A little background information before I vent: FI and I have been dating since 2007 - we were in high school. Mom didn't like him from the start. One day we went out to eat together, and my phone died while I was out. Mom went to FI's house and FLIPPED out. When we got there, it was terrible. She yelled at FI and told him "he would never amount to anything/isn't good enough for me/all he would ever amount to is a drug user." He had never done drugs. His fault was that he dressed a little gothic back then and was a little rough around the edges, but always respectful and nice. I was banned from dating him. She told me he would just abuse me like my biological father abused her. There has never been ANY time I have felt threatened by him; she's just made this all up in her head.
Long story short, we are obviously still dating now and are getting married soon. FI has been very hesitant around my parents for many reasons, and he's finally comfortable around them. They seem to like him enough. My mom will go on and on about how "nice it will be to actually have a son." She doesn't like my brothers...a novel on its own. Well, I found out through my brother that she has been comparing him to my biological father. She has decided he is going to abuse me, pretend to work and just play video games all day, and just be horrible to me. She was telling my dad and brother this like it was fact. They stuck up for him (THANK GOD), but now I am infuriated.
I am TIRED of the crap. My mom suffers from depression, but I think she's more bipolar than anything. She has these times where she pretty much hates everyone around her, and she'll yell at you/say all kinds of bad stuff. I try not to resent her. I try. I did my best to forgive what happened to me in high school. At one point, I was trying to get DHR to take me from my home to escape it all. It was a bad situation all around, but I am forgiving and love her and try and rationalize that what she does isn't always "her."
I am beyond hurt. FI has been trying to find a job in the area. We decided we wanted to be here and are paying for it in that we haven't landed our dream jobs after college. We both graduated from the same university in May, so it hasn't been too long. We may have been a little over eager setting our date before securing jobs, but being a little naive, we figured we would both have one by now. We are stressed, yes, but we know we will be fine. He had a 3 hour interview today actually and is one of 2 candidates for a promising position. He's not "sitting around playing video games." In fact, he barely even plays video games. If his interview doesn't work out, he has a job lined up he can take asap...it's just not one that pays anything what you'd hope for as a college grad.
Sorry to go off on a tangent. I am just so hurt. I do not like my mom trash talking FI (and everyone else in our family). I am tired of it. I love her, but you can't ever tell her she did something wrong. I so want to confront her, but it's just going to blow up into something bigger than it should ever be, and I don't want that a month away from the wedding...I just want to be happy.
I would never tell FI about it and only would discuss with select people around me. I just wanted to vent and hope you guys understand. I am almost at my wit's end. I moved back home for the months in-between graduation and the wedding, and they have been the hardest few months I have had in a long time. Also, please don't mistake me for placing all the blame on her. I'm just venting and very hurt right now. My real father was not a good guy. FI is nothing like him.
edit: typos