Adults Only Reception Help!

HSprad110 · August 2014

Our invites say "adult reception to follow." My groom has a huge family we decided to do that partly for cost and partly because I want an adult only reception. I'm now getting questions from cousins who have small children whether or not kids can attend after the dinner. I don't want to say yes, but I also don't want to risk getting on bad terms with his family.

What should I do?

bethsmiles · August 2014

Your FI should be the one to handle his family. He needs to tell them that due to space and budget you cannot accomadate children at the wedding. This may cause some people not to come but there's not really anything you can do about that.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

HSprad110 said:

Our invites say "adult reception to follow." My groom has a huge family we decided to do that partly for cost and partly because I want an adult only reception. I'm now getting questions from cousins who have small children whether or not kids can attend after the dinner. I don't want to say yes, but I also don't want to risk getting on bad terms with his family.

What should I do?

Have you already sent out those invites? If not, I would get new invites first that don't say "Adult Reception".

sarawifenow · August 2014

First off, this should not have been listed on your invitation, but this ship has sailed. I ditto @bethsmiles, your FI needs to handle this one. I would hold firm because it can become a slippery slope very quickly.

JCbride2015 · August 2014

HSprad110 said:

Our invites say "adult reception to follow." My groom has a huge family we decided to do that partly for cost and partly because I want an adult only reception. I'm now getting questions from cousins who have small children whether or not kids can attend after the dinner. I don't want to say yes, but I also don't want to risk getting on bad terms with his family.

What should I do?

Well. You were rude to put "Adult reception to follow" on your invitations, because that's telling guests who is not invited. The appropriate thing to do would be just address the inner envelope to only the adults. But that ship has sailed.

I assume you and your Fi made a decision that children are not invited, right? And you probably already had the conversation that some people will not be happy about this and chose to accept the consequences, right? And you are aware that many couples will simply choose not to attend. You're within your rights to want an adult-only reception, and one consequence of that is some parents will choose not to attend without their children.

So you just tell the cousins this. "The invitation was just for you and Mr. Cousin. I hope you two can join us."

xtl · August 2014

If they are OOT guests and need to bring their kids you just could have a nanny to care for kids at the hotel. That would be kind of you, but you could keep the decision. Other guests might have already made arrangements for their kids and would feel as if taken for a ride.

mileybangerz · August 2014

When I see "adult reception", I assume it is like an "adult video store" and that this will be going on at your wedding reception:

WinstonsGirl · August 2014

Are these kids invited to the ceremony but not the reception?? Or not invited at all to anything. If the kids were not invited to the ceremony, you should only have the adult names (those invited) on the envelope. If this is the case, just tell them (of FI, since it's his side) that only those listed on the envelope were invited.

If this kids are invited to the ceremony, you need to invite them to the reception as well.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

I had a kid-free reception.

The proper way to do this is to address the invites only to the people invited (e.g. Mr. and Mrs. Smith - NOT "and family"). Also, on our RSVP cards, we wrote "____# attending". If anyone replied with more, we'd follow up.

If you're doing menu choices on your RSVP, have guests initial by their choice. If there are initials of uninvited guests, follow up with the people.

Putting "adults only" on the invite in any way is against etiquette.

CMGragain · August 2014

Too late now. As others have posted, putting "adult reception" is a faux pas. Since you have done this in writing, you cannot change it. If you hadn't done this (which is completely against etiquette), you would have some flexibility.

If you change your mind and let some children attend the reception after mailing this, others who made arrangements for their own children will be angry. Stick to your guns.

lc07 · August 2014

HSprad110 said:

Our invites say "adult reception to follow." My groom has a huge family we decided to do that partly for cost and partly because I want an adult only reception. I'm now getting questions from cousins who have small children whether or not kids can attend after the dinner. I don't want to say yes, but I also don't want to risk getting on bad terms with his family.

What should I do?

You and your groom made a decision as a couple not to include children. While your wording was inappropriate, you are within etiquette not to invite children. However, you need to be ready to deal with the fallout that can occur from that. If you have mutually decided no, the answer is no.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

Well you wrote it meaning you did not want children at the wedding... you stated he had a big family so you knew some would be left out. It sounds like you just dont want to stand up for yourself. I have a feeling they are asking to see if you cave. Either you take the easy way out and say yes or you stick to your guns.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

I don't understand how it would even have them work to come after the dinner. What are they supposed to do, wait outside? People can't come to pieces of the reception - the whole thing is one event.

Just say "We're sorry Sally, but we can't accommodate any kids at the reception. We hope you and Bob can still make it. We can't wait to see you!"

JenniferW2015 · August 2014

I am currently going through a similar issue. My FI and I decided to have an adult only reception. Mainly because of the cost as our caterer does not give a cut price for children and because if we were to invite everyones children it would have added approximately 160 more people. Really who wants that many kids running around a reception?!

We now have people returning RSVPs with them accepting and writing their 2 small children in saying "sorry couldn't find a babysitter

" Really?!?

The second one added her 2 sons and one of their girlfriends .... ugh!

I am sorry but I personally thing it is not only tacky, but rude as well.

I am at my wits end as what to do about it as well. I don't want to give into one person then have everyone else question why their kids weren't allowed to come.
In my opinion these people have had plenty of time to find arrangements for their children and if it was me if I couldn't find a sitter I would not be going.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

JenniferW2015 said:
I am currently going through a similar issue. My FI and I decided to have an adult only reception. Mainly because of the cost as our caterer does not give a cut price for children and because if we were to invite everyones children it would have added approximately 160 more people. Really who wants that many kids running around a reception?!

We now have people returning RSVPs with them accepting and writing their 2 small children in saying "sorry couldn't find a babysitter " Really?!?

The second one added her 2 sons and one of their girlfriends .... ugh!

I am sorry but I personally thing it is not only tacky, but rude as well.

I am at my wits end as what to do about it as well. I don't want to give into one person then have everyone else question why their kids weren't allowed to come.
In my opinion these people have had plenty of time to find arrangements for their children and if it was me if I couldn't find a sitter I would not be going.

Their inability to find a sitter is no ones problem but their own. Say this "the invitation is ffor you and your wife. We cannot accommodate additional guests. Hope you find a sitter and can join us. We need to know by *date*"

jnissa · August 2014

Plus, I'm pretty sure most people on here would emphasize that unless there's a huge reason (a close family member, maybe a newborn, etc.), if you make the exception for one person's children, you're going to end up upsetting a lot of other people. As hard as it can be to tell people their kids can't come, it's still better than a bunch of other people being silently angry at you!

Jen4948 · August 2014

JenniferW2015 said:

I am currently going through a similar issue. My FI and I decided to have an adult only reception. Mainly because of the cost as our caterer does not give a cut price for children and because if we were to invite everyones children it would have added approximately 160 more people. Really who wants that many kids running around a reception?!

We now have people returning RSVPs with them accepting and writing their 2 small children in saying "sorry couldn't find a babysitter " Really?!?

The second one added her 2 sons and one of their girlfriends .... ugh!

I am sorry but I personally thing it is not only tacky, but rude as well.

I am at my wits end as what to do about it as well. I don't want to give into one person then have everyone else question why their kids weren't allowed to come.
In my opinion these people have had plenty of time to find arrangements for their children and if it was me if I couldn't find a sitter I would not be going.

Stand firm. They may decide not to attend, and that blows, but the fact that they can't or won't find a babysitter doesn't mean you have to invite their kids.

huskypuppy14 · August 2014

JenniferW2015 said:

I am currently going through a similar issue. My FI and I decided to have an adult only reception. Mainly because of the cost as our caterer does not give a cut price for children and because if we were to invite everyones children it would have added approximately 160 more people. Really who wants that many kids running around a reception?!

We now have people returning RSVPs with them accepting and writing their 2 small children in saying "sorry couldn't find a babysitter " Really?!?

The second one added her 2 sons and one of their girlfriends .... ugh!

I am sorry but I personally thing it is not only tacky, but rude as well.

I am at my wits end as what to do about it as well. I don't want to give into one person then have everyone else question why their kids weren't allowed to come.
In my opinion these people have had plenty of time to find arrangements for their children and if it was me if I couldn't find a sitter I would not be going.

Wow people are ballsy!

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