Chit Chat

For your entertainment - We didn't invite the boyfriend

IMathleteIMathlete member
100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited August 2014 in Chit Chat
This one is a doozy, and long, so skip to bottom for TL:DR.

Late last year, (then F-)SIL, "Meg", started dating "Stewie." We met him once, he seemed nice enough, quiet. She didn't bring him around a lot. We learned that very soon after, he had moved into her house with her. We thought it was a bit fast, but never said anything. We also learned at some point that Stewie had a DUI and couldn't drive. Well, great, we're not big fans, but they are a couple. We sent out STDs in early January and included Stewie.

In Mid-March, Meg went out of town for job training. She ended up flying home a day early, and when she arrived, Stewie was no longer answering his phone - no calls, no texts, nothing. FFIL drove her home from the airport, and when she walked into her home, all electronics were missing: computers, TVs, stereos, speakers, the works. Basically anything of pawnable status was gone. Her car had been driven and was slightly dented, and numerous addresses had been programmed into the GPS (including the pawn shop and home of a certain drug dealer - talk about dumb criminal). It took a long time to sort out the fallout, and I still don't know that all items have been retrieved or compensated.

In any case, this all happened about two weeks before invites went out for our wedding, so we sent FSIL an invite, with the then ex-bf excluded. (By excluded, I simply mean it was addressed to her only). We had asked her about a week after it all happened if she had in fact broken up with him (moot point, I thought), but she confirmed, yes, they were over. Last week, she posted a photo of him to FB; they were out to dinner. Today, it's 9-month anniversary flowers from him. I'm sorry; 9 months??

So apparently they are back together, and are acting as though they never weren't together. Needless to say, when our wedding rolled around in May, he was not invited. Just thought I'd share this fun tale!

TL:DR - SIL dated a guy. When she was out of town, he stole (and sold) everything electronic she owned. They "broke up," and our wedding happened. He was not invited. Turns out, they are back together and are now acting as though they've been together the whole time.

I feel no guilt. Any other dumb criminal stories?

Re: For your entertainment - We didn't invite the boyfriend

  • mschristie123mschristie123 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited August 2014
    fucking gifs. I had a great one. That is really fucked up though. Poor SIL :(
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  • That is really sad.

    Did he go into rehab or something to help him with his drug problem?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Wow. That's crazy. I hope things turn out okay for your SIL.
  • @lyndausvi No rehab that I am aware of. We really only have any updates through smatterings of FB posts, despite the fact that we only live 30 minutes away.
  • Also, I had paragraphs in the OP, I promise.
  • I would have put his ass in jail.   But what do I know?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • She tried! That's the baffling part. She worked really hard with the cops to track him down. Now suddenly it's like it never happened?
  • IMathlete said:
    She tried! That's the baffling part. She worked really hard with the cops to track him down. Now suddenly it's like it never happened?
    Not to disparage your sister, but this just SCREAMS desperate to me. 
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  • @smalfrie19 It's definitely a case of low self-esteem, at least in our eyes. It's really sad. :(
  • Your poor SIL :(

    I have a scenario like this.  My friend's husband  ("Brad") actually isn't invited because he is a criminal.  I know it's bad etiquette to not invite him, but he solicited sex while posing as a police officer.  He stole a cop's identity and that cop was put on probation until he could prove it wasn't him.  He ruined lives and even left a child unattended to meet the bait cop that arrested him.

    Brad avoided jail time.  I'm not sure how.  He has a probation officer he has to talk to weekly for three years or something...

    I took my friend ("Angie") aside and explained that there is a lot of tension if he arrives because my FI, my brother and my father are really struggling with Brad's poor treatment of Angie.  My father, Brother and FI are all still struggling with Angie's decision to stay married to Brad.  I told her I was very conflicted about him being there.  She said she wouldn't miss my wedding for the world and would take her father as her date instead because she understood.  I know I committed a really bad etiquette no-no...and I feel bad for going against what I learned here...

    You aren't alone OP.  I was very conflicted with proper hosting, but in the end even more guests would be uncomfortable having him there.  Does that make it right?  I don't know.  I just really didn't want to lose my friend Angie and we worked it out..

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  • Your poor SIL :(

    I have a scenario like this.  My friend's husband  ("Brad") actually isn't invited because he is a criminal.  I know it's bad etiquette to not invite him, but he solicited sex while posing as a police officer.  He stole a cop's identity and that cop was put on probation until he could prove it wasn't him.  He ruined lives and even left a child unattended to meet the bait cop that arrested him.

    Brad avoided jail time.  I'm not sure how.  He has a probation officer he has to talk to weekly for three years or something...

    I took my friend ("Angie") aside and explained that there is a lot of tension if he arrives because my FI, my brother and my father are really struggling with Brad's poor treatment of Angie.  My father, Brother and FI are all still struggling with Angie's decision to stay married to Brad.  I told her I was very conflicted about him being there.  She said she wouldn't miss my wedding for the world and would take her father as her date instead because she understood.  I know I committed a really bad etiquette no-no...and I feel bad for going against what I learned here...

    You aren't alone OP.  I was very conflicted with proper hosting, but in the end even more guests would be uncomfortable having him there.  Does that make it right?  I don't know.  I just really didn't want to lose my friend Angie and we worked it out..

    Don't feel bad. I have a friend who's bf is a Felon...for stealing..so in order to protect myself and my guests he is not invited. I know its a no-no...but as HGF has stated actions has consequences, you choose to date criminals, they probably will not be welcome in normal polite society. 
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  • @goldchocobo Luckily, they were, at least to our knowledge, not together when invites went out, so we didn't have to invite him. However, going forward, he has been banned from the ILs house and ours. It sucks that she doesn't get rid of the guy, but all we can do is 1) try to encourage her to see the truth, and 2) protect ourselves.

    I'm sorry about your friend and her husband. I hope he's getting help!
  • IMathlete said:
    @goldchocobo Luckily, they were, at least to our knowledge, not together when invites went out, so we didn't have to invite him. However, going forward, he has been banned from the ILs house and ours. It sucks that she doesn't get rid of the guy, but all we can do is 1) try to encourage her to see the truth, and 2) protect ourselves.

    I'm sorry about your friend and her husband. I hope he's getting help!

    STUCK IN DA BOX!!!

    I try to encourage my friend to see the truth too.  I really don't trust him, and my friend says he has anger issues.  I worry so much about her, but I know she'll be with us for a day and just hug her and tell her how much I've missed her, without Brad watching like a creep in the background.
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    I do not envy you. I hope everyone comes to their senses soon! Yeesh!
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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    @goldchocobo, I really, really, really think you made the right choice there. This guy framed a cop and pretty much raped or almost raped someone. I say raped since he lied to someone to try to get sex, which I don't think is an exaggeration to call that circumstance rape. I never would've invited him if I had been in your shoes. I personally don't believe in divorce and remarriage and I would've divorced him if I was in Angie's shoes, even if I never could get married again.

    To make a long story short, I 100% support you not inviting that douche bag. Sorry for the small rant, that story made my blood boil. I hope your friend will be ok.
  • There are good reasons to break every rule
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