Head Table Discussions

birdybride2014 · August 2014

I think I have FINALLY convinced FH to let us have a head table that includes significant others!

background: before the Knot, I had never really thought about including dates/spouses with the wedding party at dinner. I've never been in a wedding that has let me sit with my date, and it had just never really crossed my mind. After the Knot, though, I realized that I wanted to make my bridal party more comfortable by letting them sit with their SO, but I knew it would take some convincing of FH because we both had previously agreed that our head table would be on the stage, behind the dance floor (don't judge, this was BEFORE the knot (BTK lol)). We both have 5 bridesmaids/groomsmen and at first he thought that one huge table would look tacky, which I agree kind of does, but then I found the seating chart I attached and he has approved!! YAY!

Have any of you had a hard time trying to include your BP's dates/SO?

thisismynickname2 · August 2014

Chart looks great!

All I had to do was say, "Head tables suck," and FI agreed. We're sitting with our immediate family and having the bridal party interspersed at tables with their circles of friends.

Bubblegum5586 · August 2014

Personally I am not a fan of head tables and feel they are more trouble then they are worth. We had a sweetheart table then seated our WP as guests with whichever table they fit with best,

I like the solution you came up with to keep your WP close, but still have them with their dates!

pinkcow13 · August 2014

I like your chart! I know that our bridal party wants to sit together - with their dates. They are all friends and get a long really well. In fact, for our engagement party, they all sat together on their own. FI and I sat with our families because they all took a table together! Lol. We are thinking of doing something like your chart. I like the huge table, but I can see where it would be a bit weird and just really big. So I was thinking of doing one big table for all (we each have 4), but that would be 18 for all of us to sit at the same table which is not possible. I really like your chart - I may have to borrow it

wandajune6 · August 2014

We argued a bit. It's easier for him- on his side, everyone who has a wife/gf not in the wedding party is single. The opposite is true on my side. I talked him into a sweetheart table but our venue is still pushing on a head table.

I just don't love the idea of people gawking at us while we eat. I know that I'll get self-conscious and spill on myself!

birdybride2014 · August 2014

@thisismynickname @bubblegum1309 I know a lot of people don't love them, but I can't let go of the idea of having the bridal party at least near me! Hold habits die hard, right?

@scribe95 - it is almost like a head table in disguise! lol

@pinkcow13 go ahead! I found it on google

haha.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

We're doing something a bit similar, but the MOH/date and BM/date will be at our table, then the rest of the maids and men (plus their 4 kiddies) at two WP tables flanking us. Because of who knows whom, one of my BMs will sit with the rest of the GM and one of the GM will sit with my BMs.

We wanted our WP to be near us/at tables of honor as well, plus to get their food first since they would have missed most of cocktail hour taking pictures. So this was the best solution for us.

ashleyep · August 2014

wandajune6 said:

We argued a bit. It's easier for him- on his side, everyone who has a wife/gf not in the wedding party is single. The opposite is true on my side. I talked him into a sweetheart table but our venue is still pushing on a head table.

I just don't love the idea of people gawking at us while we eat. I know that I'll get self-conscious and spill on myself!

We had a sweet heart table. With a table directly on either side of us, I never really felt like we were in the spotlight with everyone gawking at us. We sat there for all of 10 minutes while the toasts went on and to have about 3 bites of food.

My parents wanted my brother and sister (MOH and groomsman) to sit with them, so we were going to put the rest of the bridal party together. But the way our table situations were working out with other guests, we ended up splitting the rest of the bridal party between a couple of tables.

birdybride2014 · August 2014

ashleyep said:

wandajune6 said:

We argued a bit. It's easier for him- on his side, everyone who has a wife/gf not in the wedding party is single. The opposite is true on my side. I talked him into a sweetheart table but our venue is still pushing on a head table.

I just don't love the idea of people gawking at us while we eat. I know that I'll get self-conscious and spill on myself!

We had a sweet heart table. With a table directly on either side of us, I never really felt like we were in the spotlight with everyone gawking at us. We sat there for all of 10 minutes while the toasts went on and to have about 3 bites of food.

My parents wanted my brother and sister (MOH and groomsman) to sit with them, so we were going to put the rest of the bridal party together. But the way our table situations were working out with other guests, we ended up splitting the rest of the bridal party between a couple of tables.

Man, I hope we get to have more to eat than this!!

From the sound of it, it seems like a lot of you are also doing seating charts? Or am I just assuming that? We aren't doing a seating chart. We will have one table reserved for our parents, but besides that it will be a free for all.

ashleyep · August 2014

birdybride2014 said:

ashleyep said:

wandajune6 said:

We argued a bit. It's easier for him- on his side, everyone who has a wife/gf not in the wedding party is single. The opposite is true on my side. I talked him into a sweetheart table but our venue is still pushing on a head table.

I just don't love the idea of people gawking at us while we eat. I know that I'll get self-conscious and spill on myself!

We had a sweet heart table. With a table directly on either side of us, I never really felt like we were in the spotlight with everyone gawking at us. We sat there for all of 10 minutes while the toasts went on and to have about 3 bites of food.

My parents wanted my brother and sister (MOH and groomsman) to sit with them, so we were going to put the rest of the bridal party together. But the way our table situations were working out with other guests, we ended up splitting the rest of the bridal party between a couple of tables.

Man, I hope we get to have more to eat than this!!

From the sound of it, it seems like a lot of you are also doing seating charts? Or am I just assuming that? We aren't doing a seating chart. We will have one table reserved for our parents, but besides that it will be a free for all.

My husband was so disappointed. The food was so good and he had absolutely no appetite. It's not that we didn't want to eat, we just weren't hungry.

It's really best to do a seating chart. Free for all seating can end up in a cafeteria situation and the last people in are going to get stuck sitting at a table where they know no one.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Yes, I vastly prefer having assigned tables (though assigned seats are unnecessary). I hate showing up to a wedding and having to look around for a table to sit at and seeing people saved seats for friends and feeling really awkward about it.

jakeiaf · August 2014

I love this idea!! I was just talking to my fiance and asking her what should we do because everyone is bringing a date and of course their dates won't know anybody so where do we sit them. My fiance blew it off and said our bridal party could go sit with their spouse after pictures. I just still felt it was awkward. You are so awesome for this. Can't wait to show my jerk of a fiance lol she will probably say "uh uh that's to many people"

ashleyep · August 2014

jakeia0112 said:

I love this idea!! I was just talking to my fiance and asking her what should we do because everyone is bringing a date and of course their dates won't know anybody so where do we sit them. My fiance blew it off and said our bridal party could go sit with their spouse after pictures. I just still felt it was awkward. You are so awesome for this. Can't wait to show my jerk of a fiance lol she will probably say "uh uh that's to many people"

I don't understand why people are so worried about pictures of the head table at the reception. I don't even think I saw my photographer once all night after she did the formal photos during cocktail hour. Obviously she was there, but at that point, the last thing I was worried about was posing for a camera.

manateehugger · August 2014

ashleyep said:

jakeia0112 said:

I love this idea!! I was just talking to my fiance and asking her what should we do because everyone is bringing a date and of course their dates won't know anybody so where do we sit them. My fiance blew it off and said our bridal party could go sit with their spouse after pictures. I just still felt it was awkward. You are so awesome for this. Can't wait to show my jerk of a fiance lol she will probably say "uh uh that's to many people"

I don't understand why people are so worried about pictures of the head table at the reception. I don't even think I saw my photographer once all night after she did the formal photos during cocktail hour. Obviously she was there, but at that point, the last thing I was worried about was posing for a camera.

Yeah, I don't get it either. I've been sat at a head table for every wedding I've been in, the head table photos are all candid - basically just documentation. Who really cares if you have a wedding pic of your BM's downing wine or shoving steak in my face?

H didn't really understand my objection to this whole deal until we were both in a wedding last year but were sat on opposite ends of the head table (GMs on one side, BMs the other).

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Um yeah if my photographer tries to take a picture of us while we're eating, she's fired.

birdybride2014 · August 2014

@PDKH @ashleyep I agree with you both. The only pictures I see of the head table are when pictures of toasts are being taken. But, pictures are not the reason why we want our bridal party close to us, either lol.

manateehugger · August 2014

birdybride2014 said:

@PDKH @ashleyep I agree with you both. The only pictures I see of the head table are when pictures of toasts are being taken. But, pictures are not the reason why we want our bridal party close to us, either lol.

I don't blame you for wanting them close at all. We did. We eat dinner just us all the time; we wanted to hang out with our closest friends.

wandajune6 · August 2014

And that's why I want a sweetheart table- more time for eating and less staring!

I do prefer seating charts though. They are so much easier when you don't know many people. Or, when you know a lot of people, it's easier than trying to figure out who gets stuck at a second table when you inevitably don't all fit together.

ashleyep · August 2014

birdybride2014 said:

@PDKH @ashleyep I agree with you both. The only pictures I see of the head table are when pictures of toasts are being taken. But, pictures are not the reason why we want our bridal party close to us, either lol.

Oh I don't blame you for wanting them close. Even spread out between a couple of tables we kept them right next to us. Not that we had time to talk to them, ha.

falsara · August 2014

So far, we've only thought about doing a head table. We only have 4 attendants on each side, so even if they all brought dates we would have plenty of room for them, especially since my venue has enough long tables and risers to do two rows, if we need them. There is no guarantee that any of the WP members besides BIL, he's married, has dates. All of my girls are best friends, we grew up together, and all of the GM almost never go on dates or anything, most of them are single by choice, and they all grew up together too.

No one has ever mentioned a sweetheart table to me though. That is something to think about. I really want to be able to spend the day with all of my best friends though. I just don't know if that is achievable with putting the bridal party at two tables that flank the Sweetheart table.

ashleyep · August 2014

cwradford said:

So far, we've only thought about doing a head table. We only have 4 attendants on each side, so even if they all brought dates we would have plenty of room for them, especially since my venue has enough long tables and risers to do two rows, if we need them. There is no guarantee that any of the WP members besides BIL, he's married, has dates. All of my girls are best friends, we grew up together, and all of the GM almost never go on dates or anything, most of them are single by choice, and they all grew up together too.
No one has ever mentioned a sweetheart table to me though. That is something to think about. I really want to be able to spend the day with all of my best friends though. I just don't know if that is achievable with putting the bridal party at two tables that flank the Sweetheart table.

I can't speak for anyone else, but by the time my reception happened, I barely spoke 3 words to my bridal party the rest of the night. Sitting at a head table with them wouldn't have changed that - especially since we did table visits. We spent the morning with our bridal party getting ready and spent time with them in the limo to the reception.

birdybride2014 · August 2014

@cwradford I personally think that the arrangement that I posted gives you MORE opportunity to visit with your bridal party, because you will be able to actually see everyone's face. And it gives the BP more opportunities to visit with one another, as well, at least at the tables they are sitting at. But, that's just how I look at it.

Whenever I have sat at a head table I have only ever been able to chat with those sitting directly next to me. If I tried to say something to someone down the row, it was always impossible! lol

birdybride2014 · August 2014

ashleyep said:

cwradford said:

So far, we've only thought about doing a head table. We only have 4 attendants on each side, so even if they all brought dates we would have plenty of room for them, especially since my venue has enough long tables and risers to do two rows, if we need them. There is no guarantee that any of the WP members besides BIL, he's married, has dates. All of my girls are best friends, we grew up together, and all of the GM almost never go on dates or anything, most of them are single by choice, and they all grew up together too.
No one has ever mentioned a sweetheart table to me though. That is something to think about. I really want to be able to spend the day with all of my best friends though. I just don't know if that is achievable with putting the bridal party at two tables that flank the Sweetheart table.

I can't speak for anyone else, but by the time my reception happened, I barely spoke 3 words to my bridal party the rest of the night. Sitting at a head table with them wouldn't have changed that - especially since we did table visits. We spent the morning with our bridal party getting ready and spent time with them in the limo to the reception.

This is very true. During this whole discussion I had forgotten that we will be doing table visits after we quickly chow down. This makes me even happier that we will be including SO at our table, since some of our friends aren't friends with our whole bridal party, and they won't be able to talk to us much then.

MrsAitch · August 2014

We did a king's table, where all of your wedding party plus their dates sit with you on both sides of a long table--an idea I first learned about on the knot. I did not want to do a head table because I didn't want to feel like all eyes were on me while I was eating and I wanted our bridal party to be able to sit with their dates. I didn't want to do a sweetheart table because I don't get to see my friends from my hometown much and I wanted to have dinner with them. We put this long table in the middle of the room and had all the other round tables around us. It was awesome, and even though it was a few months ago, people are still talking to me about how much they liked the set up. Apparently not many people are fans of traditional head tables.

Also, we actually ate our meals. I never understand when people say they didn't. We did a receiving line so we weren't worried about table visits too much.

PineapplePopsicles · August 2014

We are doing assigned tables, but not assigned seats. Easier for everyone - no guessing about where to go. We don't have a wedding party, so that makes it easier. We will have a "kings table" where we will seat ourselves (B&G) with our immediate families (moms, dads, brothers, etc) so I guess that sort of replaces the wedding party. But we will be up & about, visiting with our guests the whole time anyway.

LadyMillil · August 2014

DH wanted a head table with no SO's because "that's what everyone does" and I wanted a sweetheart table. It wasn't a great idea for our WP because BM had a 3 week old baby and BIL's GF doesn't speak English well and only BIL, DH and FIL are fluent enough to talk to her in French. It seemed extra inconsiderate to stick BM's H with a newborn all through dinner and to put the GF with people she couldn't talk to. Once I pointed this out to DH, we agreed to compromise and have a head table with SO's included.

I vote for assigning tables for the other guests. I went to a wedding with DH, my parents and my sister. The wedding had no assigned tables. By the time we got to the tables there weren't 5 (or even 3) seats together. DH and I ended up sitting with the great-aunts of the bride, my parents with some couples they didn't know, and my sister ended up by herself at a table of strangers. An aunt had to ask someone to switch tables so that she, her H and her young son could sit together. Assigned tables makes it so much easier for your guests.

KytchynWitche · August 2014

We intend to have a head table made up of the two of us, MOH and her hubby, FI's BM, and probably my brother - MOH and BM are the extent of our wedding party, we don't have any bridesmaids or groomsmen. FMIL completely flipped when we first talked about the fact that we aren't doing the big "traditional" table with all the parents and everything.

Back before my dad and BSC stepmom decided to act like spoiled 3 year olds and disown me (for daring to suggest that maybe stepmom's drinking has passed the healthy level), the head table decision was made to spare everyone the trauma of having to seat my mom at the same table as dad and his homewrecking lush wife. I knew seating all the parents at the head table would cause drama because it did at my sister's first wedding, and no one seems to have moved on any since then. FMIL's response was literally "I don't care about your family issues, I'm going to sit with MY boy."

It's all mellowed out now - dad and stepmom are not invited (obviously), parents are sitting at their own tables with their friends and family, we wouldn't be able to have a traditional long head table with all the parents anyway because the venue we decided on doesn't have a big enough space, and FMIL is dealing (or at least hasn't mentioned it at all).

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