For anyone that remembers me and my long saga, I have an update. For a refresher, see
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_speaking-of-convalidations and
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_kind-of-update Cliff notes - I am Catholic, my boyfriend is not. I've had my annulment processed already as it was the short form, but he has to do the long form. Due to my age and fertility issues, we wanted to get married sooner rather than later, but I also wanted a traditional Catholic wedding. At my last meeting with my priest in January, he told us that it would be totally fine to get married civilly, and then once the annulment comes through, we could have a regular wedding. He even commented on how funny it was that Americans would come dressed in jeans for their ceremony, while Hispanics would do it up like a regular wedding, with a wedding dress, bridal party, etc.
So since we heard directly from the horse's mouth that this plan would be fine, we started making plans. We decided to elope to the Dominican Republic this October, and then have our wedding later. We completely booked our trip.
In order to speed things along, I called my parish to set up our marriage prep to get it out of the way, plus I thought premarital counseling prior to our civil marriage was a good idea. While speaking to the lady that schedules the marriage prep, I explained our plans. She was HORRIFIED. She said under no circumstances would the Monsignor ever allow such a thing, and she has never seen it done in the 15 years she has worked there. To be certain, she double checked with the Monsignor, and confirmed it was out of the question. We could have a convalidation, but it is nothing like a wedding ceremony. She said maybe the priest was confused based on what they did in his previous parish, but they do not do it at my church.
To say that we were shocked and upset is an understatement. We planned everything and booked our honeymoon based on what we were told, and now we've been told it won't happen?! I contacted the main church for our Diocese, and explained the situation with my health, and asked if they would let us have a regular wedding in the future. They were very sympathetic and understanding. After conferring with them and writing a letter explaining my situation, they told us this: they would allow us to have a wedding, but we had to write a letter promising that we would not tell anyone of our marriage. It had to be kept a complete secret, anyone attending the wedding had to think it was our "real" wedding. The only people we are allowed to tell are our parents.
I thought long and hard about this, and while I am very grateful for their generosity and understanding, I don't think it will work because after we are married, we will of course be moving in together. That means we will have to let all of our family and friends think that we are living together without being married. While I'm sure for some this would not be a big deal, this would really bother me. If I got a few negative comments about us living together, I would probably end up spilling the beans out of a wish to preserve our reputations, and thus would violate my promise to the church. They said if at any point during the wedding planning process it comes to light that people know about our marriage, they would call it off and require us to have a traditional convalidation.
So, long story short, I think we are going to wait for his annulment to come through, as hard as that will be for us. I simply cannot give up having a Catholic wedding, and experiencing the grace of the Sacrament the way it was originally intended. I have come to the church later in life (I'm 29) and having made a committment to be Catholic, I just do not feel right turning my back on it now. We have already submitted all of his paperwork to the Tribunal, so we are just praying that it gets approved as quickly as possible. We are hoping for a tentative wedding date of October 2012. We have notified his witnesses to let us know ASAP as soon as they get their paperwork from the Tribunal, so that we can answer any questions about filling it out and getting it back right away.
So I guess moral of the story is - double and triple check everything you are told. We were given so much misinformation on this topic it's not even funny.
Any prayers you can offer that this will go through as quickly as possible will be greatly appreciated. I'm trying very hard to have faith that everything will work out the way that He intends, and for the best, and that I will be rewarded with easy fertility when our time comes, despite the long wait.