Chit Chat

NWR: How do you re-train a cat?

I am not happy about these circumstances with this stupid cat. I think you should know my feelings on the subject going in to this, and I know I'm going to have to change my attitude but I am pissed at the moment.

This might get a little long, but here's the background:
BF's mom moved in with her FI in May. She took her two cats, though it seemed as if her FI did not want them (jokes about making them outdoor cats and whatnot). She did not want to sell her house (she'd only met this guy 6 weeks before moving in and getting engaged, so I think this is her security if something goes wrong). She gave BF and I her house to live in, without paying rent. Which is pretty awesome. Plus it's completely furnished, the rest of our bills are low, and everything's been great.

She calls BF last month sobbing, saying her FI is making her get rid of one of the cats because he doesn't like him and he made a mess. We'll just call him Asshole (the cat, not the FI). Apparently Asshole scratched FI once when he jumped on the bed. And threw up once. And they've had to lock him in another room at night because he's annoying and her FI can't sleep.

I DON'T WANT THIS CAT. He is an asshole. I understand her FI not wanting the cat, because he is an asshole. But it's her damn cat, deal with it! Well she convinced FI to give Asshole another chance, and wouldn't you know, he threw up again! So Asshole came to live with us on Saturday. Despite my protests.

Here's a few reasons why Asshole is an asshole. He gets treats every morning and night. So he wakes his "mommy" up every morning sometime between 430 and 6 because he wants his treats, and he wants them now. I'm not fucking doing that. So far he's been good about it, but if he starts I'll be pissed. I already told BF the cat only gets treats at night now. I think that since were not his pushover "mommy," he might actually leave us alone in the mornings.

He paws at the door if it's closed. I sleep with the door closed. I always have. I feel paranoid when it's open, since there's a big, black gaping hole directly in front of my bed and I don't know what's there. We've had to have it open partially for the Asshole, so he doesn't wake us up by pawing at it. This morning I had a terrible nightmare about something coming in the room, whispering my name, and holding me down. I woke up at some point and experienced what I think is sleep paralysis. I was terrified and couldn't move my legs or call out. Luckily it lasted maybe 10 seconds (seemed like eternity), but I never want to go through that again. I don't have a room I can lock the cat in at night, by the way.

He hisses at everything. If you speak to Asshole, he growls and hisses at you. If you come near his hiding spots, same thing. Last night he was rubbing against BF's leg, while hissing and growling. I don't think I can train this out of him, but geez. He's a weirdo.

He poops in the sink if the bathroom door is left open. So we keep the doors closed (obviously). Before he moved, there were 3 litter boxes here (she used to have 3 cats). 2 in the basement (next to the steps in the hallway), and one on the first floor landing. You would literally open the front door, look up the stairs, and see into the litter box. I hated that. It's nasty. I didn't even like where the other two were. I think they should be in the back room, where guests won't see them. But when Asshole came back, his litter box went next to the basement stairs because BF doesn't think the cat would venture into the backroom. Fine, whatever.

When I got up this morning, the litter box had moved up to the first flood landing. UMM, NO. I was not happy. Apparently Asshole had an Asshole fit and pooped there, so BF moved the box. I know the poop thing is a show of dominance, but I have no clue how to keep the damn cat from doing that. I will not have a litter box where I can see straight into it the moment I walk in the house. Not to mention, it stinks. 

The other thing that makes this whole situation suck is that BF and I were going to get a kitten. We were waiting until we were 100% sure we could afford it and any potential vet bills, plus food and litter and whatnot. We wanted to get a feel of all the other bills in the house. We've been here for 3 months, and were probably going to wait a month or two more just to be sure. Well Asshole does not do well with other animals. He was "fine" with the other cats because they lived here before him, but he always attacked them and would not let Sweetheart lay on anyone's lap and would just randomly jump her. We don't think a kitten would be good for him. I want my own little kitty, not this jerk.

I told BF that since we aren't prepared for the expense of a cat, I'm not paying for it. His mom should. Which his mom agreed to, since it's her stupid Asshole. Plus she's about 6 months late on taking him to the vet.

The only good thing: Asshole weighs 20lbs and I can finally put him on the diet the vet has been recommending for ages, before he gets sick like their last cat that wound up at 27lbs and died early.

Not to mention, BF's mom has texted him about 10 times already to see how Asshole is doing. She stopped by yesterday, and when she left the poor cat was meowing so pitifully. He's very attached to her. She found him as a kitten, with no mother to around. She bottle-fed him and everything. Then she spoiled the shit out of him and he became Asshole. The switching of houses twice in 3 months can't be good for him, and I can tell he's stressed because he's got a good deal of dandruff right now (it happens every time he has to go to the vets, which she said was just because of stress).

I promise you I don't yell at him or torture him or anything, but I'm sure he can sense that I'm not happy with him. I know I'm not really helping by being mad, but I can't help it. I don't want this cat. It seems like I'm stuck with him though.

So how do I train this cat? Can you even train a 10 year old cat?
«1

Re: NWR: How do you re-train a cat?

  • Well that was a book, my bad.

    Synopsis: Forced to take in Asshole cat who wont poop in the litter box, is nasty to everyone and everything, and makes it impossible to sleep with the door closed. How do I work with him to make him behave?
  • I wish I knew.  I love my cat, dearly, but he slaps me awake because he wants affection.
  • Does he like chasing a laser pointer? Or going HAM on a scratching post?
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • It's totally cracking me up that you're calling this cat Asshole. I really don't have any advice though. I'm a dog person and am allergic to cats, so I don't have much experience.
  • Cats don't really retrain.

    For what it's worth, I think the moms FI is an asshole too.
    image



    Anniversary
  • @beethery We do play laser with him, but it lasts about 30 seconds because he's really fat and gets tired. I plan on playing every day to try and get him to lose weight, but it's only been 4 days. Last night was pretty funny though. I shined it under the dining room table and he ran an obstacle course through the chairs trying to get to it.

    @chibiyui Her FI is. It's her cat, I think it should be a package deal. Why do I have to put up with Asshole and he doesn't? I understand my BF doesn't want to get rid of him, but I seriously don't want to deal with it.
  • chibiyui said:
    Cats don't really retrain. For what it's worth, I think the moms FI is an asshole too.
    FIFY.

    No, that's not really true. Cats can be trained. However, cats who get called Asshole on a regular basis have usually earned their nickname, and do not in fact train well. 

    The pooping in an un-litter-boxed area may be stress-related too. My cat recently discovered the joys of a fenced-in yard because he was struggling to use the litterbox after moving around a few times. We think that now he's used to the new place, he might be better - but my mom won't let us try it yet. FI and I are working on it though. 

    Love him on your terms, mostly. Like, if he's swatting you in the middle of the night for a treat, lock his ass up. But, if he's trying to come around and it's a reasonable time of day, let him come to you. Can you touch him safely, or is he a biter? If you can pet him it will help him relax around you, and that might take away the growliness. 

    DEFINITELY wait until Asshole Cat is out before getting your own precious little asshat. If he's acting this way in a known environment, adding another cat to the mix will not make for a positive experience for anyone.

    And yeah... her FI is definitely the Asshole of the story haha.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    image
  • LadyMillilLadyMillil member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2014
    You might be able to retrain some things, like the waking up early for treats by ignoring the cat. My cat used to wake me up every night about 2-3AM because she wanted to play or cuddle. It took about 3 weeks for her to realize that I wasn't going to wake up to play/cuddle but she could curl up next to me. 

    Kitty had the pooping all over problem when we first got her. There were a bunch of suggestions on Google that I tried before finding something that fixed that.

    Kitty got sick a lot when we first got her because she was eating things (hair elastics, phone chargers, shoe laces). Once we figured out the things that she was eating that made her vomit we started putting those things in cabinets so she couldn't eat them. Is your cat vomiting because he ate something bad?  If not, you should talk to a vet. Actually, I would ask a vet about some of the problems you are having to see if they have any suggestions.

    ETF typos

    Anniversary
  • Good luck! I have one Asshole cat, too. I'm following your discussion.
  • I have four cats, so I've had my fair share of issues to deal with. Cats cannot be trained. But, it sounds like this cat is having a strong reaction to all of the changes around it. If it feels threatened, unsafe, or there have been major changes in routine, the cat will act out. I recommend that the cat is taken to the vet to rule out any medical issues, but then after that, establish a routine. Feeding at the same times each day, play at the same time, clean litter box, no loud or unfamiliar noise, no forced interactions (picking up, hitting, etc.) make sure it has plenty of high, safe spaces to retreat to. So, maybe a big cat tree or some shelves for it to jump up on.

     







  • jules3964jules3964 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014

    So, about the whining at the door at night, and waking you up at 4:30: our cat does this sometimes. We usually sleep with the door closed, because otherwise he comes in and wakes us up (because he's bored) around 4:00-5:00 am.

    First of all, it sounds like you're already on-board with this, but absolutely do not get up to appease the cat or give treats early in the morning. You get up once (even to tell him to be quiet) and he learns that his whining will equal attention.

    Second, get a SSSCat Cat Training Aid, and put it outside your closed door. It's basically a spray can of a harmless/odorless substance with a motion sensor on it. Turn it on before you go to bed. But try not to let him see you put it there or turn it on (so he doesn't equate it to you, just a thing that is there). Cat comes to the door, the noise of the unexpected spray will scare him, and he'll learn pretty quickly not to go near it. After a couple times you won't even have to turn it on. But beware: it also scares the crap out of humans.

  • @beethery We do play laser with him, but it lasts about 30 seconds because he's really fat and gets tired. I plan on playing every day to try and get him to lose weight, but it's only been 4 days. Last night was pretty funny though. I shined it under the dining room table and he ran an obstacle course through the chairs trying to get to it.

    @chibiyui Her FI is. It's her cat, I think it should be a package deal. Why do I have to put up with Asshole and he doesn't? I understand my BF doesn't want to get rid of him, but I seriously don't want to deal with it.
    I'm going to sound like a loon for recommending this, but we got an automatic laser pointer thing. Our cats fucking LOVE IT. It has a timer and speed variation on it as well.

    Comes in handy for when I'm trying to wrap presents or really do anything that I don't need "help" with. Kitty might be a fan.

    You're on the right path with giving him treats only at night. You can change a cat's schedule and get them used to it. You might also want to try some double-sided tape on the lower part of your door. Cats don't like that, so if you put the tape on and close the door, when he goes to do his thing, he will be like THE FUCK IS THIS???? and stop doing it after a couple attempts.

    As far as the sink-poopin, I don't know what to tell you. Also, if he can tolerate it at all, give him a little combing. Maybe get one of those mitts with the rubbery nodules on it.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • I have an asshole cat too..He isnt that bad, he's really just a klepto, so we have to keep him from getting things. we can leave things out if we arent around. Hes an asshole..but hes mine...well no..hes not my asshole..hes FI asshole....my cat is a princess...shes just a whiner....

    Anniversary
    image
  • edited August 2014
    @CaitTDid23 He's not a biter unless you rub his belly or paws. He also doesn't have front claws so going outside is not an option, even though our yard is fenced in. I've seen an opossum wandering about before, though it's usually just squirrels and bunnies. @LadyMillil I think his throwing up is just eating to fast. The other cat, Sweetheart, eats plastic bags all the time. I personally think it may be her throwing up, not Asshole, because no one ever sees the cat actually do it. I guess we'll find out. @Jells2dot0 I'll definitely be keeping him on a schedule as much as possible. BF's schedule changes every week (morning and evening shift) as do his weekends (6 days on, 3 off). My work and school schedule are set too, so there will be at least one day every couple weeks where it's just not possible. I hope it doesn't affect him. And he will be going to the vets ASAP. He needs some shots, and I need to find the right kind of diet to put him on. He also has a giant cat tree in front of the basement door, which he used to love. He hasn't come to living room yet though since he's been back. He spends most of the day hiding behind a dresser that sits catty-corner to the wall. @jules3964 That would be so wonderful! I'm looking in to that straight away. It'll probably scare the shit out of me one night if I go get a drink of water, but the peace of mind of having a door closed and not being woken up will be worth it! ETF stupid paragraphs
  • Feliway (sp?) is also a spray or plug in you can buy that helps to reduce stress. I used to have a plug in near the litter box for my one cat, but her issue was a medical problem and not behavioral.

     







  • I found a urine deterrent spray online. Anyone think that could work for pooping?
  • @timewellwasted93 The SSSCat definitely works great for us, even though we feel bad that it scares him. And yes, FI and I have both had our freaked out moments in the middle of the night from it as well! You can also put it on countertops, or anywhere you don't want the cat to be.

    Luckily, after we leave it on for a couple nights, our cat is quickly trained and won't go near it, and then he'll get out of the habit of wanting to whine at the door. So we'll go a few months without having to turn it on at all, until he suddenly remembers the urge, and we'll repeat the process. Hope it works for you too!
  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014

    I have no suggestions. My BF's cat is a TOTAL bitch. She scratches me all the time, she'll pee on my stuff if I leave it out (although she's mostly stopped doing that) and her latest deal has been to start peeing in his room. It started when he was petting her and then stopped to give me a cuddle and a little kiss, and she looked at us (seriously, eyes of demon hate), jumped off the bed, walked to the corner of his rug, squatted, stared us in the face, and blatantly peed.

    She's been banished from his room now. There's not much I can say though because she was there before I was. I've told him though when he gets his new house I'm going to stay there first before she gets to even smell the place. That way she'll be moving into MY space, and not the other way around. We also have habits of furniture scratching and jumping on tables and surfaces to tackle. I love cats, but man can they be bitches.

    I would have honestly not allowed the cat in the house if he was that bad. It would have either been relegated to a single room, or the garage. Agreed with @beethery about the double sided tape, although for Bitch Cat it didn't help too too much. I ended up resorting to using a spray bottle full of water, which she was super not a fan of, and she's mostly stopped scratching the chair in his room.

    Edited because TK hates paragraphs.


    image
  • jules3964 said:
    @timewellwasted93 The SSSCat definitely works great for us, even though we feel bad that it scares him. And yes, FI and I have both had our freaked out moments in the middle of the night from it as well! You can also put it on countertops, or anywhere you don't want the cat to be.

    Luckily, after we leave it on for a couple nights, our cat is quickly trained and won't go near it, and then he'll get out of the habit of wanting to whine at the door. So we'll go a few months without having to turn it on at all, until he suddenly remembers the urge, and we'll repeat the process. Hope it works for you too!
    He's too fat to get on the counter tops so that's not a worry! I could put it in the corner he poops in too...I'm worried BF won't like it in front of the door at night because the cat goes in during the day to hide and this could deter that. He also likes having the cat come join him in the mornings in bed (after the sun comes up). Not that I mind Asshole never entering the room again. I'd rather not have a pillow full of cat fur if he decides to sleep on the bed.
  • Regarding the litterbox… consider the following, some of which is probably obvious to you, but is worth mentioning:

    - do not place it near his food bowl. (would you want to shit where you eat?)
    - do not place it near anything scary/noisy (washing machine, etc)
    - have you tried different kinds of litter? he may not like the texture/smell of the one you're using
    - keep it clean
    - Is the box enclosed? Our's had a swinging door on it we had to remove, because otherwise it scared our cat. Enclosed boxes can harbor the odors and make it less appealing to the cat.

    All that being said, you may want to consult a vet. Pooping outside the box could be a sign of a medical problem. For instance, if he had a painful experience using the litterbox in the past, he could be thinking box=pain and be trying to avoid it.
  • jules3964 said:
    @timewellwasted93 The SSSCat definitely works great for us, even though we feel bad that it scares him. And yes, FI and I have both had our freaked out moments in the middle of the night from it as well! You can also put it on countertops, or anywhere you don't want the cat to be.

    Luckily, after we leave it on for a couple nights, our cat is quickly trained and won't go near it, and then he'll get out of the habit of wanting to whine at the door. So we'll go a few months without having to turn it on at all, until he suddenly remembers the urge, and we'll repeat the process. Hope it works for you too!
    He's too fat to get on the counter tops so that's not a worry! I could put it in the corner he poops in too...I'm worried BF won't like it in front of the door at night because the cat goes in during the day to hide and this could deter that. He also likes having the cat come join him in the mornings in bed (after the sun comes up). Not that I mind Asshole never entering the room again. I'd rather not have a pillow full of cat fur if he decides to sleep on the bed.
    It doesn't have to always stay in front of the door. You could just put it there at night and then put it away when you get up in the morning. You just want to get the cat out of the habit of waking you at night.
  • Mom's FI is the Asshole here.  If FI ever wanted me to get rid of my cats, aka my children, goodbye FI.  Anywho, I feel bad for the poor cat.  He lost his mom and is staying with people he isn't used to.  He doesn't know what is going on, where she is, if she is coming back, and his routine is probably all effed up.  
    As for the night thing, leave the door open.  Cats just want to be with you and locking them out hurts their feelings and is odd since they are separated from their family and they're like "Meow*scratch* I think you forgot someone out here!".  So, I would leave the door open and if he starts bugging you in the middle of the night, don't pay any attention to him.  Seriously, even if you do give him "negative attention", then he will still do it (think of it like a bratty kid acting out).  If he jumps up and is meowing/clawing and won't stop (my one cat comes up sometimes to wake us up and get cuddles so I'll recommend what we do) pay no attention at first, then just put a hand on them and lower them down so they just lay there and keep them down.  After 30 seconds or so (we don't look at her or move otherwise) she realizes "OK, it's sleeping time.  I guess I'll just lie here quietly".  
    As for the pooping outside the litter box, is it an enclosed box (like have a "ceiling" and just a little hole for him to go into?  How often do you clean the litter?  Where is it?  Have you tried different types of litter (or the same kind of litter your BF's mom used?)?  Has he been to the vet about it lately?
    Also, I highly recommend checking out Jackson Galaxy's website, show, and/or books. http://jacksongalaxy.com/learn/ 
    image
  • My cat had an issue with pooping outside the litterbox for a bit. I tried many things but eventually just got a second litter box. He hasn't done it since! (weird I know) basically he likes to pee in one and poop in the other. Cats are weird :/

    I hope you and asshole can figure out how to get along!
  • My cat had an issue with pooping outside the litterbox for a bit. I tried many things but eventually just got a second litter box. He hasn't done it since! (weird I know) basically he likes to pee in one and poop in the other. Cats are weird :/

    I hope you and asshole can figure out how to get along!
    My cats do that too! Even though they switch it up all the time. As soon as I've finished cleaning, they take turns and then switch.


    Cats are weird. Also, I second the recommendation of actual hero, Jackson Galaxy.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • I definitely forgot about Jackson Galaxy...but I'm glad he has a website!

    @doeydo The biggest problem with the door being open is not about having the cat in the room. It's about the door being open and the fear and paranoia I get from that. I've been trying to deal with it but last night was incredibly difficult. We keep it open just enough for Asshole to fit through it, so it's not a giant gaping black hole, but it's so hard to compromise with a cat. He hasn't really woken us up if he get's to come in the room. So my options are nightmares, paranoia, and fear which leads to trouble sleeping, or having a cat paw at the door loud enough to wake me up, which leads to trouble sleeping. It's like a no-win situation for me.
    The litter box is enclosed, but with a pretty big opening to fit his fat butt. All of the litter boxes he's used have always been like that. It's also the same litter. But he's always had at least two litter boxes, even if he was sharing them with another cat, so maybe that is the problem? 
    I'm sure he's still super stressed out from the move and losing his mom. He is used to BF and me as we used to spend our weekends here and I took care of his feeding in the evenings when his mom started working late. But I agree, the whole situation for him sucks.
  • Would putting little night lights in the outlets around/by the door help you at all?
    image
  • doeydo said:
    Would putting little night lights in the outlets around/by the door help you at all?
    No :( 
    I can't sleep if there's a lot of light. Or noise. I just really really suck at sleeping.
  • Easy solution: move out. You're living in her house, rent free, with her son, who's still a boyfriend , and who agreed to take in the cat even though he knows you don't want it.

    This situation needs boundaries, and the cat is going to be the hardest one to train to respect those.
  • It's not so easy to just move out. I don't make enough money to live on my own, nor do I wish to have roommates. In fact, with school starting back next week, my hours are about to decrease greatly at work and I doubt I'd be able to even afford to live with roommates.

    Moving back into my mother's house is not ideal either. My first post here was how she "married" her BF in secret. He has since claimed my room as his "man-cave." So I would most likely have to share bunk beds with my 15 year old sister, in a house that is not in the best shape to begin with.

    The "who's still a boyfriend" comment irks me. I know you only know what I've posted, but we've been together for almost 9 years, and we've begun looking at rings. I'll put up with the damn cat and learn how to work with him because I love living with BF. It's great to be able to be in control of food, and the TV, and the heat and AC (in the winters my dear mother keeps the house set at 60 during the day because "no one is home." Bullshit 'cause I am and I'm freezing my ass off!)

    It's not like BF ignored me. He listened to my opinions, and agrees with my concerns, but it is a family cat which he does not wish to get rid of, and I understand. I had to find a home for my 8 year old puppy a few years back and it was incredibly hard. I do wish he told his mother no, and made her FI deal with it, but that did not happen. I did express to BF that if it comes down to it, and I can't handle the stress (mostly just the sleeping problems), I will leave. Then I'll deal with bunk beds...

    However we have discussed the solutions and ideas everyone has given me. The litter box was immediately moved back, a schedule is set, and the vet is the next step. If he continues to poop in that corner (so far he hasn't) we're going to try tin foil and adding a second litter box (downstairs). I've already steam cleaned the rug and am going to get a spray that helps get rid of pet smells. 

    On the plus side, Asshole came and slept at our feet last night and was actually purring. Though I still struggled to sleep. BF is a little unsure of the motion sensor spray, so we're going to wait a couple weeks and see if I can adjust before we make a decision on that.
  • Try a pheromone reed diffuser. They are expensive, and you will need a few of them, if you have a decent size house. The diffuser plugs into the outlet and emits a pheromone very similar to that of a nursing cat. This calms cats down. I bought one when my cat was spite pissing after staying with my sister, and he has stopped peeing outside of the litter box. Also, try to give this cat some space. Cats usually need a month to cope with a traumatic change in their life. The older the cat, the more traumatic uprooting his everyday life will be. Let the cat come to you. I would give in to the midnight treats and then gradually phase it out. The cat is dealing with a new home, (everything smells different), new owners, and new schedule. It is a lot to take. Try making it easier on that cat, in the beginning, and then phase out these unwanted behaviors. Treats at 2 am... then do it at 3 am... then 4 am... then 5 am... then when you normally wake up for breakfast.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards