How should I word a thank you note for a gift from someone not invited to the wedding?

allisoneliz · August 2014

We got married on August 2nd (it was a perfect day!) and have since received 3 gifts from extended family members who were not invited to the wedding. We were overwhelmed with the generosity, especially since we were not able to include these family members in our day. How do I word thank you notes for these gifts? I thought I would word them similarly to the rest of my notes, but in the others I am thanking people for sharing our day with us... something I obviously cannot do for these! I almost feel a little guilty that we didn't invite them and they were still so kind and generous and thoughtful as to send us something.

So... do we say that we wish we could have been able to share our day with them (which sounds awkward)? Or do we just thank them for the gift and leave it at that (which sort of seems like we're ignoring the uninvited elephant in the room)?

(I am posting this to the Etiquette board because I know everyone here will be honest and help me ensure I do the right thing. :-) Thanks!)

manateehugger · August 2014

Just thank them for the gift as normal. DO NOT say anything about wishing you could share your day because that's a lie - you didn't invite them.

I'd personally probably throw in a, "Thank you so much for thinking of us! We hope all is well with you" line in lieu of the "We were so glad to see you at the wedding" line.

Jen4948 · August 2014

I'd thank them graciously for the gift, perhaps discuss how you plan to use it, and ask about and discuss what's going on in their lives. But don't make any references to the wedding itself, including regrets that they weren't there, or include photos or other mementos of the wedding. You don't want to rub it in anyone's face that they weren't invited.

allisoneliz · August 2014

Thanks for the response, you are completely right.

One thing I forgot to mention is that we are including photographs with our other thank you notes. We will probably select one photo of us to include with every note, and then another one or two depending on the guest (i.e. for my aunt and uncle, a photo of us and them together). Should I include a photo with the notes to guests who weren't invited to the wedding?

manateehugger · August 2014

I wouldn't. I don't know - it would feel like I'd be shoving it into their faces.

It's not like you eloped and are sending out announcements with a photo of an event that was just you and your new spouse; you chose to not invite them, so showing them pictures of an event they weren't invited to without their asking seems AWish.

(not trying to make it sound like you're in the wrong for not inviting these people - of course you weren't)

allisoneliz · August 2014

Yeah, I think you're right about that, too. I guess the whole thing just makes me feel extra bad about not inviting them. I just need to keep telling myself that we invited who we wanted to invite and that that's ok. All I can do is thank them sincerely and appropriately for the gift.

ScoutF · August 2014

I don't think I'd put a photo of yourself in unless you know for a fact they would appreciate it. My grandmother has a bookshelf full of family pictures. She wanted a picture of us to put on it. My friends and other relatives? Not so much. I do think it's nice to send one of the guests though.

allisoneliz · August 2014

My thinking behind this is that I don't think I've ever received a personalized, hand-written thank you note for a wedding gift. Maybe it's a regional thing, but all I get are those mass-printed thank you pictures, like this:

I am a fan of the personalized thank you note, but my experience up to now has been receiving a generic thank you and photo of the couple, which to me is too impersonal. I was thinking "we can still enclose a photo, but I want to write the thank yous ourselves". It didn't occur to me that I needn't enclose a photo of us!

FizzySips · August 2014

I would side eye that photo thank you card. For starters, it can only go to people who were at the wedding (those who "shared the special day"). Second, it is grossly impersonal.

I would skip the photos and just write the personal thank you card. You can mention being hopeful to see them around the holidays or something like that (if that applies). If they want a photo, they can ask for one, right?

[Deleted User] · August 2014

I think all gifts deserve a Thank You using the same guidelines as gifts from those invited to the wedding. Thank them of their generosity, discuss how you'll use it or if you have already, ect. I tweet about wedding stuff all the time, follow me: Nutmeg Bulldog @NutmegBulldog

allisoneliz · August 2014

I know, I get them all the time and they make me cringe!

slothiegal · August 2014

allisonelizabethp said:

My thinking behind this is that I don't think I've ever received a personalized, hand-written thank you note for a wedding gift. Maybe it's a regional thing, but all I get are those mass-printed thank you pictures, like this:

I am a fan of the personalized thank you note, but my experience up to now has been receiving a generic thank you and photo of the couple, which to me is too impersonal. I was thinking "we can still enclose a photo, but I want to write the thank yous ourselves". It didn't occur to me that I needn't enclose a photo of us!

Oh man. I'd be so pissed if I got one of those. On the bright side, I'd have some extra money in my wallet because guess who wouldn't be getting a gift ever again?

How should I word a thank you note for a gift from someone not invited to the wedding?

Best Answers

Re: How should I word a thank you note for a gift from someone not invited to the wedding?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards