Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Snarky Brides
Snarky Brides
New Discussion
Options

.......But you're already married......(?)

1234568»

Re: .......But you're already married......(?)

  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Knottie63395614 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    I have to politely share another opinion here. I got 'married' legally years before we had our wedding. It was for visa purposes. We knew we wanted to get married eventually but needed to fast track it in order to live in the same country. We literally signed a piece of paper at a court house, didn't even have rings or take one photo. We told no one and put it out of our minds that anything even happened - we wanted to downplay it as much as possible to save it for the real thing. We had our proper wedding last year and it felt just as if it was the first time. For us, getting married meant standing in front of your closest friends and family and vowing to spend forever together. It's announcing it to the world. A legally binding piece of paper doesn't do that, you do. I guess the difference with us was that no one knew but still, to each their own!
    I'm assuming you wed your husband to stay in the US, or he we'd you to stay. Holy shit. I know this is an old thread, but as a person who has a beloved relative in a foreign country and whose family is trying everything to be able to get her legal citizenship into this country, and has been for years, I just cannot even begin to articulate how absolutely fucking furious your post makes me, with it's total disregard for marriage and the citizenship process. And your relatives are fucking morons if they didn't realize you are already married. . .How the hell else could you legally stay in this country for years? Or you and your husband were fucking morons if you Think your relatives are that dumb and didn't know you were lying to them. Just remember that legally binding piece of paper you seem so glib about is the sole thing on this Earth that allowed you to stay in this country with your husband AND entitled you to all of the legal rights of naturalized citizenship.


    I understand you not agreeing with the way she handled things, although each of us can do of our lives what we want. What I don't understand is the harshness and rudeness of your post. You can make your point like some of the other girls have, without snapping at her for sharing her story. 

    I am not agreeing or disagreeing with this, but all the posts related to a civil then a religious or "real" wedding have many of you guys losing your temper. 


    I can make my point using whatever language I care to, thank you. 

    I wasn't "snapping at her for sharing her story."  I was infuriated and excoriating her for dismissing her legally binding marriage license, which she needed and choose to get via the JOP in order to stay in the same country as her husband, as nothing but a piece of paper in essence, and then bragging about how she and her husband lied to their family and friends for years, pretending not to be married so that she could later have a princess dress up day "real" wedding later.

    That's fraudulent, it takes advantage of our immigration system and all the benefits she and her husband get from being married, and it's bullshit to demean JOP weddings when a large majority of this country can't get married and receive those very rights and benefits she wanted in the first place.

    Perhaps if you personally knew people struggling to immigrate into this country to be with their family, or struggling to obtain legal marriage rights in this country you'd understand the harshness of my post.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    NdelibleNdelible member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment Name Dropper
    Yup, all rainbows and unicorns with civil discourse here!
    Happiness is an inside job
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ndelible said:
    Yup, all rainbows and unicorns with civil discourse here!
    Absolutely.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    twinklebosstwinkleboss member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I honestly do not understand all this apparent hatred toward those who want to have a traditional ceremony and reception even if they are already legally married. Why do ANY of us plan these elaborate weddings with all the bells and whistles when none of it is necessary in the slightest? Why don't we all just get married in a courthouse and be done with it? Seriously, it's because we want to, not because we are being forced to. Unfortunately, for a variety of very valid reasons, some people aren't given the chance for a bigger ceremony, and how dare anyone judge them for wanting one. A ceremony and a reception is really just the opportunity to share your love and commitment with friends and family, an expression of commitment and love with those closest to you. If someone had a courthouse wedding for whatever reason and still feels he or she would like to take a day to share that with others, then who really has the right to judge them?

    Report Reply
  • Options
    twinklebosstwinkleboss member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Sorry I don't have the time to waste my life reading 8 pages of people going back and forth. Just tagging in with the people I DO agree with, though they seem to be few and far between.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    chibiyuichibiyui member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    twinkleboss said:
    Sorry I don't have the time to waste my life reading 8 pages of people going back and forth. Just tagging in with the people I DO agree with, though they seem to be few and far between.
    But you do have time to dig up old threads and post on them. 

    Right. 
    image
    image



    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    twinklebosstwinkleboss member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Dig up? This thread is on the very first page.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    chibiyuichibiyui member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    twinkleboss said:
    Dig up? This thread is on the very first page.
    Meh. Fair enough. It started forever and a fuck ago because every few days somebody has to post about how they don't think it's fair. 

    Also becuase they didn't read the previous pages.
    image



    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    chibiyui said:


    twinkleboss said:

    Sorry I don't have the time to waste my life reading 8 pages of people going back and forth. Just tagging in with the people I DO agree with, though they seem to be few and far between.

    But you do have time to dig up old threads and post on them. 

    Right. 
    image


    Holy hell! Best. GIF.EVAR

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    twinkleboss said:
    I honestly do not understand all this apparent hatred toward those who want to have a traditional ceremony and reception even if they are already legally married. Why do ANY of us plan these elaborate weddings with all the bells and whistles when none of it is necessary in the slightest? Why don't we all just get married in a courthouse and be done with it? Seriously, it's because we want to, not because we are being forced to. Unfortunately, for a variety of very valid reasons, some people aren't given the chance for a bigger ceremony, and how dare anyone judge them for wanting one. A ceremony and a reception is really just the opportunity to share your love and commitment with friends and family, an expression of commitment and love with those closest to you. If someone had a courthouse wedding for whatever reason and still feels he or she would like to take a day to share that with others, then who really has the right to judge them?

    First, it's not "hatred." 
    Second, to the bolded, above: Who are these poor unfortunates, and why don't they have the same options as every other person I've ever known? Are people somehow being denied larger weddings, and forced to get married in courthouses?


    Report Reply
  • Options
    MegEn1MegEn1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    PDKH said:
    image
    But it's all about love and celebrating!!!
    HA. Yes to this. 

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LDay2014LDay2014 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kerbohl said:
    lolo883 said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    There is a word for the practice of having a civil marriage for reasons of immigration, insurance, or military benefits, but not considering yourself to be "really married".  It is called FRAUD.
    Really? Fraud is a legal term. And no one is under any legal obligation to tell anyone that they are married, unless some law will be broken should they fail to come forward with the information. Not telling one's family/friends *may* piss them off, but it doesn't fit the definition of fraud, again, unless some law is being broken. And the rules of etiquette are not the same as laws.
    It's insurance fraud and tax fraud to get married for the benefits. You don't consider yourself "really married" but do

    The dreaded SITB

    Didn't the movie "The Proposal" deal with this?  People getting married for immigration purposes?  And if I do recall, it was a big deal to the US government.  I'm sure it's a big deal to insurance companies too, they just haven't made a movie about it yet.
    I'm sorry to flog the dead horse and all....but there is a movie about the insurance companies!!! 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry'.

    and I quote (from IMDB) 'Two straight, single Brooklyn firefighters pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits.'

    If memory serves me correct, they got married in Canada to ensure that Kevin James' character could have benefits for his kids.  In the end they got investigated for insurance fraud...
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    LDay2014 said:
    kerbohl said:
    lolo883 said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    There is a word for the practice of having a civil marriage for reasons of immigration, insurance, or military benefits, but not considering yourself to be "really married".  It is called FRAUD.
    Really? Fraud is a legal term. And no one is under any legal obligation to tell anyone that they are married, unless some law will be broken should they fail to come forward with the information. Not telling one's family/friends *may* piss them off, but it doesn't fit the definition of fraud, again, unless some law is being broken. And the rules of etiquette are not the same as laws.
    It's insurance fraud and tax fraud to get married for the benefits. You don't consider yourself "really married" but do

    The dreaded SITB

    Didn't the movie "The Proposal" deal with this?  People getting married for immigration purposes?  And if I do recall, it was a big deal to the US government.  I'm sure it's a big deal to insurance companies too, they just haven't made a movie about it yet.
    I'm sorry to flog the dead horse and all....but there is a movie about the insurance companies!!! 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry'.

    and I quote (from IMDB) 'Two straight, single Brooklyn firefighters pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits.'

    If memory serves me correct, they got married in Canada to ensure that Kevin James' character could have benefits for his kids.  In the end they got investigated for insurance fraud...
    I did not know of this! I haven't seen it . . . but this also ties in with my point then. Thank you! Though these movies are giving Canada a bad name - apparently there are so many Canadians willing to fraud the American government using marriage?

    Report Reply
  • Options
    LDay2014LDay2014 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kerbohl said:
    LDay2014 said:
    kerbohl said:
    lolo883 said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    There is a word for the practice of having a civil marriage for reasons of immigration, insurance, or military benefits, but not considering yourself to be "really married".  It is called FRAUD.
    Really? Fraud is a legal term. And no one is under any legal obligation to tell anyone that they are married, unless some law will be broken should they fail to come forward with the information. Not telling one's family/friends *may* piss them off, but it doesn't fit the definition of fraud, again, unless some law is being broken. And the rules of etiquette are not the same as laws.
    It's insurance fraud and tax fraud to get married for the benefits. You don't consider yourself "really married" but do

    The dreaded SITB

    Didn't the movie "The Proposal" deal with this?  People getting married for immigration purposes?  And if I do recall, it was a big deal to the US government.  I'm sure it's a big deal to insurance companies too, they just haven't made a movie about it yet.
    I'm sorry to flog the dead horse and all....but there is a movie about the insurance companies!!! 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry'.

    and I quote (from IMDB) 'Two straight, single Brooklyn firefighters pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits.'

    If memory serves me correct, they got married in Canada to ensure that Kevin James' character could have benefits for his kids.  In the end they got investigated for insurance fraud...
    I did not know of this! I haven't seen it . . . but this also ties in with my point then. Thank you! Though these movies are giving Canada a bad name - apparently there are so many Canadians willing to fraud the American government using marriage?
    No, they got married in Canada because their state didn't recognize same-sex marriage.  They went to a cheesy Niagara Falls Wedding chapel - I kind of want to watch it again, even though it was terrible!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    Barf. Have an appropriate vowel renewal years down the road and call it a day.

    I say appropriate because a vowel renewal is not the same as a wedding ceremony.
    How exactly does one renew their vowels? Can Pat Sajac be there? Please.
    that's what I get for using mobile!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    theexactleetheexactlee member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    iloveotters2014 said:
    Barf. Have an appropriate vowel renewal years down the road and call it a day.

    I say appropriate because a vowel renewal is not the same as a wedding ceremony.
    This. Thank you. I had a lovely 11 person ceremony when I married my husband. I wore a short dress and veil I got at Dillards and he wore his work suit. It was basically free and nothing fancy. Our grandparents who have since died got to be there and it made them very happy. It also made us very happy. We would have been happy just signing the papers at the courthouse in our jeans and getting back in the car and going to McDonalds with our 6 month old and home to our dog. But 10 years later we want to include our children and and renew our vows on a grander scale with many more loved ones and friends celebrating with us. Our lives have been wonderful, tearful, impossible and blessed and we want to recognize that. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ErinableErinable member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I just find this so hurtful and judgmental. People can do whatever they want that makes them happy.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ErinableErinable member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I just find this such a weird issue to be so heated over. Why is it such a horrible thing if someone has a celebration? I personally wouldn't give a shit if a couple I cared about was already married and didn't tell everyone. It's their damn business.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Erinable said:
    I just find this so hurtful and judgmental. People can do whatever they want that makes them happy.
    Lying to loved ones deserves judgment. If lying to people makes you happy, go right ahead, but don't be surprised if someone finds out and gets rightfully pissed about it.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ErinableErinable member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    So please tell me, WHY do you even bother to post on wedding forums? Your judgment is killing me! I hope I never come across you in person based on how rudely you belittle people. It's disgusting.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Erinable said:
    So please tell me, WHY do you even bother to post on wedding forums? Your judgment is killing me! I hope I never come across you in person based on how rudely you belittle people. It's disgusting.
    People on here are just saying what your friends and family are saying behind your back. Now I know your gut reaction: "No! NOT my family and friends. I don't know who YOUR friends are but mine don't do this!!!!!111eleventy!11!!" 

    The truth is: yes, yes they do. No matter how much someone loves you, when you lie to them or have a play acting wedding, it is a jerk move. and I can bet you £100 million of Her Majesty's pounds sterling the things said on here will come out of your family and friend's mouths to vent. Yes, they will still love you, but they will be hurt. Just look at the vents on here that boil down to "I love this person, but they really hurt my feelings when they xyz".

    When an anonymous internet stranger, who has NO vested interest in your wedding can see it, everyone else, who actually has to go to this pretend wedding thinks it, too. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards