And if flavored, what flavors?"
"Are you sure you want the 600 thread count sheets? You're just gonna get cum all over it."
"Did you know that BB&B now carries personal massagers? You should register for that."

Tell the guy to up his game if he wants to be a REAL creeper. Sheesh.

novella1186 · August 2014

sarahufl said:

Frankly, I think he is tacky for keeping asking you. As an adult, is it THAT difficult to pick out a gift for someone?! You make it easy with a registry! He and his buddies should figure out how much they want to spend and pick something out.

That is really annoying.

Agreed! You mention he has a wife. If he's so confused on what to gift a bride, he needs to ask his wife. Not you. So awkward.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

jenijoyk said:

He totally just emailed again. "Can you send me links to all of your registries?"
So. Awkward.

Um. Has he not heard of asking someone close to the bride/groom these questions?

I remember fielding this one from my old boss's clients. Which was the way to go, right? Ask his assistant; it's weird to say, "So direct me to the list of presents, please."

As a work friend maybe he doesn't know anyone close to the bride and groom.

Surely if he is a gainfully employed human being, he has the resources to figure out SOME way to get the info he needs without being awkward.

What? Like steal her phone and start calling the numbers in it? Check our her Facebook page and start messaging her friends? Get her file from HR and call her emergency contact? In all the jobs I have had exactly one coworker has met my mother. Two have met my husband. One has met my best friend. The majority of my coworkers would not even have been able to guess who would have known information about my wedding let alone be able to get in touch with those people. None of DH's coworkers at the time of our wedding had ever met any of his friends or family nor have any since then. I'm not even sure they met people at the wedding or just hung out in their own group. I doubt any of them from before I met DH knew his friends and family either considering he was stationed in Hawaii.

SITB
No, not like stealing her phone or stalking on facebook. But maybe like, oh, I don't know, googling the person's name with the word Registry. Or just going to one of those stores where people often register (Target, BB&B, Crate&Barrel, Macy's, Walmart, Amazon for chrissakes), clicking on the "find a registry" button and inputing the bride's name. When I want to buy a gift for someone I know who is getting married or having a baby, I registry stalk first, and if I find nothing, I'll get them something else or just cash. I have never, in all my years of gift-giving, even before learning proper etiquette, asked someone directly where they are registered.

mysticl · August 2014

adk19 said:

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

jenijoyk said:

He totally just emailed again. "Can you send me links to all of your registries?"
So. Awkward.

Um. Has he not heard of asking someone close to the bride/groom these questions?

I remember fielding this one from my old boss's clients. Which was the way to go, right? Ask his assistant; it's weird to say, "So direct me to the list of presents, please."

As a work friend maybe he doesn't know anyone close to the bride and groom.

Surely if he is a gainfully employed human being, he has the resources to figure out SOME way to get the info he needs without being awkward.

What? Like steal her phone and start calling the numbers in it? Check our her Facebook page and start messaging her friends? Get her file from HR and call her emergency contact? In all the jobs I have had exactly one coworker has met my mother. Two have met my husband. One has met my best friend. The majority of my coworkers would not even have been able to guess who would have known information about my wedding let alone be able to get in touch with those people. None of DH's coworkers at the time of our wedding had ever met any of his friends or family nor have any since then. I'm not even sure they met people at the wedding or just hung out in their own group. I doubt any of them from before I met DH knew his friends and family either considering he was stationed in Hawaii.

SITB
No, not like stealing her phone or stalking on facebook. But maybe like, oh, I don't know, googling the person's name with the word Registry. Or just going to one of those stores where people often register (Target, BB&B, Crate&Barrel, Macy's, Walmart, Amazon for chrissakes), clicking on the "find a registry" button and inputing the bride's name. When I want to buy a gift for someone I know who is getting married or having a baby, I registry stalk first, and if I find nothing, I'll get them something else or just cash. I have never, in all my years of gift-giving, even before learning proper etiquette, asked someone directly where they are registered.

Whereas I have never taken it upon myself to go hunting for a registry. I figure if they are registered somewhere they will some how get the word out. And I don't think it's the least bit rude to ask someone if they are registered and if so where.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

Oh, see, and even before google existed, I'd occasionally find myself in the Mall and walk past the Crate & Barrel store. I'd walk in because I love that stuff, and suddenly go through the roladex in my brain about who was getting married in the next year or so. I'd always walk over to the registry machine and look up the names of friends I knew were engaged and might like C&B stuff. I'd print out the list and go looking for things they'd register for. Sometimes I'd buy, most of the time I wouldn't, but I've never had to request a registry from the bride or groom.

KatieinBkln · August 2014

mysticl said:

adk19 said:

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

mysticl said:

KatieinBkln said:

jenijoyk said:

He totally just emailed again. "Can you send me links to all of your registries?"
So. Awkward.

Um. Has he not heard of asking someone close to the bride/groom these questions?

I remember fielding this one from my old boss's clients. Which was the way to go, right? Ask his assistant; it's weird to say, "So direct me to the list of presents, please."

As a work friend maybe he doesn't know anyone close to the bride and groom.

Surely if he is a gainfully employed human being, he has the resources to figure out SOME way to get the info he needs without being awkward.

What? Like steal her phone and start calling the numbers in it? Check our her Facebook page and start messaging her friends? Get her file from HR and call her emergency contact? In all the jobs I have had exactly one coworker has met my mother. Two have met my husband. One has met my best friend. The majority of my coworkers would not even have been able to guess who would have known information about my wedding let alone be able to get in touch with those people. None of DH's coworkers at the time of our wedding had ever met any of his friends or family nor have any since then. I'm not even sure they met people at the wedding or just hung out in their own group. I doubt any of them from before I met DH knew his friends and family either considering he was stationed in Hawaii.

SITB
No, not like stealing her phone or stalking on facebook. But maybe like, oh, I don't know, googling the person's name with the word Registry. Or just going to one of those stores where people often register (Target, BB&B, Crate&Barrel, Macy's, Walmart, Amazon for chrissakes), clicking on the "find a registry" button and inputing the bride's name. When I want to buy a gift for someone I know who is getting married or having a baby, I registry stalk first, and if I find nothing, I'll get them something else or just cash. I have never, in all my years of gift-giving, even before learning proper etiquette, asked someone directly where they are registered.

Whereas I have never taken it upon myself to go hunting for a registry. I figure if they are registered somewhere they will some how get the word out. And I don't think it's the least bit rude to ask someone if they are registered and if so where.

I missed whether the OP has a website with this info on it. I guess I assume most people do, these days, and that they include the website with the invitation. I don't think it's the rudest thing in the world to ask where someone is registered; I just think it's awkward and puts the person in a weird spot. And it's completely unnecessary in this world of Google.

jenijoyk · August 2014

I totally have a website. It totally lists my registries on it.

cowgirl8238 said:

Maybe I am of a different thought on this subject. Not syaing I'm right or wrong here, but if the guy asks you multiple times what gifts you prefer, whats the harm in actaully telling him?
I agree it is rude of him to keep bringing it up. But maybe he is just really clueless. If you don't want to tell him directly, then just bean dip away!

I totally get this, but I really don't have a preference. I promise I am not being coy. In my opinion, gifts are gifts. They are extra bonuses, and I certainly have no preconcieved notions about what would be a good, better, or best gift. I guess I could have just made something up to make it easier on him. Or. I could go into his office, pull up my registries for him, click on the blender, and then input his credit card number for him. But that seems a little weird to me.

Anyway, I'm sure he figured it out by now. It's probably just me, but asking for gifts totally weirds me out. Talking about money with people that aren't my SO or my immediate family also totally weirds me out. But, I get that it's not awkward for others. Including this guy! So, whatever.

jenijoyk · August 2014

mileybangerz said:

This thread disappointed me. I was hoping for TRULY awkward questions, like ...

"You didn't specify on your registry whether you prefer flavored lube or not. And if flavored, what flavors?"
"Are you sure you want the 600 thread count sheets? You're just gonna get cum all over it."
"Did you know that BB&B now carries personal massagers? You should register for that."

Tell the guy to up his game if he wants to be a REAL creeper. Sheesh.

Hahahaha - omg.

How best to handle awkward gift question from guest?

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