Really..???

86shaw · August 2014

Hi everyone!

I'm looking for some help with what to do with my MOH who is also my sister. We live across the country from each other so I only get to see her physically a few times a year, which is why I didn't notice anything. However, my mom (who lives near sister) has been expressing some concern over my sister seemly to have gained weight over the last year, not because of her size... but because of the dresses. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids and gave my sister the dress in May, it was custom made and fit perfectly when she tried it on in late May. However, my mom was so concerned about the dress fitting that she has been asking her to bring it over and try it on for her for a couple of weeks now. Mom finally made my sister bring the dress over to her place this last weekend and try it on (under the disguise that she had not seen it on her yet, not wanting to bring up the weight thing) and the zipper on the dress doesn't even come close to closing any more. My wedding is in less than 3 weeks.

I have 2 problems:

1. I don't know what to do about the dress!!! Do I try and find a black one and cut up the original dress to make a sash of the same color as the other bridesmaids? Do i just get a completely different dress and say hers is different because she is MOH? The dress can't be taken out as much as she needs it, but maybe we could put a random strip down the side to extend it??

2. How do I talk to her about this? It has been 3 months since I gave her the dress... not really that long to try and stay a similar size. I don't care about her actually being bigger, I have bridesmaids of all sizes.. and i'm not exactly a skinny minnie. I am just upset that now the dresses are all messed up and wont be the same.

And NO she isn't prego... I thought that at first too.

OliveOilsMom · August 2014

86shaw said:

Hi everyone!
I'm looking for some help with what to do with my MOH who is also my sister. We live across the country from each other so I only get to see her physically a few times a year, which is why I didn't notice anything. However, my mom (who lives near sister) has been expressing some concern over my sister seemly to have gained weight over the last year, not because of her size... but because of the dresses. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids and gave my sister the dress in May, it was custom made and fit perfectly when she tried it on in late May. However, my mom was so concerned about the dress fitting that she has been asking her to bring it over and try it on for her for a couple of weeks now. Mom finally made my sister bring the dress over to her place this last weekend and try it on (under the disguise that she had not seen it on her yet, not wanting to bring up the weight thing) and the zipper on the dress doesn't even come close to closing any more. My wedding is in less than 3 weeks.

I have 2 problems:

1. I don't know what to do about the dress!!! Do I try and find a black one and cut up the original dress to make a sash of the same color as the other bridesmaids? Do i just get a completely different dress and say hers is different because she is MOH? The dress can't be taken out as much as she needs it, but maybe we could put a random strip down the side to extend it??

2. How do I talk to her about this? It has been 3 months since I gave her the dress... not really that long to try and stay a similar size. I don't care about her actually being bigger, I have bridesmaids of all sizes.. and i'm not exactly a skinny minnie. I am just upset that now the dresses are all messed up and wont be the same.

And NO she isn't prego... I thought that at first too.

Do you have any extra fabric leftover from when the dresses were made? Or can you quickly buy any more? First thing I would do is overnight some fabric to her, so that she can take the dress to a seamstress to fix it.

Otherwise, I think your backup plan to have your sister buy a black dress (navy or gray would probably work too). Then you can either do a sash or leave the dress as is. It won't be the end of the world if the MOH is in a different colored dress as everyone else, if fact its getting to be much more common.

So give your sister a call. Tell her you heard from your mom that her dress didn't fit. Then just offer her the solution, sending fabric for alterations or ask her to buy a new dress. Just tell her the most important part to you is that you want her standing up next to you at the wedding and that she be happy with what she is wearing.

chasseuse · August 2014

The bigger problem is what's going on in your sister's life that she has gained so much weight so quickly? Is she ill? New meds? Depressed? I

As for the dress, PP's advice was good.

lc07 · August 2014

86shaw said:

Hi everyone!
I'm looking for some help with what to do with my MOH who is also my sister. We live across the country from each other so I only get to see her physically a few times a year, which is why I didn't notice anything. However, my mom (who lives near sister) has been expressing some concern over my sister seemly to have gained weight over the last year, not because of her size... but because of the dresses. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids and gave my sister the dress in May, it was custom made and fit perfectly when she tried it on in late May. However, my mom was so concerned about the dress fitting that she has been asking her to bring it over and try it on for her for a couple of weeks now. Mom finally made my sister bring the dress over to her place this last weekend and try it on (under the disguise that she had not seen it on her yet, not wanting to bring up the weight thing) and the zipper on the dress doesn't even come close to closing any more. My wedding is in less than 3 weeks.

I have 2 problems:
1. I don't know what to do about the dress!!! Do I try and find a black one and cut up the original dress to make a sash of the same color as the other bridesmaids? Do i just get a completely different dress and say hers is different because she is MOH? The dress can't be taken out as much as she needs it, but maybe we could put a random strip down the side to extend it??

2. How do I talk to her about this? It has been 3 months since I gave her the dress... not really that long to try and stay a similar size. I don't care about her actually being bigger, I have bridesmaids of all sizes.. and i'm not exactly a skinny minnie. I am just upset that now the dresses are all messed up and wont be the same.

And NO she isn't prego... I thought that at first too.

This just made me cringe, OP. What a horrible thing to say. Who cares what she wears. She's going to attend your wedding, stand by your side, and you are going to marry your fiancé.

I've gained 30 lbs recently. I'm going through major depression and other health problems. I would be LIVID if I heard my sister or one of my BFFs talk about me this way. It would be friendship ending for me.

loveislouder · August 2014

I'd be more concerned about why she gained so much weight in so little time. And I wouldn't get her a different dress - as a big girl I often didn't fit in and having a different dress whole everyone else looked the same would make me feel like an outsider. Look into getting a corset back put in.

banana468 · August 2014

I was going to suggest a corset back as well. Then she's in the dress with just alterations to make it fit.

I'd be more concerned with why she gained the weight so suddenly vs. the effect that the weight gain has on your wedding.

MegEn1 · August 2014

I'd say shapewear or a corset or something. Luckily, as the MOH she can wear something a bit different from the other girls and still be okay. What does she have to say about this? If the zipper doesn't close, she has to know that there's going to be a problem. What would make HER feel the most comfortable?

Your wedding is 3 weeks out. But after that, I'd start trying to see if everything in her life was going okay.

WildMagelet · August 2014

I agree with PP. Look into having a corset back put in. It'll fit regardless if she stays the same, gains a little more or loses some. If I had just gained so much weight my custom dress no longer fit I would feel super self conscious of standing up in front of everyone in an entirely different dress.

themosthappy91 · August 2014

lc07 said:

86shaw said:

Hi everyone!
I'm looking for some help with what to do with my MOH who is also my sister. We live across the country from each other so I only get to see her physically a few times a year, which is why I didn't notice anything. However, my mom (who lives near sister) has been expressing some concern over my sister seemly to have gained weight over the last year, not because of her size... but because of the dresses. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids and gave my sister the dress in May, it was custom made and fit perfectly when she tried it on in late May. However, my mom was so concerned about the dress fitting that she has been asking her to bring it over and try it on for her for a couple of weeks now. Mom finally made my sister bring the dress over to her place this last weekend and try it on (under the disguise that she had not seen it on her yet, not wanting to bring up the weight thing) and the zipper on the dress doesn't even come close to closing any more. My wedding is in less than 3 weeks.

I have 2 problems:
1. I don't know what to do about the dress!!! Do I try and find a black one and cut up the original dress to make a sash of the same color as the other bridesmaids? Do i just get a completely different dress and say hers is different because she is MOH? The dress can't be taken out as much as she needs it, but maybe we could put a random strip down the side to extend it??

2. How do I talk to her about this? It has been 3 months since I gave her the dress... not really that long to try and stay a similar size. I don't care about her actually being bigger, I have bridesmaids of all sizes.. and i'm not exactly a skinny minnie. I am just upset that now the dresses are all messed up and wont be the same.

And NO she isn't prego... I thought that at first too.

This just made me cringe, OP. What a horrible thing to say. Who cares what she wears. She's going to attend your wedding, stand by your side, and you are going to marry your fiancé.

I've gained 30 lbs recently. I'm going through major depression and other health problems. I would be LIVID if I heard my sister or one of my BFFs talk about me this way. It would be friendship ending for me.

Take things as people offer them IC07- obviously the OP is not trying to be insensitive and I certainly don't think she said anything "horrible". She stated a fact, which is that it is abnormal to gain multiple dress sizes in three months. She stated that she doesn't mind that her sister has gained weight outside of her concerns about what to do about the dress. And she stated that she is disappointed that now potentially the dresses won't reflect the look she was going for, which I don't think is an unfair way to feel as long as she keeps perspective, which we have every indication she is doing. I understand this may have hit on a sensitive spot for you, but you're being unnecessarily harsh.

Like PPs said, it's probably a good idea to check in with your sister and see what's up- maybe she's depressed, maybe she's stress out, maybe she switched her birth control recently. Could be a lot of reasons.

bahamabride2015 · August 2014

Poor girl, she must have known it wouldn't fit and was avoiding the issue out of embarrassment. I get that but I also get that this puts you in a difficult spot trying to fix it with only 3 weeks to go, not ideal.

I agree with everyone here, a corset back is probably the best bet in order to make the current dress work. Unfortunately that only works if she has gained "some" weight, not a lot of weight though as the corset won't help with the lower areas of the dress. You will also need an additional panel of fabric to go behind the lace up so you won't see naked back all the way down... not easy to do if you can't get your hands on more fabric. Contact the person/place who made them asap and ask if they have any left that you can send to her. Good luck!

pegasuskat · September 2014

I agree with the corset being the easiest solution. My DD got pregnant before her wedding, the dress was already bought so that is what we did. I worked really well, and if you do a long corset, it actually will expand the hip area also.

eshaney · September 2014

I like the corset idea too. And now seeing the date of the OP, it looks like you may have a week or so left before the wedding. I will say I bought a dress from David's Bridal for a black tie event. The dress itself was $99, and with a $20 rush fee they had it to me in three days. They will also sell you the sample at the store if you find a color or style you like that they have in stock in her size. I'm just throwing that idea out there too.

And maybe you and your sister can go get a cocktail or get a pedicure or something just the two of you and try to talk it out to see what might be going on with her. She may be going through something but doesn't want to bother you with it because you're fixing to get married. And if it is something she's embarrassed about, with it just being the two of you, you can say this is a no wedding talk conversation, just sister to sister. Good luck! : )

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