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Alcohol Etiquette

dktomasch09dktomasch09 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know it is proper etiquette to provide all of the alcohol for the reception – however, we have such a wide variety of people coming that we can’t all the drinks that every person likes. We are planning to stick with beer and wine but we want our guests to know that if they have a drink (specific beer or liquor) of choice they are more than welcome to bring it and if not we will have plenty of beer and wine. How do I spread the word that they are able – BOT DON’T HAVE TO – bring their own drinks? If you think this is tacky or wouldn’t do it, that is fine – but please be nice. Thank you!
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Re: Alcohol Etiquette

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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its

    I would skip this. Most people know that not everyone can accomodate a full bar at weddings. Hosting a beer and wine bar is perfectly fine (we are doing this) and I don't think you need to do anything different.

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    manateehugger said:
    dktomasch09 said:
    I know it is proper etiquette to provide all of the alcohol for the reception – however, we have such a wide variety of people coming that we can’t all the drinks that every person likes. We are planning to stick with beer and wine but we want our guests to know that if they have a drink (specific beer or liquor) of choice they are more than welcome to bring it and if not we will have plenty of beer and wine. How do I spread the word that they are able – BOT DON’T HAVE TO – bring their own drinks? If you think this is tacky or wouldn’t do it, that is fine – but please be nice. Thank you!
    Back up. Have you cleared this with your venue and/or your bartenders or whoever is serving the beer and wine for you? If you've got a licensed bartender there (which I recommend), I'm going to guess he or she is not going to want you to allow guests to bring in outside alcohol. 

    Otherwise, don't worry about it. Beer and wine is a perfectly acceptable hosting choice. You will NEVER please everyone. Would you recommend someone bring in their own steak to fire up if you were only serving just chicken and veggie pasta? Of course not. Goes the same way with alcohol. 

    What you are hosting is 100% fine. If a guests want to complain, THEY are being the incredibly rude ones. Don't do this. You're asking for trouble, and I get strong BYOB wedding whiffs coming off it. 
    All of this^

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    mimivacmimivac member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    adk19 said:
    If you want, besides hosted beer and wine, you can have a couple signature drinks. For example, your FI only drinks Jack and Coke and you are known for your love of margaritas. Serve those two drinks besides the beer and wine, and call it a day. Sure, not everyone will have their FAVORITE drink, but everyone will find SOMETHING to drink.
    That's what I did at my DIY wedding to my ex. We had beer and wine and each of us had a signature drink that we made ourselves for the reception. I think mine was something like a sake martini. I made it in a big pitcher the day of the wedding. Can't remember what my ex's drink was.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    dktomasch09 said:
    I know it is proper etiquette to provide all of the alcohol for the reception – however, we have such a wide variety of people coming that we can’t all the drinks that every person likes. We are planning to stick with beer and wine but we want our guests to know that if they have a drink (specific beer or liquor) of choice they are more than welcome to bring it and if not we will have plenty of beer and wine. How do I spread the word that they are able – BOT DON’T HAVE TO – bring their own drinks? If you think this is tacky or wouldn’t do it, that is fine – but please be nice. Thank you!
    To the bolded - you don't HAVE to provide alcohol. You're completely within proper etiquette to have a dry wedding as long as you host water/soda/lemonade/etc. The only time you get into an etiquette blunder with alcohol is when you ask guests to pay for it (i.e. cash bar). Otherwise, you host what you can afford and you're golden.

    Do not tell guests they can bring outside alcohol into your venue. You are perfectly fine to just host beer and wine if you want to. If your guests grumble that you don't have their favorite cocktail, THEY are the ones with poor manners.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Meh....I'm not a fan.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    chibiyuichibiyui member
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    I think aside from the etiquette quagmire, a BYOB wedding would open you up to all sorts of liability issues. Not worth it.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    Yeah, don't do it.

    What you are serving is 100% acceptable.

    If you let guests bring what they want, what if a guest sees another guest with some vodka and they then decide they want some too? Then that turns into an etiquette problem, as guests aren't being served equally. Then you have a legal issues if guests are sharing and you have un-smart serving --> that puts you and you FI in a bad position as you end up responsible for your guests. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    edited August 2014
    lyndausvi said: I'm a firm believer of having the most amount of options your budget can afford. And NEVER asking your guest to supplement anything you can't.
     At minimum bars should include Water Juices and/or sodas and/or teas 

     If you can afford more then add 
    beer (2 types with one being a light beer) wine (1 red, 1 white 
     If you can afford even more add a (brand doesn't really matter, but mid-range is better) vodka whiskey rum 
     99% of your guests list will find something to drink with the options above. Even if it's not their regular choice or their preference. They will drink one of those options. 
     If you can afford even more add whatever you want. Maybe you like IPA or craft beers, maybe you like tequila? Go from there. Just do not ask your guests to BYOB
    ^This.  And also what @manateehugger said.

    I have been to dry weddings.  Not preferable, but I still had a great time. I'm also not going to turn up my nose at wine or beer, and I     certainly won't hate on you because you decided to serve Absolut instead of Skyy or Tito's.  Anyone who is going to get on your case because you're not serving their particular brand of alcohol is nuts and rude.  


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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    Thanks, @lyndausvi! I have a great idea now of what to serve based on what I can afford come April. Don't know why your post made it clearer, but it did.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    edited August 2014
    KeptInStitches said:
    Thanks, @lyndausvi! I have a great idea now of what to serve based on what I can afford come April. Don't know why your post made it clearer, but it did.
    My pleasure. 

    I've been a bar tender off and on for years.  Sure people have go-to preferences, but when their go-to is not available they find something they will drink.    

    They may prefer Grey Goose and club, but will drink the Absolute and club instead.  They might prefer Jack and Coke, but they will drink Beam and pepsi.     They might prefer Coors Light but will drink Miller Lite. 

    If you stick with the basics you will be surprised what you can afford.   Not only that the basics + mixers have a lot of options.    All the liquors have multiple mixers it can be mixed with.

    eta






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    Free beer and wine is free beer and wine. If they're awful enough to complain that you don't have their specific brand-- when there are THOUSANDS of brands out there-- then they deserve a nice smack in the face as far as I'm concerned. All they need to say about the free drinks is thank you. 
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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    I just got married this past weekend and we did a "rail brand" package.  Everyone loved it and drinks were flowing the whole time.  I didn't hear one compliant at the whiskey was the wrong brand or whatever!

    Having people BYOB is going to cause more problems then it is worth.  Host what you can afford and you'll be fine!

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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    In addition to lynda's excellent suggestions, you could also do beer, wine, and an alcoholic punch. Punch mixed with rum is pretty cheap. They usually charge by the gallon.

    In my family, the punch is usually orange juice mixed with peach schnapps, i.e. a gigantic Fuzzy Navel. :) It's been a tradition since my parents' generation.
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    mimivacmimivac member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary

    Plus, BYOB means that people can over-serve themselves and serve to minors, etc. Not worth it.

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    offensivekitten2offensivekitten2 member
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    Good hosting is providing alcohol, not providing all the alcohol ever.  Most venues don't allow you to bring in outside alcohol, and it is kinda tacky to mention people bringing their own.

    If any of your guests complain to you about alcohol variety, you have my permission to clock them with a champagne bottle.



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    SachaBeeSachaBee member
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    I don't think you should bring it up, no :)
    What I would wonder is, if someone asks you directly, do you tell them it's an option? I am wondering what the experts on here think about that. Because while I wouldn't bring it up to someone, I'm not sure what I'd do if, say, an uncle was like "will you have bourbon?" and I said no, and he said "well, could I bring some?"
    Or, or, what if he offered to just buy a case and everyone could share? Does that change anything? 
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    landa10315landa10315 member
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    SachaBee said:

    I don't think you should bring it up, no :)

    What I would wonder is, if someone asks you directly, do you tell them it's an option? I am wondering what the experts on here think about that. Because while I wouldn't bring it up to someone, I'm not sure what I'd do if, say, an uncle was like "will you have bourbon?" and I said no, and he said "well, could I bring some?"
    Or, or, what if he offered to just buy a case and everyone could share? Does that change anything? 
    Where are you getting married? I'm surprised this would even be an option. I would not do this either. As a guest I'm usually not concerned with what will be offered at a wedding beforehand. I enjoy what's there when I get there.
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