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Adult only recption apply to nursing baby?

etmegsetmegs member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have three friends who will have babies 3 months and younger before our wedding. Each of them would be sitting at our head table as they are wives of groomsmen. Is it rude to ask them to find a sitter or is it rude to not allow someone to bring their nursing baby?
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Re: Adult only recption apply to nursing baby?

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    What Liatris said.  You do not need to invite any children if you do not want to.  But not doing so will most likely cause these women to not be able to attend the wedding because they are nursing. Nursing can be difficult and pumping is not always a solution so babysitters aren't always doable.

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    etmegsetmegs member
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    I am starting to agree with you. I don't have kids so to me, a night away would seem wonderful, but see that it would be hard to leave a 2 month old at home. Thanks for the advice!
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    It's not against etiquette to have the reception be adults only. 

    All my friends who are nursing right now (5 of them!!) brought their pumping stuff to the two adult only weddings this year and pumped between the ceremony and reception.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    etmegs said:
    I am starting to agree with you. I don't have kids so to me, a night away would seem wonderful, but see that it would be hard to leave a 2 month old at home. Thanks for the advice!
    I am sure some of those couples in question would think the same thing, but sometimes that just isn't possible with such a young child, especially if you are a nursing mother.

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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    It's not against etiquette to have the reception be adults only. 

    All my friends who are nursing right now (5 of them!!) brought their pumping stuff to the two adult only weddings this year and pumped between the ceremony and reception.
    That is great! I would say though, that if you make it clear that the babies are welcome, the moms may still choose to get a sitter and bring their pump. If you don't make the babies welcome, she doesn't have that choice.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    KatieinBkln said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    It's not against etiquette to have the reception be adults only. 

    All my friends who are nursing right now (5 of them!!) brought their pumping stuff to the two adult only weddings this year and pumped between the ceremony and reception.
    That is great! I would say though, that if you make it clear that the babies are welcome, the moms may still choose to get a sitter and bring their pump. If you don't make the babies welcome, she doesn't have that choice.
    From an etiquette standpoint, she's not required to make the babies welcome. She can make an exception if she wants to, but she is 100% within correct etiquette if she decides not to.

    I mention my friends only because it was because they are nursing mothers invited to an adult only wedding and that was how they dealt with it.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    You're not obligated to make an exception for bf infants. But the parents have a right to decline your invitation if it's not possible to attend without their babies. Some moms have difficulty pumping and some babies will not nurse from bottles.
                       
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    MairePoppy said:
    You're not obligated to make an exception for bf infants. But the parents have a right to decline your invitation if it's not possible to attend without their babies. Some moms have difficulty pumping and some babies will not nurse from bottles.
    I was one of those babies.  In the beginning I loved the bottle, but from what my Mom told me, by 4/5 months I was all "fuck you bottle" and she had to try and feed me from a cup (per doctors orders) because I wouldn't take anything else LOL!

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited August 2014
    I had one that went right from boob to cup. He nursed 24/7 for the first five months then he discovered his sippy cup, thank God. I won't tell him that story, though : )
                       
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    If you're going to exclude all children, then you need to be consistent.   I understand the need for a new mother to feed her child; however, it's it fair to the other people with infants.   What are you going to say when your friend that bottle feeds her infant about why her child was excluded?    If you do for one, you do for all. 

    Just remember that your friend might decline the  innovations or have to rearrange her schedule to accommodated the needs of her child.  
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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    Generally, exceptions are made for the WP though, since they're part of the actual wedding and can't RSVP "no" without a myriad of issues. Most people understand that.
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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    edited August 2014
    etmegs said:
    I am starting to agree with you. I don't have kids so to me, a night away would seem wonderful, but see that it would be hard to leave a 2 month old at home. Thanks for the advice!

    The PPs have give you good advice but I have to add that you should never assume a night away from the kids would be wonderful or that a wedding is the kid free night your guest with kids would want. My sister and BIL like their occasional nights without their kids but they hate it when they feel like they are wasting one of their sitter nights at something like a wedding. I'm not saying everyone feels that way or that not inviting kids to a wedding is against etiquette because it isn't. I'm just trying to point out that it would be best not to assume what other people's feelings are.
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    etmegsetmegs member
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    It's three infants that we would include, no one else has infants just toddlers or older. All in which in no way want to bring their kid! My friends are looking forward to a night out, his friends are different! Why does wedding planning have to be so complicated! LOL
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    mschristie123mschristie123 member
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    Please make exceptions for WP and their significant others. Although I'm not pregnant/nursing/a mother, I am the wife of GM in a wedding this weekend, and getting the total shaft (different story). It will make everyone in the bridal party so much happier if you just throw them a bone.
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    JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
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    etmegs said:
    It's three infants that we would include, no one else has infants just toddlers or older. All in which in no way want to bring their kid! My friends are looking forward to a night out, his friends are different! Why does wedding planning have to be so complicated! LOL
    If it's just this - and these babies are all connected to groomsmen - I think it's easier to make an exception if you are comfortable with that. As PPs have pointed out, feeding a three month gets complicated; sometimes pumping works, sometimes it doesn't and not all people feel comfortable leaving such a young baby with a sitter for the length of a wedding and a reception. I'd make the exception if you want to, especially as this set of three appears to be a circle unto themselves.
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    In my view, a newborn is going to do nothing but lay in a carrier, snooze, maybe fuss a bit, poop, eat, and snooze some more. I have one friend with a newborn and I told her ages ago: I'd rather have you there with a newborn than not there at all. She's still planning on leaving him at home anyway.
    Our other friends with babies/toddlers are more than happy to leave their kids with other family members.
    Babies don't need their own plate. I'll take babies over four year olds, to be perfectly honest, especially if it means the difference between celebrating with loved ones or not at all.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    It's not rude to exclude any children, nursing infants or not, but parents of any children of any age may choose to decline invitations that don't include their children.
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    mysticlmysticl member
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    MairePoppy said:
    You're not obligated to make an exception for bf infants. But the parents have a right to decline your invitation if it's not possible to attend without their babies. Some moms have difficulty pumping and some babies will not nurse from bottles.
    This was me and DS. I did not respond well to the pump and he would not take a bottle.  That meant that I couldn't be away from him for more than about 2 hours at a time at that age.  So a wedding he was not invited to would have been completely out of the question for us.  
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    doeydodoeydo member
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    If you truly don't want the babies there, then don't invite the babies.  However, if you want to make an exception, that is OK, too.
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    kimberly0315kimberly0315 member
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    It is ultimately up to you and you are within your right to not include any children. Just speaking from personal experience, I would not have been able to leave my daughter at that age. She would not take a bottle at all and therefore I would have stayed home. I would have respected the couples choice, but I wouldn't have come and my fi would have probably left early. While some people look at it as a night out, it's actually not possible for some mums.
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    lc07lc07 member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    I was one of those babies.  In the beginning I loved the bottle, but from what my Mom told me, by 4/5 months I was all "fuck you bottle" and she had to try and feed me from a cup (per doctors orders) because I wouldn't take anything else LOL!
    Me too! I got so dehydrated I was hospitalized. I think I was younger than that, though. I wanted a damn cup, I guess.
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    emcme22emcme22 member
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    My cousin's first child was fine with the bottle but her second would not take it. One weekend they went away and baby decided she was all done breast feeding, while cousin had no pump, which she described as hell. She then started having to so cups and wash a crazy amount of soppy cups daily. Point being many people would have assumed because of her first child that pumping would have been no issue but she would have been forced to decline.

    It's totally up to you whether you want to invite the infants or not, neither way is against etiquette. The only thing I would discourage against is if you find out one if those 3 infants is formula fed, don't exclude that infant for that reason as if may unintentionally be hurtful to those parents
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    thisismynickname said:
    In my view, a newborn is going to do nothing but lay in a carrier, snooze, maybe fuss a bit, poop, eat, and snooze some more. I have one friend with a newborn and I told her ages ago: I'd rather have you there with a newborn than not there at all. She's still planning on leaving him at home anyway. Our other friends with babies/toddlers are more than happy to leave their kids with other family members. Babies don't need their own plate. I'll take babies over four year olds, to be perfectly honest, especially if it means the difference between celebrating with loved ones or not at all.
    Preach!

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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    It's not against etiquette to have the reception be adults only. 

    All my friends who are nursing right now (5 of them!!) brought their pumping stuff to the two adult only weddings this year and pumped between the ceremony and reception.
    That is great! I would say though, that if you make it clear that the babies are welcome, the moms may still choose to get a sitter and bring their pump. If you don't make the babies welcome, she doesn't have that choice.
    From an etiquette standpoint, she's not required to make the babies welcome. She can make an exception if she wants to, but she is 100% within correct etiquette if she decides not to.

    I mention my friends only because it was because they are nursing mothers invited to an adult only wedding and that was how they dealt with it.
    Oh, of course not! Just throwing it out there for this OP who seems on the fence.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    ashleyepashleyep member
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    edited August 2014
    I just want to add that my cousin brought her 6 week old to the wedding (invited of course!) and I didn't notice him all night. He never made a peep and slept in his carrier all night.

    I did, however, notice the 2 year old and 8 year old running around - which was fine, they were invited. But the infant, not once, except when I held him at the after party.
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    MandyMostMandyMost member
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    In this type of situation I think it's fine to just explain the situation. "Hey, we weren't planning on inviting any kids to the wedding, but we have no problems if you need to bring the new baby!" Although, if they're in the wedding party they probably already know it's an adults only wedding, so you just have to say "Hey, just so you know, it's totally fine with us if you need to bring the new baby. We know it must be hard to figure out arrangements with a newborn!". I'm not having a bridal party, but one of my closest friends will have a 3-month old at the time of the wedding. I'm going to make sure she knows she can bring the baby if she needs to. Currently she's planning to have her mom stay at the hotel with the baby and their older daughter, but if that doesn't work out she'll likely leave the older daughter at home and have to bring the baby.
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