Wedding will be FIs first real international experience. Any suggestions?

Re: Wedding will be FIs first real international experience. Any suggestions?

• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  August 2014

  Sounds like you're off to a good start being mindful of the fact that this is all knew to him. Just keep that frame of mind and don't roll your eyes at things you know to be touristy. Maybe let him pick out a few must-see places he wants to go, and then you pick out a few hidden gems that you'd love to show off to him. That's how my BFF handled it when we went to Brazil for her wedding a few years ago. She took us to her favorite samba bar, favorite restaurant, and by the house she grew up in, but still put up with the more tourist-y things like a guided sight-seeing tour of Sao Paulo, Copacabana beach, and paying way too much money to get to the top of Sugarloaf. It was fun for her and her H to be tourists in their own towns, too, and I know they loved showing everything off to us.

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• charlottesmom0626 member

  

  August 2014

  I think it'll honestly be okay. It's an English speaking country where most things are similar (at first glance) to what he's used to.. I moved to Australia for a while and I didn't feel any sense of international culture shock immediately. A few weeks in I felt a little homesick and didn't understand some things (like why grocery stores close at 6pm. Still don't, actually...). But overall nothing was like "OH MY GOD I HAVE DEFINITELY LEFT THE US". I think it'll be a fun experience, almost like visiting any place other than home. I would be more concerned with the fact that he doesn't know anybody, and it's a reunion for you. Those situations always make me uncomfortable and aware. Perhaps you can point out people in photos to explain relationships, names, etc?

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• AprilH81 member

  

  August 2014

  Try not to over schedule your time so that he has time to let it all sink in. I know it is for the wedding so time is a luxury, but I think that will help a lot.

  

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• missdelilah member

  

  August 2014

  @lolo883  I actually have no problem doing touristy stuff, so that part's all good, and imagine whichever of his friends show up will want to do a bit of it with him while I'm running around like a headless chook trying to do all the last minute stuff.  I only have one place that's off limits, which is considered a must for travelers to Sydney, and that's the zoo.  It's taken me a while, but I've decided that I have a moral objection to zoos that are simply tourist exhibitions.  If they're running breeding programs for endangered animals only, I'll put up with them.  Everything else is A OK with me, despite having done it a million times.  

  
  

  @charlottesmom0626 I think you're right about the lack of culture shock.  I didn't have it when I moved here.  And I think it's normal to get homesick after a few weeks.  I wish I could explain to you why things close so early, but having spent a large part of my life in Asia, where even the bigger malls are open until midnight, I have no idea.  He's on Facebook with all of my family and friends, so he knows who's who, and will have met a good bunch of them before the wedding day because I'm going to plan a bunch of dinners, etc, when I know exactly when he'll be showing up.  

  
  

  @AprilH81 I'll certainly make sure I have time for him.  My family have been great with letting me delegate, so hopefully they won't completely give all that up simply because I've shown up.

  
  

  Thanks for weighing in!

  
  

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• mschristie123 member

  

  August 2014

  It sounds like you're doing everything that you can. I wouldn't worry too much about it. When we went on our HM, it was DH's first time out of the country. I wouldn't say that he was worried about it, necessarily, but there were certain thing with regard to international traveling that just came easier/were more familiar to me. For example, boarding cards, going through customs, declaring goods-- all that stuff I remembered from when I had flown to Spain a few years ago, so I was able to guide us through that. So I'd say, be able to lead him where he might get more confused/anxious, or is just less familiar with the process. We stayed at an all inclusive for the HM, so there wasn't a lot of planning necessarily that went into the trip, but I did ask him a million times before hand what was important on his "First time out of the country" bucket list.
  
  Another thing that was important for me was to be mindful not to compare that particular travel experience with other ones that we had. I knew that it might make him feel insecure that I had extensive travel experience and other great trips that he wasn't a part of. I was lucky enough to be a part of family that took me on a lot of great vacations growing up, and while I share those memories with him, I was careful not to be all like, "oh when I sat first class last time...", "Oh, when I went through custom in Barcelona before...." Etc. Just to savor the experience as our first time traveling out of the country together, and leave it at that.
  

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  August 2014

  I work with students traveling internationally, many of whom are going away for the first time.  I would say that based on my experience, having clear expectations is a must.  If you know certain days are scheduled now, and have some ideas of which might be free, talk about that before you go.  Let him talk about what he expects from this trip and what he's thinking about - is he nervous about in person meetings with your family and friends? disappointed few of his friends can come?  looking forward to any one particular experience, touristy or otherwise? Likewise, be upfront with your expectations - these family events, this dinner with your friends, this time for wedding paperwork/decorating/planning.
  
  Do he know he'll be on his own to entertain friends pre-wedding?  I would really try to find a way to spend at least some of that time helping (even if it's "I'm going to bring you here to do the X you want and will be back at this time, after I pick up my dress, to join you"), or designating someone local who can be a point person so he doesn't feel like he's floundering or being a poor host when he's not had much experience in your locale.
  
  Agree with April about having time (planned and not) for you two, alone, and for him to escape.  In my case, DH needs recovery and recharge time after big group events.  Knowing that, I know how to agree to on his behalf when we travel, and how much to say is going to have to be a last-minute decision.  If you can, try to ease into things so that he can adjust to the physical differences and the emotional newness of being around your family and friends so much.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  August 2014

  Be aware that Australians find our tipping custom offensive. 
  

  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  August 2014

  CMGragain said:

  Be aware that Australians find our tipping custom offensive. 
  

  Ooh yeah make sure you fill him in on those little differences if he'll be on his own. It was the same in Brazil, with tipping. BFF also had to warn us that when the waiter comes and sets down a little basket of snacks on the table, they're NOT like the free bread baskets at home - they actually charge you for it unless you turn them away! And thankfully I read before going to Paris that the waiter won't bring your check until you ask for it. If I hadn't learned how to say "check please" in French I might still be sitting there waiting!

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• missdelilah member

  

  August 2014

  @CMGragain We've spoken about the tipping.  It's interesting.  The people who you're tipping don't find it offensive, but people who don't work in the industry do.  Whenever I go home I'm always getting in trouble from my friends for tipping too much.  It doesn't help that everything is bloody expensive as over there.

  
  

  @mschristie123  Thank you for sharing your experience.  I'll have to have a chat with him about his expectations closer to the time.  At this point, the main issue has been explaining our customs and quarantine process to him, and that our duty free allowance differs greatly from that of the US.  I'm trying to convince him to give up smoking (have been for some time anyway, but it's more pressing now) - well, I've got six months, so hopefully it will work.  Aside from the fact that you can no longer bring any more than 50 cigarettes into the country (used to be 250, like everywhere else) they're about $20 a pack there, and I have to keep explaining to him that unless he makes some major sales at work, our budget just won't cover it.  Otherwise it's more on me to get him proactively looking at some tourism sites and thinking about what he wants to do.  At this point, he's a little laid back about it, and I think expects me to be able to devote all of my pre-wedding time to him.  We'll be there for a week after the wedding, so there will at least be some more time for us to be together.

  
  

  @JaxinBlue Thank you for sharing your experience.  I don't know now what will need to be done, but I'll certainly keep him updated closer to the wedding and once I have things booked in.  I'll be there a week or two before he will, so hopefully I can get most of it done before he arrives.  He seems neither anxious about meeting my family and friends in person, nor upset that few of his friends can make it.  He knew that this would be the case when we first discussed where the wedding would be held, and while we're working to sell the experience to a couple of his close friends who are on the fence (it is a long way to travel if you can't stay for more than a few weeks) I think he'll be happy just to have two or three of them turn up.  I'll definitely be introducing him to people who can spend time with him while I'm busy, and I'll let him pick who feels most comfortable around.  A few years ago some family friends came to visit, so I'm thinking I might suggest that he spend some time with them.  They have international visitors all the time, so will be really happy to do a lot of the tourist stuff with him.  

  
  

  Thank you all for your input.

  
  

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• missdelilah member

  

  August 2014

  @lolo883  I always found the check thing here to be odd.  Why am I presented with my check before I've finished a meal?  Often at home you stay in the restaurant and order another bottle of wine there.  Here, they lose out, because you end up settling up and going to a bar.  In my experience, the bread is free in Australia, but very few restaurants hand it out anymore.  It's become more of a menu item, which requires you to request it, and of course has a price attached to it.  

  
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  August 2014

  Yeah it's definitely odd, in comparison. It's just all about the turnover. I've found in nicer restaurants they tend to be a little slower with the check, always offer dessert and after-dinner coffee, etc. But otherwise, they don't want to take the time to see if you'll buy anything else, just want to get you out the door to make way for new people. I generally try to loudly exclaim "well I WOULD have ordered (whatever), but I guess we're leaving now!" when that happens. :-p

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• mschristie123 member

  

  August 2014

  lolo883 said:

  Yeah it's definitely odd, in comparison. It's just all about the turnover. I've found in nicer restaurants they tend to be a little slower with the check, always offer dessert and after-dinner coffee, etc. But otherwise, they don't want to take the time to see if you'll buy anything else, just want to get you out the door to make way for new people. I generally try to loudly exclaim "well I WOULD have ordered (whatever), but I guess we're leaving now!" when that happens. :-p

  Which reminds me of a big family dinner we had in Chicago a few years back. Teeny tiny Italian place. Wonderful, homemade food. Delicious wine. Could have stayed there for hours just chatting and drinking wine. Unfortunately, the staff/management were so antsy to get the table turned over, they gave us free limencello shots and kindly asked us to GTFO. Lol.
  

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• missdelilah member

  

  August 2014

  It's interesting.  Places here do it even when they have empty tables.  I understand that not all restaurants offer desserts, but still.  I was shocked the first time I was given a check while I was halfway through my meal.  I thought I'd done something wrong and they were kicking me out.

  
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  August 2014

  missdelilah said:

  It's interesting.  Places here do it even when they have empty tables.  I understand that not all restaurants offer desserts, but still.  I was shocked the first time I was given a check while I was halfway through my meal.  I thought I'd done something wrong and they were kicking me out.

  That's often code for "the waitress is at the end of her shift and wants to go home with her tip."

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• mrsmagicgeek member

  

  August 2014

  I know it was a typo in your original post OP, but i read "the closet Canadian town" and my first thought was wow, there's a whole Canadian town in the closet?!?
  
  Maybe I need more wine...
  
  

  

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• missdelilah member

  

  August 2014

  Lol @foundmymagicgeek!  I really want to leave it like that now.  So Canada is like Narnia?  

  
  

  @lolo883 It's still kind of odd.  Most of the time the servers tells us their shift is over, would we mind cashing out and reopening a tab with the next server?

  
  

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